Me and my tulpa

[takingabreak]

So I'm going to do a progress log, as you can see. I'll post pictures later or something.

 

I started the tulpa thing a month and a day ago. I saw that creepy pasta story and I searched it up because of curiosity. And so I discovered that it wasn't exactly a horrible thing and that scenario would probably never happen.

 

And so I created a guy named Owen who I imagined sitting next to me and commenting on the guides I was reading. Which I don't think most people do. I think most people read the guides first and then make the tulpa. But anyway it happened and I was talking with him. And the next day, whenever I would say his name, he would correct me with the name Alex. So I call him Alex instead. Currently he has blonde hair and dark blue eyes, with a right amputated arm. His form hasn't deviated from that. Most of the time he wears a prosthetic.

 

My wonderland is a place that I always imagined for these crappy stories that I made for fun. It's just some one-story house with six rooms, a living room and a kitchen. There is his bedroom, a blank white room for when I want to just visualize Alex, an art room, a gym, a library and a bathroom. There are stools at the counter to eat at. It's on a beach, and there is forest west of it.

 

I decided that he liked chocolate vanilla swirl ice cream and the color green. For some reason, he also really loves noodles. As in he rarely eats anything that isn't noodles. He plays a bit guitar as well, as I've figured out.

 

He's conceited, pushy and snarky, but he means well (Probably) and he can be understanding when I need him to be. He has a short temper but he's able to let go arguments instead of holding big grudges. And his personality has deviated a bit from what I intended...but I don't mind. I'll post what he was supposed to be like later.

 

About two weeks after making him, he told me to walk with him to the forest. So I did and he showed me this abandoned house. And a wolf came out which he told me was named Jake. It has thick black fur and yellow eyes. He was quite tame for a wolf but Alex insists that he is one. And I've discovered a few things about him. So far I know that he loves to paint with his paws. And that he can walk on walls and ceilings. So now that room is filled with colorful paw prints. And that he loves chopped liver.

 

I've tried auditory imposition with the help of white noise. The first few times seemed unproductive, but yesterday I heard him whisper in my left ear. That really creeped me out but a few seconds later I was giddy with excitement and listened to him whisper more. Barely but... it's a start.

 

With possession we've done the left hand so far. Took a few tries like the audio imposition, but he eventually got to get it tingle and move. It's slow but we can work on that. A week ago he had both three fingers of my hands tingly for a few hours. Which...I don't know what that means. But he told me that it was him and I think that was quite an accomplishment for him.

 

So this post is going to be the longest post I've ever made. The others will be describing my day and such, probably not daily either.

 

Sometimes I feel as if this is all a lie, that everyone else can make a tulpa but me. Because I'm pretty sure tulpas don't respond the first time you talk to them. There may be reasons for that though so... The only thing I feel I had definite progress on is that at the beginning he had short replies. They were a yes or a no or some short sentence. But now...they're alot more complex. And longer.

 

So FINALLY...

 

8/23/13

Today I slept a bit after I woke up. I had a dream about Alex, where I was a little girl and he was talking to some other girl. It was snowing and my legs felt heavy. The other two I'm not bothering to explain. I had three dreams, all of which I eventually just said to myself that I should see Owen. But he told me that he was only there for the second one. After that I did some exciting imposition and heard him whisper at me for an hour. In between the whispering, we played with sand for a bit. It involved washing off sand from our faces and building things that fell apart. He told me he ate noodles for every meal today. Weirdo. He made a big sand structure today while I was gone. It was one of those ancient building that the Romans made, but a smaller version. And...that's it!

[Shui]

Some tulpas do respond the first time you speak to them. It sounds like you're doing well to me. Interesting tulpa, by the way. I look forward to hearing more.

[takingabreak]

8/24/13

 

Went on a fishing trip with constant distractions. I tried to play a song from my violin for him. He likes it when I play for him.

 

I tried imposing him while we were fishing. It was quite difficult, and I kept forgetting to do it. He sat on chairs and smiled at me while drinking some soda. Except others kept sitting at his spot which annoyed him. When I got home I decided to draw with him. I drew him, and had him complain about how cute he looked. He draw some simple turtle and a sun using pain. He told me he didn't draw but it was really cute. But he despises being called that in any way so I'll stop now.

 

And I found that with pink noise it is somewhat easier to hear him whisper! So I'll be using that for now. Maybe we can do some math to train parallel processing. He usually gets it close but he's rarely gotten it right.

[takingabreak]

Oh and hi Shui! Thanks for commenting and all. It's reassuring to know that some actually did that.

 

8/25/13

 

Talked to him a lot today. But I assume most people do this as well? He nags me to do things that I need to do, which is a bit annoying but I understand. We also used some more pink noise, but his voice was a lot more difficult to hear. I'll see if his voice gets clearer next time. And I found that possession of my index fingers takes no more than twenty seconds. Usually he takes a while to do this. And the majority of the time it feels like it's moving but it's not.

 

Right now I tried to visualize him briefly. But instead I'm imagining him talking to me in some computer screen. Like I'm skyping him or something. Jake just licked the screen. I guess when I actually enter the world it'll stop. But hey, that's pretty cool.

[Shui]

From what I've noticed, most people seem to talk to their tulpas a lot. I certainly talk to my tulpa when I get a chance throughout the day.

 

Seems like a lot of tulpas do a lot of nagging. But I guess it makes sense, when all they can do is watch you and tell you what they think. I imagine my tulpa would probably stop if I asked her to, but I need the reminders to do what I should be doing.

 

Visualization is hard. I've been having a lot of trouble with that as well. I mean I know what she looks like, but actually keeping that image in my mind, and seeing it from different angles and stuff takes some practice.

 

Do you have an idea of what his voice sounds like?

[takingabreak]

I do have an idea of what he sounds like. But I can't exactly describe it and it would be good if I found a real voice that sounded like him. I really don't want to change his voice, but finding one would be difficult.

 

8/26/13

 

In the morning I talked with him and we shared an omelette for breakfast. After that I just spent most of the time trying to imagine he was sitting next to me as I watched tv. I drew a bunch of pictures of him that I will probably never share. But I will share a crappy picture of our house. And maybe a new picture of him or something later. He also tried to play Animal Crossing today. But he was quite slow and eventually he was just telling me what to do as I did it for him.

[Shui]

That's neat that you did a floor plan of the house. I've been meaning to do that myself for a while now, but I haven't gotten around to it yet.

 

Good luck on the voice. I've been trying to think of a way to find a voice, but all I can really think of is searching by voice type and accent.

[takingabreak]

The voice type is pretty helpful! I guess I'll just have to keep listening to random guys haha.

 

8/27/13

 

I am so lazy with Alex. As in we don't go out to any adventures at all. We just lay around and watch TV. At least he likes to be lazy the whole day anyway. We're boring people. The TV is a more difficult to visualize but we usually just watch reruns of videos from my head. He makes a nice lasagna too. Really nice. He told me he just watches TV and reads all day. And he rarely goes out. What a way to live a life. The only reason he would go out is to hang out with Jake. I should bring him out more hmm.

[takingabreak]

8/29/13

 

Feeling upset about some stuff. All we did the yesterday was talk and narrate. Which I guess that's what we usually do. I tried feeling him in the wonderland, didn't work out but it's ok. I talked about my day and complained to him about shit. I also had some thoughts of things cutting my neck (So unreasonably afraid of that) And he kept stomping the thoughts away. Such a great friend. I just do imposition when I can't force, possession when I'm not using one hand, etc. I do have a picture but it's pretty shitty. Maybe I'll make a new one of him :/ I did some light research on prosthesis to make it more realistic. And for some reason I've been updating a bit more frequently than I thought it would. I'll probably go to just updating once in a while later or something. We visited the little empty house in the woods. It looks kind of homely, and I asked if he knew the owner of it. He told me Jake made it but I think he's joking. Ok he just confirmed that he was. That's it I guess. For now at least, it's kind of a bit early.

[takingabreak]

8/30/13

 

For some reason when listening to him with white noise, I slow his thoughts down a ton. But after a while he talks it's just normal speed and it kind of confuses me. So I've got to stop slowing his thoughts down. So anyway we just hung out in school. I've thought about him alot and he sat around next to me and chairs if possible. He was also pretty tired and took a nap after school. He didn't want to fall asleep during school ahaha.