Barktooth's wall of text

[Barktooth]

Day 20

I could have forced WAY more than I actually did, but I'm such a lazy ass. I hate myself for it. Anyway, did more of that dot visualization or whatever, and I think I'm good enough to move on to 2 dots now. It's surprisingly hard to keep your attention on something as plain as a dot, and there are so many completely random thoughts going through my head when I do. In fact, I think it will be easier with 2 dots since I could kinda go back and forth with them instead of having to stare at just one dot. Also, LOL I guess I've been playing too much Doom lately since when I visualize my tulpa walking, the animation is sometimes laggy like in Doom xD

[Barktooth]

Day 21

Had 2 very good sessions recently! Yesterday, even though I was sleepy, I could easily concentrate on forcing. I guess it's because I was kinda doing 2 things at once - visualizing and narrating. I was constantly talking about something, describing how the tulpa looked, or what our surroundings are. This really helped me stay awake and we had a productive session. I did the same thing today and it worked out pretty well. I also noticed that I can feel my tulpa's presense a bit better now - I guess it's because I finally am able to narrate while doing ANYTHING - including all the time I spend on the computer xD I hope I can keep this up for a while.

[Barktooth]

Day 22

Eh, seems I have 2 good sessions and then 2 crappy ones. Yesterday I completely "missed" my evening session - I had too much anime shit to think about :P I guess it kinda counts as a narration session, but I was planning visualization.. so yeah. Today's 7PM session wasn't great either - I tried listening to some music but it didn't work out all that great. Oh well, I tried. Also, since I finally got my 7 year old phone to work again, I will try to put Fede's majorly fucking shittulpatones on it and see if that is any good with forcing.

That's all for now.

-B

[Barktooth]

Day 23

Heh, tried Fede's tulpatone - and it's crap. So distracting. It's not too bad on the bus since it blocks out all the other noise, but not very good for concentrating and stuff. Didn't narrate much today, I just kinda feel like my mind voice is not as loud as before or something? It's weird but it makes it hard to narrate. Tried sitting in a lotus position while visualizing today, it helps a bit, but is really hard to do. Makes me feel dizzy for some reason - I've tried doing it while not forcing and it's OK. I can visualize my tulpa even faster now, but I did have some issues with it looking "flat" - more like a drawing than a 3D person. I can fix it if I concentrate, though. That's it for today.

[Barktooth]

Day 24

Yay for Thanksgiving - no school tomorrow or on Friday. Finally I'll be able to get some sleep. Also, when forcing I sat in the lotus position again and I didn't get dizzy today - maybe I just wasn't as sleepy. I'm getting really bored with visualization, though - I'm still not perfect at imagining the tulpa, yet I feel like just visualizing wonderland stuff - but since most of the time the tulpa still doesn't move by itself, and I don't want to puppet it, when I use a wonderland it's mostly me just exploring and trying to feel the tulpa behind me. I'll do some more of that dot concentration exercise today, it's boring but it does help.

[Barktooth]

Day 25

Did the dot exercise, I'm pretty good with 2 dots now. Actually, I think it's easier than 1 dot, since you can kinda "alternate" between the two instead of having to keep your focus on just one. At least I got some sleep today so I should be able to force a little better in the evening. Also, it's apparently harder for me to narrate all the time when I'm at home and not at school, there's nothing happening around here :(

[Barktooth]

Day 26

While I did do some "extra" forcing today, my concentration sucked - especially at the 7PM session. Instead of a visualization session we ended up having a narration one, which wasn't too bad since I actually had stuff to talk about. I also made kind of a schedule for forcing - it's not like I'm counting hours, but I do want a guideline for when I should force, otherwise I'm just too lazy and slack off. Also, I never noticed this but I actually didn't visualize my tulpa's eye correctly - which, is actually really hard to do. I either make it too round, or too big, or the eye lashes just don't look right. Damn man, it's just like the hair.. gonna take a while for me to get it right. Anyways, gonna start on my friggin' homework..

[Barktooth]

Day 27

For visualization we mostly explored around my town for a bit, and since I was being lazy I just imagined the tulpa walking behind me all the time. I did pretty well in terms of imagining sound and touch, but the visuals weren't so great. Nothing much happened otherwise, but I noticed I was slacking off on narration again - it's kinda hard to do while watching anime xd

[Barktooth]

Day 28

Nothing much happened today again. I reviewed personality traits again, and did some visualization. Did pretty well with narrating throughout the day, and we had a pretty good bike ride. Again I had trouble concentrating because of too much Bleach awesomeness :D

[Barktooth]

Day 29

Did some more of the dot exercise today, and I'd say I'm getting much better. I kinda feel like I finally learned to visualize in my mind and not on the back of my eyelids. Four dots are still a bit hard, but it won't take long for me to master those, too, I think. I did well with the narrating at school and we had a pretty upbeat and exciting day overall. Also LOL this log is getting really boring.. I think I will stop updating every day and will only write when something at least a bit interesting happens. I'll still keep a log for myself, though.