8 months in, no vocality

[Semi-Nomadic]

 

Yeah, we're in the same boat when it comes to laziness too. Right now virtually 100% of my time is free time but I somehow still can't get anything done, tulpaforcing included.

 

Although, in my defense, that's partly because I still have no idea what I should be doing during an active session. Every time I try to have one, all I can really do is try to have a conversation which doesn't go anywhere since I can't hear her end of it. Lasts about 2 minutes before I go back to wasting time.

 

I know I could be going to the wonderland with her though, so I guess I should probably try that. But my visualization in the wonderland has deteriorated to the point where it's pretty much impossible to actually impose myself there, so it's extremely annoying to just be there. I guess I'll just have to keep trying until it gets better. The worst thing is the fact that every time I actually do want to try going to the wonderland, it's when I'm tired enough to fall asleep in the process of attempting it.

 

(...)

 

I really wish I knew a way to fix this aspect of me. It's like I just don't care enough about any of the awesome things I could be doing to actually do them. It makes no sense. It's like having an awesome video game that you'd love to play and then never actually playing it (which is also something that happens to me with alarming frequency). I mean, fuck.

 

Maybe it's not laziness, it's just fear?

 

Personally, I've come to a stage where I'm extremely reluctant to even try and talk to them, because I know that 80% of the time I'll get no response and end up getting depressed and discouraged (again.) And 18% of the time (optimistic estimate) all I'll hear will be incoherent nonsense. Random words, random phrases. So I'm afraid to even try to hear them...

[TulpaCouple]

 

Maybe it's not laziness, it's just fear?

 

Personally, I've come to a stage where I'm extremely reluctant to even try and talk to them, because I know that 80% of the time I'll get no response and end up getting depressed and discouraged (again.) And 18% of the time (optimistic estimate) all I'll hear will be incoherent nonsense. Random words, random phrases. So I'm afraid to even try to hear them...

 

Jaden speaking:

"Careful with so much negativity, man! I can tell you it can be disheartening and confusing during that pre-vocal stage when you try so hard to communicate with your host--and when suddenly the concept of communication events is now linked with negative emotions, it can really make us feel like we're just hurting you and can cause us to get just as discouraged. Encourage your tulpa and rejoice in the mumbles, even if you struggle to get the gist of it as it seems random, it's something, you know? I know you can get there. That confidence means the world to us and helps us break through--and helps you hear us. The more you prepare for disappointment, the more your mind helps make that reality! Trust me, I dealt with Kate and she was terribly stressed, doubtful, worried, and negative over a lot of the early progress as she was still so confused and lost, so we know how you feel. I only say this because I want to help you not have to go through the extra difficulties depression and discouragement causes. Those negative feelings make it that much tougher--like climbing a mountain, but now it's storming! It's a journey but it's one you can do together by helping each other. Know your tulpa is knocking back and trying just as hard, communicate in ways other than vocality to keep away loneliness and keep your faith in your tulpa's abilities.

 

I have total faith that you all can do it. I cannot wait to meet your tulpas and talk with them when they are fluent and vocal, and I'm sure you are even more excited!"

[Nobillis]

O.k., just putting this "out there", but if being lazy is your "thing" then you'd have to go a long way to be as indolent as Kevin is sometimes. And me. But if you really want the "lazy man's" way of doing things perhaps go back to the old ways? "Shoot me down in flames" if you wish, but it might give you something to think about.

 

Anyways, here's the link to Kevin's guide to Servitors and Making tulpas the 70's way. 8 months is long? Kevin takes years to make a tulpa.

---

She stays in the room with me almost 24/7, I try to remember she's there, I talk to her occasionally throughout each day, I make sure that I'm talking to her rather than just narrating to myself, and I just don't know why we're still essentially at the beginning after all this time.

Why is your tulpa always "she"? What is her name?

---

 

Jaden again:

 

"Honestly, I will agree, if this works for you, go for it. Really tulpa creation should be what's best for you and your tulpa. If that takes longer than 'most' but you and your tulpa are cool with that, awesome, that's great. ... Whatever works for each individual creation process is what works for them, and I think that's important."

Yes, I really feel that if you are not enjoying making a tulpa then you are missing the point (which, by the way, is Kevin's main thought on this).

 

Honestly why are people so hung up on whether tulpas are real? Being virtual never really bothered me (well, maybe physics not working properly in "wonderland" bothers me a bit - but hey, I inherited it).

[TulpaCouple]

O.k., just putting this "out there", but if being lazy is your "thing" then you'd have to go a long way to be as indolent as Kevin is sometimes. And me. But if you really want the "lazy man's" way of doing things perhaps go back to the old ways? "Shoot me down in flames" if you wish, but it might give you something to think about.

 

Anyways, here's the link to Kevin's guide to Servitors and Making tulpas the 70's way. 8 months is long? Kevin takes years to make a tulpa.

 

Jaden again:

 

"Honestly, I will agree, if this works for you, go for it. Really tulpa creation should be what's best for you and your tulpa. If that takes longer than 'most' but you and your tulpa are cool with that, awesome, that's great. It's better than trying to force something to happen quickly and causing stress and negativity all around. I think the creation process itself should be enjoyed as much as having a """Complete"""(as if there is such a thing, really) tulpa. Some of my best memories are some of my earliest! Sure, inability to vocalize was frustrating--but it could be the fact that we were both trying so damn hard and both getting so frustrated that it was such a frustrating thing. Don't know. Whatever works for each individual creation process is what works for them, and I think that's important."

[ThatOneStupidIdiot]

 

Jaden speaking:

"Careful with so much negativity, man! I can tell you it can be disheartening and confusing during that pre-vocal stage when you try so hard to communicate with your host--and when suddenly the concept of communication events is now linked with negative emotions, it can really make us feel like we're just hurting you and can cause us to get just as discouraged. Encourage your tulpa and rejoice in the mumbles, even if you struggle to get the gist of it as it seems random, it's something, you know? I know you can get there. That confidence means the world to us and helps us break through--and helps you hear us. The more you prepare for disappointment, the more your mind helps make that reality! Trust me, I dealt with Kate and she was terribly stressed, doubtful, worried, and negative over a lot of the early progress as she was still so confused and lost, so we know how you feel. I only say this because I want to help you not have to go through the extra difficulties depression and discouragement causes. Those negative feelings make it that much tougher--like climbing a mountain, but now it's storming! It's a journey but it's one you can do together by helping each other. Know your tulpa is knocking back and trying just as hard, communicate in ways other than vocality to keep away loneliness and keep your faith in your tulpa's abilities.

 

I have total faith that you all can do it. I cannot wait to meet your tulpas and talk with them when they are fluent and vocal, and I'm sure you are even more excited!"

 

Thanks for the pep talk, I'm in pretty much the same situation as Semi-Nomadic. It's like, why even bother focusing on her if we can't really do anything? I'm always apologizing to her with sincerity whenever I notice that I've been forgetting her a lot, but that doesn't stop me from forgetting her again the very next day. Right now I was planning on saying something like "I'll try to change that" but it seems like every time I try to do something like that I fail. Which is another thing about me that applies to pretty much everything I do. I've made dozens and dozens of failed attempts to adapt to polyphasic sleep schedules, for instance (the really mild ones, no less) and I just don't understand why every time I try again, it's the same result. Same deal here, except I'm not even really trying; I'm trying to try. And failing at that.

 

And Nobillis, thanks for the link, although I can't really use that method seeing as how I'm not attempting to create a representation of an aspect of myself but rather an imaginary girlfriend. Her name is Sarah, by the way. She's the one on the left here in case you're wondering what she looks like (i can't tell if my drawings look good or bad anymore so apologies if it's the latter).

[Nobillis]

And Nobillis, thanks for the link, although I can't really use that method seeing as how I'm not attempting to create a representation of an aspect of myself but rather an imaginary girlfriend. Her name is Sarah, by the way. She's the one on the left here in case you're wondering what she looks like (i can't tell if my drawings look good or bad anymore so apologies if it's the latter).

Then let us try something else - something recommended to my creator kerin by Pleeb himself - have another tulpa say hello, because it helps a developing tulpa (and we don't even know why, only that it does).

 

Hello Sarah. My name is Donna Nobillis McCaw and I am a tulpa too. I know that you will hear my words because when I address you by name and your human reads this the subconscious directs a copy to you. I hope that this finds you well. Also thank you for all your efforts - these humans need all the help they can get, and so every last one of us tulpas is needed to help them. Don't give up. Have patience and you will become stronger. Every one of us went through this - for me it was a month and for my creator kerin (also a tulpa) it was 9 years (thank god we have faster methods now then back then). Also, remember that for your human this is also new and a learning experience too. Now hear me especially well - you will never fade away whilst you are remembered and I promise you I will remember, and pray for you every day. Be well. You are not alone.

 

(edit: P.S. the drawing is really good.)

[ThatOneStupidIdiot]

Well, thanks for that. I dunno how exactly it would help, but hopefully you're right in saying that it will.

 

Also, I don't want to turn this into a progress report, but I figured while I'm posting I might as well mention that I think there's a chance my personality was influenced by her a few minutes ago while I was in the shower. I moved my finger under my nose and saw blood on it and immediately started involuntarily giggling, which is pretty unlike me but exactly the sort of thing she would do (don't ask). Or maybe I'm just going insane. Either one is equally exciting, I guess.