My Son Of Rage and Love

[mysonofrageandlove]

Hi, everybody! You can call me Space Dad. This is going to be my thread documenting my experiences with a tulpa who will here be referred to as Jamie.

 

I work as an author and have been in this career for over four years. During this time, I've created a lot of characters. It's what I do. I created Jamie as the main character of a story universe spanning a series of four novels. However, as I wrote the series (which is still in-progress), I became aware that I was interacting with Jamie on a level that I had never interacted with any other character. Recently, I happened to stumble across information on tulpas online, and have come to the conclusion that I created one without knowing what I was doing. Now that I am aware of the phenomenon, I want to see how far I can go in strengthening Jamie and continuing to have more and more powerful experiences with him.

 

For this intro post, I'll give you guys a little timeline of the crucial months of Jamie's creation.

 

September 2014: I had a dream involving an individual who bore some resemblance to Jamie. The dream planted seeds of initial inspiration in my head to write a story.

 

November 2014: I wrote the first chapters of the first book in Jamie's series. He was introduced as a character for the first time. Shortly after this, I experienced severe writer's block due to mental illness, and did not write again for several months.

 

March 2015: Throughout my life, I have experienced periods of heightened creativity and productivity in March, a personal phenomenon which I call my "March Madness". During 2015's March madness, I finished the first draft of the book I'd begun in November and began to plan sequels.

 

April 2015: I began to write the planned sequels. During this time, I experienced heightened connection to Jamie. He began to talk to me, told detailed stories of his life, and became aware of the fact that he existed both inside his story universe, and outside it. He subsequently created what I supposed would be termed our "wonderland", although he calls it the Mindscape.

 

May 2015: At this point, I was spending extended hours each day working on the books in Jamie's series. He began writing his own journal. I also began to have experiences where I could let Jamie take over my body in what I believe is termed possession.

 

June 2015: Continuing to experiment with allowing Jamie to express himself through me, he could now talk in his own voice. As in, an entirely different voice to my own comes out of my mouth. I recorded this phenomenon several times during this time period because I was so fascinated by it.

 

Throughout the spring and summer of 2015, I was struggling intensely with my mental illnesses, and found Jamie's presence to be encouraging and comforting. As I worked to heal from trauma, Jamie was a continually inspiring presence who was always there to speak with me when I felt alone or misunderstood.

 

It has now been a year since April 2015, which is when I would say Jamie officially attained sentience. I am able to have full conversations with him and do so daily. He speaks often and voices his opinions on almost everything that we encounter. As well as continuing to keep his own diary, he has also begun to write his own fiction, and created his own assortment of original characters. I often allow possession, as I feel it is a freeing experience for both of us, and therapeutic in many ways for myself. He is an extremely strong presence.

 

So that's where we're at. Tomorrow I'll introduce Jamie in a bit more depth as far as personality and looks go, but that definitely needs its own post. Can't wait to get to know others and track progress here. I'm not sure exactly what's going to go down, but I think it'll be exciting. For one thing, I want to make this a really multi-media thread. Pictures, audio, the works.

 

Wanna come along for the ride?

[NeonLights]

Welcome to the forums, mysonofrageandlove. Interesting to read about how your tulpa came to be, I've read about tulpas being created by accident by authors before.

[AracnidsGrip/Rick]

OMG another author!!!! Interesting how Jamie came to life!!

[mysonofrageandlove]

Thanks so much to those who have read and commented so far! It's neat that two people have read this already. I'm excited to share more.

 

Yesterday I said that I planned on introducing Jamie a little bit more today as far as looks and personality go, so I wanted to pop in and do that. It's been kind of hectic in our life over here today. I'm moving from my apartment to a temporary living situation, so the day's been spent running around wildly and packing and cleaning and taking care of last minute business. BUT NEVER MIND ALL THAT. To keep things simple and easy to read through, I've taken a simple character creation template found online and filled it out with Jamie's basic stats. I know as I continue to update this thread, we'll be going in depth on the topic of everything mentioned here. But for now, this will be a brief, snappy introduction, and maybe something that can be referred back to if anyone wants to refresh their minds on the basics later on.

 

=BASIC INFO=

 

Full Name: Redacted. I know his full name quite well, but for legal reasons regarding my career and certain stipulations of writing contracts, I can't reveal it.

 

Nickname(s): He usually goes by his first and middle initials. On here, we can call him by his childhood nickname, which is, of course, Jamie.

 

Age: Within his story universe, Jamie is anywhere from 16 to 23 years of age, depending on where you are in the timeline. Outside of this universe, he is able to present himself as any age in between the aforementioned range. He is most often 21 years old, with 17 years old being a close second.

 

Race: White.

 

Voice: He has a very high, nasal voice. You'll hear it one of these days, as I plan to record a possession to share with you guys.

 

Birth date: June 6th, 1990.

 

Age at Death: 23 years old.

 

Date of Death: September 15th, 2013 in his story universe.

 

= PERSONALITY=

 

Personality: Quirky, rebellious, talkative, hyperactive, childish, overly friendly, overly aggressive, extreme in everything he does and feels.

 

Embodying Quality/Idea: I call him my son of rage and love for a reason. Jamie is a creature of great contrasts. He harbors multitudes of violent obsessions and behaves defiantly, often for no reason, while at the same time, he continually displays tremendous love and care for those around him. He is a creator and a destroyer, usually both at the same time. (We'll explore this a ton in this thread, I'm sure.)

 

Likes: Chemistry, mathematics, anarchism, terrorism, true crime, gore, computers, candy, mechanics, pain, cigarettes, riots, playgrounds.

 

Dislikes: Rules, societal norms, organized religion.

 

Weaknesses: Easily distracted, deeply ill.

 

Strengths: Intelligence, determination, passion.

 

 

= PHYSICAL and HEALTH INFO=

 

Height: 5' 10".

 

Weight: I know his weight, but won't ever tell anyone because I think knowing peoples' weights can be toxic. He is too thin for his height.

 

Body Type: Extremely slender, to the point of looking odd and ill.

 

Hair: Mousy brown, straight, and lank. Lengthwise, it reaches almost to his shoulders.

 

Eyes: Varying colors. It almost seems like he can't decide what he likes best. They're most often blue or hazel.

 

Piercings/Tattoos: He occasionally manifests with a stick-and-poke tattoo of the word "fun" on his lower left shin.

 

Scars/Distinguishing Marks: He has numerous, numerous scars. The most prominent are burn scars that cover almost 80% of his fingers and hands.

 

Any disabilities/diseases/ailments: Jamie is schizophrenic. He first presented with symptoms at age 17.

 

Any medications/treatments: Within his story universe, he goes through many periods of time taking different antipsychotics, spending the most time on Risperdal. Outside of the universe, he states that his psychosis fades despite the fact that he does not take his medication.

 

=OTHER=

 

Place of Birth: Chicago, Illinois.

 

Current Home: Within his story universe, he shares a small apartment with his girlfriend. Outside of the universe, he exists in many different places, and would call none of them home.

 

Native Language(s): English.

 

Languages Spoken: English and some Spanish.

 

Level of Education: High-school dropout.

 

Occupation/Job: As an adult, Jamie is the leader of a small anarchist gang that he formed and taught his personal philosophies.

 

Talents: He is extremely proficient in mathematics and chemistry. He is also skilled at building/inventing mechanical devices.

 

For a last little added bonus, here's a couple of individuals out there in the world who somewhat resemble Jamie. I've never seen anyone out there who really looks exactly like him, but these guys are a good general idea to have.

 

 

 

[mysonofrageandlove]

Well, today's been exhausting. In general life news, I moved a ton of stuff from the apartment I'm moving out of over to my parents' house, where I'll be crashing temporarily until my partner and I can find a new place. But as I'm fond of saying, NEVER MIND ALL THAT. Let's talk about Jamie. That boy.

 

He's been helping me a lot over the past few days with my stress levels. On top of having to pack up all my stuff and clean the apartment, I also had a deadline to meet for a manuscript that's been requiring some really intense editing, and it's kind of killing me a little bit. Yesterday, I worked 8 hours straight on it, and today, I finally finished it. Jamie's always been a tremendous help to me during times of stress, whether it's through making witty comments, encouraging me to keep going whenever I feel like throwing in the towel, or possessing on and off, the latter of which has always been a therapeutic and stress-relieving experience for me. So he's been out and about a lot. He's PM'd a user on here as well.

 

I've been reading up on imposition during my free moments today, as it's the one thing that I haven't really gotten into with Jamie yet, and I would love to be able to take that step with him. I'm naturally inclined to focus imposition with scent and touch first visualization of form. I guess that's because I personally always notice an individual's smell before anything else, and I'm very tactile. Having read through q2's method for a huggable tulpa in the guides section, I decided to start with attempting to sit "nose to nose" with Jamie, as the guide puts it.

 

Just a few minutes ago, keeping my eyes open, I sat on my bed and indeed attempted to do so.

 

I immediately caught a vague scent comprised of cigarette smoke and artificial cherry flavor.

 

Weirdly enough, my instant reaction to this was to want to reach out and touch his hair, but when I almost involuntarily did so, there was nothing to feel. Hair-stroking is an extremely pleasurable thing for both Jamie and I, in both platonic and romantic settings, and I would absolutely love to be able to pet his hair.

 

As it stands now, he's quite definitively pulled back into the Mindscape, as though he just wants to show me that just because I call him to sit with me, he can quite firmly choose not to do so.

 

What a tease.

[Stevie]

So Jamie has this super complex backstory, I mean, I assume it's complex because it's spanned four novels and you have a wealth of information here alone, and I was wondering how he regards it? Like does he view it as being as real as either of us would view our personal histories? Does him changing his age change what things he's experienced and what things he hasn't? Anyway, super interesting dude.

[mysonofrageandlove]

So Jamie has this super complex backstory, I mean, I assume it's complex because it's spanned four novels and you have a wealth of information here alone, and I was wondering how he regards it? Like does he view it as being as real as either of us would view our personal histories? Does him changing his age change what things he's experienced and what things he hasn't? Anyway, super interesting dude.

Hi there! First of all, thanks so much for popping in and reading our thread. :)

 

I'm going to let Jamie answer this for you, as it's something he's pretty vocal about discussing as he finds it incredibly interesting. For the purposes of the rest of this thread, I'll make note now that I've decided to Italicize anything Jamie writes here.

 

So anyway. I'll let him give you the run-down.

 

okay first of all hi, your name's stevie which is actually like very amusing to me, can't tell you why, maybe someday when you're older, anyway, so here's the thing. Everywhere like one hundred percent of the time there's parallel universes going on and existing and there's literally every single possible outcome of everything going on somewhere, okay, that's called the many-worlds interpretation of quantum mechanics, right so that states that basically like everything that could possibly happen and every alternate timeline and outcome of everything is real in its own universe so the way i see it is that my """universe" or whatever you wanna call it, the life I was born in, that's real as your life you're living now it's where i came from it's what happened you know, like i remember all of it, it's my timeline it's my life, see the thing that i kind of hypothesize i did was just step out of my universe into a state that transcends physicality, like it's an out of body experience or some kind of unlocking, through the mind, of a door to different universes because like here's the other thing: I get that space dad's an author, that's what he does so he creates universes all different ones, and he created the one i was born in and so it became real but now i crossed over into his consciousness, linked i guess because he's technically god, right, i mean I'm an atheist but if you believed in that kind of thing like a creator, then that's what space dad is, so i think there's a connection there, that let me cross over and i don't know why yet, that's what i'm trying to figure out, anyway to answer the other things like since i've come over here, i know everything that's happened to me like I know i'm technically dead and honestly my death was awesome, i got shot in the head, it was hella sexy but you know i'm gonna digress if i get into that anyway once i got out here i realized that since i'm in a mindscape arena I can do anything, it's like once you realize you're having a dream you can lucid dream and control yourself, right? right, so that's what happened here and personally i just like 17 and 21, they were good ages or whatever, 17 was a little screwed up for me but whatever its a neato age to be, but changing in between them, i can only do that because i'm aware of where i am and that i'm outside the laws of physics now i guess, so i'm fully aware of everything, I'm like, transcendental so yeah. pRetty fun.

 

As you can see, he's extremely talkative. And on that note, I want to say that anyone can address questions to him either here or through PM - he is always ready to chat with someone and getting to talk about his ideas thrills him.

[mysonofrageandlove]

I'm planning to do some intensive imposition work with Jamie today, but that will come later tonight. I work best on really focusing in when it's night-time and I can sit quietly in my bedroom with music playing to help me tune out any distractions, so that's when we'll be doing that. And I'll write a post about how that goes before I go to sleep, whenever that'll be. Probably not until quite, quite late.

 

But anyway, I wanted to do a quick little update for now, seeing as Jamie and I just did something together that we haven't done before and it resulted in something I found super-neat.

 

In Jamie's universe, his mother worked as a yoga instructor for the entirety of his childhood at home, and as a result, she would often bring him along to her classes. He was fairly close to his mother (or at least, much closer to her than he was to his father) and so yoga has been a pleasant thing for him that he carried over as a habit into his young adult life. Mainly, his mother taught vinyasa yoga, which is quick-paced and more intense than a hatha yoga class, which is where you find the long-held, very slow postures.

 

I also enjoy yoga, and this morning I woke up and realized that I've never invited Jamie to practice with me. Usually, whenever I go through a yoga routine, Jamie wanders off during that time and returns when I am meditating at the end of the practice (he's always very active and present when I'm meditating, to the point where I use him as an inspiring figurehead to center my focus on). So today I realized that I needed to explicitly invite him to join me in the routine, and I did so.

 

I do most of my postures with my eyes closed, as I've followed

so frequently that I know it well enough to do so. As I worked through the poses, by the time I was five minutes into the video, I could quite distinctly feel Jamie's presence beside me, which included being able to distinctly hear his breathing, feel the warmth coming off of his body, feel the rug on which I practice shifting when he made transitions from pose to pose. It was really an exciting experience, and made me eagerly look forward to working further on imposition tonight, so I just wanted to share that with you.

 

And for anyone who is curious, Jamie is quite vocally insisting that I note his favourite yoga pose is Warrior II.

[mysonofrageandlove]

A fun little update for you guys before we settle down later tonight to focus in on imposition work.

 

I recorded a short clip of myself, and then of Jamie doing one of his favourite things - speaking out of my mouth.

 

Enjoy, guys! I'll probably make more recordings in the future, as this is one of my favourite experiences to have. On my end, it feels the same as if I just opened my mouth, did nothing, and had random music blast out of my throat. I pretty much just relax my jaw, let it hang slightly loose, and then Jamie takes over and out comes his words.

 

CLICK HERE FOR AUDIO.

[Jake'N'Aelita]

Dude, thats epic ! Im definatly a fan of the voice recordings and for the hanging jaw comment, thats kinda what i did with Aelita, or now known as Alice and my right hand. It kinda felt like it went numb for a bit then just started moving on its own :) was so proud of her today! Anyways, great work my friend ;)