Would it be a bad idea to try to make a 2nd tulpa before finishing the 1st one?

[Phenom]

This seems like a rather straight forward question, but I think my specific case might need a in dept explanation. Sorry if that's long.

 

I started tulpamancing in december last year, with some lows where I almost barely didn't do anything for months and some high where I did a lot (but never for more than a couple weeks at a time), and these days I narrate to my tulpa Fiora for about 10 to 15 minutes a day. I know it isn't much but my current situation doesn't allow for much more than that (on some days I do more, but it's very rare).

 

I haven't made much progress. I have difficulties using my mind-eye so I can barely visualize her shape (some days better than others), and the most I can get is some feelings from her from time to time, and on the rare occasion that I force a lot I get some head pressure.

 

With all that said, you're probably wondering why I would even think about trying to make a 2nd tulpa at the same time if I can't even manage properly with Fiora alone.

 

I did some personality forcing on Fiora some time ago, but I don't want to impose too many things on her, and I'm always very careful about everything with her: for example, I'm scared of parroting her, etc. Even though I know I shouldn't, seems like I have a hard time because I'm too protective or something, and it blocks progress (well, at least that's why I think I have not much progress after 11 months).

 

And now the last piece of the puzzle: when I was in high school (more than a decade ago) I created a persona for myself to protect myself from the harsh reality of life. He was a second personality living in my mind, a headmate, called Yami Phenom (yes, I was a yugioh fan, he was inspired by Yami Bakura). Honestly, he was a manipulative bastard mastermind, but he was strong where I was weak, and was there to protect me. He was not a tulpa; I was roleplaying his personality all the time (which I guess is similar to parroting), and I was having conversations with him, and we would sometimes do what is called in this community "switching" (worked like it does for Yami Bakura in the show) - though it was not really switching as I was still the one roleplaying the switching sequence.

 

After a couple years, he become a little bit more real, and even though it was just a "game", he was a character with a full personality, I had a really easy time roleplaying his parts, I didn't even have to think about it, almost as if he was in control when I was roleplaying him (or just because I knew him that well).

 

At some point (couple years later... about 6 years and a half ago), I hit a REALLY hard time in my life, and I just couldn't deal with all the pain myself (I guess it's because I always depended on him every time it was getting rough, so I never "hardened my shell"), and so, in "the story if my life", it got to the story arc where he was "trying to take over my life (and body)" because he felt I couldn't deal with things myself. To protect me, he "took control" of my body and did things I would have never done to people around me, all in order to take a shortcut for me to get back to a stable life. Keep it mind, it was still me roleplaying all this to get away from my problems, using that persona that I created.

 

I ended up hurting a close friend... and getting back some kind of stability in my life in the process (so, Yami Phenom succeeded for that). Hurting that friend, it scared me. A lot. I decided to get rid of Yami Phenom. What could he be able to do next? And I didn't need him anymore, I got a place to live and a job now, and even a lover.

 

I either had to banish him, or, as I decided to do, absorb him so I could get his strength that would help me deal with life better. It didn't go without a fight. It was the "final episode of that story arc". We went outside and fought for the control of my body, under a highway located close to my apartment. If anyone saw me that day, I would have looked like that guy from the movie Fight Club, punching himself in the face and throwing himself around and stuff. However, I'm pretty sure I was still just roleplaying, as I was being careful not to get hurt for real.

 

I won, of course (I wouldn't roleplay myself losing, would I? lol), and "absorbed" him. I then had to deal with the guilt of all the things that happened during that "hardcore roleplaying", and got depressed for 3 years. It's over now and I've been fine for 3 years. I never roleplayed him or had any sign from him since the absorption.

 

Why is this relevant? I think we could say that when I was roleplaying him, I was "parroting" him, so much that I didn't even have to think anymore when roleplaying him, and if I would have continued for longer, without wanting, I would have created a tulpa out of him. Also, I feel that he probably still is inside me somewhere, no matter how deep.

 

All that makes me think that I would probably have a much easier time tulpamancing him to life than Fiora. Sure, he was a manipulating bastard, but I could teach him to be a better person (his goal was just to protect me, after all). Also, strong as he is, I don't feel like I need to protect him, so I wouldn't have any problem at all trying to parrot him to teach him how to speak himself.

 

And if I succeed, I could use that experience to finish forcing Fiora to life.

 

I do have some concerns, and that's why I'm making this thread. Is it a bad idea? Should I just focus on finishing Fiora? Should I go with it? And whatever your point of view, why?

[Earthquake]

Imo, I think you should just work on finishing Fiora. If you fail with Yami, well, you said last time it caused you 3 years of depression.

[raymond13557]

i've been having multiple tulpas and really i think that it's the same one most of the time, i am a little too inexperienced to have probably 2 tulpas yet but i keep up with my meditation and usually i know that the manifestation i have (mentally) are just snow or shade, or just a new form OF snow.. so i guess i am just going with 1 tulpa/familiar/etc. i do admit, i cant always focus on all of them but i remember my entities and my tulpa.. even if she is ever shifting..lol

[Timofey]

You know what? Russian Tulpa community got flooded by some people, that were asking "OMG HOW TO KILL TULPA I DONT NEED DAT ANYMORE" and stuff. Any answer was simple - when you make it, it will stay with you for rest of your life (Not knowing for the afterlife though ;) ). Also, what did you expect from Yami, if you created him with this purpose? Even there, 3 rules of robotechnics still apply. I hope, you know them. If you made something with purpose like yours, and didn't even think about basic safety... Bad news man, bad news.

 

What for your main question, you started it, now you need to complete it. As in Russian tulpa community some say, "You don't believe in Tulpa, and it doesn't care".

[Phenom]

Back then I had no idea what a tulpa was, it was just a game for me. I never had the intention of "killing" anything as I didn't believe Yami to be real. Didn't know headmates were REALLY a thing.

 

I guess that even if I decide to focus on Fiora first, I should later give Yami a chance too and force him.

 

I think I'll continue with Fiora for now, even if it might be easier with Yami. I'll try harder than I ever did with Fiora and try new tricks, and if all fails only then I'll turn to what I had in mind when I made this topic.

 

PS: I'll still listen to more advice and suggestions about my question, so feel free to continue replying in this topic if you want.