SR's unnecessary insanity

[SilverRevlis]

So, today I was out of it. Just a clusterfuck of a mind. I decided I would explain this to my head people, and as I was about to finish Patty asked me 'Why?'. That was the first time she spoke. As I was replying, Lillinette chimed in with "Because he's been playing videogames all day", and those were her first words. To note, my mind does become scattered when I play video games, so I don't do it very often. I think it's cool that they can talk out loud now though. So now, instead of being a responsible person, I'm going to go back to playing team fortress 2. If anybody wants to play mvm, let me know. I hate how stupid the randoms are.

 

TL;DR Revlis plays games to much and all three tulpa are vocal.

[SilverRevlis]

I'm just finished attempting possession with Alice. I had her attempt to possess my left arm while her an I were watching netflix. All throughout the attempt, I was experiencing spasms thought my arm an other extremities, as well as small twitches in my hand. At the end my hand curled in halfway, so not bad for the first attempt in my opinion.

[SilverRevlis]

I'm bleeding and half asleep right now, so sorry in advance for any incoherency in this post. Now, due to family issues which might lead to me being homeless, I haven't had the time for forcing I would like to have. However, I have been directing energy throughout the day towards Alice, lily, and patty, and as of now they are all vocal in terms of mind voice and slightly vocal in physical voice. I use slightly vocal because I can tell which ear they're talking into, and it sounds legible, however it fluctuates between being mostly physical and mostly mind voice. I don't know If that makes sense. Fuck it. Story time. For the most part I just force and do stupid missions involving fighting shit, such as a giant Minotaur in New York, some warlock in a cabin haunted by ghosts, just stupid stuff really. A few interesting things happened though. I found out a race of elves of some shit lives in my forest, as they came to fight me and the wizard and I had to convince them to be on my side, and I found some girl outside the dark room, and when I asked who she was and where she came from, she said I didn't give her a name yet, tapped my head, and said "and I've been up here for a while". So, I told her she can wait there longer, and trapped her in a space just before my subconscious until I could think of what to do with her. Normally I just kill anything that displays sentience, but I felt different about her. Probably one of my tulpa from five or so years ago. If it is though she didn't try to put into a coma like the last one did, so she's alright by me for now. Also, I bought a grey cockatiel recently and she's meaning me type one handed so that I can use the other to scratch her head. Damn domineering bird.

[glitchthe3rd]

Alright, someone else that fights shit with their tuppers and goes on adventures and stuff. Also,

 

>bleeding

>family issues

>might be homeless

what happen?

[SilverRevlis]

Well the bleeding is unrelated. I was writing a song and I've been playing nonstop since ten o clock at night yesterday. Family issues are things I would rather not mention here.

[glitchthe3rd]

Okedoke then. Best of luck with that, I guess.

[SilverRevlis]

Well, it's been a while, haven't it? I suppose I should make an update on what happened since I was last here, though its unlikely that many people will see this, not counting glitch. Anyway, ignore my nihilistic approach to writing for the moment, and I'll get to documenting my experiences.

 

So, several months ago, I was in a very bad place. Frequent nosebleeds, a civil war in my family, my mother asking me to get her pills to kill herself with, these kind of things. I was still working with my tulpa, however at the time Patty and Lili we not yet vocal, sans the occasional "yes" or "no" response. I eventually had a mental breakdown, and just before it happened, I held it back for long enough to say goodbye to the three in my head. Alice tried to stop me, but I pushed er away. My reasoning wa that I wanted them to die, simply because I didn't feel they deserved to feel all the hell that I had to feel. Three months later, I had recovered slightly, managed to recover some mental health after buying a couple parrots, and started trying to cope by smoking more and drinking whenever possible.

 

One day, I wanted to check on them, to see if they had died off. I got back into my dark room, and the whole place was wrecked. Books throw off the shelves, blood every where. It was a reflection of the hell that I went through, and that's not a guess. I'll go into that part later. I used some of my previous psionics training to 'scan' the area for signs of life. I could detect three faint signals in the world, all in various places. Afraid of. How things might have effected them, I didn't go after them. I left a small amount of my own energy in the room, so that they would e able to know I was there. I felt the energy I sensed stir, and I got out quickly.

 

Two days later, I went back in. The blood was gone, but I didn't notice anything else because immediately after my arrival Patty rushed up to me, hugged me, and started crying. I would have been amazed by te fact that she could move on her won had it not been for that Lily grabbed me and threw me into a wall. She started screaming at me, yelling about how I was a price of shit, a pussy, that it was a disgrace to be created by me. My nose started bleeding again, and a pressure started rising from behind my eyes. I knew that if I let her rage continue to build, the pressure of it would cause me serious pain, so I had to stop her. I won't go into what I had to do, but I will say that it didn't harm her, but it made it so that I couldn't sleep for a few days. Alice wasn't mad at me, but she did feel abandoned by me, that she made clear. I told them that I would be back the next day, and I was.

 

When I got back, it dawned on me that when I had left, neither Patty not Lily could move or talk at a very proficient level, and that they could now at this point do it perfectly. To cut this already verbose entry a tad shorter, Lily fought with me again, before I apologized to her and told her that if she hates me, it was her choice, but that I refused to abandon Alice and Patty again. We talked the next day, which I'll get into later. Patty and I talked for a while, she cried, I apologized, and she fell asleep on my shoulder. Alice and I had a very nice discussion, neither of us cried, and in the end she said I needn't apologize because she knew that I wouldn't be able to handle my life and would try to 'spare' them. I'll go into what happened afterwards soon, even if nobody reads this, but for now, I have to take care of a few things.

 

On another note, the three are able to just interject their thoughts into my head whenever they choose now. For example, I was talking to the dogs I'm watching in one of those stereotypical 'cute' voices, and Alice started making fun of me. God, no parts of me can go without mocking me.

[glitchthe3rd]

Seems consistent with what some other people here have reported after abandoning their tulpae.

[SilverRevlis]

This will by no means be a brief entry. If I where you, I'd grab some popcorn. If you don't have that, grab some chips. If you don't have either, congratulations on not being an average American.

 

So, in continuation of the previous entry, I was at a point where the ground beneath my feet was cracked. Lillinette for te most part hated me, Patty was distraught that I had left, but overjoyed with my return, and Alice already knew that I would leave an come back. I'll explain why she knew this later in this entry. For the next few days I started just talking to them. For the most part, I would congratulate the twins on their progress, and just make idle conversation with Alice. At one point, I was to Lily about something, then made a comment about how my train of though manages to confuse even me at times, and told her that she would be able to understand what I mean since she had acces to my thoughts. She told me that she was unable to know my thoughts and emotions, so I asked why. She showed me.

 

I was in a room after that. In the center was a large glass tube filled with a red essence which extended both downwards through the floor and upwards towards the ceiling. The room itself was a grey marble room, but I could be off on the colour and texture. I asked where I was, and Lillinette answered with "My consciousness". I asked her why I was there, and she told me that in order for her to understand me, I would have to first understand her. I started examining the room, and when I touched the glass tube, I was sucked in. I was then surrounded by a red fog, and images, ideas, concepts, emotions, eerything that a mind can conceive of, was surrounding me. I started trying to figure out what each thing meant, and as I would find out what they meant to Lily, they would vanish and be treplaced by a new scenario. After solving each puzzle, I realized that they were meant to get me to figure out how she thinks, how she feels in relation to certain thoughts, ideas and scenarios, and how her emotions reacted to certain stimuli. Eventually, after spending what felt like hours solving puzzle after puzzle, the fog cleared and I found myself in a little girls room.

 

Once I was there, a little girl who I later found out was Lily started talking to me. We talked or a while about everything, confirming my answers to the puzzles I was given, how she felt when I left, how she feels about me, about her, anything I could think f and then some. After a while, she told me that I had asked everything I could, and that I needed to talk to her. She sent me out of the area, and I found myself back in the dark room with lilts hand on my chest. She asked me what I saw, and I told her. She started crying halfway through, so I comforted her and let her know that everything was alright. I again apologized for leaving, and reassured her that I wouldn't leave. I won't say anything about how she truly felt about the situation, for her privacy, not how she really feels inside for the same reason. All I will say is that the technique she showed me allows for a greater understanding of your companion, as well as a better relationship. If there isn't one, I may write a guide for the procedure.

 

On another note, back to the story. I then procedure to do the same thing with Patty, which again showed me things about her that I didn't know. I preformed the same procedure with Alice, which has probably benefitted her the most due to the fact that I now know things that she wanted me to know, but couldn't tell me. Now, as I said early, this all started so that Lillinette could understand me. Well, she can now, although I couldn't. When I go into their consciousness, sub conscious, soul, heart, whatever name you choose, the area is always different except for one detail; there is always some kind of 'essence' that belongs to the person. Being that Alice has a piece of my 'essence', hers and mine are near identical, while Lily and Patty have different energy. Now, when I went into my area, I found that it was dark. There was a small pool with my own energy in it, however I couldn't get to it. Lily told me that this was because I don't allow myself to know what I really feel and think, but she could know just by being there. I didn't try to find out, because I know how dark I've become over the years, and I'd rather not find out who I truly am.

 

I will mention though that ever since that day, I will have versions of myself pop up in the dark room and try to talk to me. Whenever they appear they make it so that I'm unable to contact any of my tulpa, and they har told me that they are different parts of my inner voice. I make them leave whenever I see them. But that's not the point. Quite frankly, I'm not sure what the point is anymore. I've been awake for quite a while and I probably drank too much, so excuse any rambling and improper grammar in this entry.

 

I'm tired now. I think I'll attempt to sleep, and likely fail at it. I will say that there is one more thing I must say later, though its more about what they can do than what they have done, so it will be shorter. God only knows I could do with speaking less.

 

-SR

[glitchthe3rd]

Intredasting method for understanding your tuppers' feelings. It should be in a guide.