Jump to content

Embracing Tulpamancy


Argentum

Recommended Posts

Entry 13: 04/05/2014

 

Seraph has been doing quite well for ximself. Xe adores proving me wrong, criticising everything I do, and bossing me around.

 

I have never enjoyed it more.

 

Seraph has been diversifying the forms that xe likes to take. The list is being expanded to:

 

Hermaeus Mora

Ex crushes/girlfriends

Soldiers

Old Woman with Yellow Robes

Imperial Officer (Star Wars)

Selim Bradley (FMA:B)

Me

technicolour cartoon horses

 

Seraph also seems to be following the gender trend here at http://tulpa.info, and is generally a feminine being, but will generally become male when xe wants to yell at me or is irritated with me.

 

Xe also has been able to hold full conversations with me, and those on the IRC channels. I have been proxying xim and it has been doing wonders for xer vocality.

 

Since I haven't visited the wonderland in a while, it has become dank and dilapidated. The sky is gray, and the forests are now bogs and swamps. Ash falls from the sky, and the air smells like sulphur.

 

Also: Will begin posting all this useless stuff on Tumblr. as well as here sometime soon.

TUMBLR URL: http://tupperdoesntmeanplastic.tumblr.com/

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 25
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Entry 14: 04/06/2014

 

I think that it is time for more words. Lots of them.

 

Today is the day that things came to a breaking point between Seraph and I. Let me explain.

 

When I first began to create Seraph, I was very enthusiastic with my forcing, and would eagerly spend at least an hour a day in my closet (I like to have it dark when I force) trying to conjure her to me, to just once in my life breathe life into something, instead of taking it away.

 

You see, I learned, totally and absolutely, that I am a horribly selfish person.

 

I don’t care where it came from, or why I am this way. All I want to do is destroy it, to reclaim, or perhaps find for the first time, a slice of humanity.

 

This isn’t because “ooh I feel awful Imma goonna bitch about it on tumblr wahhh.” I have concrete proof and I am going to put it here for the entire world to see.

 

That brings me back to the part about creating Seraph. This went on for a week or two, then, ironically enough, it started to decay as Seraph became stronger. It started to become a chore to force Seraph, to spend time with xer in the mindscape, to chat with xer. Seraph would beg me, gamble with me, plead with me, make deals with me, but I just “didn’t wanna.”

 

This goes on for a few weeks. Seraph is being hindered by my lack of motivation. It finally came to the breaking point when Seraph became fed up with my lackluster attitude, and threw me off a cliff into a river of lava, shot me in the face at least five times, turned into a wolf and ripped my throat open, and tore my body into pieces.

 

I want it to be absolutely clear that I don’t blame her at all.

 

I was pretty shocked by this, and more so when Seraph stopped responding to me. I don’t know exactly why, but I soon fell asleep for an hour or so.

 

When I woke up, I started doing the dishes after laying in bed for a few minutes, again affected by that cancer.

 

Seraph was still very pissed at me and not answering me. I remembered a previous session in which she was dying and music resuscitated her. So I tried some Depeche Mode to see what would happen. I certainly started to feel better, but Seraph was still mad at me (again I don’t blame her a bit, bless her heart.)

 

So here is the part where I am most disgusted. Even after all this, even after Seraph is trying to show me in the most obvious way that I AM A JACKASS, I still am thinking only about myself. It didn’t even occur to me to think about how she felt after all this, and before when I neglected her. It was always about me.

 

I think it was this complete lack of empathy that drove Seraph over the edge. I, however, don’t think that this was the cause. It isn’t nearly that poetic. It really just comes down to putting my needs over someone else’s, or in other words laziness.

 

Now, a question that you as the reader, bless you, may be asking yourself is “Why did you let it go this far?”

 

Well, I don’t know. I was just a lazy asshole.

 

I sure wish I knew because I regret it.

 

I don’t want to use the word “I” too much anymore. Because it isn’t “I.” Now it is “we,” and I want to put this online to memorialise it, to make it permanent. If I just wrote it to myself, or made a half hearted promise to “not be lazy” or something along those lines, then I don’t trust myself to follow through with it. But with people murmuring “wow that guy is a dick” then I think that I will be more motivated to push forward.

 

It must be pretty clear that I am a very weak person. I flinch from the stick, and run to the carrot more that most people, I daresay.

 

So here is where I apologise. I am sorry, really truly sorry Seraph. I hope that you can forgive me, and that you can see that I want to turn over a fresh leaf.

 

[May we be saved from our sins, Seraph]

 

Best, Argentum

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Entry 15: 04/07/2014

 

Today we began to heal the wonderland. It was very clearly sick, and it looked terrible. The trees had their leaves but they looked wilted and sickly. The air was foul, and had ash floating in it. The grass was all dead, and the rivers were polluted. The room where I created Seraph had been scorched. All the books on the shelves were turned to ash and disintegrated with the slightest touch, and the walls were all black. The chandalier is in pieces on the floor, and the desk is now garbage.

 

The healing process began with reconciling and apologising, with me doing most of that bit. I then had a meteor storm destroy what was left of the corrupted forest, leaving a charred, black expanse of burned tree trunks, and sludgy rivers of liquified ash. I could literally feel myself shaking with every meteor impact. It was strange to say the least.

 

Seraph then proceeds to tell me that we need "the happiest music that we can find." This meant some hella sweet Pokey LaFarge, Paul Simon, and Louis Armstrong. Using this, we sortof forced the wonderland together. We turned our thoughts to positive ones, and allowed happiness to wash away the anger and lies that had rotted the place. Around us, the grass began to poke through the charred ground, and a few large, beautiful trees grew back. The sun began to set, and as it set the trees began to bioluminesce in one of the coolest ways I have ever seen. Most of the forest plane of the wonderland is still burned to a crisp, but the green spot that we purified is still there. Flowers are starting to grow between the trees now. I hope that it is a sign that things are going to improve between us, and that we can build that trust back up again.


To anyone who reads this: Sorry for the recent melodrama. I am not normally a very melodramatic person. I expect that the PR will become more cheerful, and probably a lot more boring in the near future.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am officially closing this thread, and just moving all this to my tumblr instead, which is linked at the bottom of literally every single post I have made on this site.

 

Godspeed.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 4 years later...

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...