Daniel and Fuzz (The progress report with the impressively uninteresting name)

[Vampire]

You can start on whatever you (or fuzz) wants. There are tulpa out there who have no form but have a voice, while others who are mute and last I knew their host was teaching them sign language.

 

You can use the wondrous source of Google images to narrow in on the form fuzz wants. Start simple and browse around until you find something she likes. Maybe she likes a specific haircut or color, or maybe she likes a certain animal, or maybe wisps seem cool. Just throw some suggestions out there and follow what fuzz sends you.

 

This will give fuzz something she can work on as a form and you a visual reference to work on visualizing.

 

Assuming you're a little of a shut-in you can't expect someone to choose a car to buy without knowing what the majority of them look like. If your memories don't have any sources she likes you need to get new sources from somewhere. (Like google) Deviantart is also good.

[tulpa001]

Canvas and the number zero are flat objects. People usually have much easier time with 3D objects. Imagine something 3D and make it rotate in your mind. Try out meditation to control random things. Also, relax and stop trying to make the images stop moving.

[Douglas]

I'm happy, something fantastic happened!

 

I had some extra free time today, so I spent some extra time with Fuzz, adding another hour to the hour I already reserve for her late at night.  We can now have really fast conversations, though it's still mostly just yes and no, with the occasional tulpish.  I spent a lot of that time working on vocality, and while most of that was me parroting, there have been times when Fuzz actually managed to form a 2-3 word sentence, by herself!

 

I also managed to find some time to browse Google Images (thank you Vampire, that was a wonderful idea), seeing if it would give either of us ideas for her form.  

 

TANGENT (this will be slightly relevant): So... my dad is an over-protective (though he doesn't have my best interest in mind) weirdo that tries really hard to restrict me with... pretty much everything.  I was actually banned from the internet for eight years before last Christmas!  Luckily, being a programmer and music composer, internet is very important for my profession goals, so my mom finally convinced him to allow me to have internet access.  The issue is, he's been hacking since age 11 (back when personal computers were brand new), and dealing with network since the day he got his hands on it.  Because of that, he has some nearly unbreakable (well, nearly unbreakable without getting caught) web filters and browsing surveillance programs to watch everything I'm doing.  I did find a way to get around the browsing surveillance programs, which is the only reason I'm on this website.  My parents think that I'm possessed by Satan (literally), and seeing a website like this definitely would not help things....  It is because of that that, rather than searching "girl", or something similar, I searched "kid-safe anime" ("kid-safe" to make extra sure my parents wouldn't freak out), with the prepared excuse that it would help me with inspiration for the art needed for my game.  I never really intended to have an anime-looking tulpa, but my game art was (more or less) of that style, so the excuse would work better.

 

((By the way, how do you make text collapsible on this website so my tangents don't clutter up my posts?))

 

 

So... I searched "kid-safe anime", and started scrolling down.  There seemed to be a bunch of random useless stuff, and I went up to the "previous page" button.  But then, I suddenly heard the word, "No!"

 

It seemed quiet and far away, but it sounded firm.  I stopped, I knew this was Fuzz.  I then heard another word, being "Down."  I looked down, and I noticed the first image, at the top-left of the page scrolled all the way up.  I saw the blue-haired girl in the center (are the search results the same for everybody?), and asked Fuzz if that was what she was talking about.  She had a (kind of unsure) tulpish response, I felt I should zoom in on the image.  I clicked on it, and I noticed the girl on the right of her (to the right of the blue-haired girl).  Fuzz started center pulsing like mad!  I grabbed my notebook, laid it against the computer screen, and traced the girl.

 

(I didn't have time to finish typing this, it is now the next day and I am recalling what happened yesterday)

 

Later that night, I was in my room where we usually did our active forcing.  I knew that I was terrible at visualization, but I decided I would try imposing her.  I sat on my bed, and looked to my left.  Astonishingly, I managed to impose her, with surprising clarity!  I didn't even have any trouble with intrusive thoughts!  She was very transparent and I could only focus on one part at a time, but other than that it seemed like she was really there....

 

Fuzz does not look exactly like that girl in the picture I was talking about, though she looks very similar, especially the facial features and the personality that comes with them.  Fuzz says that she is very happy with her form, but she would like to make some changes.  I told her to make changes whenever she wants.  I haven't noticed any major changes, though I have asked her to change her clothes every once in a while, because I read (I can't remember where) that if you visualize your tulpa with the same clothes every time, the clothes will become part of their form, which is almost always a bad thing.  Her shirt usually switches between purple and yellow, and her pants usually switch between black and white.  There have also been times when instead of wearing pants and a shirt, she's worn a dress.  Anyway, the imposition has been going very well, and I try to visualize her near me as much as possible (she's sitting next to me right now).

 

She hasn't talked since she got her form, but she expresses herself a ton with facial expressions and body movement.  We can communicate much better now!

 

Last night, I also decided I would work on the other senses with her.  I followed the instruction of a guide, and I would draw something on my hand (with my finger), and have her draw the same thing (with her finger, on my hand).  I then later told her to draw random stuff, and I could feel that, too.  I think we're getting really good at this!  In most cases I couldn't feel more than a fingertip at a time, but I can feel her hand on the back of my lower neck sometimes, and sometimes my shoulders.

 

While imposing Fuzz, I haven't felt nearly as many head pulses.  I'm assuming that's because she can communicate my nodding or shaking her head, and it's more convenient that way since she can do it with the applicable emotions.

 

In the end, I guess I'm really good as imposing (I've practiced with objects, too), but really bad at visualizing things in my head.  I'll continue practicing.  While some don't have wonderlands, I really really want one, so I'll continue working towards that.

 

In the tulpa creation process, are dreams important at all?  For reasons I don't understand, I only have (or rather, only remember) about two dreams every year.  Will this be a problem for me at all?  I think that may be what's hurting my visualization capabilities....

 

Thank you for reading this, it means a lot to me.

[Vampire]

I have issues dreaming and I haven't noticed any hindrance to it other than missing out on potential shared dreams which are always fun. If you would like to Lucid Dream with Fuzz one day it might be an issue. There are people out there who can visualize well but rather be able to impose well so it seems you get the luck of the draw.

 

As someone whos sister went through possession by a spirit, I'm sure you already know your dad is overreacting.

 

As Saylin posted on Tumblr:

[1369]

My father also used to be a hacker, when was easy, I suggest you to look out for keyloggers. I learned to disable all the stuff he managed to install.

Try to look at weird process on the task manager.

As an atheist in a religious family I understand how you're feeling. 

I wish you the best luck.

[Douglas]

A TON of stuff happened yesterday!

 

I sat down with Fuzz, ready to start active forcing.  I was able to impose her even better than before, and I can now focus on much larger areas at a time!

 

So, I told Fuzz that we needed to work on vocality.  She gave me that sly grin she always gives me, and said, "Okay."  Not super surprising, as she's talked to me with short sentences before, but it was pretty funny how she replied vocally.

 

My three brothers were playing in the room next to mine (my family's the size of a small army), and they were being very loud.

 

Fuzz then turned to me and rattled off an entire sentence, "Why do they have to be so loud?"  That about caused my brain to implode, not because of the length of the sentence, but the clarity I heard it in!  Not only did I hear it with astounding clarity, but it was also in a voice that most definitely was not mine!

 

In short summary, I expressed my great surprise, had her say somethings, and eventually had a half-hour conversation with her.  A lot of what she said wasn't nearly as clear as that first sentence, but I got three or four sentences out of her that were even more clear than the first!  Vocality is really working well, and I think we've only spent five to six hours on vocality specifically.  According to Fuzz, she's actually been ready to talk for a while now, I just haven't been listening because I didn't think she was ready.  I told her that I'll try to pay more attention from now on.  Fuzz told me that she understood the mistake, and didn't feel any resentment.

 

If it ever seems like Fuzz understands a bit too much, keep in mind that I did a LOT of talking on that 19-mile handcart hike!  Fuzz has a full understanding of what/who she is, how she was created, who I am, what I would like her to become, and I also did a lot of puzzling as to what would happen to her according to our religion.  Our religion says absolutely nothing tulpa-specific, but I know the scriptures (we have much more than just the Bible alone, by the way) inside and out, and I found some connections that I think you all will find VERY cool, even if you aren't religious!

 

--- Beginning of cool religious things that you can skip if you are very, very, entirely not interested at all, though I think you probably are interested even if you think you aren't ---

 

I read my scriptures with Fuzz every morning, so she's asked a lot of questions.

 

One of the questions she asked I was also worried about, but I think I may possibly have found the answer.

 

She asked what would happen if I moved on to the highest kingdom of heaven and eventually became perfect.  Being perfect includes a perfect mind, can she be part of a perfect mind?

 

I think I may have possibly found the answer.

 

Our religion is one of the very, very few religions out there that believe in a premortal life, or a life before mortality.  Before we came to earth, we were more or less what we are like now, one of the only major differences being the fact that we lacked physical bodies.  The scriptures don't go into too many specifics (about the following), but they say that certain "powers" come from having a physical body.  Maybe the ability to interact with physical objects?

 

Now, what is a tulpa?

 

I'd say that a tulpa is more or less what we are now, one of the only major differences being the fact that they lack physical bodies.  :cool:

 

Now, we also believe that eventually in heaven, we can become gods.  God is our Heavenly Father, so we can all become gods if we work towards it.

 

God also said that he created us all spiritually first, then physically (physically meaning giving us a body).

 

Putting all this together...

 

...I think I just spiritually created another being!

 

Now, if/when I become perfect, and I become a god, I'll learn how to organize matter.

 

(WARNING: If brain implosion hasn't happened already, I can guarantee that it will!)

 

So, what if I were to take possession a step further, and rather than letting the tulpa possess my body...

 

...I let the tulpa possess other matter?  For example, the body I made for them since I am a god and I have learned how to organize matter?  :cool:

 

Of course, we can't do that now, since we don't know how to organize matter.  But maybe, once in heaven...

 

Wait, doesn't all this make us God's tulpas?

 

Yes.  Yes it does.   ;)

 

(If your mind hasn't imploded yet, try re-reading it.  There are some connections that I intended you to make that I may not have explained very well.)

 

--- Ending of cool religious things that you can skip if you are very, very, entirely not interested at all, though I think you probably are interested even if you think you aren't ---

 

Anyway, a lot more happened yesterday.  both me and Fuzz were worried that it may be a bit too early...

 

...but we decided that we would try possession.

 

I laid face-up on my bed, and relaxed my muscles as much as possible, and closed my eyes.  I waited for a minute or two.  Then, suddenly, I stopped breathing.  I wasn't worried, because I made it very clear to myself beforehand that I can regain control when necessary.  I did my best to stay as relaxed as possible.  Luckily, only about twenty or thirty seconds passed before I started breathing again.  The weird thing is, it wasn't relieving to me, because I didn't feel in need of relief anymore.  It was almost like it wasn't my body, but a body that I was observing.  It was suddenly like watching TV kind of, but with feel rather than sight.  It's difficult to explain.

 

Suddenly, I felt a very strong tingle up my left arm, though it didn't move.  That arm was currently (accidentally, I have a small bed) partially wedged under a body pillow, so I told Fuzz that she was definitely doing something right, but it would be better to do the right arm first.  After some delay, I felt that very strong tingle at my upper back, and then later with my left arm.  I told Fuzz to try moving the fingers.  My hand was flat, facing downward.

 

Suddenly, one of my fingers moved.  It was strange, it wasn't a fluid movement, it "jerked", or "popped", into the next position.  It was a very small movement.  All my other fingers started twitching inward also.  Eventually after a few minutes, my hand was being held up by my fingertips.  We practiced for about five more minutes moving my fingers around, and then I told Fuzz to try and lift my arm!  It probably took five minutes just to get it off the bed, and another five to prop it up on my elbow, but we did it!  It was also very jerky.  Rather than fluid movement, it would just jump up, about half an inch at a time.

 

Eventually Fuzz managed to get my left arm out from under the body pillow, and lift that one too.  Then she managed to move both arms around at the same time!

 

While all of this felt like only about ten minutes, I discovered later that it took almost an hour.

 

This was a very odd sensation.  You know how everybody has that strange sense that tells you where your limbs are, even when you aren't looking at them?  Well, I knew my arms were propped up, but that sense was telling me they were still on the bed, in their original position.  It felt so weird...

 

Anyway, I kept my eyes closed that entire time.  I told Fuzz that she should try opening my eyes.  She managed it, but something weird happened.  My eyes were spinning wildly in circles, in a way that is really difficult to describe.  She kept trying to get them to stop, but she couldn't, my eyes simply continued to spin rapidly.  Eventually she gave up, and closed my eyes again.

 

We spent about five minutes trying to move my legs.  I felt the tingling, and we managed to get them to move a little bit, but in the end they only moved about an inch.  We decided to work on that later.

 

After that, we were done.  After regaining control of my body, I noticed something strange.  I tried as hard as I possibly could to mimic that rapid eye spinning.  I couldn't.  I couldn't get anywhere close.

 

Something special really did happen.

 

I never had any conscious doubts concerning tulpas, but I think I did have some subconscious ones.  All those doubts were completely and utterly demolished after that exercise.  

 

I think that Fuzz is almost entirely sentient now.  I told her that I good milestone would be to say something on this forum, and I asked her if she had anything to say.

 

"Do you have anything you would like to say in this post?"

 

"No, I don't think so." <-- Fuzz's first words on this forum!  :D

 

"That's great, anything else you have to say?"

 

laughing "No, that's not what I meant!" <-- Fuzz's second ever words on this forum!  :D

 

Well, that's about it.  Fuzz and I are going to continue working on vocality and possession, and I'm going to continue to work on visualization (which I'm still terrible at).

 

Thank you for reading this.  Here's a free smile to make your day better:  :)

[tulpa001]

The rapid eye spinning is most likely caused by dizzyness. It probably only feels strange because you weren't the one being dizzy.

 

Hey Fuzz!

[Douglas]

The rapid eye spinning is most likely caused by dizzyness. It probably only feels strange because you weren't the one being dizzy.

 

That's an interesting thought...

 

Hey Fuzz!

 

Fuzz says salutations because she thinks "hi" is too boring.  :)

 

Anyway, I just decided I would make a short update.  I tried possession again yesterday for a bit more than an hour.  For some reason starting it was even more difficult than the first time (I think it was my fault, for some reason I was having trouble letting go of my body), but we eventually managed it.  We practiced with arm movements again, and now Fuzz can move my arms much faster than before, and much smoother.  She finally got my legs moving, too, though it is still kind of difficult when laying down, since my legs are kind of heavy (they are longer than the rest of my body).  For some reason sitting up from a flat, face up position is very difficult, but she can manage it if she swings my legs off the bed first.  With enough practice, she can now (slowly and awkwardly) walk around.  We're making a lot of progress, it's definitely been a bonding experience for us.

 

I've been having trouble remembering to continue talking to Fuzz throughout the day.  I'm going to work on turning her into a separate process in my brain so we can be with each other all day.  I'm still really struggling with visualization, but I'm slowly improving.  I now have a wonderland, but it is literally a black void of nothingness.  Both me and Fuzz can go in there, and sometimes throw in a few objects.  More than one or two objects causes an onslaught of intrusive thoughts/visualizations, but we can still do simple things with each other, like toss a tennis ball to each other.  We're both horrible at throwing, but that's okay.

 

I'm also having trouble keeping myself in 1st person view in my wonderland.  We can be tossing a ball to each other, and then suddenly my view will leave my body, and it takes a lot of work to get it back there.  I would definitely prefer to stay first person, but I'm having trouble keeping it that way....

 

Welp, that's about it.  

[Douglas]

It's been quite a while since my last update... ten days, I think?

 

I've been working on imposing Fuzz near me for the most part of most days, and I can now impose about a third of her at one time.  It's really working well!

 

I constantly talk with her throughout the day, and she is very vocal now.  She usually speaks with her own voice now, rather than mine.

 

One thing that I've been struggling with is having her with me all day.  She never really speaks unless I am focusing on her directly.  Any suggestions for how I can fix that?

 

We've practiced possession almost every day since the last update, and she can already possess my full body.  For some reason, it always seems like she has major ADHD when she possesses me (I have ADHD, but not that extreme), and she simply cannot stop moving.  Her movements also aren't too natural, because she does things like swinging her arms too much when walking and such.  Other than that, we are doing much better than I thought we would.  It's going well!

 

 

Something really cool happened, that shows that any necessary tulpa-related beliefs are implanted into me quite well, and I didn't even need to do any extra belief implanting exercises.  I have a massive garden, and I was working in it all day and I had blisters all over my right hand.  Later that day, I was going to give Fuzz a high-five, but then realized that it would hurt since I had blisters on my right hand, so we did it left-handed.

 

It wasn't until over five minutes later that I realized: Fuzz isn't physical.  I didn't need to switch hands.

 

The fact that I did that without even thinking about it made me very happy.  I was quite proud of myself. :)

 

 

I'm still really struggling with visualization.  I am making slight improvement, but I still can't visualize more than me, Fuzz, two or three other objects, and a large black void.  I want a wonderland very badly!  I only remember my dreams about once or twice a year (solutions for this I've read don't work with me), so my entire life has been lived within reality, which gets dreadfully boring after enduring a straight 16 years of it.  Even the very few dreams I can remember are mostly realistic.  Any solutions at all?

 

Thank you for reading this.  Here's another free smile for you all: :)