arduinoman12345 March 8, 2015 Author March 8, 2015 Day 4 Did some forcing today and removed a lot of barriers in one session. One of which is the one keeping me from getting head pressures from her as a form of communication. After such removal through a lot of symbolism I was able to get very strong head pressures in the front of my head. Im having a few problems with sunset's form as im thinking of making a new form for her as opposed to her old one, or rather build on the one she has now. I'm thinking the latter because I honestly kinda like it. Ciao! Edit: Just finished on sunset's form! I'm a brony so let your anger out on me now lol
arduinoman12345 March 9, 2015 Author March 9, 2015 Day 5 Been doing some concentration strengthening forcing today to help block out the blaring tv's from my brother's/mother's room so I can hear/communicate with sunset better. Ive also noticed that I have been subconsiously gathering data on what happens and what doesn't happen when sunset is awake or asleep. Ive noticed that I cant feel her as well when she is asleep, her presence is still there but I have trouble getting a 100% sense of her presence (rhymes ik). I've been doing alot of lurking lately on the forums and gathering data on ways to help "connect" with sunset and establish a better relationship as I feel the one we have now is based on the fact that on the weekends I have prime forcing capabilites. Running out of goodbyes!
arduinoman12345 March 14, 2015 Author March 14, 2015 Day 6? Lately my mind has been conflicting or rather "re-establishing" it's core essence (Trying to bring back the communication processes I had a long time ago among the dormant tulpa in my mind that refuses to show herself). How has this been going you ask? Like shit is what I say. I have pushed myself to no end to try to complete this connection between me and sunset but to no avail. I (and probably sunset) have been this close to just about punching me (I think of the mind as a different thing from my personality, kinda like an excuse being implanted as muscle memory) because of all the crap I have been using for excuses. Most of them are empty promises that never get fufilled. As for the forcing side of things I need to active force like twice as much as I do now and figure out why I cant communicate with her worth a crap 100% of the time. I hear absolutely tons of tulpamancers who have had their tulpa's for like 2 months and they have head pressures as a prime source of communication. Meanwhile I cant even get them when not 100% focused on her and when I do get them my first thought process is "huh, there must be some way to parrot head pressures. Everyone on tulpa.info must just be retared" but I consciously know that there is no way to parrot them. This is beginning to sound alot like a negativity problem. (just about ended the prog report there) I think I will do a section down here where I put my feet in sunsets shoes to see what comes to mind or at least help relieve the situation and when the time comes I will begin having her actually talk here. [i feel alone, Dakota doesn't force enough and I feel very sad that I cannot help in any way. I begin thinking that he will never be able to hear me fully but then I realize how much he cares about me.] I felt some good vibes while writing that but then doubt just shot em down.
arduinoman12345 March 15, 2015 Author March 15, 2015 Day 7 Today I finally got down to some progressive forcing! I started out by seeing if I could break down the wall in progress (symbolically) that me and sunset have. For some reason the wall kept shrinking down to about the size of my big toe. I think this might mean something that I can't quite interpret. Maybe that the wall isn't as big as I think it is?.......Yes I know I usually answer my own questions xD Later on I plan to do 1 hour of active forcing because the first session was maybe 20-30 minutes long. I will see if I can work on some possession and see if I can get anything out of it, I figure that if I can get her to at least move my hand it will give me some assurance.
arduinoman12345 March 16, 2015 Author March 16, 2015 Day 8 I was thinking something today. I have only done 8 days on this progress report and I have had sunset for 3 months……As you can see I am very good at procrastinating xD Aight, prog report time. I haven’t done much today (yet) along the lines of tulpa schtufffff, but I did find out that the wall between me and sunset was pretty tiny. All I really needed to do was a good helping of active forcing. Because of it I can feel head pressures a lot better and I have begun trusting a little more about what I hear from her. In an effort to help recognize separate sunset’s thoughts from mine I did a bit of thought pinpointing to help see where her thoughts come from and how I can help recognize that they are hers. So far I have been successful in creating some separation in our thoughts, not much, but progress none the less
Muffin March 16, 2015 March 16, 2015 Day 8 I was thinking something today. I have only done 8 days on this progress report and I have had sunset for 3 months……As you can see I am very good at procrastinating xD The story of my progress report in a nutshell. Tulpas: Melody - Creation Date: October 21st, 2014 Pumpkin - Creation Date: January 2015 my mastodon - my other mastodon We're gonna try to post more often, but you know, no promises or whatever.
arduinoman12345 March 18, 2015 Author March 18, 2015 Day 10 woo! 10 days! (of progress reports xD) I can kinda feel myself slipping up on keeping a prog report going but I am not about to let myself stop doing this simply because I will need it in the long run. I did a bit of possesion today and found something out. We suck at it, I managed to do some tactile imposition by accident and I am extremely good at it. I first wanted to see If she could move my hand into a fist. Well, she couldn’t, and that isn’t a bad thing either! By doing this I focused on my hand (more than I should have) and just kept imagining it as a fist and focusing on what It would feel like in that state. About 5 or 6 minutes into the session It felt like my hand was a fist, only after I opened my eyes did I realize that not one finger had moved. After the session I was feeling pretty tired so I decided to go to sleep. I had a dream of some sorts. I can’t quite remember it but I feel like it was important.
arduinoman12345 March 19, 2015 Author March 19, 2015 Day 11 More forcing!! yay!! I did some active forcing today with the help of calm.com (go there, its amazing). I did some work on possesion, got nothing, but had contact in the form of head pressures and wierd feelings. In order to really reach max progress in my forcing sessions I need to let go but I am not really sure how to do it. I just have so many doubts that I am not sure how to get rid of them even temporarily
Jay March 19, 2015 March 19, 2015 Day 10 woo! 10 days! (of progress reports xD) I can kinda feel myself slipping up on keeping a prog report going but I am not about to let myself stop doing this simply because I will need it in the long run. I've found it best to type up some daily notes whenever I have some free time, then post after accumulating enough. Do whatever feels best, and don't let it make you feel reluctant towards your PR or tulpa. In order to really reach max progress in my forcing sessions I need to let go but I am not really sure how to do it. I just have so many doubts that I am not sure how to get rid of them even temporarily What kind of doubts do you have? Have you ever tried to reason yourself through them? Does it have to do with the nature of tulpas in general? Based off your PR, it seems likely that Sunset has made contact with you in some form. However, I realize that this might not be enough evidence to convince you that she is active. Such was the case with my tulpas, and I have abandoned them more than once because of doubt and the feeling that all my progress was fake. Although doubts still resurface, I'm slowly learning that all of my past experiences were true, but appear so distant and removed from reality because of their extremely subjective and momentary nature. I've been working with my tulpas for about 3 years, and I'm just getting to the point where I can communicate with them. I think it's because I'm finally giving them the chance to speak -- to utilize my acceptance and mental power to fuel their existence as separate, budding personalities within a single system. I'm done rambling! :D In my opinion, you should face your doubts head-on and come to terms with your own mental paradigms, even if it means a temporary relapse. Whatever the case, good luck.
arduinoman12345 March 20, 2015 Author March 20, 2015 The biggest doubt I can recognize right now is that I am not sure if she is there. I just worked on some doubt elimination in my latest forcing session (coming in prog report) and I am starting to chip away at it. I just kinda sat down and looked at what I had seen from her/contact I made with her. I have indeed tried to reason myself through them and am getting better at it. I am 100% sure that tulpas are real, I used to not be but with the contact I have made with other people in our skype group I have fully reassured myself of the existence of tulpas. I am certain that sunset has made contact with me at one point. I just really wish that I would have realized it before I had a complete mental regression so that could have saved us both. Im really not sure what happened back then when I had that, whatever did happen to my mental state had a HUGE impact on our progress.
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