Living with L

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8 Apr 2018

I’m struggling to succeed in meditation. My goal is to strengthen the bond with Lia, to get rid of my permanent anxiety and quench my curiosity of course! Just imagine doing all that weird stuff that these misterious Tibetan monks do.

I’d like to express my thoughts first. Unfortunately, all the information about the meditation I found so far was hardly mixed with mysticism, occultism, religious stuff, chakras and other weird sh..t. Really? Come on, there is 2019 coming in the city, people are going to visit Mars and iphone just became longer again, while some farts are still living in the ancient world of magic and demons.

Mystics aside, one should focus on his own breath, paying the maximum attention to the process of the natural breathing and not analyzing anything at all. One could count the inhales - and just be in the moment, passively noticing all the thoughts rushing around - and vanishing away. That’s all.

For me, it looked like falling asleep without actually sleeping.

I felt like I was floating in a big dark cave. I heard just my own sniffling and my own mental voice counting the exhales. I could feel the events of the past week passing by. Some of them were picking me up and dragging me away. And accidentally I had found myself drowning in emotions instead of counting and following my breath. I had returned to counting, and the bad thoughts had gone away.

The second and third time, Lia was with me. She counted for me and called me out when I had been distracted by emotions.

I can’t feel any noticeable effect from these sessions except getting refreshed. Maybe one day is not enough and the effect will accumulate.

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Somewhere in the January 2020
I’m still struggling to see Lia in my dreams. She says that she may look much different than I could ever imagine. I don’t care.

Tl;DR I practiced nidra yoga with Lia. She was my guru and lead me into the trance. I managed to set a sankalpa (an order) to meet Lia in my dream. During a session I situated in a sleep paralysis state. “Congrats, you’re in your  dream. Deal with it”- Lia said.

I saw myself lying in my bed with my eyes opened and being a kind of petrified, unable to move at all. I was unable to move, breathe, look at anything and was totally scared. “Are you give up?”- omg Lia is still here! “Please! I’m stuck! Help me out!” “OK, try on the count of three, 1,2,3...” I shivered and woke up.  Still can’t see Lia there.

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