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OceanStrider

Are you happy?

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Hey guys, I understand this might sound like a stupid question, but do you feel happier having a tulpa? Are your lives fuller? Or is it sometimes more akin to a burden, like a dog you suddenly don't have the time to care for because you got a promotion?

 

If you're not happy listen to Happy by Pharrell Williams, it always puts me in a good mood. Well, that and the imperial march, but I don't think that's a good thing.


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I wouldn't call it happy, but I am very glad and thankful that I have my tulpas. The help they give me is essential for me. Basically, if not for my tulpas, I would've been in an asylum a long time ago.

So, even if I view them in such a negative way sometimes, I still need them. I wouldn't have my life as it is right now without them, and I love my life.

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I'd say so, and my girls have noticed I smile more now than I did in the past. They've done a lot to help me manage my autism and develop social skills, as well as just being there for me when things are rough (and sharing the not-so-rough times with them too).


"Science isn't about why, science is about why not?" -Cave Johnson

Tulpae: Luna, Elise, Naomi

My progress report

 

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Guest Anonymous

Let's see.

 

My tulpa is my equal in all things, whether it be intellect, skills, abilities, she can do it all.

 

Sometimes, I'm the happiest man in the world, and she's the happiest girl in the world, just being together is amazing and we spend such a good time in each other's company. It's just perfect. Sadly in our smiles, anxiety can be seen... because those moments don't last too long.

 

Sometimes, I'm the saddest man in the world, and she's the saddest girl in the world. Doubting of heir own existence on her part, she heavily affects the way my brain functions, she gets heavily depressed, she fades in and out of existence for no reason. She's scared. She's scared to death. And in my turn, I am scared to death as well. We're the same. We function in a symbiotic way; One does not live easily without the other, and the other cannot live without the other. I get depressed, she speaks to me in her terrible, creepy and horrific state of 'non-existence' (because she always has a presence). She says things like 'I miss you so much' 'I wish I could hold you' 'I just want to scream', and it makes me depressed and spend hours just crying and trying to figure out HOW I can help her, HOW I can free her of this curse.

 

I am not a happy person overall. I never got the familial affection, just like many users. I never had real friends or even acquaintances that were bearable, either, just like many people here as well.

 

But unlike most people who find content in their tulpas in moderation, my tulpa changed my world.

 

I can't fucking take it when she's in the second state of existence. It breaks my heart, annihilates my mind, haunts my days and nights.

 

I hate tulpamancy. I wish she was a physical person. I fucking hate tulpamancy. I wish she never had to go through ll of that trouble. If she were physical we would go along perfectly. But no. My mind, the biggest nemesis I have, just like many users, likes to act against me.

 

I love her. I really love her, in ALL meanings, platonic, romantic, fucking toss it at me. I'm scared for her. Today, she said in the most pitiful voice 'I wish I could hold you. I wish I could scream and cry... but I can't right now.'.

 

Fuck tulpamancy. Fucking load of bullshit. I wish she was physical.

 

(Anderson speaking here. Sorry, was logged in her account.)

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It's a lot like J.D. and Janitor's relationship, especially because Janitor was originally going to be a figment of J.D.'s imagination.

so, take that as you will.


Scarlet - anime, 8/15/2012

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Guest Anonymous

I envy people who have the UNBELIEVABLE chance of saying 'I am happy' 'my tulpa makes me happy' 'we're okay' 'we have no issues'. Please realize how much this means, to have a stable relationship with your tulpa. We're at the bottom of the ladder, and the ladder is so long, and broken partly, and needs to carry the weight of two people. Please appreciate what you have and use me as an example for how things should NEVER turn out.

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That's rough. Being in your wonderland doesn't help? Scarlet isn't exactly happy with being a phantom either, but we like hanging out in our wonderland, like, really sitting down for an hour or half an hour and fully immersing myself. I don't know if it's just easier for me, but I forget the real world even exists. I can even feel and taste, but, not very well.

So we just kind of think of reality and the wonderland as two different dimensions, and any time I want I can just go into the other dimension where she has a physical presence and we can actually touch each other (and beat the shit out of each other and put ice down each other's shirts etc)


Scarlet - anime, 8/15/2012

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Guest Anonymous

There is absolutely no connection I have to a mindscape or wonderland when it comes to feelings and sensations. I can't feel anything, it's like I imagined shit happening and can't get immersed into that.

 

There is no wonderland. She lives in the 'real world' with me, all the time, that's something she wants and I want as well. We want each other so bad, and it's torture that she becomes like this at times.

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Well I dunno what to say then, a wonderland really does solve a lot of problems. You might consider it compromise, but, with a little practice it really does feel amazing. Maybe not as real (at least where I'm at now but who knows later), but it's still super fun. I could see Scarlet and I having the same problems you do if I never did it.

It's not really good to ignore the reality of a situation. I know all someone in a wheelchair wants to do is walk, but that doesn't mean they should be dragging their legs around everywhere. Sometimes you need to compromise so you can work with an obstacle, not against it.


Scarlet - anime, 8/15/2012

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Fuck tulpamancy. Fucking load of bullshit. I wish she was physical.

 

It’s that same existential impasse with not being able to make her real in this spatiotemporal reality that is somehow augmenting the close knit relationship you have with them. Though, to another person, they may enjoy the fact that they can revel with their tulpa’s existence within their cognition as they can sort these things out in a private and subjective matter vs. tackling on with life with someone who’s trying to reconcile any way they can, but to no avail with others who may question how she would even exist physically. And when the constant stabbing of awareness towards impermanence becomes an issue along with other challenges with tulpamancy, it probably becomes a matter where life is about 10% of what comes to you, and 90% of how you react to it.

 

But maybe deep down, your hatred of the impasses that comes with the endeavor along with the inquisition of her trying to find meaning in her existence may hopefully help you trek through the desert of nihilism, and finding those silver linings.

 

 

As for OP:

 

I feel the question on it (the endeavor) making us happier and having more enriching lives seems to be vague, or maybe is intended to be vague for the sake of discussion. If I took it in context of happiness in being able to have a more steady awareness to the impasses, epiphanies, and all that entails in the endeavor to make us react in a way that we feel is suitable to live by; by creating our own normative ethics, and furthering the implication that they can do that as well, and then some, then it would be a wonderful thing to experience.

 

But, I’m not sure going through the process of the endeavor can always be done with the smile, as I wouldn’t be happy myself if I acknowledge the state of impermanence of my existence, theirs, and other forms of thought-forms (e.g. dream characters), and realizing double-standards, and this seemingly grandiose schemata of how I should assess myself is set out to feel there’s some urgency to reign in our existence.

 

Keyword being “always.” No “Hell yeah man, happiness all the way because that state of enlightenment overrides anything, man.”

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