Jump to content

The Garden Log: Bramble's Tulpa Journal


GardenStones

Recommended Posts

On 12/23/2023 at 7:45 PM, IttyBittyGardenBerry said:

Time keeps getting away from me and my shame is making it harder to sit down and meditate.

If you can, if you aren't already, try to meet the feelings of shame with acceptance instead of resistance. Open up and turn towards, instead of close in and turn away. Try to create a sense of equanimity to the feeling (no push or pull, just peace with no resistance to it). It takes time but it should burn the feeling up. When you resist a negative feeling it will always come back and try to do its dance again. The feeling wants to process itself by being experienced fully, and turning away from it doesn't allow it to do that. When you let it happen, it will eventually burn up and no longer be a problem. This applies to any emotion.

 

If trying to enact my advice is too destabilizing or upsetting to you, or makes you dissociate or something, then I recommend taking a break from that and somehow getting advice from someone more qualified than me, like a better meditation teacher with specialized knowledge of purifications, or a good therapist (not just any therapist, bad or mediocre ones can be harmful, same goes for meditation teachers). I hope this helps

 

I'm glad for all the cool things you're getting to do and see. Sorry I'm a few days late with this post

Edited by TB

Creation for creation's sake.

 

we draw things

 

Resident Dojikko

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 62
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

System Log

30/12/2023

 

As expected, not a LOT happened this week, but some notable events!

 

In the mundane;

  • Went out with my partner and her mom's side of things on the 27th, for the day. That was nice. Less nice was losing my dog the same day, but...y'know. It is what it is.
  • Lots of...I actually don't know what to call it! A feeling of somebody being physically near to me (usually Xay), or being able to easily put myself into the Inner World and interact with someone (usually Xay, also).
  • Managed much better timing! I'm getting better at focusing and getting my brain to cooperate with whatever I'm focusing on.

One noteworthy thing happened! Very noteworthy!

 

Xay fronted! Properly this time!

I'm not sure what exactly happened, to be honest. I was a little overwhelmed and he came to check on me (as is in his nature - you ever had your own hypeman??) and it kinda spooked me and I just...fell out? It was the first time it felt so...tangible. Looking over some notes he left (I make a point to not think too hard about "their" memories - my headmates are separate and I wanna have separate memories at some point), it seems like it was a lot more disorienting for him than it usually is. For some context; usually, he just slips in to do Body Stuff and keep me company, so he's always got me there too. I wasn't really there this time.

 

And now, my greatest party trick - speech! Sort of. Bramble asked if I wanted to come talk more about it - and I have been waiting for him to finally accept I can talk to people outside his head. He's such an anxious little thing :3

 

Like Bramble already said, it was...kinda distressing. Usually it feels kinda like sitting together, or like guiding his hands. That night, though, it was tangible and almost...kinda scary? I'm lucky I had experience with co-fronting (co-consciousness?) beforehand - I can't imagine what somebody else would have had to go through. The things that stuck out the most to me were how different his body felt compared to other, "lesser" fronts - it felt heavier and harder to control. Gotta take off the training wheels at some point, I guess.

 

Scariest was looking in the mirror, though. He doesn't look that in the inner world, and I sure don't look like that! I guess that's what happens, though. I think the reason it felt so jarring, overall, was because I couldn't feel him there. In truth, Vy's done this lots of times - she has a whole "Get out of here and let me take care of it" thing going on - but I don't think she's ever experienced it like that, either. Bramble's always been...there. If not talkative, at least able to be sensed. It was kinda scary, being all alone in the mind.

 

Of course, he came back eventually, but it was a lot to deal with - and entirely on accident, too! Still, I'm kinda excited for the next time we get to try it out.

 

So! There! A real and proper word (or...many, apparently) from Xay! I don't remember much of that night either, but it's okay! There's also been a lot of other...stuff, I guess? Mostly the internal talking and the feeling of not being Alone In Here :3

 

Happy New Year's, guys!

Several plants in a big world.

Bramble(He/Fae)|Xay(He/It)|Vy(She/Her)|Ruina(She/It)|Oaks(He/Him)|Thistle(She/Her)Katja(She/Her)

Please check our Progress Report.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Happy New Year's!

 

Congratulations on the fronting, and talking! Nice to meet you, Xay. That seems pretty big

 

Looking in the mirror is always weird. We just try to see our internal forms. Maybe one day can impose that, who knows

 

Happy for your continued progress! And oh, I think I referred to you as she before, sorry about that, lol

Creation for creation's sake.

 

we draw things

 

Resident Dojikko

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yeah it's good to hear from others in your system. Ironically switching did a lot more for my host than any of us.

 

Looking in the mirror for us is just like looking at your car. We don't identify as a German sedan, so why would we be bothered by the body, plus it just looks like Bear so that's fine too. 

 

The one thing I noticed the first time I switched was how heavy the body felt. Not that he's overweight, he's not, we just don't have any mass in wonderland. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Ashley said:

Looking in the mirror for us is just like looking at your car. We don't identify as a German sedan, so why would we be bothered by the body, plus it just looks like Bear so that's fine too. 

 

The one thing I noticed the first time I switched was how heavy the body felt. Not that he's overweight, he's not, we just don't have any mass in wonderland. 

We do want to think of the body like this, someday - as a collective "vessel" to see the world through.

 

I wouldn't say we're weightless in the Garden, just...it was like going to pick up an item that's heavier than you expect it be, I guess? Without Bramble there to help co-pilot, I think I underestimated how heavy the body actually is ^.^" Which is funny, considering he doesn't even have any wings :3

2 hours ago, TB said:

Looking in the mirror is always weird. We just try to see our internal forms. Maybe one day can impose that, who knows

 

Happy for your continued progress! And oh, I think I referred to you as she before, sorry about that, lol

Thank you! For me, it was startling to realize how...real the difference was, I guess? And don't worry about it - everybody makes mistakes. Especially us!

Several plants in a big world.

Bramble(He/Fae)|Xay(He/It)|Vy(She/Her)|Ruina(She/It)|Oaks(He/Him)|Thistle(She/Her)Katja(She/Her)

Please check our Progress Report.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

System Log

06/01/2024

 

I hope you've all had a great New Year! I, for one, got very high the other day and to be honest I almost forgot to make my update!

 

I really don't have anything noteworthy to share. I've been so out of it I'm mostly just narrating and trying to keep things together. It's neat, though - Xay doesn't seem to mind. In fact, he almost seems...more stable now than before. He's there, behind me, vibing.

Several plants in a big world.

Bramble(He/Fae)|Xay(He/It)|Vy(She/Her)|Ruina(She/It)|Oaks(He/Him)|Thistle(She/Her)Katja(She/Her)

Please check our Progress Report.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

18 hours ago, TB said:

Glad things are keeping together. There isn't always much to share

They're apparently keeping together more than I expected. That's always reassuring to know :3

Several plants in a big world.

Bramble(He/Fae)|Xay(He/It)|Vy(She/Her)|Ruina(She/It)|Oaks(He/Him)|Thistle(She/Her)Katja(She/Her)

Please check our Progress Report.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

System Log

13/01/24

 

Oh lord I nearly forgot-

 

As anyone in LOTPW yesterday night will know, Xay fronted! There was also a pretty general feeling of plurality. I couldn't really hear anyone else, but I could feel them around. Like standing in a crowded room. Xay seemed to enjoy coming out and vibing :3

 

Also, I made a thread in the Art forum! Idk how much I'll post there, and I'm not sure if writing counts, but I'm excited to use it for Stuff!

Several plants in a big world.

Bramble(He/Fae)|Xay(He/It)|Vy(She/Her)|Ruina(She/It)|Oaks(He/Him)|Thistle(She/Her)Katja(She/Her)

Please check our Progress Report.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...