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8 Apr 2018

I’m struggling to succeed in meditation. My goal is to strengthen the bond with Lia, to get rid of my permanent anxiety and quench my curiosity of course! Just imagine doing all that weird stuff that these misterious Tibetan monks do.

I’d like to express my thoughts first. Unfortunately, all the information about the meditation I found so far was hardly mixed with mysticism, occultism, religious stuff, chakras and other weird sh..t. Really? Come on, there is 2019 coming in the city, people are going to visit Mars and iphone just became longer again, while some farts are still living in the ancient world of magic and demons.

Mystics aside, one should focus on his own breath, paying the maximum attention to the process of the natural breathing and not analyzing anything at all. One could count the inhales - and just be in the moment, passively noticing all the thoughts rushing around - and vanishing away. That’s all.

For me, it looked like falling asleep without actually sleeping.

I felt like I was floating in a big dark cave. I heard just my own sniffling and my own mental voice counting the exhales. I could feel the events of the past week passing by. Some of them were picking me up and dragging me away. And accidentally I had found myself drowning in emotions instead of counting and following my breath. I had returned to counting, and the bad thoughts had gone away.

The second and third time, Lia was with me. She counted for me and called me out when I had been distracted by emotions.

I can’t feel any noticeable effect from these sessions except getting refreshed. Maybe one day is not enough and the effect will accumulate.

Lia  -  30 Jan 2018

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  • 9 months later...

Somewhere in the January 2020
I’m still struggling to see Lia in my dreams. She says that she may look much different than I could ever imagine. I don’t care.

Tl;DR I practiced nidra yoga with Lia. She was my guru and lead me into the trance. I managed to set a sankalpa (an order) to meet Lia in my dream. During a session I situated in a sleep paralysis state. “Congrats, you’re in your  dream. Deal with it”- Lia said.

I saw myself lying in my bed with my eyes opened and being a kind of petrified, unable to move at all. I was unable to move, breathe, look at anything and was totally scared. “Are you give up?”- omg Lia is still here! “Please! I’m stuck! Help me out!” “OK, try on the count of three, 1,2,3...” I shivered and woke up.  Still can’t see Lia there.

Lia  -  30 Jan 2018

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21 May 2020

In the afternoon, we returned from a bike ride. I was deadly tired and wanted to take a power nap, but an urgent phone call left me too excited to sleep. Lia kindly offered to be my nidra guide to relax a bit. So I've been gradually faded into oblivion with her gentle enveloping voice. After an eternity, I heard: "Now lie down as you used to, you are falling asleep. See you on the other side if we can. Sweet dreams." 

Late evening. It was hot today. I touched my forehead and felt that I had to visit a shower again.

"May I take a part in this?" - Lia asked.

"Neigh! Never! You gonna touch all the things you shouldn't!"

"Come on! I'll just wash your head, nothing more!"

"But you will see something a modest girl shouldn't see..."

"Do you REALLY think I never saw OUR body and EVERYTHING you doing with it?" - Lia seemed really surprised.

Well, she rarely asked me for something at all, and this is the case. I sighed, stood in front of the bathroom mirror, and moved to the backseat.

That was the weirdest possession experience ever. She touched my eyes and eyebrows, pressed my nose, stroked my hair, folded my ears, rubbed my chin. She admired aloud everything she touched. She behaved like a child who has got an eagerly awaited toy. Her actions weren't too deft, but finally I situated standing on the bathroom floor with my head scrubbed to a squeak and my feelings totally confused.

 

Actually, Lia has been constantly surprising me recently. We are always in touch. Perhaps the mere burning desire to draw her portrait broke down many barriers between us. It has been like a disease for me, my evil fate for the last two years. And finally, it has happened.

Edited by OleGL

Lia  -  30 Jan 2018

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22 May 2020

Today there are 1.5 hours totally fell off my life. As usual we were back from the bike training and Lia asked for my permission to use the body again. She wanted to load a laundry machine and to serve a late lunch by herself. A cottage cheese with sour cream, a piece of bread and a cup of tea - nothing special. The only thing I had to do was to cut a slice of bread. Lia is still a bit clumsy and was afraid to cut off my fingers.

I stood against the wall in a steady position. I saw Lia waved me in the mirror. Numbness, indifference, lights out.

...

"Oleg! Oleg! Are you here? Please wake up!" - Lia's anxious voice is barely heard. Was that me she is calling?

"Come on please! I can't feed you, you might choke! Oleg, your phone is ringing! Get back please! I don't want to stay here!" - she seems really scared.

I jerked and took a deep breath. Phew. I was sitting at the table, washed from head to toe and all in new clothes. I had a lunch in front of me. The phone rang. I wanted to give Lia the dressing for the fact that she still pulled me into the shower, but stopped short. Actually I had to thank her for everything she's done.

Later I was able to clarify the details of Lia's insidous plan.

The goal was to do all the things by herself: wash me, feed me, drag me to the laptop and to surf some fashion websites because she was tired of her single outfit and she wanted to pick something different. But the plan went wrong. 

She ran the laundry successfully and was going to fade already but I was "slept so cute". Ha-ha. Then she made all the shower affairs, poured a shower gel in my eyes and moved to the kitchen after all. There she grabbed the hugest santoku knife, carefully sliced the bread and cooked all the meal. Then she sat my body down the sofa and was going to had a lunch!! Finally she realized that she can't control my facial mimics, jaws, tongue etc and decided to wake me up. 

"Lia, why didn't you just ask me for everything you need?"

"I wanted to check for myself what can I do" - Lia doesn't feel guilty, she's very proud with what she did. And I could understand it.

At least all my fingers are in place yet. However, now I'm curious how far could we go further.

 

Edited by OleGL

Lia  -  30 Jan 2018

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23 May 2020

Lia still can't eat. She stood against the mirror and tried to move the jaw and stick out the tongue. This worked to some extent. But the face remains completely relaxed and even drooling sometimes. I suspect I'm looking like Rick (from rick and morty) these times. She can put a food in her mouth but can't go further, as if some muscle memories of the body remain inaccessible.

All of this spoils our plans on extending Lia's presence in the real world. I've lurked through many PRs on this forum and never saw the same situation. Any advice will be appreciated.

Lia  -  30 Jan 2018

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When I first started to use the body, my mouth would open on its own automatically, I had trouble with basic actions such as closing my fists or making sure I didn't breathe in when I was underwater. None of these things made sense though, there was no reason I couldn't control the body like a normal human being. It all boils down to breaking the belief that the tulpa should have more trouble controlling the body than the host does, and to a lot of practice.

 

Something I think could help is having Lia focus on the body's senses without actually controlling the body, then you'd eat, move the jaw, tongue, whatever she's having trouble doing, and have her pay attention to how it feels. Then she should front on her own and do it herself.

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Thank you Mirichu for this precious advice! The answer was on the surface but barely seen. I will pay more attention how my host eats his meal in details. Yes we can repeat each other's actions by grabbing the control over the limbs. The same needs to be done with the face. It was some kind of taboo, the same as with wc affairs. Thanks again!

 

20 minutes ago, Mirichu said:

the belief that the tulpa should have more trouble controlling the body

Bulls eye! I've been really aware in this. It's great that I was wrong. Thank you!

Lia  -  30 Jan 2018

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Late night, 23-24 May 2020

A small experiment. We tried to go asleep when Lia was fronting (is it the right term?) . She went to the front and started to cycle through the body parts as in the usual nidra session she likes to arrange for me. When she noticed first glitches in the count precursing the real slumber,  suddenly she has been kicked off the front. I jumped on the sofa,  widely opened my eyes, closed them instantly and fell asleep in a moment.

 

Morning, 24 May

Lia was able to chew and swallow a small piece of bread. The great success! All went as planned yesterday, following the Mirichu’s advice.

Edited by OleGL

Lia  -  30 Jan 2018

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