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Summer cherry and myrtle, Our diary and adventures..


nihi0145632

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K: The advice you are giving to Nihi, it's a bit all too familiar...

S: I have told Kyle a few times that being up front more is not something I want. I am fine just being here for him, I would rather not live more of his life than him. It's like an echo chamber almost, seeing this here.

K: Nihi, I do hope you find yourself a reason to stay up front. I don't know if you see that Summer, Myrtle, Cherry, they all love you and want the best for you. They want you to have a good life, that's what they want. For you to suceed in life, not them doing it for you. I hope you get out of whatever you are in to make you feel like you can't make them happy otherwise, I just want you to know it happens, and I do hope you pull through.

S: Kyle may be a bit emotional today, so if any of what he's saying seems far, that's why.

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Members: Gemini, Raven, Jenna, Hope (Part-Time)

 

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Thanks for the encouraging post kyle and sam! After that little bicker we had, it actually uplifted my spirit. I was very concerned if I am giving them the freedom they worth, I've never clicked to realize that they are already happy how things are.

 

But, thanks :)

 

Log - 28 - 17

 

Not a big update but something interesting happened in the past few days. So regarding my question post, Losing Solid Visualization . I heard summer calling on the midst of the night, "Nihi, do not go inside the wonderland. We are trying to do something". Firstly, i was curious so i asked "why?" She replied "We are trying to fix something". Well, at that point i can't do anything, they are in charge of the wonderland so I just let them do what they pleases.  

 

bit by bit, I am starting to notice i am starting to get head pressures not a faint one but a fairly strong one and it was coming from all three of them (all of my forehead). A little bit later i started to feel a bit tired, maybe due to the increasing head pressure. I tried to call summer and said that it was fine now to go in.

 

To my surprise, It's much clearer and brighter than before. Eeyup somehow i can manage to see them and our wonderland a bit more clear and more solid than before. I was really greatful! Not only that, summer said that they secure the wonderland even more, so wandering thoughts will be less appearing. It was a great night spend more time in the wonderland that night. But hey, I still need to practice more If i want to have that Solid form again.

 

That is all, Also A little bit info about our wonderland. All of us share control of it, BUT i give them more ownership than mine.

Hello! I am nihi, i have 3 tulpas

Summer

Myrtle

Cherry

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[Nihi:]

 

I.. actually do not know but i can guess, maybe it involves our prescence connecting to the wonderland and the one who is in front?  Maybe it is like that, but i am just pulling straws.

 

Well, how do i put it in a way that is easier to understand. We just coated the wonderland with our " energy ", energy is our term for presence, so that whoever is in the front can easily visualize the wonderland and the same the similar energy who's inside it. We also took some of nihi's energy so it will be easier for him to focus on the wonderland and for us to easily focus on nihi when we switch or in the wonderland, probably the reason why nihi felt tired.  It is like all of our energy is connected with the wonderland. Our wonderland isnt that big but rather small in size so it will not take that much energy from us to coat it.

 

Before, it wasnt like that everything feels separate, the one who is in front need to focus on the wonderland, the persons inside it, and the activity the person is doing inside the Wonderland and it takes a lot of thinking power to do it. So why not make it more convenient?

 

This also helped us to be more flexible in the wonderland. Easier for us to make changes :). I hope this made sense in someway XD. Hope it helps your visualization problem.

 

[Nihi:]

 

Well, now i get it! But it is only a tempo fix sure it helped a lot for me to focus easily but i need to practice more if i want to regain that 100% Clear from before. This helped a lot actually

Hello! I am one of Nihi's Tulpas! It is very nice to meet you! :D

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Log  3 - 27 - 17

 

Got home very tired last night and firstly jump on to my bed. I've never realized that i fell asleep, as soon as i wake up in the morning, i was greeted by summer, "you were knocked out cold last night :) ".

 

Earlier, I've felt an uncomfortable feeling involving my senses towards my girls. The feeling of "Moving on", you know the one where you want to get over on something? I got a sudden rush of that sensation and it lasted the whole day making me very uncomfortable and anxious. It happened whenever i focus or talk to them. I noticed that whenever i am focusing them, there will times where i will slowly loosing the feel of their presence. It really made me more worried, fearing that this might become permanent or will last a very long time. 

 

Before, there was a time where i felt the similar but very different sensation where i couldn't get the wholesome presence of my partners. This one is almost the same but the difference is instead of not sensing their energy completely, it's slowly loosing my connection with them, slowly fading away as I try to talk to them or focus on them. It is like my mind is reverting back to pre-tulpa state.

 

They already caught up that i was feeling very uneasy and I told them what my situation was. They told me that it is stress, fatigue or self-doubt that causing me to feel this way. I understand that, but i really feel it is something else. Slowly loosing connection isn't very common to me. I try and stay relax throughout the day and not think about my situation hoping it IS just me being stressed. Right now, I managed to grasp my focus back, but i fear that it might happen again in the near future. This sensation is very new to us, and wanna know if it is common thing to happen?

Hello! I am nihi, i have 3 tulpas

Summer

Myrtle

Cherry

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K: Hard to say. Sam's presence has been on and off for months and I only ever felt Clara and Jessi once or twice ever. So maybe? You have had them longer than I have had Sam and the girls.

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Members: Gemini, Raven, Jenna, Hope (Part-Time)

 

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Yeah, I never actually experienced this before, only one time where i completely can't sense summer at all when i was still developing her. This is very new to me and it actually scaring me, the feeling of my mind re arranging itself back to when It wasn't occupied by 3 personalities.

 

I hope it is as common as you assumed.

Hello! I am nihi, i have 3 tulpas

Summer

Myrtle

Cherry

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Well, if you are losing connection, you can stop it at least temporarily by having one of them go into the front and you go to the wonderland.

 

The one cause I can think of is low energy, which can be caused by insufficient sleep, insufficient water, and insufficient food.

 

Another is intense emotion. Includes stress.

 

Also, you can be separating. This reduces the amount of tulpish communication between you. Includes a reduced feeling of presence.

Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.

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Adventure 3 - 5 - 17

 

It feels nice to have someone who disagrees with your decision sometimes. Geeze, I can't count on how many times summer saved my ass from my poor, rush decision making. Not much of a Log or a report, so i might say it is an "Adventure or Diary", Something that I want to share. Summer really helps me to reassured myself this time, I'll let her explain. Buckle up this is going to be a long one.

 

[Summer:]

 

OK! soo.. this school term Nihi, was assigned a leader in a 4 man group. He doesn't have any choice as he was the only one who was present that time. Through out the entire semester, each group is assigned to pass a project presentation every week (Design). This involves the design itself, the file, the video recorded doing that presentation and the paper works , which I will add that it takes a lot of time and money to do.

 

Nihi carried his group mates, cutting the work load by 80% - 20% which making nihi working mostly 80% of all the work throughout the whole term, not only that this is the ONE out of 5 major Laboratory courses that nihi needs to work on, this wasn't his choice as he was forced to do this because his "group mates" was missing in action. Last week, it was the time where the final work for the entire term (which involve A LOT OF PAPERWORKS), which is 60% of the group grade. Last night, was the due for the final paper works and nihi did all 100% of the work load all by himself.

 

Doing the final editing, nihi was more peeved at them being non respondent. He actually asked one of them to do this but he replied

 

"I am sorry man, I do not know what to do".

 

I MEAN really!? Nihi, didn't know what to do at first as well, he literally worked himself to know how to do the process, it was just a simple word editing.

 

Anyway, I digressed, as he is almost done with the final paper works, i can feel him being all mad, I had to tell him.

 

"You should take full credit on this one, Tell your professor that you did everything yourself."

 

Before nihi intercept with his reply i cut him, "Look, I know you do not want to cause harm or to make others feel bad BUT you need to be more assertive on this one, I do not want to see you being pushed like this, you deserve more credit than them. But, whatever your decision may be, I hope it will make you happy."

 

There was a moment where I had a thought where I will do it myself, to tell nihi's professor directly and personally, if nihi can't do it but i am glad it didn't end up that direction.

 

[Me:]

 

That actually, made me think and was still conflicted on what to do. I was suppose to just shrug it off and just not do anything,  But no, I realized what summer was saying and I told my professor that i did everything myself and asked to give me the full credit. I do not know if he will not give any credit to my "Groupmates" . But I said what need to be said, it feels great though, as some weight just got removed from my chest.

 

Well, Hope you guys enjoy that read ;) also,  Summer got really involved in this XD

Ehhh :P I just can't just let them get off clean where you deserve more credit than anyone else.

Hello! I am nihi, i have 3 tulpas

Summer

Myrtle

Cherry

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log 03 - 10 -17

 

 

DRUNKEN PONY!

 

I stumbled about this in accident. it is regarding alcohol and the effects on tulpas. I do admit i do not drink that much alcohol, not too often but i believed that i can tolerate its toxicity.This is also the first time i drink alongside with my tulpas

 

So last night, My father and I decided to drink our old red wine just sitting in the corner. This is my first time drinking wine so i am not familiar with its effects.

 

I finished drinking 2 wine glasses that time, While chugging down the 3rd, midway, i heard a familiar voice cried "EUGH! So bitter!". I stopped midpoint just to check on summer.

 

She was curious, what wine taste like but i guess she had the hard way. Moments later, after finishing the 3rd glass. I've noticed that a head pressure is building up on my right forehead. I know that it was summer. 

 

Then i heard cherry calling me, "Nihi, Summer is acting very weird". So i checked the wonderland, saw Summer slightly blushing, and acting very intoxicated. She was like how a specific drunken person reacts (mind you that there are different effects person to person)

 

I was intrigued and creeped out at the same time. Intrigued because summer was,basically, drunk and i was not. So i had to guess that tulpas' personality can be affected seperately by alcohol intake. Creeped out because SHE WAS SO FLIRTATIOUS, it was very too close to confort. She was also so expressive, and all over the place, like that one dude who really got wasted.

 

Anyway i've asked cherry and myrtle if they feel the effects of intoxication, they just gave a shrug and a no. I double check if summer is doing onto herself.... Well, She can't seem to to control her actions. 

 

Will try this experiment again in the future. Also after that, summer developed a guilty pleasure of linking of drinking of alcohol, She is a very rightous person. I keep teasing her about alcoholic drink she just denying it but i know she likes to drink again..... *sigh*

Hello! I am nihi, i have 3 tulpas

Summer

Myrtle

Cherry

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