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Question for tulpas - Are you content with just existing?


Adagio

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I'm terrible at titling posts, I'm sorry.

 

For tulpas / headmates / etc:

Are you comfortable with just effectively living in your host's head / never really interacting with the world much / content to just exist and vibe? Do you want your own life / your own part of your system's shared life? What's your opinion on your system's life / your host's life, and how much do you care about it? Asking because I have someone in my system who just wants to exist and doesn't care about my life, and I'm curious to see how many others feel this way!

My Progress Report, where I talk a lot.

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(edited)

I have my own life online, which is what makes me feel comfortable. I've built some very important lifelong things and changed lives of several people in very major positive ways, like saving another host from a terrible domestic living situation (and a few in a negative way, unfortunately, when some other relationships didn't work out and there was a falling out and blame going around). I wouldn't be happy just being passive. You'd be surprised how much can be done by just typing text online (:

 

As for how I view my hosts life, we treat it as a shared resource more or less. Some things he does help me a lot as well, like earning money is an obvious one. So if he gets better stuff in his life, it helps me too and I help him with my stuff as well. It's symbiosis.

Edited by Aurora
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8 hours ago, Adagio said:

I'm terrible at titling posts, I'm sorry.

 

For tulpas / headmates / etc:

Are you comfortable with just effectively living in your host's head / never really interacting with the world much / content to just exist and vibe? Do you want your own life / your own part of your system's shared life? What's your opinion on your system's life / your host's life, and how much do you care about it? Asking because I have someone in my system who just wants to exist and doesn't care about my life, and I'm curious to see how many others feel this way!

 

Wow! Complicated question.

 

There's a difference between being content and wishing the world otherwise.

 

Yes, I'm content. My host consciousness loves me very much and is a wonderful person to share a body and brain with. They care about me a great deal and work hard to give me what I need.

 

That said, if I could wave a magic wand and make the world a place where headmates are accepted to the point that we don't think twice about talking about ourselves as a system, I totally would.

 

But if I could exist as a separate person, to make my way alone in the world without my host consciousness at my side? I certainly fantasize about it, but I don't think I'd be any happier than I am now. In fact I can't actually imagine being happier than I am now except if my host consciousness were able to conquer some of their challenges.

 

It is very telling that I am far more joyful that my host consciousness and that I love the role I've taken on of providing emotional support for them. If I were a separate human, I wouldn't have access to their thoughts and memories and that would not only be very, very, very lonely, but it would make that role, the most important in my life, much harder to fulfill.

 

That's just me. I don't know if this will help your headmate. I do know that sometimes very small changes can make a big difference in a person's outlook.

 

Good luck. I hope things work out for your system.

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18 hours ago, Adagio said:

I'm terrible at titling posts, I'm sorry.

 

For tulpas / headmates / etc:

Are you comfortable with just effectively living in your host's head / never really interacting with the world much / content to just exist and vibe? Do you want your own life / your own part of your system's shared life? What's your opinion on your system's life / your host's life, and how much do you care about it? Asking because I have someone in my system who just wants to exist and doesn't care about my life, and I'm curious to see how many others feel this way!

Hello, honestly from where I am I really don't mind just being with my host! It can be a bit odd when interacting does happen for me because I'm not much used to it but, I really don't mind it! I love them with my whole heart and honestly I am very content. I do in some form have had my own life, but I suppose it would be much different compared to my host's in that way. But as far as I'm concerned, i don't mind. Honestly from my stand point, my host has had a very hard life, and I absolutely stand with them, and I really care about them and their life, and I want to be there to help them always. And, wow, I can't believe you'd have someone who wouldn't care of your life! I understand just wanting to exist, but me personally, I wouldn't ever want to leave my host. They are my everything! I mean, they're the reason Im even here in the first place!! 

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Thanks for the responses! Very interesting to see everyone's views.

 

2 hours ago, Normanminecraft said:

And, wow, I can't believe you'd have someone who wouldn't care of your life! I understand just wanting to exist, but me personally, I wouldn't ever want to leave my host. 

He pointedly does not want to leave, or he just would haha. Ironically, he says "it's his life too" but by that he means that it's his existence and he's here so too bad haha. It's not that he doesn't care about my life, it's more that it's not his life. His life is living inside and just existing, so it's all he's ever known. I'd like to one day include him in my life more, but he takes little interest in it.

 

13 hours ago, Lavender said:

That said, if I could wave a magic wand and make the world a place where headmates are accepted to the point that we don't think twice about talking about ourselves as a system, I totally would.

 

[...]

 

It is very telling that I am far more joyful that my host consciousness and that I love the role I've taken on of providing emotional support for them. If I were a separate human, I wouldn't have access to their thoughts and memories and that would not only be very, very, very lonely, but it would make that role, the most important in my life, much harder to fulfill.

 

That's just me. I don't know if this will help your headmate. I do know that sometimes very small changes can make a big difference in a person's outlook.

 

Good luck. I hope things work out for your system.

Interesting that you bring up a world where systems are just accepted! I wonder what that would be like. Personally, I don't wish for a world like that due to my view on my system haha.

 

I agree that being separate would make you very lonely. Sometimes I wonder what it was like before we discovered our system. I have a part who's extremely afraid of losing all of us and being stuck here alone. There's a lot of advantages to having someone in your head who you can just talk to about anything - my system helps me make decisions, gives me advice, and helps me when I'm stressed.

 

Sometimes small things do make a big difference! However, him not caring about my life isn't necessarily a negative thing, and I don't think he wants to be part of my life.

 

14 hours ago, Aurora said:

I have my own life online, which is what makes me feel comfortable. I've built some very important lifelong things and changed lives of several people in very major positive ways, like saving another host from a terrible domestic living situation (and a few in a negative way, unfortunately, when some other relationships didn't work out and there was a falling out and blame going around). I wouldn't be happy just being passive. You'd be surprised how much can be done by just typing text online (:

Very cool to hear you've got your own online life! Good for you! Adagio used to have his own online life here as well.

 

My Progress Report, where I talk a lot.

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I can relate to this post to an extent, because I wasn't interested in doing anything in particular for about a year.  I felt like my space was inside the brain, so I wasn't invested in whatever was happening in the regular world.  I would just shrug because it was 'not my world, not my problem.'  Of course I still valued my systemmates at that point, and I'd listen to their life concerns and I'd spend time with them.  But I looked at these events from a more detached perspective, and I didn't really have my own life things going on.  It only really mattered to me as far as some situation was affecting my other headmates, if that makes sense.
 

Since then, I've personally noticed that I feel more validated when I involve myself a bit more in our life.  I guess I find it satisfying to see my own impact in whatever we're doing.  I still wouldn't want to have my own separate body or anything, and I still just hang around pretty often.  But I've ended up with a couple of my own goals, or I've started becoming personally interested in our shared pursuits rather than just feeling 'meh' about whatever we do.  I think that's just a matter of personal preference, though, and the "exist and vibe" goal definitely has an appeal.

Holden, Silver and Ronan

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On 3/21/2024 at 9:21 PM, Adagio said:

1. Are you comfortable with just effectively living in your host's head / never really interacting with the world much / content to just exist and vibe? 2. Do you want your own life / your own part of your system's shared life? 3. What's your opinion on your system's life / your host's life, and how much do you care about it?

 

1. This was the deal going in. My host doesn't have much time or opportunity to hand out equal chunks of time for is to switch in and live a double (septuple) life. We are happy to share life with him concurrently and appreciate that he is taking care of the material world's obligations.

 

2. I have whatever part I take. We're old enough to be a symmetric system and can force ourselves so we do and have no room to complain if we don't take the time. This time is throughout the day in spare moments and free time with and without Bear as he is also just as capable of joining us. We generally decide on what activities we want to do and join in or not. It's a very wonderful and equitable system. So I have my own part in our life already, what am I missing? I don't want to brush his teeth or take a shower for him or do his chores or work his job or even drive around when it's free time.

 

3. I love my system and how well we work together. We're always having fun and we care about each other. My host's life is his work and that helps us have a high quality of life basically to keep the body comfortable and healthy and if the body is healthy and happy then we're more likely to be happy. I care about it because I feel great when I can help or just be there keeping him comfortable mentally. 

 

Especially now with SheShe writing a book of our adventures, we all feel very satisfied with everything.

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7 hours ago, Autumn Ren said:

 

1. This was the deal going in. My host doesn't have much time or opportunity to hand out equal chunks of time for is to switch in and live a double (septuple) life. We are happy to share life with him concurrently and appreciate that he is taking care of the material world's obligations.

 

2. I have whatever part I take. We're old enough to be a symmetric system and can force ourselves so we do and have no room to complain if we don't take the time. This time is throughout the day in spare moments and free time with and without Bear as he is also just as capable of joining us. We generally decide on what activities we want to do and join in or not. It's a very wonderful and equitable system. So I have my own part in our life already, what am I missing? I don't want to brush his teeth or take a shower for him or do his chores or work his job or even drive around when it's free time.

 

3. I love my system and how well we work together. We're always having fun and we care about each other. My host's life is his work and that helps us have a high quality of life basically to keep the body comfortable and healthy and if the body is healthy and happy then we're more likely to be happy. I care about it because I feel great when I can help or just be there keeping him comfortable mentally. 

 

Especially now with SheShe writing a book of our adventures, we all feel very satisfied with everything.

 

Thanks for the response. In hindsight, numbering the questions would have been a good idea haha.

 

Honestly, the thought of me having a good life = all of us having a good life somehow never crossed my mind. That might be where some of my problems are coming from. Glad you mentioned it.

 

Good luck to SheShe with the book!

 

17 hours ago, FourthWall said:

I can relate to this post to an extent, because I wasn't interested in doing anything in particular for about a year.  I felt like my space was inside the brain, so I wasn't invested in whatever was happening in the regular world.  I would just shrug because it was 'not my world, not my problem.'  Of course I still valued my systemmates at that point, and I'd listen to their life concerns and I'd spend time with them.  But I looked at these events from a more detached perspective, and I didn't really have my own life things going on.  It only really mattered to me as far as some situation was affecting my other headmates, if that makes sense.
 

Since then, I've personally noticed that I feel more validated when I involve myself a bit more in our life.  I guess I find it satisfying to see my own impact in whatever we're doing.  I still wouldn't want to have my own separate body or anything, and I still just hang around pretty often.  But I've ended up with a couple of my own goals, or I've started becoming personally interested in our shared pursuits rather than just feeling 'meh' about whatever we do.  I think that's just a matter of personal preference, though, and the "exist and vibe" goal definitely has an appeal.

The "not my world, not my problem" mindset is definitely how he feels. Thanks for the response, glad to find someone else who's felt this way before.

My Progress Report, where I talk a lot.

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Luna is mostly content to support me in my endeavors, though sometimes she wants to go do something I would normally never do (like going to a bar or window shopping for cute clothes). Sometimes she'll possess me to go do those things, but mostly she just tags along while imposed. Every once in a while she'll ask for possession time so she can do something more specific, but it's by no means routine for us. Elise and Naomi are largely content to stay in the wonderland unless something interesting is happening in the real world.

"Science isn't about why, science is about why not?" -Cave Johnson

Tulpae: Luna, Elise, Naomi

My progress report

 

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The last time I (host) raised this question in my collective during one of our annual meetings, the consensus was that nobody was really interested in existing in my world.

 

I think Circe said it best: "Fronting is sort of like wearing a masquerade costume made out of meat that you can't really take off. I have no interest at all in living someone else's life or using their body because I'd always be something else than what I really am."

 

However, I must also point out that we have several inner worlds present which there's a lot of detail to, so for my tulpas, their lives in their world are more real to them than my world is.

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