Barktooth's wall of text

[Barktooth]

Hmm, so after some thinking, I decided to create a log for my tulpa's progress after all :)

 

I'm mainly making this to keep myself going, and not get lazy. I really want to have a tulpa, but unless I have it written down that I do, I'll just always have doubts and that will slow down the whole process.. So there we go, I want a tulpa and I will make one!

 

Anyways, on with the log, for anyone interested..

 

Day 1

As I've already decided, my tulpa's look will be based off an anime character - Agito/Akito from Air Gear, if anyone knows. I didn't know what gender it would be, so for now I won't give it one - and let the tulpa decide when it's sentient. So first, I compiled a list of all the personality traits in Notepad, 21 of them. Took me way longer than I thought it would, but at least I was as discriptive as possible. As a side note, I never knew I could type so fast :O After that, I took my daily bike ride to a mountain near here. I did the best I could narrating to the tulpa and told it some of the traits, explaining how it would react in certain situations. I continued this when I came back home. Not surprisingly, it is much easier for me to narrate out loud [i can't really do that at home, or my parents will think I'm crazy] than to do it in my head. But it didn't take me too long to get used to it, and in fact - when I wanted to take a break, since I was feeling sleepy and this much brainwork is not something my lazy ass does often - I was surprised to find I accidentally narrated to my tulpa when just browsing forums or watching videos on the interwebZzZ. Tomorrow we will see if I can narrate while in school, I hope I can since that will take up a big portion of my day. Anyways, that that for today.. Will try to force a bit more when I go to bed - maybe it will help me fall asleep, cause usually it takes me a few hours to do that :v[ . Until tomorrow, then!

[fennecfoxx]

Since your tulpa is based off a fictional character, it's important that you let them know that they are only based off of the character and are not the actual character, as well as that they should not feel expected to conform to that character and always act completely in-character (i.e., that deviation is perfectly okay). It's better to tell them sooner rather than later.

 

Also, I find it interesting how you find it easier to narrate out loud rather than using mindvoice. It's the opposite for me; talking out loud feels awkward, but mindvoice conversations feel totally natural.

[Barktooth]

Since your tulpa is based off a fictional character, it's important that you let them know that they are only based off of the character and are not the actual character, as well as that they should not feel expected to conform to that character and always act completely in-character (i.e., that deviation is perfectly okay). It's better to tell them sooner rather than later.

 

Also, I find it interesting how you find it easier to narrate out loud rather than using mindvoice. It's the opposite for me; talking out loud feels awkward, but mindvoice conversations feel totally natural.

 

Thanks for your advice, I actually already did that on the first day as it was suggested in my question thread :P

 

Day 2

Tried forcing in school today, but it didn't work out too well - I was sleepy like always, and with so many distractions around, it's impossible to concentrate. However, I could squeeze in 25 minutes of forcing on the bus to and from school. Most of the passing periods I narrated about random stuff, and if I remembered them, told the tulpa about some of its personality traits. By the time I got home, I had a very slight headache - I have those once in a while, but this is the "lightest" headache ever.. I think the tulpa caused it, or at least that's what I hope :)

 

Instead of doing homework, I forced some more at home - and I wanted to try to create a wonderland. I was sorta successful - it was really small, just a field with a tree, a forest, and some distant town without much detail. My visualizing skills are very bad, in fact - it took me 10-15 minutes just to relax enough and "focus" to be able to see anything. Even still, intrusive thoughts interrupted me a lot, and it was hard to not have your mind wander off into thinking about something else. I visualized the tulpa somewhat, but I couldn't really get all of it into view - I could only focus on separate parts of its body at once. I felt some warm emotions, not sure if they were caused by the tulpa, but it felt great. Then I decided to take a walk in the wonderland and have it follow behind me. I couldn't actually visualize myself walking, and it felt more like a slideshow - I would get an update of my surroundings every 5 seconds or so, because it took time to visualize all the detail in every "frame". After a minute or so of walking towards the distant city, I turned around to see if my tulpa was following - and an intrusive thought crossed my mind; I saw worms and a dead eye pop out of the tulpa's eye patch :( Even right now, it doesn't feel good to think about it. After that, I couldn't visualize her anymore.

 

Gotta say, when visualizing, time seems to pass much quicker than when just forcing. However, I'm not good enough yet to do both at once, so I'll stick to mostly simple visualization and narration when forcing. Anyways, I hope I have a bit more time tomorrow.

[Barktooth]

Day 3

Not much progress today, or so it feels. Busy day at school, and I couldn't narrate or even remember about my tulpa most of the time because of all the stuff happening around me. Did some forcing on the bus, but only 30 minutes combined or so, people were really loud today because of Halloween. I'm still mainly focusing on the personality stuff, but honestly, it's pretty boring - and not just for me, probably so for the tulpa as well - I keep repeating the same stuff, I.E. how it would act in certain situations; it's hard for me to think of new ones. Did a bit of visualization too, and this time instead of a wonderland, I tried imagining my room while my eyes were closed. I think it's easier for me to imagine the tulpa that way, but it's difficult to remember what traits I was going to talk about and keep all the objects in the room in view. Didn't feel many emotions today, maybe I would if I used my wonderland, but who knows. Overall, the void and wonderlands work better for me right now because of that. But I was mostly just testing the different methods of visualization for now, I'm not gonna focus on that stuff - currently, my main objective is to be able to feel the presence of the tulpa, and finish up with personality. I think I will work on that for the rest of this week, and then switch to full narrating mode to get the tulpa to be vocal. Tomorrow seems like it will be an easy day at school, so I will have my tulpa follow me around everywhere, and try to not forget about it.

[Barktooth]

Day 4

Yesterday when I was finishing up with my evening forcing session, I fell asleep :( I think I already left the wonderland, and was just narrating a bit.. Next thing I know is I wake up at 5:28. [somehow I still remember the time.. WTF?] Anyways, I don't think it hurt the tulpa in any way - but I still apologized to it, so hopefully I'm forgiven :D

 

Today I tried to have it with me all the time, and always think about it. Kinda succeeded - I remembered to do this in most of my classes, but in my computer class I always get nerdgasms, so I forgot about the tulpa for a while xD Instead of doing personality stuff on the bike ride today, I just narrated. On the 7 PM session I did half personality half narrating for the hour - talking about those traits is getting boring. However, I think I made some progress - I was able to feel a bit more emotions, and my visualization skills definitely improved. Maybe it is because I imagined it running around with me everywhere, but today I could see in much more detail. At first, I thought to myself I will look up how the anime character looks after this session because I couldn't get the jacket or the face right. But, after a bit of concentration, I got it all worked out. The tulpa has dark blue hair, white square eye patch, and kind of a rounded face. I dunno about this, but whenever I used to imagine its jacket, I first had it be yellow but it seemed to revert to a blue shirt with white buttons. I thought this might be a deviation, so I actually asked the tulpa to give me some head pressure/emotional response if that was true. I didn't feel anything. Then I asked it to do the same if it wasn't its doing. I THINK I felt something! So yeah, I guess it was me just visualizing improperly. After this, I got the jacket correctly - yellowish color, with buttons that have white strings hanging from them, and hooks - I plan to let the tulpa use these as arm extensions later on. It wears jeans with 2 front pockets, and red sneakers. So yeah, I felt pretty good about this session, I think I made some progress :)

 

Here's a question though.. Should I continue with Personality development, or should I switch to full on narrating and visualization? I don't count hours, so I don't really have a way of knowing when to stop.. I think I will do traits thru Friday, but then just narrate. Even if it's not too bad for me, the tulpa is probably wayyy bored of me repeating those things all the time xD Well, I hope I don't fall asleep this time, I'll try to start the evening session a bit earlier ;)

[Barktooth]

Day 5

So, once again I had my tulpa follow me everywhere in school. Today I was even better at it, however I just can't remember about it when using computers xD I had 3 tests today, and I finished early so I had a lot of quiet time to so some serious forcing. That was nice. But, the 7PM session was probably the worst one I've had yet. I just couldn't concentrate at all - too many intrusive thoughts, then I got up to piss, then I had to take a drink because I was thirsty, and it was really hot in my room. Had problems visualizing its hair all day today, so in the end I had to look at the anime character to get it right. Actually, hair is still the hardest part of the tulpa for me to visualize. Anyway, I decided I would stop the personality work today, and tomorrow I would work on visualization and narration only. Since today is Friday, I will start the evening session early, hopefully I won't be too sleepy.

[MisterTelecaster]

To answer your question, when you finish a step and move on to another, most of the time it's a good idea to continue the previous step while you work on the next.

 

I.E. finish personality, continue to reinforce personality while visualizing.

Finish visualizing, start narrating while still reinforcing personality and visualization

 

Or whatever order you want to use.

 

Also, hair is a bitch. I actually made Khoja with no hair, and she gave herself hair afterwards.

[Barktooth]

Day 6

Today was a productive day! Did some forcing in the morning, I'm actually pretty good at visualizing the tulpa now. I can do it a bit quicker, however I still can't see it completely - I have to focus in on the details one by one to see them - the face, jacket, legs and feet. If anyone even reads this, can you tell me if I'm supposed to be able to see the whole tulpa in detail? It's kinda like if I look at a real person, I can't see all the details at once since a human eye only has a small area where it can see detail and everything else is blurred. However, when visualizing, since I'm not using my eyes, I should be able to see the whole body at once with lots of detail, right? But I only see detail at the center of the place I'm looking at and everything else is unfocused.Anyway, not counting the above I'd say I've gotten much better.

 

Also, at the 7PM session something awesome happened! I was really hyper for no apparent reason, and I was just running around the house like crazy xD I still tried forcing, and I guess my brain was hyper too - I could visualize so quickly! It felt like I upgraded my brain's "video card" or something, everything was rendering so quickly! Visualized the tulpa a few times, the details and the whole body at once, and then did the wonderland training exercise thing - where you just sit on a beach and try to feel all of your senses. I'm not too good at smell or touch, but I'm sure I will improve with time. Then I decided to create a new wonderland for my tulpa, since the one I had before was kinda half-assed; I mostly used it for testing visualization skills and whatnot. This wonderland was based on a park. I visited that park almost every day a few years ago, back when I lived in Moscow, Russia - so, I have a lot of detailed memories of it. First I kinda did a top-down look on everything in it, and then rendered it all while standing on the ground. Then I imagined the tulpa being there with me. Then.. I THINK I puppeted it, and made it go through the gate and into the park.. but.. that's all I did. After that the tulpa just started walking by itself! I got a weird feeling and it turned around. LOL this is weird, but I think it gave me a smooch on the cheek! xD Seriously, at first I wasn't sure if I was still puppeting it, but it just kept walking and I following it. It walked sorta strangely though, the footstep sounded like someone in wooden shoes walking on stone, and its feet moved weirdly. But in any case, we walked around a bit, went to a cafe. There were no people in there, but a song I know was playing through the speakers in the cafe. I was like, "Ohh, so that's what they play in here.." I couldn't concentrate on the song for too long though, as my tulpa just walked over to the bar stand and poured us both a drink. I dunno what it even was, but I think I figured it was beer so I didn't drink any. Then my eyes started hurting, I think it's because they move around while I'm looking at stuff in the wonderland - basically like in REM sleep. I said that I had to go because I was tired, and we both teleported to the entrance of the park and I created a door with "Wonderland" written on it. Then everything just got sucked into the door like a whirlpool and we were left standing in a white void. I told the tulpa it could visit here any time it wants to, and then left her there.

 

I could kinda feel its presence for [i think] the first time ever. I was suddenly feeling even more hyper and overjoyed. I kept narrating to it for a while still. When I calmed down a bit [after some crazy singing and dancing], I think I could feel the tulpa being somewhere far away yet still in my head. I guess it went to the wonderland? I still kept narrating, I'm sure it could hear me. So yeah, I believe it wasn't puppeting, it just felt like the tulpa was moving on its own. I'll have to work on the walking a bit tomorrow though, because it really looks weird. Anyways, I think that was the best session I've had yet. I hope we can replicate this tomorrow and explore the wonderland a bit more!

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

To answer your question, when you finish a step and move on to another, most of the time it's a good idea to continue the previous step while you work on the next.

 

I.E. finish personality, continue to reinforce personality while visualizing.

Finish visualizing, start narrating while still reinforcing personality and visualization

 

Or whatever order you want to use.

 

Also, hair is a bitch. I actually made Khoja with no hair, and she gave herself hair afterwards.

 

Oh.. you replied as I was writing this. I see, that way it won't forget about its personality. Will do! I've got the hair down pretty well, but it takes the longest to visualize and I have to "fix it" every time I lose concentration. Thanks for your reply :)

[MisterTelecaster]

Sounds like you just had your first experience with a sentient tulpa.

 

'grats man

[Barktooth]

Day 7

I was being lazy today, so we didn't force much. Did a bit of touch and smell visualization stuff, it's working out all right but I still need practice - I'm not used to touching being imaginary and stuff. But, I'm sure I can get the hang of it in a few days. Also, for the past 2 days I tried having my tulpa wake me up, and its been successful - it was only off by a few minutes. So, today I think I will try this: ask it a question and tell it what time to wake me up at if the answer is yes, otherwise to not wake me up at all so I'm woken by the alarm clock. This could work out, but LOL it's a bit of a roundabout way of doing it. In any case, not much else happened today so no wall of text for you guys :(