I'm depressed and lost

[Luminesce]

You're the one that was afraid changing your tulpa's name would change the tulpa right? You seem to have a lot of fear of your tulpa's identity changing or being lost. It just doesn't happen like that, unless you want it to. You created a visual in your head, gave it a concept of importance and sentience, and when you realized it wasn't actually your tulpa anymore you got rid of those thoughts (at least through visualizing them going away). You're giving it more importance than you need to. I could visualize Reisen, wave my hand and have her dissolve into nothing, and then have her be standing behind me when I turn around. Tulpas seriously don't have a solid structure in your mind that you can just mess up permanently on accident, unless you suffer some kind of brain damage.

 

As for your tulpa feeling less real now, again I'm gonna say that's in your head. You're convincing yourself she's different now, when she could be exactly the same in a second if you accepted that she was. Your tulpa is still malleable as she's being developed (she'll be harder to accidentally change later), but that doesn't mean you can just "mess up" and ruin something. Just as easily as you can believe you've messed up, you can believe you've fixed it. This is actually a useful skill to learn for later when things happen like, say, you think something and assume your tulpa said it, but then realize they really didn't, so you take it back as really having been you. It's more important than it seems, because if you were to instead assert that your tulpa did say that, and subconsciously know they didn't, it could really bother you and hinder progress.

 

You gotta learn to take control of your mind. Nothing is going to happen that takes any more effort to fix than it did to break. Accept that your tulpa is as she should be, let go of what are technically invasive thoughts. You don't have to worry about this stuff in your own mind - it's in your own mind. The only control you don't have is the control you believe you don't have.

More specifically, stop letting your mind tell you you're messing things up. You're only messing up if you believe you are, like hypochondria or something. Relax and realize you're in control.