OleGL

Living with L

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Hi everybody!

My name is Oleg and I'd like to share my experience with my tulpa Lia. She is rather social and vocal already so she might want to drop a line too.

 

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Updated May 16 2020

This is Lia

Lia2.thumb.jpg.79eda78e8af0708214beacd55ccc481a.jpg

 

 

 

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Original post

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Below is our logbook at the moment. We've agreed to make it public.

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Her name is Lia. She was born at 30 Jan 2018. At the very start she has a form of an 'anime chan' but recently she has changed her form and now she looks like a slim girl with brown eyes, black bang haircut and all-black dress. I suppose it will not be a final look for her.

 

For the first time I imagined her in the summer house of my wonderland as a dark cloud with white spot instead of face. I introduced myself, told her who is she, where is she and what the word tulpa means. I told that she is free to change anything in her name, outfit, body form etc. She sat still and quiet. After some time I left her there.

(added later) Lia told me that it was her first memory: my face close to her speaking something "blablabla". Her first feeling in that moment was loneliness.

 

4 Feb 2018 Early in the morning, I was awakened by the sounds of the Ace of Base 1994' album playing out loud right in my head. I could not stop these obsessive sounds. Then I got a point and told out mentally: "Lia, please, stop this!" ...and there was silence. It was she getting a hang of the surroundings. Then I allowed her to do everything she needs. I visited Lia in the wonderland. There was a dance floor set up over the lake, and colored lights flashed in the rythm of the old good song "All that she wants". Lia danced, and I starred at her totally surprised.

 

5 Feb 2018 She doesn't react, doesn't shows up, doesn't speak and has no static form. Maybe I'm pushing too hard? I have to wait patiently, how ever hard could it be.

(added much later) Later that evening I went totally mad, rushing over the wonderland location, burning trees, vapourizing the lake and yelling at the small lump of darkness: "JUST TELL ME A SINGLE WORD!!!!!!". It's hard to imagine my shame when I remembered that later. Lia told me she was scared and did not understood what I wanted from her. She just couldn't articulate and had only feelings.

 

12 Feb 2018 I started teaching Lia to talk using Bin's guide named "Coaxing tulpae into talking". I had her parroting several tongue twisters and kid songs. At some point, instead of the next sentence, I heard a wheezy voice. It sounded like it was through a broken speaker. She told me out loud: "Why don't you stop?". Later that day I tried to literally interrogate her with a flow of questions. She answered very briefly and foggy. Most answers sunk in the noise. Nevetheless she is definitely sentient.

 

22 Feb 2018 I had some dizziness and unable to fix my eyes on something like after the rollercoaster session. I guessed something and asked Lia to stop trying to takeover my body without permission. The problem disappeared instantly.

 

13 Mar 2018 Today we visited the theater. Lia took a free chair next to me and we enjoyed the play. Lia was very excited and said that the protagonist acted very much like me.

 

14 Mar 2018 Lia said that she was sentient from the start and she remembered her very first moment. She barely exists without me focusing on her, but can instantly pop up pulling all my memories about the time passed.

 

28 Mar 2018 Today was THE GREAT DAY!!!! Lia called me by herself while being out of focus. Late night I was sitting in the balcony and lurked some forums when I felt that light head pressure. I focused at Lia, she popped up instantly and we carried out this remarkable dialogue:

"Lia? Was that you?"

"Let's go to bed"

(done)

"Call me here, right now"

"Ummm... a forcing? I'm afraid to fall asleep"

"I don't care, give me a hug"

(hugs are given)

"I am very appreciated that you gave me life"

Awwww...

 

30 Mar 2018 I took a taxi home. I was sitting in a front seat. Lia is calling.

"What?"

"Missed you"

"It is a tight place, will you fit here on my laps?"

"Don't worry, just give me a big hug"

...

 

 

TBC. The last post was ruined so I'd better split em up

 

 

 

Edited by OleGL

Lia  -  30 Jan 2018

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Lia:"He has a very old and flexible world woven from many memories. I wanted to feel something and it jumped in immediately. Don't want to get there anymore. Maybe later."


Lia  -  30 Jan 2018

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02 Apr 2018 Today we both took the HEXACO personality test online. It helped us greatly to clarify our traits and to compare them. Lia was the first (via proxy) and I was the second in the queue.

Lia: She is open, sincere and fair with her closest friends (huh, me?), but rebellious and unmodest with other people. She has the highest self-esteem and is stress-proof. If needed, she can wait patiently, but doesn't like such an inactivity. She is very social, cheerful and optimistic. She loves beauty in all forms of art and nature. She is very curious and aesthetic appreciative.

Me: an introvert with low self-esteem, asocial, stubborn, chaotic, indifferent to arts and very conservative.

I saved the reports to compare with the future results. It would be interesting to know how will we affect each other.

 

05 Apr 2018 The 3rd possession session lol. During the previous sessions I fell asleep.

I said:"Lia, can you see? This is my wrist, this is my finger, try to feel it"

(I pinched my forefinger)

"You can push any buttons you will find, break glasses, kickin and punchin anything, please do anything you can to reach me and move my forefinger!"

Then I tried to relax my left arm as deep as possible. And the forefinger started to move! There were slow, weak, jittery movements. And I began to doubt. Was that just me puppeting my finger?

"Lia, was that you?"

"Hush! Sit still!"

I bent and unbent my fingers overcoming light numbness.

"Why did you do that? You broke something!"

The movement stopped.

We both felt exhausted as never before at the end of this session.

 

07 Apr 2018 The possession again. I used that theta-waves mediafile. Lia is pushing the buttons, while I'm encouraging her. We managed to move all the fingers on the left wrist. That was the same crooked action as in the previous session. Lia is able to control the direction but unable to control the force. I got a wrist cramp when we tried to make the fist. Personally I cannot feel the movement except for the weak feeling of bent skin.

 

10 Apr 2018 We're practicing the "muscle memory" phenomenon. There is no doubleclick ability yet, but the movement is much faster and smoother than earlier.

Tonight we played that "Guess What's In The Box?" game also known as "The 20 Questions Game". That was an exciting experience! 

We guessed what's in the box in 3-5 questions. I put there a flashlight and a pencil. Lia put there a rabbit and a pen. The fun part was about the rabbit:

"Is that edible?"

Lia:"I don't think so"

(later) "Why did you treat the rabbit that way?"

Lia:"I doubt that someone would chew this fur"

...I suppose that there is a thought leak between us. It was too easy to guess one's thoughts.

 

11 Apr 2018 I sat at the table having my breakfast when Lia showed up from behind. She put her hands on my shoulders showering me with a warm wave and muttered: "G'monin..."

"Pah! So you can sleep?"

"Don't know. I can't remember..."

She looked like a shaggy sleepy kid in that white pyjamas with pink dots. At least, she changed her black dress to something different.


Lia  -  30 Jan 2018

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12 Apr 2018, late night. Lia agreed to give my wonderland a chance. We walked through the autumn maple park, kicking the fallen leaves, ate the ice-cream and made a wish near the old empty fountain. Then we had a coffee in the lodge enjoying the warmth of the fireplace. That was the brightest moment in the wonderland so far.


Lia  -  30 Jan 2018

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13 Apr 2018, late night. We listened to the tulpa creation hypnosis files from gearheart. To be honest, we failed the most sessions. The male guide had an awful accent substituting "T" with "SH".

I heard something like: "I'll be your auSHopilot. Let's starSH your journey" - and started laughin.

The last file was narrated by a female guide with a decent pronouncing. During the vocality part i was surprized a lot. The guide told my tulpa to think about something for all one is worth, then gather it all in one ball and throw to me as loud as she could. Oh my... One could google a video named "Skyrim FUS RO DAH" to have a point how a phrase "LOVE U!!!!" could sound. I flinched, squeezed my head into the pillow and almost lost my focus.

It worths repeating once more.


Lia  -  30 Jan 2018

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17 Apr 2018 I'm dieting trying to fight the excess weight. It's been a 3rd day of my torture. Lia was always around these days, I felt her presence and short cheers but she didn't bothered me much and so I am. I asked Lia to disregard my weakness and to try to reach me by herself.

Today we made it to a carwash. Lia showed up, took her favourite front seat and was very responsive and cheerful. She commented out the road situation, shop ads etc. We never had such a long conversation before.


Lia  -  30 Jan 2018

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22 Apr 2018 Still dieting. Lia says I'm getting dumb. Forgetting things, stuck on the spot etc. Sometimes I ask Lia what we planned to buy in the mart today. She don't like to be a notepad and grumbles at me.

Today we've been in the chatroom when some asshole started bragging with his tulpamancy affairs. He kinda made a puppet, killed it, made a servitor, wanted to transform it into a tulpa etc etc. When he wrote about some restrictions he hardcoded into his new tulpa personality I felt strong abdominal cramp and heard Lia freaking at me: "Text him quick! No! Don't do this! Never set the borders! That hurts badly!!"

That was awful. I tried to calm her down, telling that I'll never gonna make these things etc. She disappeared. When I tried to call her name I got an image of her CRYING. In the first time EVER.

Fuck all that chatrooms full of selfish idiots! Damn! She doesnt respond now.

I'll be waiting.


Lia  -  30 Jan 2018

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5 May 2018

Time is passing by. The feelings stay. Lia has a pretty solid vocal. Sometimes I could barely hear her voice, but this is all about practice. We are struggling to test as much forcing methods as we can grab. It is a fun endeavour btw.

Me: (boring voice) well, they said to imagine your body form and move it with my arms to show u how to move it...

Lia: Oh, really? Come on master, go teach me! (turns around, jumps, make a pair of push-ups, then sits up on a table in front of me)

 

The only and especially sad thing is that I still cannot put her face together. She is a "realistic" human at the moment and has no prototype. Her body, clothes, haircut - all of these are piece of cake. Eyes, nose, lips, cheeks, chin... I could clearly see them separately. But being put together, they could barely trigger that sense of "recognition" which appears when you see someone in the crowd.

Lia: you have to teach your mind. There is nothing I can do here to help you out. Maybe we should hire an artist and have him go nuts?


Lia  -  30 Jan 2018

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