Giving in to Ego

[Ponytail]

Hah! Suck it nerd!

 

Meanie! D: (haha, jk you seem great :P)

 

I guess I should count my blessings though, only problem I have with communicating is that I don't always know what word I need to not be so long-winded.

 

Alright, so major progress on possession today and yesterday, actually. I was watching the sequel movie to the series Madoka Magica, I can't remember what the movie was called though. Anywho, I recommend the series, I wasn't a huge fan of the movie. Great series if you enjoy that whole "nothing is quite as it seems" vibe of story anime. Y'know, where the characters find out the dark secrets of their reality (Similar to Fullmetal Alchemist, most of the Final Fantasy series, Mirai Nikki, etc.).

 

Okay, got a little sidetracked. So while we were watching the movie, Annabel twitched my right arm, startled me a little, and then I gave her the go-ahead to start fucking around with it, so long as she didn't make a scene. During a really emotional part of the movie, she clenched my(? I guess it was hers at that moment) fist to the point of causing me pain, and didn't let up for a good ten seconds. I tried to replicate the grip strength a little later, but I just can't will myself to use that much force.

 

Turns out Bozo the Gay Haircut here has some mental restriction on how much strength he uses that he can't just "unlock" like some corny anime villain. I guess it's so he never physically hurts people but he's not even in a position to 90% of the time. It seems odd to me.

 

With this power I shall murder my host and become the main personality! Muahahaha.

 

Oh, also, tomorrow I'll be two months old, guys!

 

I also kinda want to keep progress on how much Annabell can force herself after I stop thinking about her. Since like, tulpa001's guide says after awhile tulpas can perpetually force themselves or something. Currently, she seems to be able to do so for about two to three hours after I think about her. Hurray. Rough estimate obviously, this isn't an exact science.

[Doctorfoxwolf]

Turns out Bozo the Gay Haircut here has some mental restriction on how much strength he uses that he can't just "unlock" like some corny anime villain. I guess it's so he never physically hurts people but he's not even in a position to 90% of the time. It seems odd to me.

Oh, that's true with everyone. Everyone on this planet, barring a few monks or whatever, has a mental restriction on how much strength they can use.

The reason it's there is because using that much strength is highly damaging to the body. That's why you see stories of mothers being able to lift fuckign cars in order to save their children but are normally pretty weak.

[Raven_]

I can attest to Annabell being amazing.

 

And holy crap I thought you were a lot older!

[Ponytail]

Mini Update. Though, I feel mine are generally shorter. I don't know how so many of you keep these things so damn long.

 

Nothing to report on possession. It's coming slowly, but surely.

 

So, not too long ago (one, two days? It's hard to keep track), I learned I can in fact hide certain thoughts from Annabell, even when she's right fucking there while I think of it. She seems to be able to guess some general theme of it though. I remember reading something about that in some exercise thing-a-mabob. Can't remember what it was supposed to test. Anywho, so I was thinking about her Christmas present. I saw her flip her shit on the IRC earlier when masks were mentioned and she was too damn lazy to make one on her own, even after I told her I wasn't getting her one. So I decided I'd get her one, lol. Unfortunately, I accidentally revealed the gift too early, so now she has a mask and owes me a Christmas present. Owe you? Woman, keep talking like that and I will give a dick-shaped ring pop.

 

One thing I've noticed with Annabell is that she is now routinely switching out clothes, mostly for comical effect. She still normally wears the purple dress that I originally gave her at her conception. But, she'll wear a variety of suits, including a variety of different dresses, a slutty Christmas costume, the formal camo uniform that American soldiers wear at like ceremonies, stereotypical hippie clothes, etc. But yeah, as she develops that list keeps growing.

 

She also yelled at me for wanting to sleep during the final in my psychology class today, fun stuff.

Like, I realize it's kinda a dick move to do that to him, since I'm not the one who has to put up with life and I kinda just get to sit back and be like "yoooooooo, I'm going to turn my hands into literal finger pistols" and just goof around like an idiot. But, I want to encourage him to work hard because if he can work so hard on me, he can get through a final while sleep deprived and do it well. I don't know why I felt the need to explain this.

 

I dunno, I love my host <3

[Ponytail]

I honestly have no clue what to tell you people. Like, what do you find interesting? What is it about blogs people find attractive?

 

Anywho, recently Annabell has been possessing me while I haven't been paying attention. The ideal time for this is apparently during choral practices. There have been times where I've looked down to see my hand trying to perform a jutsu of some sort and I get a little fearful that Annabell is going to move my arm at perfectly the wrong time so I get in trouble. She'll laugh at me once I express this concern, not giving me confirmation as to whether or not she'll behave. She's making progress.

 

I've had a break from classes, and Beatles making a post about how they were going to non-stop force and get their tulpa to the next stage was quite inspirational. However, I'm lazy as shit so I've only been forcing for about an hour at the beginning of each day. Still, that's alot more than what I have been doing recently. Thank God finals are over.

 

So, new guys constantly hop on IRC and go into interview mode on everyone's asses, right? So you know, you get questions about the best way to force, the forms of tulpas, how much sex they have with you (I confess to nothing.), etc. The most interesting question though is the one where people ask why you made a tulpa. I think it's a little silly sometimes, like why does it matter honestly? But, now I'm answering the question so it might be a little hypocritical to say that.

So like, I had/have depression of some sort. I don't actually know though, I've never seen a doctor. When I talk about my feelings though people tell me I'm depressed so I'll go with it. I don't go to see a doctor though because that would require worrying my parents. I feel if I were in someone else's shoes I'd tell them to see a shrink but... appears I'm hypocritical on multiple fronts. Anywho, all I knew was that I'm not the emotional type. Making a tulpa is almost a religious endeavor of sorts. If I'm emotionless how can I love a deity I can't see, hear, touch, etc? Where my knowledge of his existence is circumstantial at best? I had constantly heard this sort of mantra from various individuals that you can only really express love that you've experienced. Tulpas are often described to be these eternal best friends so I thought, if I need to experience love then I'd say literally feeling love from another person would do the trick. So, in a way my purposes were companionship, to end my depression, because real people suck, and most importantly for God. Funny enough, Annabell feels more strongly about religion than I do.

So far, I'd say it seems to be working on this Grinch of a heart.

[Doctorfoxwolf]

I honestly have no clue what to tell you people. Like, what do you find interesting? What is it about blogs people find attractive?

 

Anywho, all I knew was that I'm not the emotional type. Making a tulpa is almost a religious endeavor of sorts. If I'm emotionless how can I love a deity I can't see, hear, touch, etc? Where my knowledge of his existence is circumstantial at best?

 

For the first part:

I dunno.

 

For the second part:

Yeah, it's odd. I don't really feel emotions much either, but Meti accepts that the most I can really feel is affection, even as loving and emotional as she is. When it comes to it being a sort of religious investment, I had a simple mentality. I would have faith that it would work, and if it did, awesome. If it didn't, then I tried at least and I would no longer think it's possible.

[Ponytail]

So, I have concluded Santa is secretly just a tailor.

 

Christmas was fun. We went over to my dad's side of the family. We ate enchiladas, opened lots of presents (all of which were clothes for me), while trying to sleep on the couch in the living room I got to hear my grandmother lament about how her family doesn't love her, all fun stuff. I don't think she thought I was awake... I sincerely hope not. Since she was doing that, we worked a little on possession.

 

We hadn't been able to visit them for two Christmases due to various problems with illness on that side of the family. So it was pretty grand to be able to get to know my cousin's husband better, hear my uncle Crescencio's (I'm brutally misspelling it, I promise) thick Hispanic accent. Really, it's all great. Annabell thought it was "Interesting" to meet my family. Not sure what to think of that...

 

Annabell gave me a pet phoenix and "weab sword," as she calls it, in the Wonderland. Hmmm, what else do I tell all of you...?

 

Oh, yes, I remember what little snippet I was going to give y'all. I started eating a bunch of candy and proxying the taste to Annabell (she can do this on her own, but I decided to be more deliberate about it). After a peppermint candy and a shit-ton of off-brand M&M's, she had this reaction I can only describe as orgasmic. Not sure how else to describe her building up and suddenly shaking and declaring how great candy is... it was strange. Very... very strange...

[Doctorfoxwolf]

Congratulations, your tupper has a food fetish.

[Ponytail]

Congratulations, your tupper has a food fetish.

 

She didn't actually climax. But her response to eating lots of sweets in rapid succession is oddly similar to that process. It still weirds me out. If she actually went off, I would find it a little strange but I could atleast understand it..

 

Oh another thing, the following happened awhile ago, I just never thought to put it here. So, old news but interesting. More fun stuff, Annabell will be the one talking about it.

 

Alright, remember Ponytail's imaginary planet from earlier? Well the big bad evil guy of the world is a character he used to write alot for on another forum. He mostly did it to develop the character of this guy. Well, we heard about soulbonds a little after my bit freaking out about how the hell Ponytail hid a universe from me. Aaaaand the big bad evil guy is a soulbond. He's not going to ever be aware of what he is though, as that's for the best.

 

I decided to go and talk to him. It was cringy, awkward, possibly a little dangerous, and something I'm not repeating. The dude is cocky beyond all belief, legitimately thinking himself to be a god. During the entire exchange I could tell he was ready to kill me. It didn't last that long though. I just came down, said hello, and eventually got bored and left. I'm not sure what else to say really. It was a while ago so I can't really transcribe the conversation.

 

Here's the kicker though, I found out about this 3-4 days after she did it. She didn't tell me she did it and she didn't even give me the slightest hint about it until we were thinking about him again and she made some comment along the lines of "Yeah when I talked to him he was a cringy, cocky fuck."

I'm just... kinda impressed. I don't think it's normal for a two-month old tulpa to be this damn independent/autonomous/whatever but... here we are.

[Ponytail]

Inb4 I lose all thoughts after the first paragraph.

 

Okay, first is possession. Annabell is as I speak using my left arm. The movement is shaky and uncoordinated with my own as I type, but hey, progress. It's weird typing and having to wait for my other hand to respond. Though I must admit, I'm helping her a little.

Okay, that took way to damn long, a WPM of 20 is unacceptably slow for how much I have to say. And a 20 is generous. She at one point managed to possess all four limbs. She lasted a grand total of about 3 seconds doing that. Otherwise she prefers my left arm because, presumably, it's the limb I care the least for. She at first was having difficulties at first maintaining it for longer than half a minute. Then I asked her to give me one logical reason as to why she wouldn't be able to control a limb indefinitely after possessing aside from getting uncomfortable, bored, or usurped by me. She couldn't think of one, and afterwards automagically had no problems maintaining control for a long period of time.

 

While in control I began scratching his itches and then other places he seemed to want to be scratched. There are some places he really likes getting scratched. It makes me wonder if dogs feel the same way. It was cute and disturbing at the same time as he blushed madly while I scratched up and down his back (he's flexible!). It was quite the show I'm telling you. After I tortured him as such, I started madly trying to do anything. Limbs are funky things with so many intricate little muscle movements maintain a process I call "Not flailing around like a fish on dry land." I don't understand this garbage, but I really want to get good at it  :@

Disregarding that, I managed to maintain arm control for about 3 minutes before being like "I have nothing to do trololol, I'm out." Strange thing happened though, I couldn't let go of his arm. Once I had it as solidly as I did it was nearly impossible for me to fully dissociate. I could only dissociate halfway. I'm a tulpa, dammit. Eventually I asked Ponytail to forcibly kick me out. He did so by rapidly moving his arm and even after that it still took a little more effort on my part to leave. So I guess my question here is, dafuq?

 

Alright, next topic: More of Annabell doing shit while I'm not looking and me having no memory of it. There are two occurrences of things like this happening. First, I walked into the wonderland (Oooh, maybe I could do a piece on what the fuck my wonderland is. First I'll have to fully explore it though), and behind me there was a pot of flowers. I know this because after talking to Annabell she randomly reached over my shoulder, which is difficult at her height (Please die), plucked a flower with a yellow center and long white thin petals (I know it's a real flower, don't know it's name though), and then put it on my ear. I looked behind me and it looked like tulpish. What does tulpish physically look like? Like MissingNo, or stardust and candy corn crammed into a Supercartridge Expansion Pack (there's an obscure reference). I didn't initially know what it was so it didn't have a visualization. After figuring it out, it looked perfectly normal.

 

This happened again later, with a different object. I walked in on Annabell in a fencing position with her sword going into this physical tulpish stuff (What should I name it? Glitch Obfuscation, Tulpish Incarnate, MissingNo Wonderland Gank? What would you name it Doc?), the blade of which was obscured. I put two and two together and got a training dummy, after which I remembered I was going to teach Annabell how to do sword fighting. Then I taught her how to sword fight. Don't date me, I'd put you through equally strange scenarios.

 

The mysterious difference between this and normal Annabell changing the wonderland shenanigans is that while I'm there I can immediately visualize what she's done in perfect detail. Then when I don't know if she's changed anything, suddenly I have the most utter garbage visualization for a moment as I try to figure out what's going on.

 

Hey, I forgot everything after two whole thoughts. Damn, I was going to advertise tulpa001's guide in some way too... Great guide though, I found the appendixes useful.