Damian (+ Trip and Virus)

[Cinemaphobe]

Keep up the good work! I'll be here every step of the journey.

[ThatFellowWithTheScarf]

Just a question, is Damian based off Damian from Zoophobia? If so, then we did the same thing! Tulpa twins~ (I altered him, but used his design as a base).

[Breaddycat]

Aah- actually, I'm Damian ;w;

 

I've spent a lot of time lately thinking about them and talking to the two of them- I get pretty harsh headaches when I do. Also, the other morning in the dining room, I heard very clear male whistling coming from the living room. When I asked my dad about it, he said he didn't whistle. I went ahead and praised them, even though I'm not sure who it was that whistled. Better to believe than discredit some form of response they gave me, right?

 

I wrote a letter coming out as trans to my parents. This isn't all that relevant, but at some point I got really insecure and started shaking and crying. (Lately I've been trying to visualize some form of house for the three of us in the wonderland, so when I close my eyes I normally instantly fade into my wonderland) I felt a hand from each of them on my shoulder, consoling me, and I think I heard some form of whisper though I couldn't make out any words. I was able to calm down pretty quickly after that.

 

I used to visualize Virus walking beside me on the sidewalk to my bus stop and on the way home, but now that there's two of them, I'm not sure of how to visualize them now. There isn't really room for three people on the sidewalk, and my focus gets distracted if I try to see them both in front of me, and I forget if they're both behind me. :v

[ThatFellowWithTheScarf]

Hehe, my mistake =P I'm just one of those people who immediately get exited if one of their interests is even slightly mentioned. Also, best of luck with your parents. Try and keep your hopes up no matter how they initially react.

[Breaddycat]

My mom seems to be just plain confused by it. I know she's trying to be supportive, she's just confused. My stepdad is transphobic so I don't know if I'm even going to tell him, honestly.

 

Anyway, I decided to visualize one of them during the walk to the bus stop, and the other on the way home. There are actually two parts of my walk home and one part in the morning, I realized, where there's enough room where I can visualize them both, each on a different side of me, while I walk which is certainly nice. I meant to force last night but fell asleep- I did say goodnight to them and apologized beforehand in case I did fall asleep since I felt rather tired.

[Guest amber5885]

Give it time. I know you know that this is a big deal and it just takes some adjustment. Your mom will love you no matter what but what really matters is being true to yourself.

 

Congratulations on coming out, I know how hard and also exciting it can be.

 

Keep being strong and do what makes you feel hole and everything will turn out fine.

[Breaddycat]

My dysphoria when I speak is getting worse, as I realized when we went out to dinner and the waitress called me sir that I do lookwise sort of pass as a guy. I don't like using the term pass, but still- now I'm scared because I know it's my voice that makes me seem feminine and it's gotten to the point where I don't really like to, well, talk anymore. I also can't wait two more years until I'm out of the house to get a chest binder or start hormones- I know this isn't the place to be talking about that sort of thing, but it gets harder every day knowing I'm not seen as who I feel like I am. :u

 

Trip and Virus seem to help with that, to be honest. In our wonderland, I have a more male-sounding voice and although I probably shouldn't yet, I feel myself as male-bodied. It really does seem to help me not feel as antsy about the whole transitioning process.

[Guest amber5885]

Are you in therapy or speaking to anyone about your issues?

 

I know it's hard but you will be able to transition and things will get better. What's stopping you from getting a binder?

---

Edit: just try to think about how amazing it will feel when you're finally able to be who you are :)

It will be worth all of this in the end and I'm so gla you have trip and virus to help you

[Breaddycat]

I see a therapist and I'm out to her. I also want to talk more about the tulpa phenomenon with her, I remember bringing it up once or twice before.

 

I'm sixteen and don't have a job, I don't have any way to pay for one myself. Even if I did, all the good binder places I know of are online and I don't have a credit card/ Paypal to buy one myself. I'm gonna need parent's permission, ultimately.

 

And thanks, that's mainly what I'm holding onto at this point.

[Breaddycat]

Far Too Young To Die by P!ATD seems to be their theme song. I get a really strong sense of their presences whenever I listen to it, and I believe it was Trip I heard humming along to it at some point when I was visualizing with it on.

 

On another note, I plan to go ahead and try a session of visualizing with brown noise. I'm trying to make a house for us, and I have two bedrooms, the bathroom and the living room done. Not sure what else to add. A kitchen, I know. I was thinking about going ahead and making a town with some NPCs we can talk to. Virus likes red wine, so I thought maybe I could make a bar for him to perhaps run? I'm thinking of an extravagant, lively town, with casinos and bars and arcades- a city with life and energy that never stops moving. Trip seems to be more twitchy and has a preference to pick fights, so maybe I could implement gangs of some sort? I'm not sure.

 

I'm just super excited to get to work.