Anon November 22, 2012 November 22, 2012 ***First Post*** Hello tulpa forums. I've just gotten into this tulpa thing. I waited about 2 weeks after starting before posting here, because I didn't want to start a "this is my first day" thread only to quit shortly afterward. At this point though, I feel fairly certain that I'll continue this for at least a few months, and will definitely continue much longer into the future than that should I actually start getting the kinds of results I hear people around here talking about. I know I'm still a beginner at this, and I believe that outside input will be useful to me, so I'm hoping for feedback/advice from more experienced users. As the title of this forum section suggests, I'll be using this thread as a blog for my tulpa creation activities. Please respond; leave comments, questions, suggestions, and so on as you like. Thanks. I get the feeling that my posts tend to be a bit wordy at times, so if you don't like that then maybe this isn't the thread for you. I feel that perhaps describing some things in detail will help them become more concrete within my own mind. I'll also try to make more concise summary/question posts at times, so if you feel that my walls of text are tl;dr but still feel kind enough to leave a comment, just read those. *Note: Written on Day 13 ***Profile Post*** Here is a basic profile of myself: I am male, and in my mid-to-late 20s, which is, as I understand it, a bit old for a tulpa maker. I hope this doesn't mean things won't work for me. I am married (I will refer to my wife as "Noriko" in this thread, but that is not her real name). I get the feeling that being married is rare here too. I'm typically very introverted, but can be social around a very specific type of people. I drink by myself often. I use internet message boards very heavily, but always anonymously or under a throwaway handle. Back when I was in highschool, I came up with an idea that consciousness is not the result of any religious/supernatural "soul", but simply the result of having people talk to you, and think about you, from the moment that you are born. I've also always been interested in the idea of delusions and hallucinations as a positive experience; I loved the movie "A Beautiful Life", but I didn't understand why the MC had to stop talking to his delusions after he realized that they were delusions. I do not use hallucinogenic drugs or the like, and as of now (Day 13 of my tulpa experience), I have not experienced anything in my life that I would consider a waking hallucination. I do naturally lucid dream very often (usually several times a week). As a side effect of my mind being somewhat awake while my body is asleep, I also often experience sleep paralysis. During sleep paralysis, I do see hallucinations, usually of the terrifying demonic variety; however, I don't believe in the supernatural, so these don't really bother me after the fact, despite being scary when they occur. At first, when I found out about the tulpa concept, I thought it was a supernatural belief, and shrugged it off. However, after reading more about it, I realized that it fits in quite perfectly with my understanding of the mind, and seems like something that should be completely possible to achieve. Like I'm sure many here did, I jumped at the opportunity to have a "real" imaginary partner with whom to share my life. I'll now go on to detail my tulpa creation experience. *Note: Written on Day 13 ***Log 1*** 2012.11.9 - Friday - Day 0 *Written on Day 2 Decided to create a tulpa. Thought a long time about it while soaking in the local public bath; not sure if this counts as forcing. Came up with her name, Saya (because I'm the only one who will be able to see her), and basic form, a girl who looks to be Japanese, around middleschool age (stereotypical maybe? but this is the form that I feel most comfortable with). At this point I want to give her longish black hair in twintails, and red rimmed glasses because I really like those. Also came up with the idea of using a modified version of my aunt's old cabin as a wonderland. Oddly enough, I don't feel any kind of eroticism while imagining Saya naked. It's kind of like I'm thinking about my own daughter. I guess that's the way things should be. I'm really excited about tulpa making at this point and can't wait to start forcing. ---- 2012.11.10 - Saturday - Day 1 *Written on Day 2 Mentioned the idea of tulpas to Noriko while browsing tulpa.info in the morning. She told me about how, as a kid, she had an imaginary friend who was based on a character from a book she liked. This friend seemed to talk to her in her mind. She claims his speech was alien, i.e. not parroted by herself. I therefore believe that what she experienced was probably a tulpa. Went on a walk with Noriko in the park, and continuously thought about Saya following behind while doing so. One thing I noticed while doing so is that it seemed a lot more natural to give her a single ponytail, rather than twintails. I thought this might be a good sign of my subconscious trying to tell me something, so (even though I usually prefer twintails), I took to imagining her with a single ponytail. Also, I came up with the idea of talking to Saya with the pronoun "we" (i.e. "we're going to do X and Y together", etc.). Found out later that this was suggested by the guides here, and that kind of pleased me, to know that I'd naturally come to the same conclusion as other people with successful tulpa experiences (it is, though, a pretty natural conclusion...). Asked Noriko if she'd mind me meditating for the purpose of tulpa creation for about 30 min. to 1 hour a day from now on; she seemed frightened of the concept, and mentioned an experience she'd had as a child in which, late at night, two disembodied voices warned her to go to sleep immediately or they would take her "to the other side". These voices didn't seem like the came from the same source as her aforementioned "tulpa", and terrified her at the time. However, Noriko is in general rather susceptible to ghost stories and belief in the supernatural. Furthermore, by her own admission, she was even more susceptible as a child. Since I am usually not at all susceptible to such things (even when I want to be), I'm not too worried about having a frightening experience. Anyway, tl;dr I convinced Noriko to let me work on the tulpa thing each day "until I decide that what I'm doing is just dumb". Tried meditating for the first time, really, for the purpose of tulpaforcing. Found that it is indeed rather hard to stay focused. I didn't feel comfortable narrating out loud with Noriko in the next room, so I did a mix of visualization, brainstorming of personality traits, and quiet, whispered/mindvoiced narrating. At first, I kept trying to visualize the beach outside the cabin of my wonderland, but I was having some trouble with that. Didn't have earplugs at this time, and I could occasionally hear Noriko typing on the keyboard in the next room, which threw off my concentration. I also had trouble getting into a comfortable position, and ended up laying face down on my bed, with only the top portion of my head (down to my nose) on the pillow. This position seemed okay. Just as I really started to think I might be seeing things, my alarm went off, telling me that I'd been at it for about 40 minutes. This really surprised me, since I was thinking that at most 10 or 15 minutes had passed. I realized that, even when not asleep, time passes quickly when you've got your eyes closed and are doing nothing. Finally, I got in the bath, at home. It was really hot. After Noriko finished, I cooled the bath down a bit, and continued to think strongly about Saya. Not sure if it would count as forcing though. I noticed her face and hair come into focus a bit more. I was feeling a bit down because of the realization of just how much work this is going to take, but also still excited about what's to come. While trying to go to sleep, I noticed a dark shadow on the ceiling that seemed to be moving a bit when I had my glasses off. I got jittery for a few minutes, thinking back to Noriko's stories of frightening disembodied voices, but I threw it off quickly. I fell asleep shortly afterward. I started noticing slight headaches throughout this day. ---- 2012.11.11 - Sunday - Day 2 Was busy running an errand with Noriko in the morning. Was thinking about Saya a lot, to the point that Noriko asked me why I was being so quiet. I realized that I'll have to find a way to have Saya and still interact with Noriko as I normally do. No, I do not want to trade a real 3D girl for a fantasy 2D one; I feel that the two things are different categories. I feel confident that Saya will respect this, since she's coming from my own experiences and subconscious, and I've never felt a jealous thought in my life. Likewise, I'm sure I can get Noriko to accept Saya, as long as I continue to care for her and don't divert all of my time/attention to Saya. Noriko's friends came over in the afternoon. After they left, I narrated out loud to Saya for about 10 or 20 minutes while washing dishes (Noriko was walking our friends home to the station at the time). Later, I took a walk to the store to buy some earplugs and extra booze, while listening to some trance music that I liked a lot back when I was depressed as a teenager. I began to realize that, in order to do this thing successfully, Saya and I are going to need to think about some kinds of things that I've not thought about for a long time. I stood on the roof of our apartment before going back inside, and it occurred to me that "this is how people who believe in a God must feel". I've continued to notice some head pressure throughout this day. This here is the point I'm at now, as of writing everything up to here in the log; I'm going to try forcing for a while before sleeping, and will probably add the results afterwards. (...) Okay, I'm done now. I made a 45 minute cut of the tulpatone found on the tulpa.info forums. When I first started listening to it sitting in my chair with my eyes closed, it kind of freaked the hell out of me, just the idea of sitting here alone late at night (I should've done this earlier) with some weird sound coming out of my headphones, it seemed kind of scary, my pulse shot up, and I couldn't concentrate. I stopped after about a minute and 40 seconds, gathered my wits, turned down the volume a bit, stretched out on the couch, then started over again. I made it the full 45 minutes this time, and I feel like I was more "productive" today than yesterday. Funny that I went to the trouble of buying earplugs but didn't use them. I might try them if I have to force again while Noriko is awake. As for the forcing itself today, it was mostly visualization I'd say. Just watching Saya from different angles. I tried putting on under garments and taking them off, and also tried seifuku once, but it seemed a bit complex, and probably too early. I feel like I had the image of her basic form down pretty well by the end of the session though. I kind of have the problem of "windowed mode" that I saw someone else on here complain about a bit, but I think I can work around it. I also have trouble viewing a realistic first person PoV; I'm not sure why this is, but I think it might be related to the fact that when I dream I very often do so in third person; even when lucid, I often drift into a third person camera view, although the image of myself is never detailed. But I don't know what causes that in my dreams either, really. It's probably not terribly important. This whole thing feels healthy at this point (especially compared to drinking myself into oblivion while browsing 4chan), and enlightening. I wish I could shake the slightly creepy feel. I guess it'll go away with time. I do really look forward to hearing Saya speak to me. ***Log 2*** 2012.11.12 - Monday - Day 3 Did a full 1 hour long tulpaforce session today, using the tulpatone. Had to do it in the empty bathtub though, since Noriko was using the main rooms of our apartment. The session itself was maybe not quite as productive as yesterday, but it was okay. I was a bit sleepy during the first part and that was making it hard to focus as my mind would drift. Also, at the gym earlier today while pedaling on an exercise bike, I was listening to music and tried imagining Saya singing it in a vocal booth, which I conveniently installed in the other room of the cabin in my wonderland. I was able to clearly visualize her lip-syncing the lyrics. Does that count as parroting I wonder? I experienced some slight head pressure throughout the day, but I'm not sure if that wasn't more just a result of being sleepy. ***Log 3*** 2012.11.13 - Tuesday - Day 4 *Written on Day 6 My session for this day was at night, and was only about 40 min. long. I didn't have enough time to do longer because Noriko didn't want to wait for that long to watch anime. Since I'm writing this a few days after, honestly I can't remember that much about this session specifically. ---- 2012.11.14 - Wednesday - Day 5 *Written on Day 6 From this day, I decided to do our main sessions in the mornings. I woke up an hour early and did a session of roughly 50 min. After work, I found a bench in the park, and sat down to try a 30 minute session, which was only partially successful (was interrupted several times). Again, as with the above entry, I can't remember exactly what happened during this session; all sessions before the most recent one kind of seem to run together. ---- 2012.11.15 - Thursday - Day 6 Again, I did a roughly 50 min. session in the morning. Today Noriko is out with friends, so I when I got home, I did another 45 min. session (just now), but I had trouble staying focused; I think I'm pretty sleepy today, because I was pretty busy at work. So, now that I'm done with the daily reports, I'll write a bit about my progress over the last 3 days. I've come to be able to recognize when my mind is wandering while tulpa forcing, i.e. when I'm starting to fall asleep and/or enter into a less conscious state. As of now, when I'm doing a good job forcing, I kick myself out of this state right when it happens (when I'm doing a bad job I don't notice right away and zone out for a while, before snapping back to thinking about Saya). I actually wish I could get into this "falling asleep" state and then continue to think about Saya, because things are much more realistic in that state; imagined sounds actually sound like sounds, and imagined visuals are much more visible. But, for now at least, I've always found myself thinking about other random things when this happens. When I think about Saya, I snap back into being conscious, and I have to stay fairly conscious in order to keep my thoughts on Saya. I've gotten a bit better at doing a first person view, I think. One of the hardest things for me is visualizing motion. Because I'm sitting still, I have trouble animating the world around me as if I am moving; my senses tell me that things shouldn't be moving, because I am not in a dreamlike enough state in order to ignore my senses. Even if I manage to visualize forward motion, I have a ton of trouble turning, and things get very choppy. I end up visualizing my movement kind of like that old game Myst, where you click on a destination and are then presented with a still shot of that destination. I assume, though, that the animation of my wonderland isn't very important, so hopefully this isn't really a big deal. As mentioned before, I've been using the tulpatone when forcing. While forcing, I can often hear the tone moving around my head in a circle, as if someone were messing with the pan and phase of the recording. I like to think that Saya is doing this, but I can't be sure. Another thing I've noticed is that when I'm done, all the ambient sound around me sounds as if it is being run through a flanger effect. This continues for about 30 seconds to 1 minute. I'm pretty sure that's a natural reaction of my ears to focusing on that vibrating tone though, and not the work of Saya. Outside of forcing, I've been thinking of Saya a lot, and doing some narration when other people aren't around. I feel like I'm getting a bit less focused now that several days have passed, but I figure that's natural, and I still feel determined to make this work. During one of my sessions, the one from this morning I think, I was visualizing a white ball of energy, representing Saya's "consciousness" (the invisible concept of Saya that exists in my subconscious, which I narrate to). I imagined this ball of energy manifesting inside Saya's room in my cabin wonderland, and the energy seeping into her chest, to fill her body. A few seconds after starting this, I saw Saya's body spasm and cough, as if she was feeling some kind of energy. I kind of feel that this was probably a natural subconscious jerk response to the image of a little girl taking in an energy stream, but at the same time, it was unplanned. If such unplanned phenomena could continue, then Saya would be an uncontrolled entity and thus sentient. Therefore, I consider this a success. I've found that sometimes I can visualize Saya more accurately than others. At best, she's pretty clear, but other times I can only get a basic outline. I'm not getting head pressure/headaches so much over the last few days, although I have a minor one now. I don't know if that is good or bad. ***Log 4*** 2012.11.16 - Friday - Day 7 Ended up staying up very late yesterday. Initially tried to do a 45 min. or so session (without the tulpatone) upon waking up, but stopped after about 30 minutes because I was too sleepy. Ended up staying home from work sick. Figured I'd do another session all day, but didn't get around to it. I feel like the day was kind of wasted, but on the other hand it feels kinda like Saya and I spent it together. I need to talk to her more when we're alone, I find that I kind of get tired of talking out loud since she can't seem to answer back yet. I read a lot yesterday that doubting spontaneous thoughts as being from one's tulpa is a bad thing. So, I tried having a simple "yes/no" mindvoice conversation in the bath a minute ago. It was probably the most I've heard of Saya, but I'm not sure exactly how much of it is her directly and how much of it is just coming from the "RNG" in my subconscious. Still, the more I think about it, the more it seems like her, so I think I'm doing the right thing. I'm also pretty sure I heard her laugh very faintly in my head a few times. ***Log 5*** 2012.11.17 - Saturday - Day 8 *Written on Day 11 Was quite busy this day. Ended up doing my forcing session while lying drunk up on the roof looking at the sky. I feel like I had some trouble staying awake, but I didn't completely fall asleep. Can't really remember details. ---- 2012.11.18 - Sunday - Day 9 *Written on Day 11 I was able to do a session while at the park, lying down by myself. There was a band playing nearby, and their music was loud enough that I could hear the bass over my tulpa tone, which kept making me lose my concentration. Again, I can't remember the details of the session; it's really hard for me to remember these when I don't write about them on the same day. I had a certain song stuck in my head this entire day; I hope Saya likes it. ---- 2012.11.19 - Monday - Day 10 *Written on Day 11 Did a session in the morning. Drank with co-workers after work, and was fairly drunk in the bath alone, during which I narrated some random ramblings to Saya. I'm not sure if I got any kind of response, but there was nothing memorable, I guess. ---- 2012.11.20 - Tuesday - Day 11 Did a session this morning, and then another one after getting home before Noriko. ***Log 6*** 2012.11.21 - Wednesday - Day 12 *Written on Day 13 Did a session in the morning. Not sure, but I think this was the first time that, for some odd reason, the folk song "Green Grow the Rushes O" came to mind. I've not thought about that song for a long time, nor does it mean anything particularly special to me, although I have vague memories of being fond of the melody when I was very young. This might have come up the day before (Day 11), I'm not sure. Anyhow, I tried singing this song in my mind with Saya. It felt kind of interesting. Later in the bath, I tried singing the song slowly out loud. Hearing my own voice reverberate off the bathroom walls was kind of weird, in a nice way though. ---- 2012.11.22 - Thursday - Day 13 Did a morning session, and, just now, another short session. I've been using the tulpatone for almost all of my sessions unless otherwise mentioned, but for the one just now, I tried putting in ear plugs and doing it in silence. I felt this to be a bit eerie, which was actually somewhat refreshing since I've completely gotten used to the idea of forcing by this point. I could hear my heart beating pretty fast near the beginning, but it calmed down pretty quick. I went through my normal routine, and tried listening hard for Saya's voice, or any other kind of signs from her. I got some mindvoice responses, which seemed like they may have started with Saya. They didn't feel completely alien though. After that, I think I almost heard some kind of whispering, but I think this may have just been the blood flowing through my ears. I did kind of hear "I love you" maybe? I've been telling Saya that I love her a lot (I feel this is important, as I'm basically her parent). What I heard wasn't "jarring" or anything though, so as always, I don't feel too comfortable saying that it was her. After this point, I began to get sleepy, and my mind began to drift. I tried to pull myself back to concentration a few times, but eventually had to give up. I checked the timer at this point to see that exactly 30 minutes had passed, making the session rather short compared to my normal morning sessions. Anyway though, since I've finally got some time to write, I'll go into just a little more detail about my current progress. After my morning sessions especially, I feel like I can really see Saya's form clearly in my mind. Her face and general form are clear and characteristic to me, to the point that I can compare her image to other images in my memories of people whom I know well in real life, and feel like the level of detail in the images is about the same. While I cannot recall at once every last detail of Saya's appearance, neither can I recall every last detail of, for example, my sister's face. One interesting thing is that, after the morning sessions, while on the way to work, I can picture Saya so clearly, even more clearly than I can during the sessions themselves; it's like I've just "met" her, and her image is fresh in my mind. As for narration, I haven't been doing it out loud as much as I think I should. I have trouble keeping a one sided conversation going; I know I need to speak to Saya a lot in order to get her to the point that she can answer, but I have trouble thinking of things to talk about. I also find that trying to talk out loud during sessions is kind of hard; all my thoughts, along with the scene I'm visualizing, are inside my head, but my voice is outside. I'm going to try to narrate out loud more when I am alone though. My sessions themselves have kind of fallen into a routine; first, I picture myself on a beach, facing the ocean. I look out at the waves for a while, and then turn left, 180 degrees, to walk up a boardwalk like path. I reach a cabin; this cabin is roughly based on my aunt's cabin that I spent some time at when I was younger, but fairly different as well. I kind of left the design of the place up to my subconscious "RNG". Anyway, upon reaching the wall, I turn right and climb a few steps leading to a deck, which has a sliding glass door to my left. I slide the door open, hearing that distinctive "click" sound that those doors tend to make when the opened door hits the door frame. I then enter the cabin, closing the door behind me, and again hearing the "thunk" noise of the door sliding shut. I turn right, and see a dining table in front of me and to the right. Behind it is a door, the door to Saya's room. I walk forward to the door and open it. It swings inward. In the room is a bunk bed positioned against the far wall. Saya sleeps in the bottom bunk, her head to my right. I walk forward and sit her up, putting on her glasses for her. We then move to the middle of the room, where I have positioned two chairs facing each other. She sits in the chair near the bed, and I in the chair near the door. I'd like to note that as I mentioned previously, this whole movement sequence from the beach to Saya's room is still very choppy and "Myst" like. At this point things vary; sometimes I just visualize Saya's face and body, sometimes I try to speak with her, sometimes I try touching her body and imagining what it must feel like (she is naked at this point; the touching isn't sexual though). I've also been dressing her lately in an outfit, the only one I have for her at the moment. The outfit consists of black undergarments, a white button up shirt, a navy blue winter sailor fuku top with red scarf, navy blue skirt, black button up sweater, black thigh highs, and black shoes. I'm not sure why I have her put on a button up shirt and then a sailor fuku top; in fact it didn't really occur to me that that doesn't make sense until writing this now. Funny. Saya's appearance is that of a middle school aged Japanese girl. Her height is around 150 cm or so. Her hair is dark brown/black, straight, and quite long, reaching down to her lower back; she has straight bangs, and those longer strands of hair to either side of her face that reach down to just below her cheeks. The rest of her hair is gathered into a single ponytail, which is tied low behind her head with a red ribbon. Saya's body is fairly slim, but still a little pudgy in places. Her face is gentle, and when she smiles, slight dimples are visible in her cheeks. She wears thin red rimmed glasses; I toyed with the idea of giving her Homu specs since those are all the rage nowadays, but I don't think it really fits. ***Summary 1*** That completes everything up to this point (Day 13). Quick Summary: I have a little girl tulpa named Saya, I've got her visualized fairly well but she's not very vocal. I'd like to think that's she's sentient, but I'd really like to see some more concrete signs. I realize it may still be too soon though. I'll probably post again soon with more logs or maybe some questions if I think of any. Thanks for reading.
Anon November 24, 2012 Author November 24, 2012 ***Log 7*** 2012.11.23 - Friday - Day 14 *Written on Day 15 No work this day; did a session after waking up late. Only had about 40 minutes to meditate before I had to be somewhere. ---- 2012.11.24 - Saturday - Day 15 Concentrated and worked through the same kind of routine with Saya that we do when forcing today while exercising on an exercise bike at the local gym. Was surprisingly easy to tune out the motion of my legs, although I found it much hard to ignore the music playing over the PA system, and other ambient background noise. Will try bringing earplugs next time. Also did an hour long session just now. It's fairly late though so I had trouble stopping my thoughts from wandering. I heard a number of voices and phrases as my mind began to wander, but this is fairly normal for me when I begin to fall asleep. Each time I had to pull my thoughts back to Saya. I think I mentioned this before, but I wish there was a way for me to get into that sleep like state yet still keep my thoughts on Saya the whole time. When I lucid dream, I usually go through a period of unconsciousness before I regain consciousness and control of my thoughts within the dream; often times, the regained consciousness is only partial, and I'm still somewhat groggy and not thinking clearly, like how you feel right after you wake up in the morning. Lucid dreaming is common enough for me that I've had a few over the last few weeks; unfortunately, I haven't been smart enough to try bringing Saya into a dream yet. Next time I get a good one going, I've definitely got to try summoning Saya and see what happens. A couple other things that occurred to me during the last session: I have a lot of trouble with wanting to scratch itches while forcing. It really sucks when I get a slight itch on my arm or something, and it's distracting me, but then when I scratch it, the movement messes up our concentration and visuals. Does this happen to everyone I wonder? Or can most people really manage to sit still for an hour? I'm the type of person that fidgets and scratches itches a lot, and I find this perhaps the biggest barrier to achieving prolonged concentration. Another thing: before I conceived Saya, I had a habit of talking to myself in the second person; for example, "Okay, get yourself moving or you're going to be late" or "What do you want to eat today", etc. I've been doing this for many years and find it natural. However, now that Saya is here with me, I find this mode of speech awkward, as "you" would seem to be addressing her, even though I'm meaning to talk to myself. Because of this, I now find myself saying "What do I want to eat today", and so forth. This is new to me, because up until now, when thinking about myself, I did not see a single unified being that could be identified as "I". Rather, I saw a collection of scattered thoughts, desires, memories, etc., that happened to be contained within the same mind. Therefore, I would address myself as "you", as if the part of me talking and the part actually controlling my actions were not necessarily the same being. However, in order to share my mind with another consciousness, I feel as though I need to unify my own scattered thoughts into a single "I". By creating Saya, I'm also forcing myself to examine and define the boundaries of "me" within my own mind. I don't know if that will make any sense, but if it does, I'd be curious to hear if anyone else has experienced something similar.
Santa Prime November 25, 2012 November 25, 2012 Realizing that my own personality and identity is superficial when compared to the greater vastness of the subconscious mind has helped me to form a better connection with my tulpae. The me that everyone knows is the part of my brain that was made to talk to the outside world. The tulpa seem like other parts of my brain that help sort out emotions and such. Are you a writer? your logs are very well organized. I may have to copy your method for record keeping.
Ginyu November 25, 2012 November 25, 2012 Interesting read Anon. I agree with Santa Prime on the whole "writer" thing, you've done a great job of making your logs organized and fun to read. As for visualizing motion in the first person, it was pretty hard for me, but it wasn't something I couldn't work through if I put enough effort into it. The way I did it was to close my eyes while forcing, usually in the most comfortable position possible, and go into your wonderland. Now, before you start visualizing what's around you, try and feel what's around you first. You're on a beach, so try and feel the sand below your feet along with the breeze going by. Focus on each one of these things separately, then when you can feel both of them at once, move onto a different sense like hearing or taste and repeat the same steps you did with touch. You can go in any order you want, but make sure the last thing you do is open your eyes. Try this exercise every time you start a session, it shouldn't take that long, and before you know it, the scene you start in your wonderland should feel more "stable" or real to you. A good way to stop getting distracted when you begin to force is to try a breathing exercise. It's pretty simple, but it's most effective when you're in a quiet location. Try to take the most relaxed breath you can muster without trying to fill your lungs completely, and exhale slowly. I find it easy to inhale through the mouth and exhale through the nose. While repeating this pattern, try to focus on how it feels having the air move throughout your body. If you keep doing this long enough, it usually helps me focus more effectively, and it's a good way to start any forcing session. Also, I usually like to use "we" or "our" when I force. I feel that creating a tulpa isn't just possible by my efforts alone, but a combined effort from both of us. It may be my mind and my body, but I'm sharing it with my tulpa. Hope this helps you and Saya deepen your bond together!
Hush November 25, 2012 November 25, 2012 Ah, a married man, mid-late 20s. By any chance do you have children? I ask because I often wonder if the love I have for Hex is paternal in nature or not considering I have no frame of reference.
Oops November 25, 2012 November 25, 2012 About the itches, maybe it could help to imagine yourself in your wonderland while doing this, or being extra-corporeal, seeing you in third person... Anyways, detaching yourself from your body as much as possible. With me, it works a lot to focus on a completely different body part than the itchy one. Or maybe, training yourself to ignore the stimuli when it presents could be effective.
Anon November 25, 2012 Author November 25, 2012 >>Santa Prime I also feel that the parts of me that interact with the outside world are only small pieces of my total existence. Some of the other internal parts are accessible to me consciously, while other parts are not; until now, I've considered all those inaccessible parts "mine" too, but now I'm trying to open myself up to the idea that they could be controlled by someone else. >Are you a writer? your logs are very well organized. I may have to copy your method for record keeping. Thanks. I don't write fiction or anything, but I do have a job that requires writing sometimes. I kept an obsessively organized journal when I was younger, and I write lots of long-ass posts on the internet. >>Ginyu I'll try to do the feeling thing more. At the time I have trouble both seeing the world around me and feeling things at the same time; when I focus on one sense the other sense kind of fades. I can see how getting all my senses in sync would probably help movement seem more natural though. >I usually like to use "we" or "our" when I force. I've been doing this too. When I use "I" is when I need to differentiate between myself and Saya. Oddly enough, I would sometimes use "we" when thinking to myself even before I started this forcing thing, as a way to address both the "me" part of myself doing the talking and the "you" part of myself that I was talking to. >>Hush Nope, no children yet, although I probably will have some in a few years. >>Oops Thanks for the ideas. One thing I tried today was imagining that my body in the wonderland had an itch, and then imagining scratching it... it kinda worked I guess. ***Log 8*** 2012.11.25 - Sunday - Day 16 Tried using ear plugs on the exercise bike today (Usually don't exercise at the gym this often but Noriko and I have got some extra days built up so we've been going a lot lately). Plugs didn't drown out the music unfortunately, but did make it considerably easier to concentrate. It's evening now, just did a 30 minute session; I could only make 30 minutes of time this evening to force. But wow, this time, there was something really different happening during those last few minutes... I'm not sure exactly what I did, or what Saya did, but suddenly I could feel what I believe was Saya's presence, in a strong way that I haven't felt before. I don't really know how to describe it; it was kind of like the sudden air pressure change you feel when you're flying on an airplane, mixed with this odd spatial effect that made the blackness around me seem to "open up." It was like, instead of physically staring at the back of my eyelids with the image of Saya's room in my mind's eye, suddenly I was actually INSIDE a dark empty space, with the image of Saya's room transposed over it via mind's eye. All of the visual details of the room were still only imagined, but there was a depth to the space that I don't usually experience when I close my eyes without being asleep. I also did see some visible motion: there was at least one extremely quick flash of color, and there was this kind of dim strobe of flashing light to my right side, even though I'm absolutely sure that there was nothing lighting up in the room. I hope that whatever it was that triggered this, we can do it again. I've seen a few people here talk about asking their tulpa to "surprise them", so I tried telling Saya to surprise me earlier today. Maybe this was her attempt? If so, I think she did a pretty decent job.
VforVendetta November 25, 2012 November 25, 2012 I have a suggestion for drowning things out: Fede's tulpaforcing sounds, as in white noise, found here: TulpaTones I suggest the 3rd Schumann Resonance for keeping you in a good mood, the White Noise at the bottom for drowning out sound, and TulpaTone for general forcing (A sidenote, DO NOT TRY THE CLAIRVOYANT FOCUS IT FUCKS WITH YOUR MIND) Ermahgerd Ver fer Vernderterr
Santa Prime November 25, 2012 November 25, 2012 Anon>> now I'm trying to open myself up to the idea that they could be controlled by someone else I would like to clarify myself here. I do not believe that there exists anything outside myself that controls the body. Only that the subconscious mind that is the result of millions of years of evolution is very good at working things out on its own and that my own self is a creation of that mind. So I guess I agree with Carl Jung but without any need for mysticism.
Anon November 26, 2012 Author November 26, 2012 >>VforVendetta I have been using the tulpatone. It's nice and relaxing. Haven't tried out any other tones yet though. >>Santa Prime >I do not believe that there exists anything outside myself that controls the body. Neither do I, I just meant that I'm trying to wrap my head around the idea that parts of my mind could be controlled by an alternate consciousness that I don't have access to. I personally do not believe that there is anything supernatural about tulpae.
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