Tulpa Confusion HELP

[kelcie98]

Okay so i really want to get to know my Tulpa but what if i meet somebody? Like what if i move in with a potential boyfriend? Would my Tulpa get angry with me? I really want to meet it but im afraid ill meet a significant other and then everything just goes downhill... I dont know what to do... [/font]

[NoneFromHell]

You really can't expect to get more than a "maybe" as a realistic answer for this case. It highly depends on the personality of your tulpa, and your very relationship to said tulpa. The important thing would be that you keep spending time with your tulpa, since it basically depends on it. Otherwise your tulpa may start to dissolve until there isn't much left of it.

 

So yeah, my advice would be that you should consider if you're really willing to spend serious amounts of time and energy on it, since it is a serious commitment after all. If you think that a boyfriend or something alike may change your mind about it, i guess it would be better to not get into tulpamancy to start with.

[Zaya]

NoneFromHell is entirely correct about how it depends on your personality AND the personality of your tulpa.

Zaya knows about my girlfriend, he likes her, and doesn't mind her in the least.

I feel as if our connection (Zaya and mine) is deeper in some ways, more shallow in others than the one I share with my girlfriend.

 

If you've ever read Homestuck, I relate it much to how a race of people in the story view relationships.

They come in different forms, and being "boyfriend/girlfriend" or "husband/wife" is only one kind of relationship, it isn't the penultimate, end game, all or nothing relationship people like to think it is.

You can hate someone with just as much passion as you can love someone.

You can have a familial bond that transcends even what you feel for a lover.

 

Ultimately, I know Zaya is to be with me forever, and that's unshakeable. He's more than a friend, and more than a boyfriend, and that will always be the case.

 

So figure out how YOU feel about the situation.

[Temar]

If you've ever read Homestuck, I relate it much to how a race of people in the story view relationships.

They come in different forms, and being "boyfriend/girlfriend" or "husband/wife" is only one kind of relationship, it isn't the penultimate, end game, all or nothing relationship people like to think it is.

 

Ha. I wish more people read Homestuck, because it does make it easier to convey the fact that platonic love is just legit as romantic.

 

kelcie, the fact is that a tulpa can be jealous... but they can also help with your future romantic endeavors. Me and my headmates have a bond with our host that is best described as familial, so if our host found an SO, we'd cheer her on (and defend and support her if the relationship goes bad). There's a member of these boards whose thoughtform literally helped hook him up with his wife.

 

What it comes down to is that your tulpa will be what you believe it to be. If you believe it to be a romantic partner, that's who they'll believe themselves to be, and depending on your views on polyamory, that might be a problem. But if you don't want your tulpa to be a long-term romantic partner, then guide them away from that. Don't expect them to want a romantic relationship from you, and that's the direction they'll most likely go.

 

My advice is to not get caught up in the little what-ifs. It's probably not going to be as big a deal as oyur imagining. And if it ever is an issue, it's one you and your tupper can tackle when it comes.

[Linkzelda]

For the circumstance on developing a tulpa while living out your life with someone else, or trying to hold your own:

 

- It’s obviously pragmatic to try and do the development when you can invest quite some time with them with little to no distractions. But, if you’re considering something long term with a tulpa, at some point, you’re going to have to step out of that bubble, and have them build contexts and reactions towards your conception of other people (e.g. mother, boyfriend/girlfriend, spouse, etc.) This isn’t One Piece where there’s a time-skip, and everyone trained like the dickens in the meantime to become more competent and stronger in managing a certain goal, and then suddenly come together like nothing ever happened.

 

- Because even if you spent 1, 3, 5 years in with little to no interaction with people for the sake of developing an identity for a tulpa, they’re going to bleed onto the interactions in some way. This is why the end game analogies with relationships probably get chalked up into a hermit crab type of lifestyle where the host and tulpa seem morally sound with each other relationship wise, but put them into context of that cute looking, brown-haired Sue, and they still have to make compromises as to how they would assess that individual.

 

- So, the “maybe” comes in where you could be by yourself, cultivate something with your tulpa, but it’s really just a distraction from going through trial and error of integrating how they assess themselves with someone else as well. Yes, there’s going to be a mixed bag of emotions depending on who we’re talking about, but something to point out is that whatever relationship you have with someone, it’s not going to be as deep and personal with the experience you may have with a tulpa.

 

- It’s not like the person-in-question can step into your mind, and try to battle out to see who’s more deserving to reside in the inner confines of your mind. And trying to separate ourselves from the gravitational pull of our own ego for the sake of appearing less selfish and self-serving seems a little abnormal since, surprise, who would’ve imagined that treating a tulpa as sentient would imply a mixed arrangement of influences, biases, and such that a person would try to come to terms with to make sense of anything.

 

- Sure, the projection of how you see that person might conflict with your investment with a tulpa, but really, and this is just a generalization—we’re probably more apprehensive of how we’re going to be with someone outside of our private experience and mind than a tulpa. With a tulpa, we can cultivate this assurance that we could be in it for the long run, set up contingencies for sustaining that, and creating our justifications and means of symbolisms and metaphors in the event that we can’t seem to keep moving forward.

 

- For someone outside of our mind, if that person just chose to leave us for good, no amount of symbolism, affirmations, or delusions could bring them back. It’s not like we can put them in a time chamber for stasis while we try to work things out with a tulpa, you know. But the other way around, if the host feels it’s pragmatic for temporarily stopping interaction with a tulpa, it can be done. Which just shows how flexible it is for us to do this internally vs. trying to feel it could be done externally with someone who has their own inner experience, and story to tell that isn’t solely dependent on these conceptions we have of them.

 

- Which leads me back to my point that at some point, you’ll have to find a way to integrate them with the relationships you may have over the course of your life. It’s okay to worry about the initial feelings a tulpa may have about someone else, but again, that “maybe” is really just another word for the fear of whether or not a tulpa can move on to another type of behavior after those hard hitting feelings fade away.

 

- If there’s conflict with those feelings not fading away at some point, then just like how you have to come to terms with integrating them with someone else in your life, you would have to come to terms in how you see the dynamic between each other, and that other person.

 

- IMO, another fear is whether or not self-progression and self-sufficiency between a tulpa and host would be solely dependent on who’s outside their minds that seems to threaten the time investment between the two. Kind of like that “Bad Roomies” movie where the main characters are second guessing themselves when some chick just comes out of nowhere to literally screw around with them and the interpersonal connections they have with people.

[mysonofrageandlove]

Just throwing in my own personal experience: I have a girlfriend, who knows about Jamie's existence. Jamie is absolutely fine with her, and enjoys her, although he definitely does not see eye to eye with her on some of her world views. She, however, hates him. So there's the flip side. Your tulpa may be perfectly happy for you when you find a significant other - but your significant other may hate your tulpa.