Oops November 30, 2012 Author November 30, 2012 30-11, Day 8: During therapy they put me in the exercise room rather than the private rooms this time, and the challenge was fun. Latvia is still faint but i heard her voice. She doesn't seem to be much interested in being visually imposed but she still is very curious. Today she saw her first black person and her interest was very piqued, i wonder if she'll try changing her skin? I don't recall what questions i asked her but she did replied "yes" twice. She isn't softspoken, but has an honey-like voice, clear and sweet, smooth. No proper phrases yet.
Oops December 2, 2012 Author December 2, 2012 01-12, Day 9: Latvia has been faint for long, today was a busy day and it just didn't happened. I didn't happened to have the time, and maybe it's for the best. I know Tulpae need care to energize themselves but i feel like Latvia needs some rest before speaking properly. I feel her presence lingering in my chest and i got sure to enclose her with all of my love. I'm restless, i can't keep still, carpal tunnel is acting up and i have too much energy, i can't focus on her for long but i'm doing my best to keep her in a warm blanket of sweet feelings, when i'm in such state i feel like i'm oozing some thick matter made of all my negative thoughts, if you've watched Howl's moving castle you get what i mean, the scene when Howl acts up because Sophie messed a magic up in the bath. He melts, and so i am. I'm scared Latvia will feel it and i don't want it to corrupt her early stages i'm a little panicked to admit that it might have already corrupted her. I don't want this.
Kadoh December 2, 2012 December 2, 2012 Very quick progress! Don't worry about any negative feelings corrupting your tulpa. I have experience with this, all it did was make my tulpae want to help me out :) Just tell her how you honestly feel, and given her personality, she shouldn't be angry or anything. Good luck :) My opinions are all subject to change.
Oops December 2, 2012 Author December 2, 2012 Very quick progress! Don't worry about any negative feelings corrupting your tulpa. I have experience with this, all it did was make my tulpae want to help me out :) Just tell her how you honestly feel, and given her personality, she shouldn't be angry or anything. Good luck :) Thanks, this is very calming. Maybe this odd restlessness is Latvia acting up? Like, she's trying to make me understand she wants to help? I've rarely been so agitated and even though i have a good reason to, it's kind of odd. I'll try talking to her and see what's going on.
Oops December 3, 2012 Author December 3, 2012 02-12, Day 10: No time to do anything. We read a bit together before going to bed, but that's it. 03-12, Day 11: It was harder to contact her this time and it has been rough, as the place where they got me for therapy was noisier than ever. I kept getting distracted. Latvia was mildly responsive and didn't talked much. We tried possession, then, since it was impossible to communicate and it went pretty well. She possessed my right hand and she moved it well and even drawn a bit, she's better than me at using my right hand (i'm left handed). I'm glad of this progress but her silence is a little worrysome, i fear it's my fault because of my carpal tunnel problems i completely shut out everyone i know, and it includes her.
Oops December 10, 2012 Author December 10, 2012 10-12, Day 18: In less than 20 days Latvia is sentient and can already modify my memory. I did an experiment yesterday where i recalled an embarrassing moment and told her to erase it. It died off in a pixel-ish fadeaway. Suddenly i had a much harder time recalling that memory but i retrieved it, realizing i formulated my question wrong. I instructed her to not erase ever any memory, to just put it aside. Tonight i will talk with her on how painful it is to be sad and not knowing why, just because you can't remember the trauma i had, to really carve it into her mind. Never ask your tulpa to erase completely a memory, you just don't know how hollow it feels to have a piece missing and i will talk about it with you if you're not yet sure. These days i was out so i couldn't update, but the progress is still pretty "laggy". It seems she sleeps whenever i'm not paying attention to her, but i can wake her up to talk and she doesn't mind. She still can't really hold up a conversation but she is very curious. The other day i was looking out of the car window and we had this small conversation I- it's pretty outside isn't it L- these are mountains? I- yes they are. L- they're blue. So i proceeded to teach her that they seem small because they're far away and that they're actually the colors of the earth, etc.
Oops December 14, 2012 Author December 14, 2012 14-12, Day 22: No signs of life from Latvia since last time. I'm very worried i might've deleted her or that my subconscious has done something to her, since i feel her presence as malignant. I call her but i don't feel her any more.
fennecfoxx December 14, 2012 December 14, 2012 You can't just... delete a tulpa. Don't worry. Deluded myself into believing my imaginary friends were real, then deluded myself into thinking they weren’t. Whatever the case, the OG gang’s still here: Host: fennec (they/them) Tulpas: Alex (he/him) and Kayleigh (she/her) Delete all memories of those who know my awkward past
Oops December 17, 2012 Author December 17, 2012 Thanks Fennec for the reassurance :) I'm in a difficult moment and my body is actively working against me so it's kind of messing with my head. I'm afraid for Latvia's life and growth in such an ambient. 17-12, Day 25: No signs of life yet again. I spoke with her once two days ago and she embraced me and it was all fine, i don't even mind if she doesn't speak i don't need her to speak, but yet again she went dormant and my efforts are futile. Maybe she is running out of energy somehow, even though i have all this bottled up energy because of forced rest. I don't feel any anticipation as it was when she prepared to speak for the first time. Only dread. It's like something is happening behind my back. Even though i have so much free time when i can't work, i rarely am able to concentrate, living with a chatty mom, three dogs and one cat. I hope i will be able to force a bit when i'm back for carpal tunnel therapy. It's a little less chatty there.
Semi-Nomadic December 17, 2012 December 17, 2012 I've had days where I could barely get anything outta my mental crew. Latvia might very well be just going through a period of dormancy. I've had days where I felt really crappy to the point where I was practically unable to concentrate on anything, but that's not harmful to a tulpa. Meteo: [i hope you are all right < Latvia, i hope to Meet you. ]
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