My Son Of Rage and Love

[mysonofrageandlove]

First of all, thank you so much to Jake'N'Aelita for popping in to read/listen and to leave a nice comment. I hope all is continuing to go well for you and Alice. That's so neat to hear how it felt for you when she moved your hand! Really cool.

 

SECOND OF ALL.

 

YES, WE HAVE BEEN AWAY FOR A RED HOT MINUTE.

 

This week's been pretty chaotic. Wrapping up my move out of my old apartment, celebrating my partner's birthday, preparing to go to a family wedding - lots has been going on and leaving me with little time for going online. However, despite the madness, Jamie and I have been working on imposition every chance that we get. So far, we're still experimenting and focusing heavily on touch first. He's told me that once I can sense him fully through touch and that becomes second-nature, then we can "lift the veil". His terminology, not mine. And he giggles every time he reminds me of this, so now it's becoming somewhat of an inside joke.

 

Lift the veil.

 

Anyway.

 

It's become our new routine to start and end each day sitting nose-to-nose, now with the addition of holding our hands up, palm-to-palm, and remain in that position for a good five to ten minutes. It's a really meditative experience, and while doing it, we tend to talk to one another without speaking aloud - it's always been possible throughout my time with Jamie for him to just put words into my head for me to read, and vice versa, so rather than break the meditative silence when we do this, we just chat that way and it adds to the experience instead of distracting. Each time we've done this, I've been able to feel his presence strengthening. Sound is becoming clearer along with the touch sensation, as I can now hear his breathing in front of me, whereas before I feel like I was mostly still hearing him breath within the Mindscape, if that makes any sense whatsoever. This morning, we actually pressed somewhat against each other's palms instead of just hovering in front of each other's palms, which was really thrilling.

 

So there's my latest update.

 

Everything else is wild chaotic life, and the rest is rust and stardust.

[mysonofrageandlove]

Quick question for everybody. Not sure if anyone has ever been in a situation like this, but if anyone HAS been in this situation, or if anyone just has advice off the top of their heads, I'd love to hear it. The question is this: what do you do when your significant other is aware of your tulpa and openly hates them?

 

My partner has been aware of Jamie from the get-go. She read the first draft of the first book in his series immediately after I was finished writing it, and at first, she enjoyed him. Then, as he began to develop and attain sentience, she became more and more repulsed by him. She's very aware that he's not like other "fictional characters" of mine. She understands completely that he's an entity and consciousness of his own. She's heard him speak through my mouth. However, she is extremely dismissive of him and open about the fact that she hates him.

 

Jamie's taken to calling her Space Step-mom. He feeds off negative comments about himself; knowing someone dislikes him only motivates him to get in their face more. He's also generally a friend to everyone, regardless of what their opinion of him is. He's come out and helped her many times when I was mentally unable to. I honestly don't understand her hatred of him.

 

It almost seems like she views him as a malevolent entity. I feel like she's missing out on getting to know a really intelligent, cool, generally good-hearted kid. It really is like a step-mom who isn't into Dad's leftover kid from a first marriage haha.

 

Anyway. Advice for dealing with this? Jamie's much more chill about this than I am. I feel like an overprotective parent, and it really bugs me.

[he-said-you'd-call]

So what sort of music does Jamie like? I assume you came up with the "son of rage and love" bit? Have you ever tried listening to music with him?

 

Edit: as for your recent problem, honestly, I'd consider it just treating it like a stepson situation. Rule number one of that: if it ain't gonna work, it ain't gonna work. Through personal selfishness, you've pushed two fully formed people into a family that neither may want to acknowledge. And that's fine. Don't let them cramp each other. Focus on *your* relationship with each. I'm sure Jamie will be okay, at least. I've been the stepson myself.

[solarchariot]

OMG another author!!!! Interesting how Jamie came to life!!

 

Right?! :) Even if we aren't all authors, I wonder if that underlying creative ability to imagine and create dialogue is a significant factor in creating tulpae. I am an author. I am also a therapist who tends to use narrative therapy as a way to promote change.

 

Hello, Space Dad. (I am now hearing the song "Some call me a space cowboy..." and thinking, please, Bliss, don't go singing that all day, but then better that than henry 8th i am...) I wonder if your creation event was more than just creating a character, but a way of personifying and focusing on your own inner struggles, and so if I were to read your books I would find that the characters and events to be metaphors and your responses to the same, or maybe even populated by actual people and events, only their names have been changed to protect the enemy. I hear 'rage and love' as if it is two sides of one coin.

[mysonofrageandlove]

Hi, everybody! Space Dad here, popping in after a bit of an extended absence. For those of you who might have read through the whole thread, you might have already known that I was initially in the middle of a move when I created this thread, and since then, life's continued to be up-and-down chaotic as I adjust to living temporarily at my parents' house, get my affairs in order, job search, file paperwork, and all that fun grown-up stuff.

 

Before I give a proper update, I wanted to say hi to and respond to the two people that commented on this thread while I was away! It was really nice to come back to some good messages.

 

@he-said-you'd-call, Jamie and I actually love listening to music together! We both have really varied tastes in music and enjoy a lot of different genres, so it's always fun sharing songs back and forth and it's something we do often. A few of his top favourite bands/singers/what-have-you are KMFDM, Hollywood Undead, The 1975, Voxtrot, Rammstein, and Belinda Carlisle. As for the "son of rage and love" epithet, it's actually from the lyrics of Jesus of Suburbia by Green Day. I associate it so strongly with Jamie because I think it's a great way to describe how he embodies two opposite extremes in his relations to people: he's both intensely loving and intensely connected to people, and also often intensely violent, and often both at the exact same time in a whirl of contradictions. Last, but certainly not least, thanks so much for providing some words of advice on the situation with Jamie and my SO. It's still very much a prevalent issue, but I've been treating it pretty much exactly as you said and trying to remind myself that's really all I can do.

 

@solarchariot, it's so cool to meet another author! I think it's very likely that one of the reasons Jamie attained such a level of sentience in the way that he did is because he is indeed on some level a personification of inner struggles and life experiences that I've had, so there was some life to spark a new entity entirely, or some such thing. It's really interesting to think about. "Rage and love" is very much two sides of a coin - or perhaps two sides of a melted-down coin, swirled into something new. It's really fun to have gotten two comments on this thread that make note of that phrase, because I consider it to be so significant to understanding who Jamie is and how he operates.

 

Actual update to follow in another post before I write an absolute wall of text! Thanks so much again to both of you for popping in. :)

---

THE PROMISED ACTUAL UPDATE, AS OF MAY 19 2016

 

So, in spite of all the madness in my current life schedule, I've kept up pretty regularly with imposition work, and we've gotten it to the point where I can see a vague, shadowy outline. The only weird thing is, we can only get this to happen in a specific corner of my room. I'm able to sit "nose-to-nose" with Jamie and feel him in front of me with a lot of ease these days, but if I want to see him in the "real world", he's got to go stand in this corner. Which is odd, because it's not even as though it's a blank or empty corner that would make imposition easier for me. It's got a large armchair shoved up against it and a mirror hanging adjacent to it, and the armchair is more often than not covered in laundry and scattered items of mine. He ends up standing in the little space between the back of the armchair and the corner itself. Skinny little bugger, says I, with the utmost affection.

 

For a little while, I didn't think to ask him about this, figuring that it was just some quirk of learning imposition, but the other day, it clicked in my head that I could totally ask what was up with the corner.

 

He shrugged and said, "I just like it."

 

I feel like I should have known that, honestly. Something I've always noted about him is that despite having a big personality and a tendency towards being a "natural born leader" type, he doesn't tend towards taking up a lot of space like one would expect a super-outgoing, confident guy to do. In general, I've noted that people with personality traits like that tend to spread out, sit wide, etc., but Jamie, if seated in a chair, usually has his legs drawn up to his chest and is in a little ball. It's not a tense position for him, or one of nerves, he's just.....got this weird tendency to make himself appear a little smaller than he is. I actually think it's some kind of weird mind game, as one of his favourite things to do is mess with peoples' preconceived notions and judgement of things, so I think he makes himself smaller and takes up body language that would traditionally indicate a lack of confidence or timidity in order to shock people later when he displays the opposite type of personality.

 

TL;DR: it figures that kid would fit himself into a little corner.

 

Hopefully, I'll be back around here more regularly now, with frequent updates. Jamie and I have both missed this place. Oh, and by the way, on a final parting note for today's update, if anyone has Skype and wants to chat, PM me! I'd love to have more people from here to chat with. And fair warning, if we do get connected on Skype, you will end up talking to Jamie at some point. So you get two Skype friends for the price of one.

 

It's a good deal.

[mysonofrageandlove]

So I was on a really late train out from another trip to visit my SO, and I had a window seat, and I was staring out into the darkness while listening to music. Basically, this meant I was staring at my reflection and at the train passengers behind me, because everything was reflected in the window glass. And wow, I'm explaining all this in a way that's a lot less eloquent than I'd like it to be, but I'll excuse myself because I'm exhausted as all hell.

 

The important thing is that I looked behind myself in the reflection and saw Jamie sitting in the seat behind me, across the aisle, on the other side of the train. He was wearing what he likes to call his "riot gear" - it's a black hoodie underneath of a black tactical vest, paired with ripped black skinny jeans and his usual well-loved combat boots. When I first spotted him, he was looking down at his own hands; a moment afterward, he looked up and smiled, obviously aware that I could see his reflection in the window.

 

I responded by doing the instinctive thing: turning away from the reflection to try and look at the real thing.

 

When I did so, he was gone.

 

I'm hardly sure if I can count this as a step forward in visual imposition because I didn't try to do anything here. I didn't focus on making it happen or apply any techniques to facilitate it. It just happened. Which is both thrilling, and also mildly frustrating on some level because since I didn't do anything in particular to make it happen, I can't reliably do it again.

 

Jamie's got his lips relatively zipped on the topic, or so it seems. He's been chatty about a variety of other things, but when I tried to inquire what brought him out onto the train and how he got there, all I got was a smirk and a couple laughsnortgiggles in return.

[mysonofrageandlove]

Seeing as visual imposition practice is the focus right now on our thread, I thought I'd make a quick little VISUAL update today.

 

For those who were interested, here's the unlikely, cluttered corner which has become my and Jamie's current spot for visual imposition work. He's still a faint shadow when we do this, but in any case, he stands behind the chair and leans over the back of it. Due to the slant of the ceiling, there's no way he could ever stand up straight.

 

 

And here's the thing that sparked my topic post in the general discussion forums regarding tulpas choosing clothing. Behold, Jamie's sweatshirt.

 

[ArchdiAngelo]

Reading this PR, Jamie's origins as a tulpa DEFINITELY remind me of how my two tulpae came into existence. I also really like Jamie's interpretation of his existence. It's pretty much exactly how I see reality too! Although, with my tulpae, their character ideas popped into my head and I based their story counterparts around them, rather than creating the story and having them spawn from that. So, it's a little different. But in any case, I'm definitely gonna keep following this story, you two have firmly grabbed my attention! Good luck to both of you!

[mysonofrageandlove]

Reading this PR, Jamie's origins as a tulpa DEFINITELY remind me of how my two tulpae came into existence. I also really like Jamie's interpretation of his existence. It's pretty much exactly how I see reality too! Although, with my tulpae, their character ideas popped into my head and I based their story counterparts around them, rather than creating the story and having them spawn from that. So, it's a little different. But in any case, I'm definitely gonna keep following this story, you two have firmly grabbed my attention! Good luck to both of you!

Hey there! Thanks so much for reading and for the wishes of good luck to us! It means a lot to me and Jamie both. It's also super cool to hear about the similarities between how Jamie came into existence and how your tulpae came to be. That's so interesting that for you guys it went the other way around, with the story coming second to the tulpae. Hope you're having a great day! And hopefully, we'll continue to entertain you as we go along in our lives. :)

---

LITTLE UPDATE AS OF MAY 24, 2016

 

So, it's my birthday tomorrow.

 

Due to that, Jamie and I are away on a little birthday vacation. We met up with my SO, who currently lives a state away from us, and are spending the week with her, partially in her home state, and partially in a hotel/beach vacation spot that we've been to before. So far, there's been no conflicts this week between my SO and Jamie, and things have been chill. She's baked cake pops for me, which Jamie and I are both thrilled about, because we both have a pretty big sweet tooth, although I'd say his exceeds mine ever so slightly.

 

Honestly, with the chaos of travel and birthday arrangements, we haven't had the ability to sit down and do the type of focused work on imposition that we've been doing at home, so this update is less of a real progress-report update and more of a We're Technically Away announcement. Although, I do plan to be posting a few little updates during the week if I get the chance to, but those are going to be in the form of little anecdotes if anything amusing or interesting happens with Jamie over the week - which it will. I don't think it's possible to go a week without that kid doing something fun.

---

Don't ask me how, but I somehow forgot that I already had an amusing anecdote.

 

Or rather, a bittersweet one, on some level.

 

Directly before setting off on my trip, I stopped to pick up a card for my SO, because I'd accidentally forgotten to give her one on her birthday about a month ago, so we had this joke that I would have to give her one on my birthday - and I wanted to actually do it. So there I was, picking out a card.

 

Jamie proceeded to find and pick out a card for HIS girlfriend. Those of you who've been reading our thread or talking to us over PM might be aware: in the story universe from which he originates, Jamie has a girlfriend, Sophie, who he dated from the time he was 16 years old. In their universe/timeline, Jamie is now dead. He's able to look in on her and "visit" her, but she is unaware of him, other than perhaps a passing tendency to think she might feel his presence, or just believe that he's "still with her" on some spiritual level.

 

In any case, here's the card he chose for his Sophie, that she'll sadly never get to see.

 

Outside:

 

And inside:

[Stevie]

Sound is becoming clearer along with the touch sensation, as I can now hear his breathing in front of me, whereas before I feel like I was mostly still hearing him breath within the Mindscape, if that makes any sense whatsoever.

 

That makes a lot of sense, and I think you might be on to a way to start on the road to auditory imposition, which for some reason has no guides that I can remember at the moment. You might have something really important on your hands with this brah.