Barktooth's wall of text

[Barktooth]

Day 8

Well, I did the wake up time test thingy with my tulpa, and I asked it to wake me up at 5:30 if it was female, or if it was male or didn't know its gender/both. It didn't wake me up. So today I'll ask if its male or doesn't know its gender LOL. Had trouble concentrating at 7 PM session, I was kinda sleepy and lazy like always. I think I will review personality traits tomorrow again so that it doesn't forget them or whatever. Just for reinforcement. Anyways, that's that for today.

[MisterTelecaster]

I wouldn't try using your tulpa as an alarm clock, for answers or not. Just ask

[fennecfoxx]

I wouldn't try using your tulpa as an alarm clock, for answers or not. Just ask

 

This. It's possible your tulpa didn't wake you up because they didn't know how.

[MisterTelecaster]

Also, your tulpa will only be as accurate as your internal clock. Even if you're great at keeping track of time with no clock, if anything throws off that perception, it'll throw off your tulpa and next thing you know you're up at like 3 or you oversleep and miss class

[Barktooth]

I wouldn't try using your tulpa as an alarm clock, for answers or not. Just ask

 

Hmm, I'll take that as advice. We don't have any kind of head pressure/emotion communication established yet, though.

 

 

This. It's possible your tulpa didn't wake you up because they didn't know how.

 

I did 2 tests before that though, where I just told it a time without any question and it woke me up both times.

 

Also, your tulpa will only be as accurate as your internal clock. Even if you're great at keeping track of time with no clock, if anything throws off that perception, it'll throw off your tulpa and next thing you know you're up at like 3 or you oversleep and miss class

 

I know, that's why I told it it can wake me up several times during the night before the "actual" wake up time and make sure their internal clock isn't off. As a result, on the first test day, I woke up 4 times, 3 to check time for just a sec and then fall asleep again, and the actual wake up time. It was off by 5 mins. The second day it woke me 2 times to check and was off by 3 minutes on the real wake up. So yeah, I think this is pretty accurate, but it's probably not fun for the tulpa to sit there counting hours.. Or whatever, so I'll stop. P.S. I wouldn't miss class, since I have a *real* alarm clock too, I just told it to wake me up 30 mins before, or not at all [alarm clock would do it then].

 

Oh and of course, the result.. Since I did get woken up 2 times today, one exactly an hour earlier for the time check, and then exactly at the specified time, I guess it doesn't care/know what its gender is xD I'm gonna have to stick with the "its" for a while :/ [i just can't decide on my own..]

 

Edit: BTW I stole the idea from your blog, fennecgirl :D

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Day 9

So for the past 2 days I didn't really have any productive forcing sessions due to my mind just wandering off and visualizing random things.. I'll be looking at the tulpa and suddenly a few minutes later I realize I've been thinking about something completely different. The more I tried to fight this, the more it happened.. And these are not like just intrusive thoughts, I've actually gotten very good at fighting those. I just don't notice when my mind wanders off most of the time. However, I remembered something - a while ago I used to do breathing exercises to help me with Track, and they could also be used for relaxation.

 

So I tried these for a few minutes before the session, and it seems to help! I still had some intrusive thoughts but as I've said they are easy to dismiss. Halfway through the session, I wanted to give myself a bit of a challenge - so, instead of visualizing in a void, I just imagined a grassy field. Not my wonderland, just something quick I could create in a few seconds. Suddenly, my tulpa started moving again! We got teleported to the "real" wonderland [the park] and, well, I was being a dumb so I thought I was puppeting. I tried to stop it from walking, but it was really hard. I was like, WTF? Why can't I stop it? And then it turned around and just gave me a nod.. So yeah, that's when I realized what a dumbass I am that I wasn't puppeting and followed the tulpa around :) We explored a bit and somehow got onto a train with no people on it [don't ask me how we got from a park to a train...] and we looked out the window for a bit. I realized after this that I need a whole lot more practice with visualizing movement - walking was weird because we went way faster than our legs could keep up with - it felt like we were sliding. When riding the train, it took a lot of mental effort to "generate" new landscape, so it was mostly just the same forest going by us and I had to think of what was ahead for it to actually appear. Dunno how people say they can just walk and stuff will appear in front of them, when I have to put a lot of thinking into it. Anyway, I guess it comes with practice. Before I left I apologized to the tulpa for thinking it was me puppeting it, and felt a whole lot of emotion. It felt like I was gonna explode with it LOL.

 

Gonna review personality traits before I go to bed since I forgot to do them earlier, and hopefully the breathing exercises will help me concentrate.

[Barktooth]

Day 10

Not much stuff happened today. Had a pretty good visualization session on the bus due to the sun shining on my eyes thru the window - somehow it helps. I think I will try open eye visualization in the dark later today, maybe it will help me see clearer. Narrating is still hard to always remember to do, especially when I'm using the PC but I'm getting better. Not much else to say....

[Barktooth]

Day 11

Alright, had some good visualization sessions on the bus.. But not much otherwise. Yesterday I tried open eye again and, well, there was too much light - even if I close the curtain there's still a lot of light coming through because we have a streetlight shining right in our window. I dunno but I think I'm really good enough with still visualization already, since I can visualize the whole tulpa in about a second in fair detail. I will probably start on movement/facial expressions tomorrow.

Also, something weird I've noticed.. Every time I tulpaforce I get really thirsty. I don't know why but even if I force for 20 minutes after drinking a glass of water I will still feel like my stomach is dry. Not sure if this is actually feeling thirsty but if I drink a bit of water after forcing it goes away quickly. It's not the position I force in, I can lay down all I want without forcing and I won't get this feeling. But when I force I can feel my heartbeat in my belly area for some reason, and then I feel this thirst. Does anyone experience this too?

[Barktooth]

Day 12

It's Friday!! :D Yay for 3 day weekends, no school on Monday! I did some movement visualization yesterday, mostly just puppeting the tulpa walking. Instead of the wonderland I visualized a few different places - my room, school, my city.. This was a bit more fun so my concentration was alright. Tried doing some facial expressions but they are really hard - not really because I can't visualize them, but because I simply don't know how they look. Next time I'll try doing them in the mirror to see what my face looks like and then visualize the tulpa's face in that manner. I was a bit lazy today and skipped the 7PM session, but hopefully will make up for it later since I can stay up late today. Also, I thought I had it down but.. I still can't remember the hair properly! Every once in a while I have to look at a reference pic because for the life of me I just can't get the hair right. DA HAIR IS EVIL!!

[Barktooth]

Day 13

Nothing much today again. I guess I forced more than usual - woke up in the morning at 8 and forced until 10 :)

Also, I live in Arizona - friggin' desert, so it's usually hot here - but it seems today was the first day of winter. Pretty cold around here now, so I had my window open the whole day. And, somehow, this really helps me concentrate. I don't know if it's the fresh air or the coldness, but I like it. Anyways, today I did kind of a major re-design of the tulpa - changed up the hair to something easier to visualize and better looking, got it some pockets in the jacket, moved the hooks from the jacket down to the legs - and it looks way better this way. It just kinda feels like the tulpa is more complete now, and looks more natural. I think I'm getting close to done in terms of visualization, not looking at the hours. Feels like I've spent too little time on it, though. I'll read through the guides again and maybe start on smell tomorrow as well as visualization - doing 2 things at once seems, well, more fun. I still don't really know what I want it to smell like though - human? IDK I mean that's too boring. I think I might make it smell like creosote, which is xD but, well, I love the smell of that and I actually have it to smell in real life as a reference, too. Might be a little too distinct of a smell though, so I dunno if I can manage it. Anyways, that's that for today.

[Barktooth]

Day 14

Well LOL tried working on the smell today - and, well, creosote is just too weird of a smell for it xD Instead I made the tulpa smell sort of human, but I dunno how successful that was. It's also really hard to imagine the smell - I usually have to hold my breath or I smell the things around me. Today we had really nice weather again, it's pretty cool so I went mountain biking and narrating. That went pretty well. Had a song stuck in my head while forcing at 7PM and actually, it helped me keep all the intrusive thoughts out. Heh, I might want to get a song stuck in my head on purpose next time xD