Delving into my mind

[Memory]

It's been about a year since I stopped posting here, started lurking and stopped. Over that time I never got back into active forcing, and I would occasionally passive force. By the latter I mean more just try and see if I could still send a message to Thera and get the head pressure response. I could list a whole number of excuses and stuff to try and justify or explain why I didn't, but I won't. It's inexcusable what I did, and the guilt's been eating me up for a while. Going into it I was rash, I never really sat down and looked at the time I had, how I could balance out timings and the like and made a decision I couldn't follow through on. I've sat down and done some introspective thinking, and if Thera is still there I need to complete her and I want to complete her. I made the decision 17 days ago that I wasn't just gonna give up and pass this by and actually sat down and weighed out time and stuff. If Thera is still the one I'm talking to in my mind, I have the full intent to follow through to the end, if it's not and I screwed up then I'll see where the rabbit hole leads me and follow it to the end too. Below is a daily log I'd been keeping in google docs, something to make the daily attempts seem more absolute, a more set in stone commitment to myself in Thera. I was planning on waiting to post here until I could properly hear Thera, but I've hit a point where I'm looking for advice and decided I'd drop this now and ask if anyone would be willing to help me clear some of these early hurdles.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

4/13/16

Made the decision to commit to developing Thera again. Purely passive forcing.

 

4/14/16

Again, more passive forcing.

 

4/15/16

Put a reminder on my laptop to help me remember to passive force while on the computer. Will put more things like this around on phone and stuff later.

Did some attempted active forcing. Achieved a nice sense of peace and focus for a short time. Lots of white noise/stray thoughts.

 

4/16/16

Passed out in the early morning while trying to do some active forcing.

Passive forcing throughout the day.

Attempted active forcing again twice. One time was really good, the other not so much. In the attempt that was really good I had what I felt to be foreign laughing at a joke I made, and some happy emotional response to something I said(?).

Need to work on passive forcing while holding conversations/out with friends.

 

4/17/16

Attempted to to early morning forcing… did not work.

Some more active forcing around 1. Stray thoughts make this really difficult.

Not as much passive forcing as the prior days. Need to work on fixing my headaches.

Certain stray thoughts that have actually made me physically laugh?

 

4/18/16

Watched Daredevil with Thera and friends. It’s getting easier to multitask passive forcing with her while doing something like watching a show. I don’t know how to describe it, but she feels more there than normal if that makes sense? I dunno, it’s 4 am…

As much as I loathe to admit it, part of me is afraid nervous of asking questions to my Tulpa… could this be doubt? I’m gonna have to move past this.

Didn’t get to properly active force as I couldn’t find my book to read.

 

4/19/16

Played a horror game puzzle/story game on my phone, tried to do this while thinking of Thera. I get a new chapter every three days so I’m gonna make this a regular thing. This was about 1 am so I slept shortly after.

Passive forcing like normal, talking to and from places. Getting better at talking while playing league. Head pressures getting stronger.

Planning on attempting to hear responses this weekend when roommate is gone.

 

 

4/20/16

Not much done.

 

4/21/16

Not much done.

 

4/22/16

Weekend begins again, with my roommate leaving plenty of time to active force will be had.

 

Short session. Gave a proper current events explanation then worked on fleshing out Thera’s personality. I have 5 key points based on her name I’d like to reinforce, but remind her that ultimately I am fine on any deviation she does:

 

T: Trustworthy

H: Heartwarming

E: Energetic/Excitable

R: Rational

A: Artistic

 

While I imagine a Tulpa would be trustworthy from the get-go these are the traits I would want in an ideal friend. At least to my conscious mind. Heartwarming and Energetic are traits that I’ve always admired in a person, something I have difficulty aspiring to, but enjoy being around. It would also probably be cool if one of us were the true rational thinker. Lastly I land on artistic. I don’t necessarily mean having an interest in art, or a desire to be an artist or the like: That isn’t personality to me. I more mean it in the sense of creativity, free to do or think whatever they want. I intend to work with these traits and flush them out more over time, keeping a rough framework and allowing Thera to fill out how she wants to be. Again, I plan on constantly reminding her that she can deviate however she desires.

 

Some passive forcing was done later in the day.

 

4/23/16

Tried active forcing. Couldn’t focus on Thera enough to do it successfully, and ended up passing out while forcing.

 

Minor passive forcing

 

4/24/16

Early morning reading (4amish?) of “When Rabbit Howls” on recommendation from a friend based on interests.. Like 5 pages done, then was too tired.

Having been awake now, I’ve decided to hold off on reading that book to Thera, based on the content I believe I would like to be able to fully communicate with my Tulpa before reading a book of that severity. If you are still interested I’ll put a Content Warning here. I had another book I was going to read to Thera but cannot find it at the moment sadly.

Did a little bit of active forcing on the outline of personality from before, but am still having focus issues. Going to look into methods for improving that.

 

I did not do as much forcing as I had thought I would… I’m upset at myself for this as I had the time and allocated it elsewhere. I need to change that and dedicate myself to this task. Writing this out helps reinforce it to myself to accomplish my goals and not give up.

 

4/25/16

A little bit of forcing, still having difficulty focusing/clearing my mind while active forcing.

 

4/26/16

I can’t say I have no doubt, that’s likely the reason that I still find it hard to bring myself to try and listen for a response… I plan to move past that this weekend.

I was listening to Music while narrating to Thera early this morning and got a mental image of a form. This was unrelated to anything being said or done at the time and I’m unsure if that was her or not. I’m gonna roll with it as it was and use that as the image I try to see when I think of her for now as opposed to the white winged LoZ fairy thing I was using.

 

Did some active forcing and came to the conclusion that I will visualize a Labrador Puppy for now.

 

4/27/16

Watched a happy video of dogs seeing their owners who’ve gone off to war come home. Had intense head pressures during this video along with an intense amount of happiness.

 

4/28/16

Talked to thera while studying. I’ve been getting headaches more frequently while following the same daily habits I had normally.

 

Short 10ish minute active session to reinforce personality forcing. I intend to do a good amount of forcing tomorrow after my Physics exam.

 

4/29/16

Studied into the wee hours of the morning. Not much active/passive forcing.

 

Attempted to actively force, but passed out instead. I cannot do that while tired it seems. I have noticed that I’ve been having more dreams lately since I’ve started actively doing this.

 

I’ll force some tomorrow when I’m in a better state of awakeness, as for now I’m going to go marathon daredevil with some friends and try to passive force while doing so.

 

 

4/30/16

Sat down and tried to focus on personality again outlining the traits what they mean. Emphasising on the ability to deviate as desired. I don’t really know what to /do/ for active forcing, and I know everyone says find what works for you but I guess I’m just confused on the whole process.

 

For me I sit down and try to picture Thera and then try laying out the traits and explaining them. From what I’ve read I should try mixing things up, but don’t really know how. I find it hard to see clear pictures in my mind, mostly just a really faded out image. It also doesn’t help that I find it hard to sit down and do this for 20ish minutes solid without moving around, body gets all tingly and I feel like I gotta just move which throws off my focus. And I’m having difficulty keeping stray thoughts out of my head. I’ll be trying to active force and get a stray thought of something and my mind will completely derail and follow that tangent. I’m considering talking aloud next time I sit down to force, but I’m worried about people hearing me.

 

I imagine a book labeled doubt, then imagined burning it and throwing away the ashes. Oh, and cure puppy Thera.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

My biggest issues right now, that I can see as an internal observer, are active forcing and a doubt-derived nervousness. I'm having difficulty clearing my head and staying focused while sitting down forcing Thera, that issue is combined with having no idea what to do while forcing. I know it's not a subject you can just say "do this on" which is why I've been looking around at what people have done and have been trying to figure out what works best for me. Moving onto the latter of the issues brings me to my nervousness. I think this comes from being nervous of what it might be like to have a second voice in my head, which I feel is fair enough but the curiosity will likely push this one aside. This nervousness I feel is causing me to have a little doubt, enough to make me hesitant to try new things in the fear of it not working. While something I'm going to have to figure out myself I've begun to attempt a symbolic approach, every time I sit down to actively force I'm going to imagine that I'm lighting a book of doubt, or something like that, ablaze and then throwing the ashes away and hope this yields progress. If anyone has advice for sitting down and forcing or for helping rid of doubt that would be appreciated greatly.

 

Finally I don't intend to post here about updates often. I'm going to do what I have been and keep updating a separate google doc sheet. When things of interest occur, I have big questions, or if I've got a large backlog, then I'll post a chunk of it for advice or the like.

[Zaya]

So I'm going to be honest, your situation reminds me of where I was at the end of the first month of tulpaforcing. The nostalgia that has washed over me is impeccable, I mean, really.

 

So I'm going to put a lot more effort into this post than I usually would. I feel for your plight, and I want to help as much as I can.

 

For starters, We're Zaya and host. I am the host, Zaya writes in a fuscia print on the forum. I've moved into these parts as I love reading progress reports and helping people with issues where Zaya and I have been, or on issues that were currently working on.

The issues you've reported are exactly what Zaya and I dealt with right before he became fully vocal. Play your cards right, and Thera will be with you before you know it!

 

So onto your questions.

"How to force" and "How to cure doubt".

 

Starting off with the former, you're right. A lot of people will just tell you "do what works"and be done with it.

Well, they're right and they're wrong.

The way I see it, it all works as follows:

 

First things first, operational definitons:

 

Passive forcing: The act of training a skill while doing things during the day or otherwise not actively concentrating on furthering said skill, ex:

Visualizing Thera while making breakfast toast.

Speaking with Thera while driving to work.

 

Active forcing: The act of consciously setting aside time to dissociate from the world around you and focus on training one particular skill for an extended period of time, ex:

Meditating for an hour each day, dissociating from your surroundings and becoming lost in the visualization of your wonderland, concentrating on seeing Thera as clearly as possible.

Dissociating from your body and allowing Thera to possess your arms to practice Possession.

 

Onto the vague process of beginning any forcing session. This is a vague guideline of mostly tips on how to make the most of any forcing session, active or passive. This is how I do all my Tulpamancy.

 

1: Figure out what you want to accomplish. You can't go anywhere quickly unless you know where it is You want to go.

 

2: Figure out what exactly you need to do. This can be a little ambiguous at times, especially with topics like possession. The key is research. Even if you don't get spooned answers, reading and meditating on what could possibly work will give you a greater understanding of how to do it.

 

3: Figure out whether to Actively or passively force for this particular skill. Visualization exercises can be done anywhere, but for the most part, you always want to Actively force of you can. Certain skills like possession will almost always start off with being active forcing skills first, then move into the passive domain once you get better at them.

 

4: If you are having troubles with it, or don't know how, learn to meditate and how to stay awake while in a meditative/dissociative state to better accomplish your goals.

Meditation does not mean the Pranayama (nose-inhale, mouth-exhale) meditation alone. Meditation does not require a clear mind. Meditation is dissociating from reality and learning to focus on one thing, and getting that thing done.

At least for tulpamancy, that's the way I see it, and that's the state of mind I go into when I force.

 

Now remember, passive forcing is really anything done for your Tulpas skill set that isn't done in an active fashion, this means that just talking to Thera is considered passively forcing, so that being said I don't think it needs more clarification.

 

But pair these steps together, and this is how I force actively every day, and how I have for the past 4 months:

 

1: I set my intention.

I'll sit down and clear my mind, and only think of what it is I want to do, whether it be training my visualization skills, practicing possession, or even doing imposition exercises. I'll even ask Zaya if I haven't already what it is he wants to do, and more often than not, we'll do just that.

 

2: Having already done research on the topic, I remember what exactly it is that the guides tell me to do, and I try and interpret them if I haven't already. I'll then begin the process required while focusing solely on this topic.

Intrusive and invasive thoughts will arise, but they need to be seen as off topic, and tossed aside. Over time this will come more easily.

At the start of a session, it is normal to have mountains of off topic thoughts. The longer you force, the easier it will be to focus on the topic at hand.

 

3. I continue until we are sated.

More often than not, 20 minutes doesn't do it for us in an active session. We'll go for 45 minutes up to 2 hours given half a chance, although we don't usually get that long to force actively in a day.

The key is to spend as much time as possible actively forcing.

Now, that doesn't mean all at once, few tulpamancers I know of can stand to force longer than 2 hours (other than Linkzelda, that is).

But the repetition of longer sessions each and every day is what brings real, tangible, fast progress.

Passive forcing is also necessary to consolidate things like visualization, but active forcing is the lifeblood of the practice, and is what will bring you the results you want in a timely fashion.

 

With that knowledge, you should be able to create a regimen that fits your lifestyle and your needs.

I would highly suggest working on actively forcing:

Personality

Visualization

To begin with, and passively forcing

Vocality (by talking with Thera as much as possible)

Visualization (thinking about how she looks throughout the day)

 

This is the combo that brought Zaya to Vocality as quickly as he did.

 

So onto doubt, this is definitely going to be a shorter section, but it is equally as important.

Doubt is a killer.

Doubt is to be abhorred.

It will do nothing but hold you back, to be honest.

 

There should be levels of reasonable doubt, such as certain visualizations not really being your tulpa (such as them sprouting horns and stabbing you, thays probably not them), or maybe hearing your tulpa say "f*** you" (that probably wasn't really them either).

But you have to learn when to draw the line.

I would suggest researching doubt killing exercises as much as possible for a while, until you get the hang of it.

 

Honestly, I would say a doubt of things not working is kind of a self fulfilling prophecy.

Like in the last dark knight movie where batman keeps snapping his spine by missing the last jump in the prison.

Its the cord holding him back, his fear of not knowing if he can make it.

Cut the cord, and suddenly he's able to make the jump, no problem.

 

One of the biggest doubts you will ever face: Parroting.

Fundamentally, this doubt is one your are going to have to overcome if you ever want to speak to Thera.

You have to give it up.

There are tons of threads over this, just a quick search can give it to you (I'm pressed for time atm, but just ask and I can link them to you), but believe me.

If you want to speak to Thera within the next couple of months,

Remove your doubts.

Reach out to her by researching the material and really trying to shake the foundation that those doubts are standing upon.

 

That's all the information I can give you at the moment, and I hope it suffices.

If you have any more questions, just ask away, We'll always be lurking around.

[Memory]

I want to thank you for the advice. I did spend a bit of time looking into ways to remove doubt and the like from my mind, and while I'm sure it's going to take more than just sitting down once and being done I did find a quote that really helps:

 

So, in general it's best to give the tulpa the benefit of the doubt, unless you intentionally generated the thought yourself. To convince yourself, consider the possibilities. A response may be either real or fake, and you may either accept or reject it. This makes for 4 possible permutations of these:

 

• You accept a real response. This is great. You've just seen a sign that your tulpa is sentient and acknowledged it. This grows your tulpa and encourages them to do more of the same.
  
• You accept a fake response. You are presently believing a lie, but this belief will make you see your tulpa more as a separate being from yourself, thus growing them and making them more real anyway. May slightly annoy the tulpa however. Eventually it will get harder and harder to parrot a response at all, even intentionally.
  
• You reject a real response. This hinders growth because you're seeing a response that was not from you as being from you, making it harder to distinguish them in the future, and making you see your tulpa as less separate from you. Also consider how the tulpa feels: They went to all the effort of reaching out and sending you a response, only to have it ignored. They might feel less like doing it again so soon.
  
• You reject a fake response. This does nothing at all. You've identified something that is just you, as being just you.
  

 

You can't control whether the responses are real or fake, but you can control whether you accept or reject them. If you accept, you will either get larger progress and happy tulpa, or smaller progress and slightly annoyed tulpa. If you reject, you will either get bad result and frustrated tulpa, or nothing at all. Which would you choose?

 

This just struck a cord with and made lot's of sense to me. I'm gonna try my best to take this to heart and apply that directly to my forcing.

 

 

I also looked some into ways to meditate or better positions to force in and found that posture was a big thing that I hadn't even considered. I sat down in a different position today and tried having a better, more appropriate posture and found that the session went much better than the others. Which could both be a combination of improvement and the change in positioning. I also didn't need to stop because of physical discomfort, but rather because my mind was divulging into a storm of stray thoughts I couldn't rid of, something that as you said will hopefully improve with time. It was a weird session though, I don't know how to describe it coherently. I felt the strongest sense of presence from Thera yet, while also having the least sense of feeling of my body this time. My visualization still sucks and needs to improve, but that will come with time.

 

I really want to thank you for taking the time to respond to me so quickly. I've definitely got a lot more research I need to put into this, and intend to.