LP&Maple

[Liquid Paradox]

Hello, Tulpa.info! It sure has been fun waiting three days for my account to activate, but since it seems that I am finally a free man, I figured I would take the opportunity to report on my admittedly limited progress with Tulpa forming! I will try to keep it short and sweet, for the most part, and if I feel a post is getting a bit Tl;Dr, I'll bold the relevant text and questions.

 

I'll start with a brief description about why I'm doing this, how it came to be, etc. This particular post is less about progress, and more of an intro, so if you're not into reading, feel free to skip it. My first actual report will be in the second post.

 

Ahem.

 

My first name is Lee, and I found Tulpa.info completely by accident. I was in a Skype chat with a bunch of my brony friends, when one of them posted a link to /mlp/. Now, just for the record... I don't do 4chan. I find the constant negative energy there to be more then overbearing (No offence... I realize most of you are 4channers), but I clicked the link anyway. Turned out to be some 'I want to cum inside Lyra' thread, completely unrelated to Tulpae. However, as often happens when I find myself in that place, I decided to browse a bit. Who knows, maybe I'll find a gem amidst all the Twilacorn drama and clop fics?

 

The first thing I saw when I refreshed the main page was Fede, going on about Tuppers. I gave the thread a brief glance, but not a lot of thought, until I saw an identical thread a few moments later about Tulpae. So, I actually decided to read the threads, and even followed a link. Took me straight to Fede's guide to Tulpa creation, and I was instantly hooked.

 

I'm a counselor. Well.. I WAS a counselor, anyway, but the professional interest is still there. All this really means is that I have a personal interest in Psychology (though, admittedly, psychology was not actually the focus of my studies). In fact, in my currently unemployed state, I have been considering heading back to university so I could get myself a legitimate degree in the subject. My own interest lies in the untapped potential of the human mind, so it's no surprise that I find Tulpae fascinating.

 

Add inherent loneliness and manic-depression (Screw you, DSM-IV, I refuse to lump my symptoms into the massive 'bi-polar' gestalt lazy professionals fall back to) and suddenly, making a Tulpa for myself seemed only natural.

 

And, now, here I am. I'm only a few days into creation, and very eagerly await the fruits of my labour!

[Liquid Paradox]

This post covers the first two days while I was waiting for account activation. Combined with the fact that a lot happened in the meantime, this will be a somewhat long post. I will highlight the most relevant points in bold.

 

February 5-6

 

I discovered Tulpa.info on the fifth, and got started almost right away. I started by reading Fede's creation guide, and began imposing and narrating almost right away, parroting responces like Fede's guide suggested. This I believe was a rough start... I have since come to the conclusion that parroting will, at best, slow down the creation process, and at worst, lead to a servitor, at least in my case.

 

The form of my Tulpa was erratic at best, but tended towards the pony Lyra Heartstrings in appearance. This was unintentional, but no doubt happened because of my recent interest in a particular fiction called Background Pony. As interesting as a 'Lyra Tulpa' might be, I did not wish to stymie my Tulpa's growth by imposing a pre-existing character onto her.

 

On the sixth, I read all of the other guides on Tulpa creation, and began to feel justified in my decision to halt parroting and imagining my Tulpa as Lyra. I started practicing some basic meditation techniques, and learned that I am quite skilled at internal visualization, especially while centered.

 

That night, I began my first forcing session. I decided to begin by crafting a basic wonderland, and was surprised when, suddenly, I was imagining my childhood cottage in striking detail. Every room was accounted for, right down to several small details, as well as much of the surrounding area. Of particular note was the backyard, a large grassy area overlooking a small cliff with a path leading into the woods, the old dock on the lake, and the Island in the middle of the lake which I would visit frequently.

 

I was empowered by how easily I summoned up memories more then fifteen years old, and immediately began forcing. I had no clear objective in this session, other then introducing my Tulpa to my cottage wonderland. I noted that for the entirety of the session, my Tulpa retained the shape of a female pony, but had no color. Instead, she seemed to flash colors, but at least she wasn't Lyra.

 

I started bu giving my Tulpa a tour of the cottage, narrating to her about the various rooms and locations. This tour lasted quite a long time, as I had a lot to say. Once the tour was complete, I took us to the backyard, which has a lot of nostalgic value to me. I casually asked her if she liked her new home, not expecting an answer. Before I even finished asking, I suddenly found us in my grandmothers bedroom, which is the one with a balcony. I was especially surprised, because that room held very little nostalgic value for me, and came completely unbidden. Even though this happened very early in out sessions, I still wonder if this was some form of rudimentary communication on her part. I think that she wishes to use this room as her own, and since I don't plan on forcing my grandmother into my wonderland, she is more then welcome to it.

 

This has already gotten really long, so I'm going to leave it here for now.

[Liquid Paradox]

Alright, I have to shorten these up a bit, or I'll never actually catch up. My new format will be in bullets, rather then paragraphs, and point form. Questions, worries or other important whatevers will be in paragraph form at the bottom, and notes, like this one, will be at the top.

 

I might be slightly overvaluing my own progress reports XD

 

February 7

 

 

• Forcing on 7th fairly mundane. Focus on narration and form.
  
• Settled on form, as well as name (Maple). More description on this after list.
  
• Strong emotional response to new name. I took this as a good sign.
  
• Finished forcing session with a 'meal' of bacon and eggs. I felt that allowing Maple to experience taste, even early in development, might actually aid in the development of personality.
  
• Another strong emotional response to the food. Made a mental note to 'cook' more often.
  

 

Maple is a caramel brown earth pony mare. She has a simple mane and tail style, and both are the color (And scent) of maple candies, which is what led to her name. She has freckles on her nose and cheeks, and her eyes are emerald green. Due to my lack of artistic talent, I had to use the *shudder* pony creator to try and capture her image. This was a mistake, I think, because now I imagine her almost exactly like her Pony Creator image (only with freckles). I'll include the image below, and conclude this particular update, because my progress over the next couple of days is somewhat muddled together.

[Liquid Paradox]

February 8-10

 

• Making good progress on retaining form. Size, color and face and mane remain consistent, although having a harder time with the tail.
  
• Frequently receiving unexpected images or emotional responses... still wondering if this is a basic form of communication.
  
• More experimentation with food. Maple seems to enjoy food, if emotional responses are indeed rudimentary communication, although I have to puppet her eating.
  
• Tried sentience exercise on the 9th, was surprised by the results. 1
  
• Exercise ended with exploration of new area of wonderland. Maple seemed to aid in the construction of a log cabin. 2
  
• Experienced several unexpected compulsions and changes while in cabin.
  
• First unexpected compulsion was a 10-minute cuddle on the bed. I was unsure what to make of this, except that I was certain that it was not a puppetry event. 3
  
• Second event was that I found myself in a suit as I got up from bed. 4
  
• Third event was an impromptu 'dinner' with Maple, which she made. This included her first ever autonomous movement, though it was choppy, like poor animation. Maple also wore a red dress, which was more intricate then I personally am capable of crafting, adding even more to my surprise. 5
  
• Impromptu date with Maple consisted mostly of my narration, and Maple's eating was fully puppeted. Throughout the meal, communication was entirely one sided.
  

 

Alright... a lot happened towards the end, so I decided to use footnotes to separate the various events I want to expand upon.

 

1. The sentience experiment was sort of spur of the moment, and I definitely did not expect any kind of concrete results. At the time, we were sitting in a paddle boat on the lake in my wonderland. The paddle boat had a set of paddles in both seats, and a basic rudder control in between. I told Maple that she was in control, and that we would go wherever she steered us. To avoid Puppeting her, I focused on a sort of overhead view of the lake, and tracked her direction as well as my own accidental puppeteering, separately. I then ignored my own compulsions, and visualized our progress across the lake. At first, the boat kind of zig-zagged around, but suddenly, it seemed to find direction, and we stared heading into a large bay to the right of my Wonderland cottage. We eventually reached shore, where I created a small doc so we could tie ourselves off.
   
2. Of primary interest here is the creation of the Cabin itself. I believe Maple was empowered by the control I gave her in the experiment, and though I did most of the creation itself, I did so based on visions and images I seemed to receive from nowhere. It was a basic, square log cabin with no windows and a flat roof, atop a small but steep hill and overlooking the beach.
   
3. To call the cuddle session unexpected would be an understatement. I had been a bit reluctant, and even awkward, about touching up until this point. This stems mostly from my own social awkwardness, as well as my own personal desire to work out her form, personality, sentience, and communication, before I even considered the specifics of out relationship together. However, shortly after furnishing the cabin, we were both suddenly on the bed, and she was nuzzled into me. I was so surprised I was nearly torn from my meditative state. However, I quickly realized that I had offered little in the way of affection towards her, so I decided to "roll with it" like the guides say. The emotion I experienced was nearly overwhelming.
   
4. The suit was the next big surprise. I got out of bet wearing a simple but elegant black suit, with a red bow tie (which I unconsciously adjusted before I even realized I was wearing a suit). I wasn't sure if I was responsible for the suit until I added a top hat, gloves, tails and a cane to the ensemble (my own idea of a perfect suit) only for the suit to be immediately returned to normal.
   
5. The date was the icing on the cake, and came likewise completely unexpected. Honestly... I'm still a bit shell shocked from it all. She moved on her own! Like... legitimately! And the things she did were entirely unexpected! She actually pulled a full entree dish, cover and all, out of the oven and put it on the table (albeit with somewhat wooden, choppy movements) cartoon style! Frankly, it blew my mind. According to everything I know about Tulpae, this level of sentience doesn't usually start until at least 25 hours into the creation process, and here I was witnessing it after only five hours. Five! Usually, when I read about a host experiencing communication and sentience after so short a time, I call shenanigans... but now, I'm not so sure.
   

 

So... I suppose the question I should ask is... is this legit? I know I shouldn't feel doubt, but everything seems to be moving so fast. Like I said... If I was reading someone else's report, and they said that their tulpa was acting on it's own after only five freaking hours, I would call BS. Should I be worried that I'm unconsciously puppeteering her? Is that even a thing?

 

Some more stuff happened this morning in a forcing session, but I don't feel entirely comfortable talking about it just yet, untill I've had more time to think about it.

[Vampire13]

First off welcome to the forums. I will be following your progress with interest and I wish you and Maple luck on your journey into the great unknown.

 

Maple is sentient right off the bat, the moment you decide that you are going to create a Tulpa is the moment they are 'born'. Everything after that can be seen as helping them grow, from a toddler, to a young child, through adolescence's and eventually into adulthood. FAQ_Man's creation method has sadly become outdated and we as a community have long done away with his hour counts, now seeing them as limiting to your Tulpa's development.

 

> http://chupitulpa.tumblr.com/post/29003607860 for further reading on hour counts.

 

Maple is communicating with you. All of those flashes of images, emotional responses are her communicating with you. they are all common forms of communication and have been noted right throughout the community.

 

Just go with those cuddles man, many a female Tupper wants them cuddles.

 

And don't worry about how fast it might be going, the experience is different with everyone, some get results right away and some have to work bloody hard before they get anywhere. As I said a Tulpa is alive as soon as you decide that you are going to create them and Maple is showing very strong signs of sentience.

 

Hope I have helped a little, it is 4am as I am writing this and I am pretty tired. And if you need anything answered just ask, there are many in this community that are willing to help you throughout your experience.

 

~V

[Alcadera]

I've been reading through these reports now finally, and I have to say I am quite impressed =3 you're not really doing anything wrong as far as I can tell, puppeteering is unavoidable in the early stages, the same way it's unavoidable for a parent to hold their children upright when taking them on their first steps. You imagining how she moves is little more than you teaching her how movement works, parts of this is your full conscious, but I wouldn't rule it out if the subconscious already has a big part in this.

 

What Vampire13 said about the hours thing is correct by the way, there's several posts that practically debunk the idea that you need a certain set amount of hours. Methods for tulpaforming are as varied as people are themselves. In my case for instance, visual thoughts are so common and random to me, it's extremely hard to figure out which is me and which is not when I visualise Luna. With you it seems as if you are somewhat not used to visualising in this manner, making all that has happened thus far all the more genuine, the best way to have your tulpa confirm herself to you is to be surprised by her =3.

 

Anywoo, Good luck! And Maple, =3 you show that bugger how to make deliciousness! ^^ maybe by the time you get to the visual stage, you might surprise him with a cutiemark! That is, if he shows you enough MLP episodes to explain and if you like them X3 Luna sais hi!

[NeonKnights]

Hi there!

 

Read through your report, and I have to say, you appear to have some fantastic (and quick) progress!

The responses to food are particularly intriguing, certainly a good sign.

 

As for the doubts, I've adopted the mindset (can't remember who I got it from, but it was one of the more experienced tulpamancers) that it doesn't hurt to doubt nothing. If you parroted some movement or speech unknowingly, but accept it as being from her, you prevent yourself from planting a seed of lingering doubt deep within yourself; meanwhile, if she did do something, and you don't doubt that it was her, it only helps your progress.

 

I'm not entirely sure myself, but I've read that there is no such thing as unconscious parroting/puppeteering. That is, in order to be parroting your tulpa, you must be making a conscious effort to do it. So, I wouldn't worry about it too much, and go on with the assumption that everything Maple has done so far is entirely of her own accord, even if it seems to you that it may be a bit soon for her to be displaying such a stunning degree of sentience.

 

Sounds like you're getting on pretty well over all, keep it up! :D

 

 

Maple: Hi! Sounds like you're growing quickly, it seems you have a very proficient host! Good luck on the road ahead, maybe we'll get to chat on the IRC channels someday! :)

 

Best wishes to the both of you on your journey!

[Liquid Paradox]

Vampire13, your words of encouragement help more then you know. I realized that, by placing so much focus on my hour counts, I was creating an atmosphere of doubt. I've started taking a slightly different approach to Tulpaforcing since I read your comment, and I think it's going great.

 

Also, hey Al! And hey Luna, as well! You're right, of course... while I'm not going to use Parroting as much as Fede-lasse suggests, I do agree that a bit of puppeting is in fact a good thing. I have learned that once I give Maple even a little bit of slack, she practically takes over the forcing session! More on this in the actual update.

 

Speaking of Updates... this one is going to be a bit short, compared to my last one. But whateves.

 

February 11-12 (morning)

 

• I have been working to abandon doubt. Part of this process involves trusting not only my Tulpa, but also myself. Rather then doubting progress, I accept it. Further, I no longer fear that I may be puppeting her. The way I see it, as long as I'm not consciously manipulating her every move, then the things Maple does are a collaborative effort between the two of us. The results have been overwhelming.
  
• Maple has become... very active. A very short time ago, she was completely still, where as now, she often explodes into movement. I feel her previous lack of activity came about because I would actively hold her still, for fear of puppeteering.
  
• Maple is also showing strong signs of personality, particularly in regards to her appearance. E expressed dissatisfaction with the image I produced of her, and she seemed to agree. I spent some time looking at several pieces of Pony art, picking several physical traits that I was personally happy with. When I tried to visualize her new form... she busted it to pieces, taking an entirely new form of her own.
  
• Finally... I was a bit iffy about sharing this, but... Maple seems extremely sensual. I'm not personally sure how to handle this.
  

 

Alright... I just want to put it on the record that I myself am somewhat shy in the subject of sexuality. I mean... I've heard it all before. I'm a counselor, after all, but talking about my OWN sexuality has always seemed a bit... foux pas. Maple doesn't seem to have this problem. At all. *cough*

Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that I had been repressing her... advancements... because I was worried I was somehow affecting her. Now that I'm letting her act... well, as I said before, every time I give her an inch, she runs with it.

I'm still not sure how to handle her advancements, however. Like I said, they caught me off guard. Oh well... baby steps and all.

 

As for her change in appearance, she is now slightly taller, longer, and a bit thinner in her body. Her coat is now more... fuzzy then before, with tufts of fur visible. Her mane and tail are now cherry red. Her face has a somewhat anime appearance, and her eyes are rounder and larger. Oh... and she still has freckles! (flutteryay)

[Alcadera]

Heya LP and Maple ^^ good to hear (again) about your progress, there's not much I can add other than how to treat the sensuality if you feel it goes out of control. And Ill be using the same example type as before.

 

As puppeting her movements every now and again to simply show an example to her what things work like the same way how a parent would hold up their todler to teach them how walking works. The same idea goes for any unwanted behaviour. Our tulpae are as free as any of us are in our lives, in fact sometimes even moreso, but even we get told about limits sometimes, and in this case I feel it's simply important you explain in words to her there is a time and place for everything, and too much of even a good thing can be too much.

 

I'd be the last person to tell you to ask her to stop it entirely XD, but as I did with Luna, it's definitely a thing one has to discuss in detail. As the only way I could imagine the fable of tulpae becoming sex obsessed is due to their creators not having defined or explained it to their tulpa. The same way how an incomplete education and parental upbringing would risk a person growing into thinking certain unacceptable things as normal.

 

Any specifics I would suggest is explaining that if you truly do not wish to do something, she has to respect your wishes, and she never has to do anything against her own wishes either, even if you beg for it, which you wont XD. Teach her about the value of privacy, even if a tulpa might find the idea exciting to do something in public, as such kinks exist among humans as well, It's important for you to make sure she understands you do not wish for such a thing. There's always the option to emulate scenario's that are otherwise unacceptable within the safety of your wonderland.

[Liquid Paradox]

Oh wow... been a while since I updated. Like... a long while. Oh well... as you can imagine, a lot has changed in the mean time, but I don't really have a list anymore of "this happened on that day" so I think I'm going to skip the list format I've been using for now.

 

The first thing I want to mention is that Maple's... interest in the subject of sexuality has calmed significantly. Thank god. There were a trying couple of days, but I have a theory: I believe Maple, being underdeveloped emotionally, had been going through some kind of 'tulpa puberty'. Because she was still unable to completely express herself, she focused on more physical feelings. I believe this lead not only to her... particular aggression, but also to her interest in food. These were things she experienced simply by sharing a biological body with me, and in a sort of way, they were all she knew. Thankfully, as I helped her work on her communication and personality skills, these things have become nearly non-existent (She still likes food, but is far from obsessed with it, and her sexual aggression is essentially gone).

 

Right. Now that that particular topic is behind us, I can talk about things that don't make me squirm uncomfortably ^_^

 

Shortly after my previous post, I decided to 'let Maple inside', so to speak. Basically, this means I have given her access to my inner-most self. My 'subconscious mind' so to speak. I did this because we were having some trust issues... I felt I was hiding things from her, and she could feel it. I imagined that the small trap door in the Wonderland cottage lead to a hallway, and at the end of the hallway was a door, with a lock. I opened the door, and told her that inside was everything she could ever know about me. In here was all the good, and all the bad. My feeling's, memories and experiences were all there for her to see. I told her that I wanted to prove, to both of us, that I trusted her completely. I also gave her a key, explaining that sometimes I may reflexively try to bar her from my thoughts or feelings, and that by using that key, she could come here at any time.

 

I don't really know what I expected, but she disappeared for nearly 24 hours. This wasn't just me not forcing her... it was like her very presence was gone. Even when I tried to force her, her form seemed empty... like it was just a copy. I was terrified that I had broken her, or something.

 

The next day, I was out on the wonderland lake in the paddle boat, heading to her cottage to see if she was back yet, when she literally fell out of the sky, flipping the boat and sending us both into the water. I actually had to dive under and get her, because she was panicking (and has since developed a fear of water, incidentally). Once we got back to the cottage, I wrapped her in towels and blankets to keep her warm, and we conversed. Like... actual conversation. Even later, this would happen rarely. She told me that she had spent the time away inside my subconscious, and although she didn't see everything, she now had a very good idea of what kind of person I was. Also... the reason she 'fell' out of the sky and into the water was because she could hear me calling for her, and kind of came rushing back. I still feel pretty guilty about that.

 

The very next day was Valentines day, or, as one Tulpamancer on Tumblr I follow calls it, "Tulpa Appreciation Day." I had some plans with some friends that day, but I promised to spend some time forcing with her. I won't go to far into detail, but first there was a pick-nick near a waterfall (which kept getting invaded by ants) and then there were water-slides (stupid me... now I know she's afraid of water) and roller-coasters (which she loved. Actually, this would later come to help define her personality)

 

A few days later, she vanished again for another 24 hours, and despite what happened last time I got worried again (I'm a bit neurotic, it seems). But this time, when she came back... she did so in style. I suddenly found myself in a round, open arena in the clouds, and armed with a keyblade. Now... just for the record, I don't really do the keyblade thing. I thought Kingdom Hearts was a good series, but a keyblade was certainly not my fallback weapon, by any stretch. Anyway, once again, Maple came out of the sky, but she was different, and more controlled, owing to her new freaking pegasus wings. She was wearing some kind of tattered black garment, and was herself wielding two keyblades.

 

Yeah, I know what your thinking -_- Two keyblades, tattered robes? Sounds like a typical OC. However... this is also how I knew that I wasn't the one making her look this way. I also would like to point out that I hadn't thought about Kingdom Hearts in a long while... certainly not since I started forcing, meaning that she got this new look from elsewhere. She must have found my memories of the game, decided that Keyblades and angsty looking tattered black robes were cool, and decided that this was who she would be. And THAT would mean that she is not only totally self aware, but is starting to develop her own, unique personality, without any help from me, and is also capable of deciding how she want's to present herself. I can't even tell you how proud I was, and frankly, still am. Even if I think she looked a little silly like that.

 

She has continued to mature since then, and we have had several conversations. She has dropped the "Bleach character with keyblades" look, but kept the wings. Her personality is that of a laid-back yet thrill loving tomboyish type, but she gets downright pissed off when I compare her to Rainbow Dash. An the note of MLP, she either doesn't really like it, or is simply ambivalent about it. However, after seeing the Magical Mystery Cure episode, she has been trying to become an alicorn. Yeah, once again, I know what you're thinking.

 

On that note, here is another obstacle we have been having with her growth. See... I think becoming an alicorn is silly and unnecessary. Why not just swap between Pegasus and Unicorn forms? I know it wouldn't be hard for her, and after all, she doesn't seem like the princes type. She, on the other hand, says that if Flight and Magic are both awesome, then having both at the same time would be "double awesome." I then tried to explain that, like with the Keyblades, she looked like a silly OC. Her answer? "So what... nobody but you ever actually sees me, it's my form, and guess what... I'm not an OC." Yeah... I really got put in my place with that one.

 

Anyway, part of me still fights the idea of her being an alicorn, even though I told her she could take any form she wants. Really... I do want her to be whoever she wants to be, but I'm the one holding her back, and that really does not feel good. She says she forgives me, but I know it's a problem to her, like a parent telling a teenager that they're not allowed to to dye their hair. Only... this is worse. It feels to me like I made her a promise, and then took that promise away, for no real valid reason other then my own silly social discomfort with having a tulpae who happens to be an Alicorn.

 

I told her she can be an Alicorn if she wants, and I'm trying to allow her to take that form, rather then reflexively forcing her back to pegasus form. I'm determined to get over this, because I want her to be happy.

 

 

So, yeah, that's my long ass report, that's also super late. Take from it what you will. Maple is totally a teenage girl, but she's growing fast. And she's totally not like Rainbow Dash XD