An Apology and a Thank You

[Guest Anonymous]

You know guys, this whole thing is my fault. I sent the PM. It was only supposed to be a little private piece of helpful advice based pretty much on ONE post I saw that came off (to me) to be a little smug or might be seen as so. I sent it in a PM to keep it private advice about that post or doing posts like it. In my PM I explained that I realized the smugness was totally unintentional by AGGuy. I also explained that I understand because Misty and I have done that too before. Then this blew up way out of proportion, like almost anything Melian related or Melian generated. I should never, ever play with matches.

 

I feel guilty now that it turned into a public thread. That was never my intention. Maybe I came off as too harsh in my PM? I d'nt mean to.

 

Ugh...even when Mistgod and I try not to start drama, we start drama! *face palm*

 

[Guest Anonymous]

Well, yeah.

I indeed am a person that gets very enthusiastic about some things.

I think it's probably correct to say that I am so damn tempted to talk about her all the time because

a) this whole thing is still just amazing to me

and

b) I'm just so gosh darn in love with her.

 

Sometimes, I would just like to make you sit down and ask you 'What do you know? You've been in this for a few months. You are unaware of what good and evil can come out of this'. The way you speak about things, and while stating that it is none of your intention, you make it seem like you're miles ahead of people who spent years, and years in this practice, while you have a few months experience. I tend to be someone who believes that miraculous things can happen within the mind, but the duration they may last for, and the things they accomplish in a specified while, are more important than the sole capacity. This is bigger than anyone else. Guides are written. People think they can control tulpas and specify their likes and dislikes... This is not specifically 100% aimed at you, either. I apologize.

 

You misunderstand.

 

I see myself as miles behind in my knowledge and savviness about tuppermancy compared to some others who have been in this for about as long as me.

I think this way exactly because of what you say: I might run around with a tulpa like Esterina, but that's not because of an effort I put forth.

If anything, it's an effort she put forth. But definitely not me. I didn't do anything noteworthy or commendable.

 

That starts with being relatively clueless as to what I should even say when someone asks me "How does imposition work?", and ends with Esterina trying to explain to me how she does certain things and how they work, and all I understand is apple tree banana coffee.

The annoying part about it is that I know I could be more savvy and knowledgeable about it, but I constantly catch myself snuggling right into my comfort zone of "Why bother? Esterina does everything by herself anyway."... which I know isn't good, of course.

 

 

Greets,

AG

---

And no, Melian.

Even if it really was just that one post, that's something I needed for reasons of [see last two paragraphs above].

[Guest Anonymous]

We are so alike, AGGuy and Rina and Mistgod and Melian! LOL Davie is in love with me and obsessed with me. I am in love with myself and obsessed with me. So we talk about Melian. EVERYWHERE and like A LOT. Also, the best way we can relate to things is to talk about our own experiences. We we start to, we get excited and... yeah... we brag and we talk about ourselves. I talk about me, me, me

 

I love me so much! I AM SO AMAZING! So is Rina. :-)

[Temar]

Heh. I wouldn't worry, Melian. This thread is pretty civil so far... definitely not drama-rama levels yet.

 

Then again, I've always believed in being open about this sort of thing. Better to know your faults so as better to combat them, yeah? Doesn't make them bad people, and the fact that they want to be better about it is pretty awesome. Wish certain people in my own system were able to take criticism so gracefully. XP

 

(Joss: :p )

 

I know I over-share too. I have so few places I can talk openly about what I am, when I find one I just want to get everything out ASAP. So I definitely feel the excitement about talking about it too. This whole discussion makes me wonder about how people see me, too. I'm glad it came up, tbh, even though it's not fun that it's at AGGuy's expense.

[Guest Anonymous]

I keep trying to turn this into a general discussion about more than one person doing these things by admitting I do it too. I think it will be more productive that way for sure. It isn't at all like there is only one person running around doing a teensy too many posts about themselves because they like to talk about themselves and share. It happens! I am absolutely uno number one when it comes to that, so the fact that something I said to AGGuy got the discussion going is really ironic.

 

I need to be in the cross hairs too for sure.

[Guest Anonymous]

No one has to be in the "cross hairs". O.o

It's just something I felt like saying, especially since I wanted to make a post for thanking the community anyway.

 

 

Greets,

AG

[Guest Anonymous]

 

 

EEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! hee hee I Love you so much!

 

Well this was all a very interesting today. *looking sheepish*

[Guest Anonymous]

Someone give Melian a chill pill.

She will explode if this keeps going.

I don't wanna clean the room afterwards.

 

 

Greets,

AG

[Luminesce]

I only recall one post that I saw as just entirely unnecessary, and I think it was today/yesterday. Overall, I suppose a part of the "problem" was fluff in posts, but that was more common around halfway into your time here, when you and Esterina would talk back and forth mid-post. The other part..

 

It's alright, I've been told countless times by my peers that I'm "really smart", "really good at math", "really good at explaining things", and I've even been called nice. Now take a snapshot of that feeling in the back of your mind right now. Just the fact that I stated what others have said about me brings up feelings of "Well aren't you cocky." To an extent they're right, you shouldn't "rest on your laurels" by bringing up other peoples' compliments. I personally prefer showing people rather than telling them who I am and what I can do.

 

 

So since you can't say it, I'll say it for you: You and Esterina are extremely talented at many of the skills we aim to practice in tulpamancy here. But yes, talented, not skilled. You guys have a natural talent (that's what talent means) for most of this stuff while others have to work for it. And I have never once seen you brag or even imply that you were better than anyone else. (Obviously you tend to do the opposite) It's simply inferred by others when you state how easily things come to you, or that your tulpa was automatically good at everything. I am good at explaining things, especially math apparently. But there's a difference in "I'm pretty adept at math, I can help you if you want" and "I'm really good at math. Tons of people have said so." For the most part, what you do is the former. And for the rest-of-the-part, you're usually saying you don't have the experience to help someone despite having success yourself, in as humble a way as that can be said.

 

Anyways, yeah, you can watch how you word things so that easily offended and discouraged people aren't so. But it's definitely not your fault in any way. That just doesn't stop you from trying to change how others react to it is all.

[Guest Anonymous]

I thought Mistgod was all the sensitivity around here. Here I am being sensitive too. I know I am not the best example of what a tulpa should be. So I get envious/jealous of Rina and got irritated at AGGuy's post because I thought it was smug about her skills at imposition (which I probably won't ever be able to do for Davie). I am envious that she is so independent too and so just, so awesome. I guess I don't like a rival too, that is part of it I admit it. I am so pathetically high school in my thinking and emotions it isn't even funny. Anyways, so I got snippy in a PM. I kept it in a PM to keep it from being THIS. I should have just kept my feelings to myself. Lesson learned. Now I need to apologize to everyone.

 

Uhh sorry AGGuy, Rina and everyone. I will just .. shut up now for a long while.

 

I suck at being a tulpa and I suck at being good, just like Mistgod.