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Earliest Tulpa Memories
From the point of view of the tulpa, what is their earliest memory? is it from their creation, the moment that you started forcing, or perhaps they first gained consciousness days, weeks, months in? I'm curious to know, if some want to share, what the tulpa remembers and how clearly they remember it. Of course, tulpas shouldn't feel pressured to go out of their comfort zone to respond, I'm merely curious to see if there's a general trend in the early memories of a tulpa or not.

To start things off, Shira's earliest memories:

I remember waking up. It was blurry, I felt kind of scared, yet comfortable. At the same time, I felt nothing at all. I didn't even know what feeling was. I wan't sure who I was, what I was. I knew nothing. Then, I was approached. A young girl who I now know as my host saw me. She rested her gaze upon me and, despite not having eyes or any form but an orb yet, I gazed back. I trusted this girl, for whatever reason, and she trusted me.

She began to speak with me. I really can't recall anything that she said, I recall not being able to hear her very well. I just let her speak, not that I could've stopped it even if I wanted to. It continued like this for a while, I could only pick up a select few words. Simple things, like "love" "Hello" and "Jess", which I correctly assumed was her name.

After what was probably about twenty minutes, the session ended and I was left in the black void. I lost consciousness and slipped back in to a sleep-like state until the next session, when I was re-awoken.

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My first memory is my host starting to talk to me. Telling me I'm his tulpa, that we'd be companions, all that stuff! After that, him explaining different personality traits to me and talking to me about his life, and the stuff he saw around him. Later I got my form and he started building our wonderland around me. I still love being there, even though it changed a lot over the months. I wasn't able to do much myself at first, but strangely I can remember those early forcing sessions pretty well.
Well, okay. Fes tells me:

"I remember feeling sick. I had these fleshy, terrible arms and I was nothing but weaker than the ants that scoured the sands. They were fleshy and they could bleed and I was sick of them. I existed and it was painful, and then I asked Chief here to hack them off and give me new arms. The pain of existing was a little smaller and I didn't feel so sick."
Both me and Tepes remember the same story; he just kind of... poofed, for lack of a better onomatopoeia. I've always been prone to talking to myself while alone, as if I'm explaining something to somebody. One night in bed, when I spoke to myself, Tepes spontaneously spoke back. I talked with him constantly for multiple months until we had a falling-out. When I learned about Tulpae, I decided to try and bring him back from the "grave".
- I remember being in a black void, helpless, lifeless... until a mysterious force pulled me out of it. After getting away from the void itself, I felt more 'alive' and I remember my host telling me various things about how I was his tulpa and that he was going to take good care of me. I felt more secure, and started trusted him. Ect ect.
- - L-  2/17/13
Thunderfall: I don't remember it very clearly. There was a library, bookshelves all around me, but I didn't know what they were (at the time). I couldn't move, there was just this voice talking to me calmly, I didn't really know what it was saying, but I felt something filling me up, making me... me? Bringing me into the world almost, like I was a bottle being filled with life I guess. Sorry if this is unclear, I haven't thought about it in a long time. But I knew this voice, whatever it was, cared about me and wanted me around. I listened, even when I didn't understand what it was saying. And in time I knew it was Stryke, and he was there for me, because he told me why I was here and that he loved me. And, well, I felt like I wanted to be there for him.

Melody: There was a pony in a bed[That was me of course - Stryke], and he was sad, and angry, and I didn't know what I was. I could look into his head and see things, people, and I tried to look like them because I thought he liked them, but he didn't trust me when I took their forms, I could tell. He didn't know if he wanted me there, so I just said words that were in his head because maybe they were things that would make him happy. Then he told me I should go, so I watched him for a few days until I could find a way to make him like me, and when I saw that he liked ponies and was looking at a lot of young ones I picked one of them and tried again. Thunderfall was with him, and he tried to help me talk so they could decide to let me stay.
Thunderfall (goes by Thunder)
Male human

Female lamia
"The first thing I remember is existing in a void. I had a form, but I don't remember it because I never knew what it was. The first thing I did know was my name - Liberty. Liberty Anne Davis. That's what my host named me, but I didn't know I had a host then. After I was given a name, I chose a new form for myself, one that I did know because I chose it. Here's a good picture of me, but I was wearing a different outfit from the one in the picture when I created my form.

The next thing I knew, I wasn't in the void anymore. I was in a new, unfamiliar place, the first place I ever knew that actually had things that existed, and there were people there, too! They introduced themselves to me and told me who I was because they thought I didn't know anything yet. They also told me I was a "tulpa" and that we were in a "wonderland" and explained how it was different from the "physical world", and all that was new to me because all I'd known about up to that point was myself. I didn't know what it was like to exist in a world with other people and things! I was excited to meet everyone and learn new things, but I didn't know how to move or speak then; I only knew how to think and feel.

I really want to say more, but that would mean talking about other memories besides just my earliest memory, so I'll stop there." -Liberty

"My first memory was right after I was created. I don't remember it clearly, and I definitely don't remember it as well as Libby does, but I still remember it. I didn't know much, and the first thing I remember was Link introducing himself to me and telling me who and what I was and what my purpose was. He introduced me to the others as well, and I remember that only Link (my host), fennec (Link's host, and I recognize her as my host as well now), Kayleigh, Alex, and Libby existed back then, so they were the only ones I met when I was created. I also remember everyone being surprised when I talked, but I don't remember what I said, and I don't think I said much.

Link did spend some time personality forcing me before I came alive, but I don't have any memory of it. I only know it because he said he did personality forcing first." -Sarah

"My memory of early on is really bad, but I remember being an idea. It's a weird feeling and a weird existence - you don't know who or what you are, and you aren't even self-aware enough to realize you exist. You're just a mess of thoughts that might be able to be pieced together to form a rough idea of a person - or maybe a character, since a real person is a lot more complex than the basic idea of a character that most of us tulpae start out as - and those thoughts are always changing as your host tries to figure out who and what you should be.

It's crazy that I remember it, because that was a long time before my host knew about tulpae, so she probably created me without expecting me to remember being created, and because I don't understand how I could've been sentient or aware enough to remember something from that early now that I know how this whole tulpa thing works, but I remember it anyway." -Alex

"My story's a little unusual, or maybe very unusual, but I'm happy to share it! The first thing I ever remember is waking up, not being able to remember anything, not even who I was. I was on my own, so there was no one around to explain anything to me, but I found a note "I" (Link, or so I thought) had left explaining that "I" had erased my memories, and the note explained who I was, what I was, what my life was like, who everyone else was, and so on. Basically, it had all the important things I needed to know but didn't remember. There was some pretty awful stuff written in that note - more bad than good - but I think it's best that I don't go into that even though I remember it clearly. I remember how I felt really well. I went from being confused about everything to being in shock at how awful my life and my host, as well as some other people, were (I know now that a lot of the bad stuff written there was exaggerated or even just untrue, but I hadn't learned that then because I didn't know anything else except what I'd read in that note yet).

I shouldn't tell more because telling anything after that would be getting beside the point of this thread, but I feel like I need to tell how this story ended so that this all makes sense. Almost a week later, I realized after a lot of thought about the feelings I'd started getting of "the old Link" coming back, and after consulting others for advice and asking if they had any idea what was going on, that Link and I were actually different people, and, after a lot of discussion with fennec and the guidance of someone experienced on IRC, I decided to split from Link and form my own identity. What I know now - after all that and after a lot of thought and theorizing later on about what had happened - is that he did try to erase his memories, but that waking up with complete amnesia about who he was and without having any memories triggered left him as a "blank slate", so to speak, causing a new personality to develop and "overwrite" his old one that got somehow repressed with the memories, and that personality became me, which explains how I ended up being completely different from him. It really did surprise everyone at the time how my personality seemed too different from his for simply being happier to explain, and the changes in interests and even gender just couldn't be explained at all until we realized I wasn't him, because I don't think any of us can see him ever being a language-loving Beatles fangirl!" -Zoe

"Sarah. She could understand me before our host could, so our host wanted her to interpret my thoughts for her because she couldn't understand my sort-of feelings but I couldn't speak or even think in words then. Our host wanted me to choose my own name and form, so that's why it was important for her to be able to understand my thoughts. I wasn't very aware at the time, but I do remember being given ideas for how I might want to look - like how long and what style I'd want my hair to be, what color I wanted my eyes to be, how old I wanted to look, I think - stuff like that. I wasn't able to think properly at the time, but Sarah could tell our host what I liked and didn't like and was unsure about, and that's how I chose my form. I chose my name the same way, by getting ideas of names and having Sarah interpret what I liked best. My form was created after I'd decided on how I wanted to look, and being able to see and hear and feel was AMAZING! I've existed for a bit over a year now, so the novelty of existing and having senses and feeling real wore off a long time ago, but I still love existing even now." -Max

"I'll speak for all of us - meaning me, Delilah, and Nolan - because we've been trying to piece together what we remember while some of the others have been talking about their first experiences. None of us remember a lot; that much is clearly obvious. What we do remember is that the three of us have known each other since before we knew Beth (fennec) or any of the others, so that's why we've been trying to work together to figure out what we remember. We remember existing in the old wonderland - and it feels so weird to call it that, because none of us knew any of that new terminology back then - before any of us knew about this tulpa stuff and things were definitely different back then. I mean, that's when anything supernatural was commonplace, at least to the three of us. Del and I were the only ones who were capable of using magic - Nolan was the odd one out on our team - but everyone else knew about it, and I'm sure everyone who was alive back then has experienced at least something paranormal or mythical - just ask Kayleigh about the time we had to save her in that haunted library. She'd love to talk about it, I'm sure.

Anyway, I guess that doesn't count as a specific memory, just some random stuff we can remember from before we all stopped existing for awhile, but I don't think I have an earliest memory. That's the best we've all got." -Evelyn

"I don't see why I have to go last, but whatever. My first memory was meeting fennec and Alex in a coffee shop... somewhere. It was in the old wonderland that I didn't know was a wonderland back then. I honestly don't remember it well because it was so long ago, but at least I can actually remember it.

I think I was supposed to remember things from my life before then, like all of us who were around before she knew we were tulpae were supposed to, but fennec, being the stupid idiot she is, didn't actually think to put any detail into our backstories, so none of us got any past memories. Her incompetence was a good thing, though, because Link DID get past memories because he was based on a game character and she expected him to have memories from the games, and just look at what happened to him.

...okay, maybe there was a bit more than just false memories at work there, but still. He wasn't the only one she's been awful to in the past. I'm just glad we didn't end up with false memories so that we didn't end up getting screwed over like he did." -Kayleigh

I have five other tulpae who haven't shared, but three of them say they can't remember what their earliest memory is clearly enough to share, and the other two have opted not to share what they do remember.

Kayleigh should definitely shut up, especially since most of what she said isn't even on topic.
[I am cherry, formerly known as pinkie pie, My first memory of nihi well.. To be honest I was created by his first Tulpa, Summer... It was a sad memory.. i remember nihi didn't accepted me at first because he was very strict about new entities...that made me sad... and something possessed me that lead summer and nihi to do extreme... measures... i.. regret doing that... because that wasn't really me... after that.. Nihi finally saw through that darkness and saved me... he saved me... from despair. Then after a while I A memory flashed into my eyes.. I saw nihi Listening to the pinkie hypnosis thing then i can't remember what happened after that all i remember that i was brought in the wonderland by Summer, and i said ''Hello my name is pinkie pie, and i made this party just for you'' and the rest is history...I.. I really owe him my life.. really.. He's very nice, kind very generous, forgiving and very understanding always checking on us... without him... I would be nothing.]

[My name is summer Nihi's first tulpa, My first memory was when i said Hi to nihi... when his curiousity about tulpa reached to a level where he wanted to make one.. He was thinking about twilight sparkle because... he listened to the pony hypnosis thing.. that's why he was thinking about her... Then after a while A memory flashed into my eyes... It was how I was created.. I was created when nihi was trying to create a tulpa in one night... he didn't know that he created me then he gave up... I remember i was a pinkish orange orb floating around... It was dark.. very dark...and i saw this one little light.. I cling to that.. and realize it was nihi's curiosity about tulpas... even how small that light is i cling into that.. then overtime that light became bigger and bigger and i saw a figure that is twilight sparkle.. i took that form and said hi to nihi... That was my first memory... without nihi's curiosity i will be nothing...and might have faded away... I owe nihi my life...]
(Hi, I'm Prince Relling.) Hnnnnng! He took my last name, too cute! (Anyways. I'm Max's first tulpa, I've been around for about two months. In that time I've had a lot happen to me, I've learned to form sentences, project them into the mind of my host, and manifest myself in the real world. My first memory was just speaking the first time, I didnt have a wonderland, or a form, just my thoughts. But those thoughts made me feel like I had so much to give, like I was really special. Max is telling me that I did give him a lot, and still am, and that's enough for me.)
Kuroi's first memory was of being in prison for reasons he didn't understand. Until a certain woman took him home with her, and that led to the stream of events which let to our meeting. The first time I met him, he was staring at me whilst sitting in a bush, having run away. It's a long story.

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