Merman

The Winged Company I Keep

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Hi everyone... My name is Merman, and I've been reading about tulpas for many years. I've given this a lot of thought and I know now that I'm finally going to make one. I decided to make one because having a companion to talk to regularly would be very nice, and I'd be better off mentally having someone to vent to. Also the memory recall thing is neat as well.

 

My tulpa's name is Fennel, and I gave him the form of a 10 year old boy with angel wings. I decided on this form because It was the least threatening form I came up with. Fennel has shaggy brown hair, a navy blue british school uniform, and white feathered wings. Although he looks like a kid, he will be wise beyond his years, or at least more mature than he looks.

 

My wonderland is a clearing of flat orange colored dirt surrounded on all sides by a large field of shining golden grain. In the center of the clearing are two tall ornately decorated golden thrones, facing each other, a few feet apart from one another. This is where my tulpa and I will sit and talk.

 

I originally made the wonderland for use with Fennel but haven't used it yet due to a busy work schedule. I passively forced him beside me throughout the work day, skipping directly to imposition. I did have some personality traits in mind for him, I think I will focus on giving him some of those tonight, in our first official wonderland session. I'll add that in here later. Well... here goes.

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SO... apparently concentrating on my tulpa and wonderland while we are both inside of it is hard work. I'm sure I'll get the hang of it eventually. About a week ago we were in the wonderland, and I pictured him sitting there, almost serene. I imagined the personality traits I wanted him to have as different colored orbs of light floating around his head. One at a time I cupped each one in my hands and pressed it into him; into his chest. Thinking back on it I guess I should've thought more about the importance of each trait while placing it in him. I will try this same exercise with him today, except this time I'll explain to him the importance of each trait, and then I will specifically put them directly into his heart. I'm gonna begin full-on narration in the wonderland today as well.

 

Since I'm busy this week I've been passively forcing him beside me, wherever I go. I kept accidentally puppeting his actions without realizing it at first. Although they were only very minor movements I've resigned Fennel to only being in my peripheral vision for now. Basically I am working on imposition and personality simultaneously. Personality requires more concentration I find, whereas Passive peripheral imposition requires very little. I am excited about all of this, I'll write more after the wonderland session.

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I worked on Fennel in Wonderland, It was progress. He sat on his throne and I formally introduced myself to him, telling him about how we were going to be good friends and how I cared a lot about him. I rambled about how my day went and what my plans were for tomorrow, really anything that came to mind came out of my mouth. All the while I focused on Fennel, which was pretty easy. At one point I pictured a brain in his head, and a heart in his chest..after I had nothing else to say to him I said my goodbyes then gave him a hug, and left the wonderland. Narrating is kind of fun, and my mental image of Fennel inside our wonderland is as clear as ever.

 

I focused on his form, getting the details of him as precise as I could, everything from the shoelaces on his shoes, to the creases in his shorts. I did that for a little while, shifting my focus between different things on him every so often. I don't think I am spending as much time as I should on these things, and maybe Fennel will take longer than others to become obviously sentient. I'm fine with that, I guess working at my own pace is good for me as it gives me more time to gradually get used to this new person in my life. I also don't know if I am doing this progress log thing right either. Other people's have much longer entries, and mine are rather brief...

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Okay, whew! It has certainly been a minute since I updated this. So, I lead a life where I'm pretty distracted or busy so I don't really make time for forcing Fennel. I feel a little guilty about it at times. Whenever I think to myself 'I should be forcing right now' I apologize to Fennel and tell him to forgive me. To get around this procrastination I've integrated forcing into anytime I listen to music. I will listen to the song and imagine Fennel and myself in our wonderland. Sometimes It's me singing to him, playing him an instrument, or dancing for him. Regardless of what I do the attention is on him and my intent is to send feelings of caring, joy, and love towards him, unabashedly and with all I got.

A few days ago I showed up to our wonderland and was listening to some happy upbeat songs. I can only remember "Nelly Furtado- I'm like a bird" off of the top of my head. Anyway, I imagined strings tied from one tree to another with colorful paper decorations hanging on the cords. It looked like a party..and later on I had it become nighttime and there were fireflies flying all around us glowing in the night air. It was so..fun. There was a strong feeling of joy within me and it felt like everything would be alright. I worry a lot about parroting/ puppeting, so every time I see Fennel he is usually sitting in a chair or standing upright, so that I'm not having him do or say anything by my own will. Since parroting/ puppeting impedes or postpones vocalization and other types of development? I don't wanna take any chances on Fennel.


A doodle of Fennel:

zx7390.jpg

Today was progress! I've been getting better about regular narrating. I wasn't sure what exactly to talk about so I just rambled about anything that passed through my mind all the while focusing on Fennel. In the wonderland I continued talking to him and gave him a drawn out apology for my being a prick in general and not paying him enough attention. "I just want you to know that If I get lazy for a day or two, don't ever jump to the conclusion that I don't care about you. I care about you a lot and all I want is for you to be happy." I told him that I am giving him life in a sense, so that kinda makes him like my son. I got up out of my tall golden chair and walked across the dirt to where he sat in his chair. I held a pink pulsating heart in my hands and told him about it. "This is a heart and I am giving it to you to help you feel love and to be able to hold love inside of you, so that you can have a light within you to keep you warm." I bent down and with both hands pushed the heart into his chest. Then I pulled him close and gave him a great big bear hug. That's basically a summary of our last wonderland session.

 

Over the last few days I've gotten into the habit asking Fennel for help whenever I've misplaced something or want to remember something. I'll be rummaging through things, and then say aloud "Fennel, do you know where I left ___ ?". Now I don't expect him to know or give me an answer,(especially since he isn't vocal yet) but It's just another minor way to direct more attention to him. There was an odd thing that happened today though. I was wanting to look up the actor who played the father in a movie called The Messengers, but I didn't know what his name was. I got on the google home page and just as I was about to put in my search query the name Dylan Mcdermott popped into my head. And I know that doesn't seem weird, but I maybe read the actor's name once or twice years ago. There was no way I could have consciously remembered that guys name since I'd never made a point to remember it. And then there it was, abruptly popping into my head just as I am about to type a sentence. Honestly I think it was Fennel. It might not have been, but it appeared too randomly for it not to have been. I thanked Fennel for the name anyway.

 

*I have been getting more and more frequent headaches too. Don't know if this is related to forcing, or other factors. I'm not usually prone to headaches though. I'm also going to start posting my tulpa related sketches to accompany some of my posts because It's easier for me to convey certain things with artwork.. I'll write more soon!

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It's been a little while since I have posted anything, as I have been busy with life and it's surprises.. Although I did think about Fennel from time to time I didn't force him. I got caught up in people and friends and work. And then I had family emergencies and the death of my best friend. When my friend died I felt so alone. Like all of the light had been sucked out of the world and everything lost it's brilliance. On the way to the funeral was the first time I thought about fennel, forced him beside me for a moment. since then I have paid him much more attention, and last night I apologized to him again. I told Fennel that I was so sorry and that he didn't have to forgive me right away, after what I had done. I told him that I hoped to one day earn his forgiveness because I do care about him and want him there with me by my side to help me overcome these things I am going through. That we would prevail together and that I know I was terribly negligent but that I was going to try harder. I am not really close to anyone and I will hold onto my friendship with him because he is my anchor in the world at this time. I will try harder to be a better friend to him, hr doesn't deserve anything less than the best.

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I'm so sorry for your loss. :(

 

Even when tou're not 'forcing' you can narrate/talk to Fennel throughout the day, it will help you feel less alone. Even if he doesn't answer, he's listening to you. He loves you and I am sure he will forgive you.


New? Need Knowledge? - List of Guides - Creative's Creation Handbook

Have you hugged your tulpa today?

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Thank you.. I have been incorporating him into my day more in the littlest of ways, saying a sentence or two to him randomly throughout the day. I have good feelings about Fennel in general today.

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Still too busy these days, haven't been devoting much time at all to tulpaforcing, I've been shirking the task. Sometimes on some days I briefly talk to Fennel, or I say his name out loud a few times, to acknowledge his existence. More work must be paid towards that kid. Safe to say I've stunted his growth by rarely forcing in the last couple of months, but let it be known that I have never forgotten about him and I will keep at this most special task. The task of bringing the flowering soul that is Fennel, forth. More updates to come soon!


Some fairly recent drawings of Fennel, apologies for the poor image quality!

3010cn7.jpg

 

izn96r.jpg

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Drawing like Forging your tulpa are similar in the way that both take time and effort, the more time you put into it the more you get out of it. You have very great proportions and shading, keep up the forging and drawing !


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Thank you, I try. I am not a bad artist, but there are plenty better than me. I suppose the act of drawing him is in fact some form of passive forcing. I just never thought about it in that way, but it makes sense since I was solely focused on him while I sketched him all those times. And I guess "forging" could pertain to any act of making a tulpa using physical things, like paint or clay.

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