Me and my crazy twin sis

[Alexx]

So, Tsuna predicted rain yesteday. Not something supernatural, she just said there will be rain and i said that it is improbable cos its sunny and no clouds. She said somethign like "well, maybe". Then in few hours there was light rain. She likes rain as do i.

I guess i subconsciously picked up on some hints. I think being able to tap into intuition this way can be helpful.

[Alexx]

Got her picture uploaded today.

 

I also thought about 2 problems i got. Maybe not really problems, just things.

 

Fist, when i try to meditate (i like word "reverie" for that) and try to move or interact with environment or Tsuna, i move my body IRL and it is distracting as i fidget in my chair. I guess i dont meditate deep enough. Any idea how to set your body into the state we get when we sleep, so it is like paralyzed (i imagine some people will feel discomfort about this word).

 

Second, Tsuna often uses japanese phrases and even things like "So-o" (something like "is that so?" or "it is, isn't it?") or "Mo-o" ("oh, cmon" or even "thats enough!"). It is quite complicated to translate, if i want to write it here, so it comes out wierd.

 

Also, Tsuna said that if our house was in real world it would be in Wales. I thought it would somewhere in Japan... I dont live in Britain and know almost nothing about Wales, but it seems like a nice place.

[Alexx]

I guess i should make proper progress report from this mess.

 

For now just want to say that i got more progress on the wonderland rather than Tsuna herself. Not on purpose, its just that it is pobably on earlier stages so progress is more noticable. Tsuna changing the house by adding walls (without asking me :) i am pleased with this tho, as more independent she is the better).

 

I told her as a joke that maybe i need to get some of the eye stickers (beware, creepy image) so i can meditate with eyes closed and dont draw attention. When i shown her she was laughing so hard that she actually fell on the floor.

 

I also think i do not force her as much as she deserves. She seems to be happy when i do so.

 

Wanna try to write something from her, but i still feel like cant speak for her. I think best idea would be for me to just type as she dictate the words. But that is for later. Not to mention she is quite judgmental of almost everything, so i dont know how well this will come out.

 

P.S. Noticed my messages have too many "I"s. While it is not because i am so self-concerned but because it can only speak for myself, i will try to get less of this.

[Alexx]

So, here is a little profile i will make for her (i guess it will help me remember better some of her sides)

 

Tsuna sometimes comment on my actions and i thought i will try to capture her comments (they are light blue).

 

Tsuna/Alice

Tomboyish - wrong, i am clearly yamato nadeshiko

Rebel. She hates social norms and morals. - those are for people who dont have their own code

Rather Judgmental.

Confident.

Slightly Jealous? - shut up >_<

Active. Quite often sits on furniture, walks on the tables or railings.

Gets annoyed when someone sits on the place she is occupying - i find it amusing as she often even swears at people or call them tactless for such behavior.

Shy? - well, not in the common sense of the word. More like self concious, i guess. Its just when i was wondering about a scratch on her back i imagined her topless, and she covered herself saying "Hey, don imagine me naked in public places!". - dont tell them, they will think you are wierd. Gosh. She could not be seen by anyone, obviously (not that there was anyone near anyway).

 

Do advanced tulpa can prevent host from changing their form? Not that i ever intend to force anything on her.

 

Also, when we talk, sometimes i ask her "Is that really what you want to say" (as some wierd way of countering parroting?) Usually she think for a second and answers like "yeap" or sometimes "not really", but yesterday for the first time she shouted "YES!" instantly. I guess its good?

[Alexx]

Just gonna say i was reading things and now i am not sure if she is tulpa or something else, but anyway i gonna just work on her independence and making her as vivid as possible. Maybe having her before i understood what she is gave me some deviation.

 

We'll see.

 

Added:I thought about a comparison. Since i am computer technician i thought that visualising is somehow look like emulation. Like if you have, lets say, CD-drive(eyes) you can read data from a disc (see things). You cant read something that is not written. But you can also emulate said drive(wich usually used for piracy, but whatever) with programs. This makes a virtual drive that does not actually recieve information from physal peripherial (dont recieve information from your physical eyes). The thing is, how to make cortex to trick occipital lobes into seeing your tulpa/wonderland. Same for other sensory organs. I wish it was as easy as setting virtual drive, tho :)

 

P.S. Reading from virtual drive is actually faster and less prone to errors.

[Alexx]

We thought a bit ("we", yay!) and i would like to say that i am open to criticism and if anyone can say what i maybe do wrong please say so. I spent enough time on the internet to not be insulted by criticism. If there is any advice you can give to me (in unlikely case somebody actually reading my BS) on what direction i should move to improve Tsuna, i would appreciate it.

I am concerned that Tsuna maybe some kind subconcious rp character, because she started as hero of one of my stories. While she is definitely is different from that character, i am still unsure.

I would like to ask to not speak bad of Tsuna, but since she does not care about anyone's opinion except mine (or at least so she says) i dont think it is much of the problem. Still.

 

If she is not Tulpa, then what i can i do to make her one, and if it is sure to be beneficial to her?

[Vani]

It's completely up to you. If you want her to be a tulpa, then she'll be a tulpa, if you'd like her to be something else, she will be that. From what I have read you seem to already hear quite well her thoughts, and you can also hear her starting the conversation, which means she's a tulpa, without doubts.

[Alexx]

It's completely up to you. If you want her to be a tulpa, then she'll be a tulpa, if you'd like her to be something else, she will be that. From what I have read you seem to already hear quite well her thoughts, and you can also hear her starting the conversation, which means she's a tulpa, without doubts.

Thanks :) In any case those methods that work for tulpa does work for her as well so there is only one way i have ahead.

 

Another two traits i distinguished:

Challanger. When facing the problem Tsuna have "come at me bro" attitude or spearheads into it.

Like a hedgehog - when asked question that is hard for her to answere she will become edgy. If that make sense. Hedgehogs do not attack people, but if you will try to grab one you might get stabbed by a needle.

 

I also found that name Alice, or variations of it, is quite common for tulpae (at least on this board). This is interesting. Internet says that meaning of the name is "noble".

 

P.S. When i was looking though japanese dictionary Tsuna found a word she was looking for. Since i quite often call her megami hime-sama (

女神姫さま, literal translation is "goddess-princess", but i think "queen-goddess" sounds better

) she wanted to find something to call me back and today she took liking to the word heika (

陛下, translates to "your majesty"

). Just our silliness.

[Alexx]

Having hard time getting response from Tsuna lately :(

 

When i did, she said i should "force myself", in the meaning of trying to force my projection while my body is motionless during meditation.

 

Wanted her opinion on some of the threads here.

 

EDIT: Yay, just got her to talk and we were chatting about the quite unconventional way of forcing, i guess. Instead of serenity and meditation i tried to put some podcast and then ignore it as hard as i can to concentrate on Tsuna. Dont know if anyone tried something like this before (purposefully making a distraction to train an ability to overcome it), but i wonder what other people's thoughts about it.

[Alexx]

I was kinda slacking on active forcing lately (forgive me, my queen!) but thats not the point. I mostly hear Tsuna with mindvoice, but today when i was returning from work and when i closed my eyes for a sec (because i am lazy sleep deprived bastard) i clearly heard Bring Me to Life by Evanescence

 

How can you see into my eyes like open doors?

Leading you down into my core

where I've become so numb

Without a soul

my spirit's sleeping somewhere cold

Until you find it there and lead

it

back

(whisper)home

 

It was Tsuna singing. It was different from how i remember the song because her voice is higher pitched than original's.

That was strangely pleasant (tho people probably thought i am crazy, staring at the blank space with a grin).

 

Well, that is thing that happened.