Glimmer

Is this a tulpa?

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When I was in middle school, I was severely bullied and disliked. I couldn't talk to people about it, since we didn't have a counselor, and my only friends weren't in my classes. Heck, I could hardly call them friends at all. To make it through the days, I talked to an "imaginary" Spyro the Dragon.

 

I had always loved Spyro ever since I was a kid. It was my first video game. Spyro was also what got me into art, which I am extremely grateful for. (I'm now a freelance storyboard artist/animator!) The "Legend of Spyro" series, which I played through in my middle school and early high school years though, put a whole different spin on the character. He was wise, determined, open to learning new things, and overall, everything I wanted to be.

 

Therefore, I thought up a Spyro of my own to talk to. At first, it was just in my head, trying to hear a voice. Then, it grew to "talking" through comics on paper. This was where I think he really started to separate and gain sentience. He could calm me down if I was freaking out, cheer me up if I was sad, etc. Other times, I had to be the one to calm him down, so it wasn't just a one-way street.

Later, I started to be able to see him. He had his own appearance, similar, but not quite the same as any of the games. He had a consistent size, weight, and everything. When I imagined him walking with me, physics applied, like, he wouldn't just float to my pace. I would have to wait for him to catch up, or vice versa.

 

He had his own personality, not identical to that in the games. He was still Spyro, but...different. In a year or two, he even grew so independent that he would often be off doing his own thing, not glued to my side like he used to be.

 

I ask this because I didn't do any of the traditional forcing, I had no idea what a tulpa was...I just wanted a friend. If I focus, I can still clearly see him now. I just started bringing him back last week, and he's really glad I haven't forgotten about him. Apparently, he didn't grow up with my personal experiences. Like, I had to explain to him where I was, that I wasn't in high school or my parents house anymore, stuff like that.

He's still a really wonderful motivator and great companion. I'm just confused about how he came to be, if this is legitimate, and...where to go from here.

 

For the record, I think he's just as confused and intrigued about this as I am. He had no questions about the state of his existence until now, just that he was...there.

 

Help and comments are appreciated! Thank you very much!

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You didn't know about tulpas, but did you perhaps have in mind a realistic friend that could truly comfort you? If you can see him in your vision now, it's certainly a tulpa.. if you don't have to purposely imagine his responses, or if he even catches you by surprise, he's a tulpa.


My lip hurts.

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The traditional forcing methods are nothing more than a way to reach what you achieved on your own. By imagining him and talking with him you did go through visualization and narration--and knowing who his character was means your own subconscious helped form his personality. You did technically go through the steps--You just hadn't realized it.

 

That's pretty cool to hear about bringing him back.

 

As far as where to go from here--that's up to you! The main thing I would recommend would just be getting back into the habit of talking to him, as well as working on seeing and hearing him clearly, really just so communication is easier. Other than that you just go on living together really.

 

If he has any questions as well I am sure we would be glad to help out.


 

 

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By the way this community defines the word, it sounds like Spyro definitely is a tulpa. What you've been doing is what we call passive forcing. It's not like FAQ Man's guide, but you might find some similarities in Fede's guide.

 

Definitely keep at it. I look forward to hearing more.


"'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.'"

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If you don't mind me asking, how developed was Spyro back when you first made him? I assume he was fully sentient and vocal, but was he fully imposed as well? As in, visual/audio hallucination with a high degree of realism?

 

I can't imagine how crazy it must be to accidentally create a tulpa without even knowing about them. It's an outlandish idea to read about other people attempting, but to stumble on it yourself...

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When I first made Spyro, he was pretty much sentient and vocal, yeah. The realism of the hallucinations wasn't of the highest degree at first, and I had to "try" to see him or hear him well.

I think he was about...70 to 80 % imposed? He could fade in and out if I didn't pay attention to him, but he was there for the most part. As for visuals specifically, I've always had a very clear of his size, shape, and looks. It fluctuated in the beginning, but it's pretty solid now.

 

And yeah, that's why I came here for help. Making a whole purple dragon thing accidentally was pretty bizarre.

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