Shui August 10, 2013 August 10, 2013 Today I tried Fede's tulpatone, I probably had it too loud 'cause I wasn't able to focus at all. But it had a weird effect on me. After a while I kinda lost consciousness but I wasn't really asleep. A strange, sleep-like state of mind. And I "woke-up" a minute before the mp3 ended (it's an hour long). Sort of like you weren't dreaming, you just stopped being aware of what was going on? Like time passed without you noticing? That's what happened to me with a similar tone over a hypnosis recording -- I'd heard the entire recording with the tone several times before, but this time through I just missed fifteen minutes or so. I heard the beginning and I heard the end, but there was a period in the middle where I just kinda blacked out. Is that sort of what happened to you? "'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.'"
PsiQss August 10, 2013 Author August 10, 2013 Sort of like you weren't dreaming, you just stopped being aware of what was going on? Like time passed without you noticing? That's what happened to me with a similar tone over a hypnosis recording -- I'd heard the entire recording with the tone several times before, but this time through I just missed fifteen minutes or so. I heard the beginning and I heard the end, but there was a period in the middle where I just kinda blacked out. Is that sort of what happened to you? Yup, something like that. But I missed about 30 to 45 minutes, I think. What really surprised me, when I finally realized what's going on (took me a few seconds) and checked the timer, it said there was 40s to the end. Probably just a coincidence to "come back" almost exactly a minute before the end of the mp3, but still... "Tulpamancy? It's a way of life. More than one..."
PsiQss August 11, 2013 Author August 11, 2013 She's getting more and more interesting. I just finished the forcing session. Didn't really focus on anything in particular - tried some visualization, a bit of possession (I think Ravi wanted to try it) and some vocality. When I asked her to speak, a weird thought immediately appeared in my mind, something about death, killing or something like that. It was more like an abstract thought rather than a mindvoice. I thought it was just me losing my consciousness, falling asleep or something. So I just got rid of the intrusive thought and asked her again. It came back immediately, more clear this time. I don't know if it was her mindvoice or an abstract thought which I automatically translated but it clearly said "I'm wondering about death" o.o Well I wasn't sure what to think of it. I answered though, I won't go into details but I assured her that I'm never gonna leave them. Another thing I've experienced today, when I asked them if they found something useful in my memories and if it worked at all I felt a weird pain in right wrist. Probably just a coincidence but it faded away when I finished the forcing session. Dunno if it means anything. Last year though I had some problems with my right hand though, maybe she found it out and accidentally caused that slight pain? It's so confusing... I also wanted to ask something but forgot what it was, I'll edit the post later or ask tomorrow then. For now, bye! :) "Tulpamancy? It's a way of life. More than one..."
PsiQss August 13, 2013 Author August 13, 2013 Well, I've recently noticed that I have less and less time. But I think I'm also forcing a bit more, so it is good. I actually decided that this week I'll start an hour long sessions. So even though I initially wanted to keep updating this PR daily, I'd rather spend that time forcing. Writing longer posts with my phone usually takes about an hour, lol. Anyway, during my first 1 hour session, at one point I started blinking, with eyes closed. I couldn't help it o.O Well next thing that happened, I started feeling a little weird, like I was falling asleep or something. I didn't really want to, so I started resisting this feeling. To my surprise, it was not easy! But I eventually did it - this weird feeling faded away and I didn't break my relaxed state of mind. Well, now when I think of it, maybe I shoyld've let it do its thing? Maybe I was about to achieve some 'higher' state of mind that would let me communicate with my Tuppers? Maybe. I'll check later if I'll get another chance. I feel kinda bad for leaving one of my tulpae for an entire week. I'll probably change it so I'll be forcing with each one 1 day. I'm also tempted to try both at the same time but I don't think I'll manage :P I'll try it though. And last but not least, even though I really hate all sorts of schedules, I think I need a forcing schedule. I gotta plan out in advance, what to do each day, 'cause I usually end up standing in my WL and wondering what to do :/ So expect some sort of update on this probably by the end of the week. For now, I think I'll be forcing with them both for the next few days and see what will happen. Should you hear nothing more from me, it means that probably my head exploded or something. See ya.. hopefully. "Tulpamancy? It's a way of life. More than one..."
PsiQss August 15, 2013 Author August 15, 2013 Well, sorry to disappoint you but my head is all in one piece. I'd like to be able to say the same about my mind though... No wait, my mind has always been like that, we're good. Even though I really didn't try anything too fancy during that dual session, my head started aching pretty quickly. Just a little bit though, so I didn't mind it. I thought that the hell-ish realm where I usually land in my Wonderland doesn't really suit Lena, so I decided that we should fly to the forest. It was my thought though, not hers, so maybe she didn't really have a problem with that. We landed somewhere in the forest and started talking. About them. About us. I told them again why did I make them like this, why did I give them this form and reminded that I don't really want to force anything upon them if they don't feel comfortable with it. Which now, when I think of it, isn't exactly true. I know I always wanted them like this and I also know myself. At the same time, I really don't want to force anything upon them. And as far as I know myself, if they would deviate too much, I'd probably end up asking them to roleplay it just for fun or I'd make more tulpae later to play this role. But I really don't like worrying about stuff in advance, so let's just move on for now :) That session was not too productive as far as I remember. At least from practical point of view. I tried listening to them but didn't hear anything. But it was something new and trying new things is always productive. The more we try, the more we learn about ourselves, right? And that headache.. I didn't have a forcing headache ever since I started working.. As for later sessions, I've tried an hour of forcing yesterday but kinda blacked out because of too many intrusive thoughts... I missed about 30 minutes I think. That's the problem with the type of forcing I was going to try (letting thoughts flow while focusing on tulpa). I think I'll leave it for weekends, when I'm usually not as tired as I am after work.. Which kinda leads me to my upcoming schedule. I think I have it laid out, just have to make sure if my friends don't have plans for next week that could interfere with it. But basically I'll be doing personality. I did some preparations for this a while back and I think it is time to introduce those to my Tulpae. What I'm going to do, each session I'll be focusing on some traits. While adding next traits, I'll be thinking of how they relate to the previous ones. The way I'm going to do this, I will be visualizing her in a particular situation and imagining how would she react and which traits will be the main one in a particular situation. I'll also think of some of her phrases related to those traits. Today I've started with Raviel and three of her traits: adventurous, courageous, challenging. I have explained them to her first, using words, and then told her that I'm going to vizualize her acting in some particular situations. Just to be extra-safe, I told her that these are not her memories and just assumptions. What I quickly found myself doing, I actually brought up some of my memories and imagined what would she do if she was me. Oh, and one thing. Before starting with the traits, I tried to repeat that in case she already has a personality developed, I don't want her to change. I said I "tried" because after I said 3 or 4 words, she slapped me! She freakin' made me shut up! o.O Well, she knows what I was trying to say anyway, so I hope she knows what she's doing. And no, I did not see her slapping me. It was just a thought so sudden and strong, and outta nowhere that it was obvious what it was. Man, she freakin' slapped me in the face... Really, tulpae these days.. Next trait on the list: aggresive. "Tulpamancy? It's a way of life. More than one..."
PsiQss August 18, 2013 Author August 18, 2013 This week I work on an afternoon shift. While this usually means no time for most, I kinda like it. I'll be waking up naturally and will have time to try visualizing in the early morning. I actually tried it today, but meh.. I woke up without opening my eyes so I immediately changed position to lay on my back, that's how I usually force. Then I fell asleep. I woke up again and did the same maybe five or six times. Falling asleep every single time without doing a single productive thing, lol. Well, I thing I know the reason. Next time I gotta think the day before what exactly to do during that time. But yeah, the schedule. I'll be doing mostly personality this week, in bed before sleep. I'll force with Lena on monday, wednesday and friday and with Ravi on tuesday, thursday and saturday. During the morning sessions, I kinda wanna try vocality, I'll be listening while just letting the thoughts flow, hopefully I won't fall asleep. On wednesday and thursday though, I'll do some visualization in the wonderland. I don't have any particular plans for sunday though, for now. But I'm sure I'll come up with something this week, and instead of breaking my schedule to try it immediately, I'll leave it for said sunday. As for forcing personality, I think I explained my method in the previous post. First session - 3 traits, and then I'll be adding 2 more traits each session. As for my Tuppers, I was on a party with my mates yesterday. And what's the best thing to do at the party? Dance with your Tulpa in the wonderland, yay! Well it was cool but didn't take long before my friends asked me if I'm ok, lol. I need a dancefloor in my WL ;) "Tulpamancy? It's a way of life. More than one..."
PsiQss August 20, 2013 Author August 20, 2013 These morning sessions either don't work for me or I'm just doing it wrong. I wake up, don't open my eyes, I change position a little bit and I start forcing. Soon after this I fall asleep :/ Today I actually managed to force a bit but didn't see any difference, visualization wise. But it was my third wake-up so maybe that's why it didn't work. Tomorrow I'll try to sit immediately and we'll see what it does. I'm thinking of changing my forcing style. When I'm forcing in bed I fall asleep way too often. I skipped evening session yesterday because of that and tried to catch up today morning, which I was supposed to dedicate to Ravi. Also, I feel I kinda rushed it today, so I'll probably repeat it tomorrow. So yeah, I've already messed up the schedule. Anyway, I'll try to force sitting, maybe in a crossed-legs position. That should keep the sleep away, right? I hope so. Another problem - beer. Alcohol doesn't help forcing in any way but refuse drinking with your buddies and they'll get offended. So I have to find a work around, I think. Well actually, I've experienced a weird thing yesterday. Something like a blank intrusive thought, if that even makes any sense. No matter how hard I tried, it wouldn't go away. I've fallen asleep soon after. I bet it was because of that beer. So yeah, beer helps with sleep but that's not what I bucking want! Eh, whatever. I didn't have a headache in a while, I don't think it's a good sign. I really think like pushing my mind to the limits now. And that's actually what I'll do... "Tulpamancy? It's a way of life. More than one..."
PsiQss August 21, 2013 Author August 21, 2013 When I said I'm gonna push my mind to the limits, I meant it! If only I could find a proper way to achieve it. Well, if nothing else works, I'll end up lifting the wonderland... Well, I have actually tried something at work yesterday. Too bad I came up with this 2 hours before end. I wonder how will it work though. I tried to do the counting-breath meditation. It worked quite well. I managed to keep doing my usual work sturf pretty well while counting them breaths. But I have had some intrusive thoughts, so I've been accidentally thinking of stuff. And that probably means I had. some excessive mental energy. I'll try doing that tomorrow for the whole 8 hours. And when I'm feeling comfortable with it, I'll try to, in addition to counting breaths and working at the same time, going to the wonderland. If it works, I'll try forcing like this. Well, if it doesn't work, this passive meditation stuff at least makes me feel relaxed and my breath is way smoother now. I'll try keeping it up, the work is really boring, so whatever... So my evening session yesterday was the first one in different style. I did it sitting in a crossed-legs position on the bed. I don't know how much time I spent on this but when I finished it felt really uncomfortable :( As planned, we worked on personality, adding two more traits: aggresive and ebullient. Yup, I really meant that one ;) Today we had a walk in the wonderland with Lena. And I have a problem :( When I'm focusing on visualization I can't listen at the same time. I hope it will come with practice though. But she did some moves on her own, so thats a good sign, right? I gotta put much more energy into this. Progress, progress, where you be? "Tulpamancy? It's a way of life. More than one..."
PsiQss August 23, 2013 Author August 23, 2013 The passive meditation thingy works great! I was a bit worried actually if forcefully controlling breath might be harmful at some point. Like you know, when your breath automatically speeds up when you're doing things faster or lift but you don't allow it to. But really... meditation.. harmful.. silly me. So I think I'll stick to those exercises and try doing them all day long, not only when I'm bored. Oh yeah, did I mention my subconscious outsmarting me a while ago in this exercise? You know how it works, you're supposed to count breaths but only to five and then from one again. So what happened to me, soon after I started with this exercise, I've noticed that despite the fact I'm not messing up the numbers, I'm not actually focused on the breath that much. After analysing this, I saw that my mind, instead of staying focused all the time, keeps wandering and uses the "five" as a trigger to regaon focus and reset the timer ;D It was a few weeks ago though. Anyway, yesterday I think I understood how it really worked. I've been saying the "five" with a different accent, that's why it was so easy for my subconscious to use it as a trigger to reset. Now I'm saying it in the same accent as other numbers and everything works just fine :) But I think I'll kind of redo the wonderland. Not actually start over, but make some big changes. I think I kinda rushed a few things. You know, initially I only had the hellish area, right? Then, one day while falling from the sky (that's how I enter the WL) I saw it as a big checkerboard of different "biomes". It was a subconscious thought but I decided to keep it that way. Then when Lena appeared I created an area for her in a nearby forest. But it just doesn't seem right, I have a specific sky in the hellish area and the one above the forest is alot different. And I want a day/night cycle there while the hellish one is stuck at eternal sunset. So I think I'll separate them and make the hell a different dimension. Good think it's within my mind and I can do it on a whim :P The other thing is a portal between the real world and wonderland. Here's how it works: I NLP-trigger body relaxation (with a lever on the wall) and I slowly walk up the stairs while touching a handrail. The handrail is made of demonic metal that feeds on my negative thoughts, doubts and stuff. It used to work pretty damn well at first but it's not that good now, maybe I gotta recharge it or something, I dunno. At the top of the stairway there is a well/pool with hot water where I relax for a bit and then dive to the portal that spawns me high in the sky in the WL. The problem is, it sometimes takes what feels a good ten minutes to go through all this. I'm not sure, I think I should keep it to relax properly and clear the mind but at the same time, it feels that I'm sometimes wasting time there. Oh, and regarding Tulpae, I redid the personality intro with Lena, (traits: caring, sensitive and shy) added two more traits with Ravi (curious and energetic) and worked a bit on visualization with both of them. I'll adjust the schedule a little bir though, to fix one problem. Sometimes I don't have enough time or concentration and traits don't feel completed. So instead of adding more next day, I'll be repeating the previous ones. So instead of scheduling certain traits for a certain day, I'll just call it 'personality' from now. Just so you know. As if any of you cared, lol ;) "Tulpamancy? It's a way of life. More than one..."
PsiQss August 25, 2013 Author August 25, 2013 Well, I decided to keep the transition room but I think I'll redesign it, make it bigger and more useful. It's supposed to be the easiest room for me to get to so I think I'll put some stuff there that might come in handy sometimes. After almost totally skipping yesterday's forcing I made some weird progress today. First, I had a strong urge to force. So I laid down (didn't really feel like sitting while forcing this time). I managed to relax my body and mind really quickly, like it was already relaxed the moment I started. I really felt calm today and even more, I had some really clear and vivid images in my WL. But they kinda happened on their own, they were not really what I tried to see. Anyway, the whole time I sort of felt like I was above all my thoughts. And even when some intrusive thoughts started appearing, I was able to just simply rise above them and stay focused while feeling them flow below! Man, what an interesting experience. I think I should be able to achieve this state again. I also think I managed to give Raviel and Lena a mindvoice. Still not sure if they'll want to use it but well. We will see. Another thing that happened, I felt two different feelings at the same time today. I didn't even know it was possible to happen, lol.. But it did and I know who caused it :D Also, Raviel attacked me in the WL today. After I decided on Lena's mindvoice I thought of Raviel's one. Before I even asked her to say something she grinned and said "Raviel, at your service". She then jumped on me trying to bite me, we had some fun fighting and rolling on the floor and we ended up with a long kiss :3 She's adorable ^-^ Oh, and yes, one important thing. I didn't want to base her off of an existing character or a drawing but I had so much trouble visualizing her face that I gave up. I've spent long time searching the internet and I've found one image pretty close to how I imagined her. http://fc00.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2013/100/9/f/succubus___01_by_aditya777-d2lcct6.jpg Couldn't find one for Lena though, still searching. But I don't know if I'll have to, today when choosing a mindvoice for her, I pretty vividly saw her face. I think. So if I won't have trouble seeing her again I'll stick to this look I guess. And last but not least, new week is coming and I had to modify the schedule a bit. Personality right after lunch, vocal/visualization in the evening. Personality is more important so I do it earlier to decrease the risk of falling asleep. Also, I'll try a different vocalization method this time, which will be listening to the ringing in my ears. And that's because ever since I started forcing, I hear this ringing more often so maybe it has something to do with my Tulpae. That's it. I'm pretty happy with today's progress :) "Tulpamancy? It's a way of life. More than one..."
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.