Me and my tulpa

[takingabreak]

9/14/13

 

I didn't end up doing much for the most of the day. I was busy, working on various projects I've slacked on. I talked to Alex in between periods but not much. I find myself sleeping much more easily than the summer, making it harder to force at night. Went to his room a few minutes ago and saw that he put up some poster on the wall. He was writing on paper some kind of story about the apocalypse and one guy who survived through it all. Maybe I'll ask more about it when I go back aha.

[takingabreak]

9/19/13

 

Argh so I was supposed to post yesterday night but that didn't happen because of the forum problems and such.

 

Alright. So Alex decided he wanted freckles. They're on his face and shoulders. He was playing around with some british accent of sorts and I tried imagining him. And he had freckles. I guess he's keeping them, as he hasn't got rid of them yet. Today he was also thinking about making his hair brown. He's a bit indecisive about that and reverted back to blonde hair for now.

 

What's up with the annoying headaches I get when I actively force? Anyway to stop it?

[takingabreak]

Didn't update for some time :S. So this is kind of a summary of what's happened so far.

 

 

Made up this science fiction story that I will probably never finish like every other one. I write down ideas with no planning so they don't get very far. I imagined later scenes with Alex that I would write later.

 

He's starting to give me these weird head things. It's like the one I had my first day. Makes me think of a bullet shooting into my head, but that's probably an incorrect analogy. It does kind of hurts and is in quite a specific place. It comes as quickly as it goes. He's also experimenting with pain on my hand.

 

I had this tune stuck in my head (apparently I made it up) and tried humming the upper melody. Alex took the lower one. It was pretty fun but it didn't get far since we were just pretty much singing the same tune over and over again.

 

He likes to talk for long periods of time sometimes but that often gets me distracted with what I'm doing. So while I'm doing something I just listen to him talk and talk and talk. It's cool, I enjoy listening to him.

 

Hm. I asked him to surprise me. So he did a backflip first and frowned when I didn't react. Then he did cartwheels around me until he went straight towards me. Not exactly surprised, more like 'What the hell Alex?!'. Or maybe that is surprised? I didn't exactly feel a shock.

 

Today we went to ride this boat after he took a shower. I made it a plain old row boat but he changed it into a fancy bigger one. And he wanted to drive it but I told him that we should make a random captain do it instead. So we did and I looked at the waves and the sky for some time.

 

We went into this humongous house that was supposed to be a secondary home (I'm not sure when we would use it? I wanted to see if I could make a nice big house).

 

I tried imagining what it looked like, but he scoffed and told me that I should just let him make the house. So I did and I admit it looked a lot better than my attempt.

 

(Also I'm not sure whether his dog likes me because he's really passive aggressive at times)

 

My friend was sarcastically telling me to pet a dog, so I did that with Jake and watched him walk around the area. I also threw an imaginary frisbee to him because Alex was all like 'He would like you alot more if you actually played with him. Throw the frisbee.'

[Shui]

That's neat that you write science fiction. My tulpa and I have been working on a story together. I find that it goes a lot better with her help. She's always pestering me about working on it, and she talks to me about what I'm doing wrong and how I can improve it. Maybe you can do the same with Alex.

[takingabreak]

That sounds like a neat idea! I'll try that, thanks!

[takingabreak]

Bundle of things but mostly from today

 

 

My efforts to visualize have been getting a bit worse. In addition, this time they were a bit more erratic then usual. I was imagining Alex and suddenly he was playing football and then sitting on a chair. At least I'm still imagining him? Heh yeah I'll just have to meditate or do something that would help me.

 

Hypnosis hasn't exactly been working. But perhaps that's because in the middle I was interrupted by the front door opening. The walls are regrettably thin here.

 

So I tried that blindfold trick thing, but I didn't have that or ping pong balls. So uhh...I tried a blanket! I put it so it wasn't covering my mouth, or making the air more warmer. But I kept closing my eyes and not looking at the back of my eyelids. Rather, I was imagining him as usual aha. Stopped cause I'll just get ping pong balls later. Only did it for 11 minutes Hm. Or 41

 

After that, I went to just imagining him briefly before I went out. We sat near the beach and he led me to the forest where his dog ran up to me. So I pulled us up, but his dog his floated with us. I went too far and into space. Alex was kind of gripping on my shirt, trying not to float away while Jake just fumbled around, confused.

 

I brought us back to the forest and he and Jake kind of stumbled around clumsily. Then I asked him to surprise me. He kind of shuffled a bit before telling me that I should probably should be able to visualize him more before he did that. I kind of saw him in glimpses, not very clear. Kind of like seeing him in laggy frames? I guess that makes sense. But he tried anyway. He slapped me in the face which got me a slight bit surprised, and messed around with a gun before shooting it at himself. It was weird after that and I felt my eyes beginning to water and exited the wonderland. He laughed as I did.

 

Using ping pong balls are way different than a blanket. But I lasted 11 minutes oddly enough. Like last time? Huh. I was getting sleepy and started closing my eyes too much. I felt like my eyes were straining and I was confused about whether my eyes were open or not. I'll try to do it longer next time. (Or try right now again?)

[CyberD]

Hi, sounds like you're doing pretty well for just a couple of months in. Your experience reminds me just a little of my own so I thought I would comment.

 

Firstly, erratic visualizations aren't really something to worry about. If I'm not particularly focused then my tulpa can be quite erratic, he can teleport around, change what he's wearing or simply disappear. Just work on your focus and you'll find you have longer, more consistent visualizations.

 

Surprise me is always an interesting question. Try it again if you're bored, see what happens. It's usually interesting to say the least.

 

Do you interact with your tulpa much outside of your wonderland? Using a wonderland can be really helpful but it's also fun to interact with your tulpa outside of one. I find the most rewarding part of the process is to be able to communicate with my tulpa wherever I am. I don't have to meditate in a quiet place to be able to talk with him, though it really helps sometimes. Practice that and you might find you have less of this "laggy frames" visualization.

 

Also, can you tell us a bit more about Alex? How old do you perceive him to be? Is he taller than you or is he like a little kid? Is his prosthetic arm obvious in all of your visualizations or is it just a detail that is often ignored.

 

Anyway, good luck continuing and remember persistence is key.

[takingabreak]

Hey thanks for commenting!

 

And I do interact with him outside of the wonderlands. Not very often though. I like to imagine he can interact with the objects around me at times, like spinning in an office chair or jumping on a bed. But if it will help with the laggy frames, then I'm gonna try doing it more often!

 

I think of him as a somewhere in the early-mid teens? He's a bit taller than me, although I've never gotten a specific height for him. His prosthetic arm is not really something that I think about most times. It's about the same color as his skin, except a bit lighter. And I don't usually look at him in great detail, or focus on his arms much there. Now he's telling me he wants it to be his left arm, not his right. So I guess that's it really.