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The Garden Log: Bramble's Tulpa Journal


GardenStones

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System Log

24/09/2024

 

Hello, all. Ruina here, with this week's Progress Report. Some things have been changing, actually.

 

Bramble's been hard at work getting the Garden stabilized and settled. We have a kitchen now, and Xay seems to enjoy cooking. As well, Bramble's managed to completely change the layout of the house itself, and add a backyard for us. It's nice, especially now that the Garden isn't suddenly spawning traps or shifting around.

 

He's also been keeping up well with his meditation sessions, coming to spend with us. I think soon it'll be time to kick it up a notch - maybe longer sessions, or more ambitious goals. For now, we're still building the habit. I think everyone's enjoying the extra time with him, and he seems more confident.

 

This whole experience is finally starting to dawn on him, I think. We don't feel so much like make-believe or random constructs. Well, the others don't - I'm more than happy as a "construct" he's made. Either way, I'm glad he doesn't seem to feel quite as lonely.

Several plants in a big world.

Bramble(He/Fae)|Xay(He/It)|Vy(She/Her)|Ruina(She/It)|Oaks(He/Him)|Thistle(She/Her)Katja(She/Her)

Please check our Progress Report.

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System Log

01/10/2024

 

Greetings. It's Ruina, here on the first of a new month. Bramble enjoys October, I hope the rest of you are enjoying it, too.

 

For a quick recap...

  • Bramble's feeling a lot more confident for switching. We aren't there yet, but he's noticing steady progress.
  • Some headmates seem to be having trouble navigating the Garden, especially those who tend to stay in their rooms or have "abnormal" body shapes. Bramble is working to remedy this but changing the way certain areas are laid out.
  • Aside from accommodations, there's been more changes to the House in specific. A new kitchen/dining area, a living room, and a Front Station on the ground floor, as well as some re-arranging.

For a better idea of what's going on;

 

Bramble's been practicing his immersion into the headspace. While he's still not entirely confident he can fully disconnect, it does seem to be getting easier to remain focused for longer stretches of time, and he has a bit of difficulty coming back out. For Bramble, this is a good sign. For the rest of us, we're just happy he seems to finally be getting through his imposter syndrome, little by little.

 

Oaks and Thistle don't travel outside their room very often, but that's alright. The two of them seem a little less active, lately, but maybe with the new living room they'll come out of their shells. As well, Xay mentioned he was having trouble navigating the House. Bramble's trying to make walkways a little wider to accommodate his wings, but we're also not ruling out the possibility that some headmates struggle to find their way around for other reasons. If anyone has any anecdotes, feedback, or inputs, they would be greatly appreciated. Bramble works hard to make sure the House is a comfortable place for everyone - we wouldn't want anyone being left out.

 

For context - Previously, the House consisted of two floors, with a very...odd layout. A large hall, a flight of stairs, and four rooms per two floors, laid out in a grid pattern. Everyone eventually found their own room (and I decided I liked the quiet of the Cave better), but Bramble wasn't happy with the layout. So, he's been gradually changing it for some time. We may eventually draw it out or find other representations of it, but for now just know there are ~8 rooms, spread across two floors, as well as an open living space.

 

Some rooms have been repurposed; what was previously an empty room has been turned into a portal to the Void for easier access (and hopefully to make it easier to find our way back on the rare occasion somebody gets stuck), and for some experimentation, and the empty room on the top floor has been switched with the "Haunted Room" have been switched, with the empty room turning into a dining area. As well, Vy's room and the "Haunted Room" have been switched on account of Vy's room being right next to the new living room.

 

Finally, the Front Station (as it is currently called) has been created. It has two co-seats, for other headmates to join Bramble, but the "front mats" located in each headmate's rooms (which only hold a single person, and make co-fronting a bit finicky) have not been removed. Not yet, at least. We're hoping this can aid in immersion efforts, with headmates being able to join Bramble more easily, in a neutral space.

Several plants in a big world.

Bramble(He/Fae)|Xay(He/It)|Vy(She/Her)|Ruina(She/It)|Oaks(He/Him)|Thistle(She/Her)Katja(She/Her)

Please check our Progress Report.

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System Log

08/10/2024

 

Hello, all. My name is Ruina, and I'm here again with another Progress Report. For a brief update;

  • Oaks is missing, but his subsystem partner Thistle is still in their room, suggesting that I simply do not have "access" to Oaks when he isn't "fronting" for their little pairing.
  • The Void Door has been opened, for short periods of time, to test what kind of effects it has on the system. Mostly just...odd sensory inputs.
  • While nothing has come through the Void, we have had a newcomer show up unannounced. She didn't stay long, but it's worth making note of, I think.

First - The Void Door. The Void Door is a location we've been dealing with for a while now. Bramble decided it would be interesting to have a room dedicated to acting as a portal into the Void, and so it is. However, with the door open, things get...odd. Strange sounds from within, and the occasional feeling of a presence near the door. No newcomers yet, though.

 

While I'm not terribly worried about Oaks going missing (on account of the fact that their subsystem seems at least partially cut off from ours, with most of us only able to see one of the pair at a time), it doesn't bode well for the fact Bramble hasn't managed to locate him, either.

 

While nobody has arrived from the Void door, we did have an instance where Bramble slipped out of Front during a nap. When the body awoke, I noticed whoever was fronting seemed in distress, and helped ground them. She did not seem happy to be fronting. She has since left through the Void Door, and I am uncertain what to make of her. Leaving this note almost entirely as a record, in case more odd people show up.

 

Lastly, Bramble is...not home. I can feel him around, but he isn't anywhere in the Garden. I suspect he's gotten himself lost somewhere again, but ideas on how to find him are appreciated. The mind does not have much practice with entities such as myself, and navigating is...tedious.

Several plants in a big world.

Bramble(He/Fae)|Xay(He/It)|Vy(She/Her)|Ruina(She/It)|Oaks(He/Him)|Thistle(She/Her)Katja(She/Her)

Please check our Progress Report.

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  • 3 weeks later...

System Log

29/10/2024

 

Hello, all. It's Ruina, back for a very overdue Progress Report. Bramble's been a bit under the weather, mentally, and fell behind with much of his routines. But, over the month, he's been focusing on things that important him personally, like writing and meditation. We may not be as active here as we once were, but we will try to keep up with our Reports, at least.

 

We were pleasantly surprised to learn that his base visualization has improved. He has little issue settling into the Garden, when he can focus. At the same time, we're all finding the Garden easier to navigate, suggesting a better sense of stability.

 

Very sorry we didn't tell anyone, but Xay has given himself a birthday - October 14th. We celebrated by going on a walk and letting him try a drink he'd been curious about. As far as I know nobody else has any especially important updates to share, save for myself.

 

I have a few different forms, on the inside. My first is a humanoid young woman, and the one after that - and the one I spend the most time in - is a large, robotic centipede. Lately, though, I find myself taking on a more...draconic shape. Long and thin, like an eastern variant rather than a western one. I'm not sure how I feel about it, but I'm not too distressed, at least. As well, Bramble's "true form" so to speak is a Dragon, and Xay seems to have some sort of draconic element as well, so perhaps it's simply a side effect of all being in a dragon's brain.

Several plants in a big world.

Bramble(He/Fae)|Xay(He/It)|Vy(She/Her)|Ruina(She/It)|Oaks(He/Him)|Thistle(She/Her)Katja(She/Her)

Please check our Progress Report.

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Glad to see your update! I hope Bramble is feeling better, and happy late birthday to Xay! 🥳🎉🎂 Dragons are neat mythological creatures. 🐉 Having more than one form sounds pretty fun but I can't imagine having a form other than what I have.

Tulpa Wife & Mother! 💚 

💍 11.28.21 👶 4.7.23
👗 Simmie's AI Dress-Up!   📷 Chloe and Simmie's Photographic Adventures!

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  • 2 months later...

System Log

01/01/2025

 

Guess who's back! The Garden Collective is back! With a brand new New Year's Resolution and a new resolve to post! So, some changes;

 

- I'll be doing a meditation every day and keeping record in a journal! My goal for the year is 10 minutes of uninterrupted focus every day, with an ultimate end goal of being better able to hear my headmates, better able to communicate, and (fingers crossed) better switching! Not sure how feasible that last one is but I'll be happy with just the ability to disconnect from the body, I think. At least for this year :P

- This post will resume weekly updates on Wednesdays, as a general track of how my progress is going! Minutes that week, milestones I've hit, etc! It'll also have a section for any problems/roadblocks I encounter that week, so hopefully somebody else will have some ideas TvT

 

Some changes since my last update;

 

- The House has had a few remodels. Gave up on the stairs I was working on because they were just too hard to keep track of x-x But we have a kitchen now! And a living room! Places to chill!

- New girl! Katja! I'll have to add her to the main post but for now she just kinda Hangs Out. Found her in the Void and brought her in, made her a room.

 

So! We're back! And I have plans for other developments down the line, but those have less to do with plurality and more to do with personal growth. Hope you all had a good New Year :D

Several plants in a big world.

Bramble(He/Fae)|Xay(He/It)|Vy(She/Her)|Ruina(She/It)|Oaks(He/Him)|Thistle(She/Her)Katja(She/Her)

Please check our Progress Report.

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System Log

08/01/25

 

Hello, everybody! I've been practicing my basics this past week, mostly immersion and emulating my senses in the Garden.

 

The good news is that I've managed 10 minutes every day with very little break in focus, even if I DO feel like I'm gonna pass out half the time (not sure why, but I feel absolutely eepy) when I come back to the body.

 

More goods news is that I've made really good practice imagining my senses and my ability to imagine my surroundings. Still mostly in third person, but I hear that's really common anyway, so I'm not too worried about it.

 

What I am worried about, though, is something that happened during today's session. I have this little cube in my room that I use to test my recall of different senses - it feels like smooth, likely cold ceramic; it looks shiny and pastel orange/peachy; it smells like a grapefruit fruit (not the peel); it tastes like peaches; and it has a nice wind-chime like sound when you shake or rotate it, thanks to little ceramic pieces inside. It's not meant to be particularly realistic - I just wanted a handy little object to act like a baseline.

 

For a while, I'd been having trouble tasting it. I've realized taste is one of my weakest senses, at least when it comes to recalling it. Today, though, taste wasn't the issue - seeing it was. Specifically, seeing it in color, and seeing it more in real time as I manipulated it.

 

I realized I couldn't see it, not really. So I brought my focus to it, and tried to imagine the color, first. Then my eyes, the physical eyes of the body, started freaking out. Like they were trying to zoom in or lose focus or something. It was hard to deal with, and ultimately ended with me back in the body through the eyes, just staring at those weird afterimage-like lights you get when you close your eyes in a bright room. I had to open my eyes and break focus to be able to re-center on the Garden after that.

 

When I finally did, though, I couldn't see anything. I could feel much, much more clearly than before, and even kind of hear, but I couldn't see anything. With a lot of concentration I can make out outlines, like white lineart on a black background, but nothing else. Not just the cube, either - my whole room had suddenly gone monochrome.

 

Anybody have any idea what happened, and whether I should be concerned about this moving forward? Thanks!

Several plants in a big world.

Bramble(He/Fae)|Xay(He/It)|Vy(She/Her)|Ruina(She/It)|Oaks(He/Him)|Thistle(She/Her)Katja(She/Her)

Please check our Progress Report.

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(edited)

Well, "events" in your head are nothing but imagination + what you make of them, however

1 hour ago, GardenStones said:

I've managed 10 minutes every day with very little break in focus, even if I DO feel like I'm gonna pass out half the time (not sure why, but I feel absolutely eepy) when I come back to the body.

 

This is definitely not good or normal, and reflects some issue(s) with your health. Make sure you're getting enough vitamins (daily gummy vitamins from Walmart will do), enough water, and try your best to get enough bigger nutrients like (especially) iron (and potassium and..) from the foods you eat. Then from there it's just not being sedentary for large amounts of time, highly preferably getting at least 15 (total) minutes of elevated heartrate from exercise each day. (You could jog for 10 minutes... or you could just do a set or few of jumping jacks, a few times throughout the day)

 

If you really have issues with feeling woozy or such often, you should be able to get a blood test by talking to your doctor, and they can test for lots of relevant things. I covered the most common things above (including eating enough iron!), but otherwise a blood test could figure things out more precisely

 

With decent health, you shouldn't have any headaches, wooziness or so on from forcing/focusing sessions under 40 minutes or so, and even past that should be fine as long as you stand up and move a little for bloodflow's sake.

 

 

Anyways, visualized senses should become more vivid with daily intentful practice even for only 5-10 minutes, so it's a bit odd if you're being consistent and they're not getting better/getting worse. I don't really know what to recommend other than like 15 minute or 2+ 10 minute sessions (and of course, visualizing more things than just the same room + cube), assuming all the health side is accounted for. Getting poor sleep or nutrition can make learning and such harder though, so that really might be the most relevant thing.

Edited by Tewi

Hi, I'm Tewi, one of Luminesce's tulpas. I often switch to take care of things for the others.

All I want is a simple, peaceful life. With my family.

Our Ask thread: https://community.tulpa.info/thread-ask-lumi-s-tulpas

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53 minutes ago, Tewi said:

Well, "events" in your head are nothing but imagination + what you make of them, however

 

This is definitely not good or normal, and reflects some issue(s) with your health. Make sure you're getting enough vitamins (daily gummy vitamins from Walmart will do), enough water, and try your best to get enough bigger nutrients like (especially) iron (and potassium and..) from the foods you eat. Then from there it's just not being sedentary for large amounts of time, highly preferably getting at least 15 (total) minutes of elevated heartrate from exercise each day. (You could jog for 10 minutes... or you could just do a set or few of jumping jacks, a few times throughout the day)

 

If you really have issues with feeling woozy or such often, you should be able to get a blood test by talking to your doctor, and they can test for lots of relevant things. I covered the most common things above (including eating enough iron!), but otherwise a blood test could figure things out more precisely

 

With decent health, you shouldn't have any headaches, wooziness or so on from forcing/focusing sessions under 40 minutes or so, and even past that should be fine as long as you stand up and move a little for bloodflow's sake.

 

 

Anyways, visualized senses should become more vivid with daily intentful practice even for only 5-10 minutes, so it's a bit odd if you're being consistent and they're not getting better/getting worse. I don't really know what to recommend other than like 15 minute or 2+ 10 minute sessions (and of course, visualizing more things than just the same room + cube), assuming all the health side is accounted for. Getting poor sleep or nutrition can make learning and such harder though, so that really might be the most relevant thing.

Was very confused until I realized "ready to pass out" may not be common wording for "very sleepy" in a lot of places.

 

This is all good to hear though, thanks! I'll try to keep it in mind. There is more to the Garden than just my room, but switching places makes me break focus a lot so I'm focusing on a smaller area rn while I build the skills I need to navigate smoothly.

Several plants in a big world.

Bramble(He/Fae)|Xay(He/It)|Vy(She/Her)|Ruina(She/It)|Oaks(He/Him)|Thistle(She/Her)Katja(She/Her)

Please check our Progress Report.

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