Me and my tulpa

[takingabreak]

8/31/13

 

All I seem to do really is hang out with him. Which I guess is what you're supposed to do, but I think maybe I could put a bit more work into him. Like maybe we could go out more, try to work on senses. I'm not sure on what he should smell like though. But I do know what food tastes like. But the touch could be something I could do. And visuals are better. I never did realize but I have a clearer, easier view of the wonderland. Which may still not be much but it's better off.

 

So we did go out today. We walked around the beach, and met this huge rock. I was about to climb over it when it sucked me in. It was dark and humid and Alex just pulled out a flashlight and showed me the inside of this big rock. It wasn't anything special, and I slipped out and went over it a different way. But there was a bit of a steep cliff with a ton of other rocks packed next to each other. So I decided to go inside the forest with Alex. We talked and walked around. That's it really.

[takingabreak]

9/1/13

 

Saw him making some food for himself. I'm not sure when he picked up the cooking skill. I guess during the first few days. Got a bit of a headache while visiting today. So we sat on the counter and I looked at his mouth moving while he talked. It was kind of weird as I did that though. Forced and awkward and such. I tried to look at his expressions as well, but I couldn't see his lips moving as clearly then.

 

I was looking back at that reference photo I use to try get him looking a bit more clear. He looks different from it. He still has the blue eyes and blonde hair but... I'm not sure if I should still be using that one now. I guess my visualization skills were not good enough for me to see his change. So I guess he did actually deviate his form a bit?

[Shui]

Deviation is a good sign. Can you identify how he's changed?

[takingabreak]

Haha it's a bit difficult to describe really but yeah. But I guess you could say he's a bit younger? And his facial structure isn't the same.

 

9/2/13

 

I'm not sure if he's really as conceited as before. But he and I still get into alot of silly arguments that we usually forget about after 5 minutes. It's pretty fun to argue with him. And also his voice had some deeper noise into the whispers halfway into our conversation. He then did the usual 'Hi hello' to test out the new element in his voice before going back to our topic.

[takingabreak]

9/3/13

 

I haven't tried imagining him as much. But I can say that he was on my mind talking to me the majority of the day. We sat on that huge rock and I listened to the seagulls and the ocean for a bit before talking with him. I also worked on touch during that. I somehow knew that his arms and face were cold (If that makes sense?) but couldn't feel it. His clothes change alot. Today it's some plain white t-shirt and jeans.

[takingabreak]

Hey. I've made the entries but never actually went around to posting them. So I guess I'll do that now. They're only of the last three days though.

 

9/5/13

 

So the weirdest thing happened. I was talking to him via pink noise, and he told me I should go over to our wonderland, and turned it off. And I could hear a very faint noise from him as he spoke. But he spoke very hastily and in short stops. It was weird because I can't hear full voices even with the noise.

 

9/6/13

I've been doing passive forcing for the last few days. But I did visit him today. I usually get a bit jittery after twenty minutes, so I have to stop and then go back. I've never done an hour in one sitting :/

 

I just stared blankly at the wall this time. It's a bit more difficult to visualize. We went back to that old house where he kissed Jake? I found it a bit...unhygienic but he said other people did that and he loved Jake.

 

We also went to the waterfall where he swam a bit, and I did a bit after. I think that waterfall formed when I was trying to do that wonderland exercise. (if I'm correct) And I once visited it with him, but I more like teleported there.

 

Would it be normal for me to have to focus on something to know what it is? Sometimes thing turn into other random things, I focus and it settles on whatever it is.

 

9/7/13

 

Today I had an odd dream. Not going into the details but I think the boy ended up dying because of me. So I decided maybe I could apologize to him? (I don't know)

 

Anyway I met up with him. He apparently had white hair and was looking a bit uncomfortable. He was younger than Alex and we talked a bit. But he didn't remember anything about dieing and left. I focused on the background after and noticed that we were somehow in a busy train station.

[Shui]

It's normal for things to change from one thing to another in the wonderland, especially early on.

 

And that's a neat idea using the wonderland to continue dreams. That seems like it could be really useful.

[takingabreak]

Thanks for answering my question!

 

9/8/13

 

Fell asleep so I didn't post this. Before going to school I said goodbye to him as he went out to the forest with Jake. He told me later that they caught a squirrel and two mice before resting by the waterfall. And I also tried feeling him, but I can't literally feel him. Just almost.

 

9/9/13

 

We had this thing in school where we had to imagine ourselves in a forest and write what we would do. Got pretty excited and walked around with Alex. It's not the same forest in the wonderland though.

 

And I tried making a cake that I thought was really delicious. But I sped up the baking time and man it was pretty good. I can imagine it pretty well, even though I've never eaten something like that.

[takingabreak]

9/11/13

 

I was thinking I didn't really need to put the date...but the clock isn't my time zone (probably me fault) Maybe Ill fix that later (If I can)

 

So we walked along the beach and I felt the sand on my feet. Watched him cook some chicken and went to eat food myself. When I opened my eyes everything got really blurry and when I blink it kind of still does that. I guess holding my arm on to my eyes is not good.

[takingabreak]

9/12/13

 

Went to some carnival. Not really but in the wonderland I did. I was imagining myself eating some cotton candy and looked around. We were at a bench and I shared a cotton candy with him. We walked around, weaving through the mess of people who just looked like simplified silhouette versions of them. Went to this one rollercoaster which was pretty nice, I just couldn't feel that feeling in your stomach.

 

Oh and I made a quick doodle of what he looked like. I also made the carnival but I decided it was riddled with too many mistakes.