Sata October 20, 2014 October 20, 2014 A few days after I started tulpa forcing, I was sort of half asleep while in my wonderland and there she was building sandcastles along the beach.(For now we call her tulpa A) Normally this would have proved sentience to me as I did not puppet her in any way to build sandcastles, but I was half asleep and I don't know what I was thinking I then proceeded to kick the sandcastles which was followed by a loud "Hey!" from her which again provided proof of sentience. I immediately realised what I had done and sort of form back the sandcastles through visualising and apologised. She ignored me totally, not a single look or reply. I panicked and was desperately apologising and I got on my knees and cried. I don't know what I was thinking next as I assumed that it was all just my imagination so I visualised her doing some other things and continued forcing and talking to her. No reply this time and her form isn't as vivid as when she was building sandcastles.(For now we call this tulpa B) I can't seems to get the image of tulpa A building sandcastles out of my wonderland, she's just there the whole time even when I'm trying very hard to not focus on that. I then begin to visualise her and the sandcastles turning into sands and falling down becoming part of the beach. It was tough as somehow the image keep coming back but I did it at last after a few tries. When I woke up the next morning I was very depressed and I realized that I might have killed tulpa A. For the next few days I couldn't get a response from her and everything seems to be back to day one. I'm really depressed even right now and I got paranoid of losing my tulpa if I change her name or form. I tried to forget what happened and believe that tulpa A is actually tulpa B but after days I still can't get a vivid image of her or the clear response like when I kicked her sandcastles and the image of her building sandcastles along the beach is haunting me every time I go to my wonderland, she just keep appearing with her sandcastles and not saying or doing anything besides sort of like maintaining her sandcastles. I don't know what I'm feeling right now but I'm very sad and bothered by what happened and I can't focus on forcing her without thinking that she might not be the same Coralia that I had greeted and forced from the start. I never knew a single thought could have such a great impact. I have done many things that I regretted in life but this is the first time I regretted a thought. Our thoughts might never have any impact on our lives, you can imagine punching or killing someone that you hate and not fear the consequences or feeling regrets later on as it did not really happen. But the simple thought of kicking the sandcastles or turning her into sands is so real to me and I believe to her too that I might just regret it for the rest of my life. :( I'm not sure yet but currently I'm forcing her thinking that she's the same Coralia but the thought of her being different keeps haunting me.
Upper Class Twit October 20, 2014 October 20, 2014 Firstly. Its nowhere near that simple to kill a Tulpa, and its really REALLY difficult to do it by accident. So just going off that, I think its safe to say that A is still there. Also, Its totally normal to get a sign of sentience get a grip. Clear your thoughts, meditate, and carry on with it. I can almost guarantee you that your Tulpa won't hate you for kicking a sandcastle. "The Question is not who is going to let me, its who is going to stop me"~ Ayn Rand
Guest amber5885 October 20, 2014 October 20, 2014 What he said. Just talk to her, explain what happened and I'm sure she'll understand. I've full on slapped Toby in the face (not on purpose it was an intrusive thing) and he understood after I explained that I didn't mean it.
Upper Class Twit October 20, 2014 October 20, 2014 What he said. Just talk to her, explain what happened and I'm sure she'll understand. I've full on slapped Toby in the face (not on purpose it was an intrusive thing) and he understood after I explained that I didn't mean it. You and I turn out to agree a lot don't we? "The Question is not who is going to let me, its who is going to stop me"~ Ayn Rand
Guest amber5885 October 20, 2014 October 20, 2014 9 times out of 10. Or maybe it's 10 out of 10 I'm not too sure haha
Upper Class Twit October 20, 2014 October 20, 2014 9 times out of 10. Or maybe it's 10 out of 10 I'm not too sure haha Well provided I'm right I don't really care. "The Question is not who is going to let me, its who is going to stop me"~ Ayn Rand
Guest amber5885 October 20, 2014 October 20, 2014 Just because we agree doesn't mean we are right lol we could both be WAY wrong! In this case I think we're right.
Upper Class Twit October 20, 2014 October 20, 2014 Just because we agree doesn't mean we are right lol we could both be WAY wrong! In this case I think we're right. Don't worry about that, that was just my sense of humor showing :P "The Question is not who is going to let me, its who is going to stop me"~ Ayn Rand
Kiahdaj October 20, 2014 October 20, 2014 I'm glad you two are having fun agreeing with each other, but it'd be nice if you could do it in PM, or something. Anyway, I basically agree with Upper Class Twit. You didn't kill her. Tulpas definitely aren't killed that easily, if at all. "If this can be avoided, it should. If it can't, then it would be better if it could be. If it happened and you're thinking back to it, try and think back further. Try not to avoid it with your mind. If any of this is possible, it may be helpful. If not, it won't be."
Upper Class Twit October 20, 2014 October 20, 2014 I'm glad you two are having fun agreeing with each other, but it'd be nice if you could do it in PM, or something. Anyway, I basically agree with Upper Class Twit. You didn't kill her. Tulpas definitely aren't killed that easily, if at all. My apologies. "The Question is not who is going to let me, its who is going to stop me"~ Ayn Rand
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