My Shadow

[SakuraSky]

No problem, glad to help. I share the visualization problem that you have where you can clearly see parts of your tulpa at a time but have trouble putting everything together, it's really frustrating, I think it's a common problem. The only thing that seems to help a little for me is to have Sarah be far away so she is not very detailed but I can see all of her, and have her very slowly come closer

[zymish]

I'll have to try that. Thanks for the tip. :)

[zymish]

Not much progress, but we've been talking a bit and it's going well. Just slowly. But there's no rush; the more time we put into this, the more we'll get out of it, and so on.

 

His mindvoice is becoming distinct from mine, though his words are still few and his sentences aren't complex. I wasn't expecting him to have such a deep voice. It's really interesting to see the ways a tulpa deviates from our expectations. I'm having a good time getting to know him.

[zymish]

Haven't posted here in a while. Most of my progress reports are on my personal blog. But I'll still check in with this one every so often.

 

Kida has become much more vocal, even sometimes interrupting me to speak. His form is clear (though I can only see his face for a few seconds at a time) and consistent. Except that he keeps changing his eye color. They fluctuate between shades of green and blue, and everything in between. Very pretty; I wouldn't mind if he decides not to settle on one color.

 

I also figured out why I couldn't picture his abdomen clearly; I was trying to make it fairly flat, and he apparently wants more muscle definition than I was trying to give him. It's much clearer now. I guess I'm stuck with a tulpa who has a sexy surfer physique.

 

We've started on a wonderland. We're keeping it small for now. I love everything about it so far, especially the things he's changed.

 

I also drew another picture of him. I'm still not thrilled with it, but it's better than the last one and more accurate. I still can't shading or color or noses, but I think I'm improving.

[zymish]

We recently did an AMA over on the tulpa subreddit. It went fairly well. Kida's independence and vocal ability were improved by the experience, though he still relies heavily on tulpish (he uses a sort of tulpish-English mishmash, most of the time). It does seem more efficient, but I'd like to encourage him to use more actual words, because I think it will help him develop independence.

 

We've had a couple of disagreements regarding the nature of his relationship with me. He seems to have romantic feelings for me, but I think he's really too young to be thinking too much about things like that. I'd rather not define a relationship dynamic of any kind until he's more independent, more stable.

 

It's going well apart from that, though. And even the fact that we can disagree on something is encouraging.

 

I did a new picture from the same sketch as previous. I think I like this one better, though it still doesn't look as much like him as I wanted. I'll have to practice more.

 

His personality is becoming distinct. It's more dynamic than I had expected it to be. I'm beginning to understand a bit more about him, and about what we're doing. I had a few misconceptions at the start, but they were so vague that no one I spoke to was able to clear them up, because it wasn't clear that I had them. That's not terribly important now; we've come a long way, and there's still more to be done.

 

Still. I didn't realize how easy this would become once I shed doubt and learned to just relax. It's not a race. Those who progress more quickly aren't "beating" me. As long as Kida and I are healthy, it's all good.

[zymish]

I've changed my mind about maintaining this thread; all of my progress is documented on my tulpa-specific tumblr now.

 

I finally drew an accurate picture. I want to delete the old one, because a) it's inaccurate and b) I don't much like it anyway, but I think I'll leave it up just to remind myself to constantly improve.

 

My final note on progress before I'm done with this thread - Kida has come a long way, and so have I. I'm proud of him. We have a lot left to do, but I'm confident that we can do it.