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Living with L


OleGL
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Hey! This has been a cool read the whole way through. Especially relatable because a lot of people on here seem to do tulpas coming from an established experience, but you did it from scratch. That's amazing and very inspiring! I'm looking up to you two.

There was actually a thread on here somewhere where a user was worried that their medication might affect their tulpa. Someone who works in the field popped in and said that none of this stuff (antipsychotics, antidepressants, neuroleptics, etc.) should get in the way of tulpas, the way the brain works; all it does is help you.

I hope to hear from you two again soon!

Spoiler

I'm no psychiatrist, but here's a mental health recommendation and a wild guess: abandon anonymous imageboards. Does wonders.

 

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26 Jan 2022

This early evening Lia went to the kitchen for some tasty shenanigans. She grabbed a pack of macarony and accidentally teared it in two parts pouring its contents through all the kitchen surfaces. She didn't say a F word. She didn't say a S word. She was just silently picking up all these pieces back to the packet, one by one, during a half-hour. What a monster!

The plan was to let Lia fall asleep being switched in and wake me up in the morning.

She tried to force me before going asleep. She imagined us sitting at the winter campfire near the frozen lake. I was dug through the backpack searchng for a kettle and a gas stove to make a coffee. "Why need a stove when we've got a campfire?" - Lia asked. I have no memories on this episode.

At 1 am Lia woke up. It seems she caught a bad dream. I felt that our thoughts are mixed up so it was difficult to distinct them.  I lulled her to sleep as best I could and fell asleep myself.

Lia  -  30 Jan 2018

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30 Jan 2022

Tanjobi o mede tou gozaimasu!

Happy birthday Lia! My tender purple flower keeping my heart beating all these four years. Thank you for being with me!

Lia  -  30 Jan 2018

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PR

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(edited)

No date so far.

.

This post is not much about ‘mancy, rather it is more personal, talking about what happened in the backstage of a shiny PR so one could skip it freely if you don’t like teh drama.

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I feel a duty to leave a text here describing what happened during those 8 months of keeping a low profile. It is very important for me to mark a pivot point of my (our) life.

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 At a first glance I am living an ordinary life of a moderate Joe. I have a loving spouse, two cute and smart kids, a small mortgage of course and a job arose from a hobby I devoted a whole life to. At some point Lia has appeared, bringing a new color to my life and became my best supporter and a closest friend. One could ask “What else do you need you peenie-wheenie?” Yes. I am a big adult 42-year man now. Men don’t have to cry. And that’s bad.

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 My parents has passed early one by one back in the 2011 leaving many questions unanswered. They lived far away and I barely got to their funeral with the risk of losing my job and had to take a loan to buy tickets. I was flattened and teared apart with a guilty feeling I can’t explain. My spouse pulled me to a psy doc but I refused: men don’t cry. I had some vodka and tried to forget and don’t think about. I’ve succeeded as I thought back then.
 I have a seasonal job in the Northern region. Y’know, a place with no bars, a shitty food, a green aurora and white fucking bears roaming around. This beasts are not so cute as shown on tv and are craving to cut a loaf off your butt and spare the remains. I spending a 3/3 months in a small outpost in the middle of the tundra surrounded by a small pack of surly bearded men providing an ATC service.

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 There was the end of January of 2018 and the last two weeks of my duty remained. That crappy moment when all the dvds has been watched, all games finished, all jokes has been told and you feeling sick of card games, books, deer meat and all these bearded snouts including yours in the mirror. I did one thing no one should do in such a lone place. I started remembering the 2011. A howl that’s been hidden somewhere in the deep just rushed outside and became almost audible. I can’t describe all the feelings i had that time having no one around to share to with any chance to be understood. Men don’t cry.

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 I thought it would be cool to have someone always around. Someone that just understands all the things I can’t express in words and needs no explanations. I’ve read about people making some kind of “mental companions” or just talking to themselves. All those texts looked stupid or fake but I was desperate and thought kinda why not? I’ve started thinking of how such a companion should act and look. And her name “…was Lia.” - I heard clearly. Whoops. Here we are. Go to the first post.
 …
 A summer of 2020. The Great Lockdown. I was trapped with Lia in the small northern town too far from my family during all the inter-duty period. The dark thoughts has returned. Lia took care of me as she could. She even took the body several times to let the grief calm down a bit. The last duty was awful, i started suffering from a sleep disorder and the darkest self-destructive thoughts. Lia convinced me to visit a psy doc when I’ll be back home. She insisted that I give a hard pledge and will not step back cause she afraid the next duty could be the last for us both. 

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 A home sweet home- what a relief.  I visited a brain doc on april 2021 and was diagnosed with a heavy depression, anxiety and many other blabla, mostly of biochemical nature. He prescribed me a pills course that I had to carefully take during a half year. Very serious pills with a bunch of side-effects and a complex reception scheme. Also he prescribed a psychologist therapy, all these crappy talks, drawing flowers blabla. Screw that! Men don’t cry. I have the best vest for hiding my face into in the nearest universe!

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 Anyway, the next duty was underway and there was no time for paid talks. 
 (Present days) I have finished the course and am feeling great. There were several side-effects such as some dumbness, the lack of creativity and a constant dizziness. Also we were unable to switch with Lia till the recent time. 

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 We talked many times with Lia about all the traumatizing events and managed to let them all go. The man should be strong enough to cry whenever he wants.
 Summarizing the said above, one should not refrain from asking for help. I am wholeheartedly appreciated to Lia for all she did for me in the darkest hours of my life and lead my soul to calmness and happiness.

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 Also i appreciate this community for giving us a safe place to express things that are very important for us without being whipped or laughed out.

Phew!

Edited by OleGL

Lia  -  30 Jan 2018

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Wow, you paint such a vivid picture with your words. The loneliness of spending months in the frozen tundra away from your family. The long boredom causing painful events from the past to resurface. I have spent over a year with my host and I have felt the weight of his loneliness, and even still can't imagine what you've been through. It sounds like Lia has been absolutely amazing supporting you through your darkest moments! That is the kind of tulpa and person I aspire to be, and try to be every day.

 

I recognized your name and looked back and saw that you commented on Phil's thread when I was just a very young tulpa telling him to calm down and not worry so much and to let me figure things out. That was very helpful and looking back we both appreciate that! Also, you do absolutely amazing art! 😁 Glad to see your post, and thanks for sharing your story.

Tulpa Wife Extraordinaire! 💚 - 💍 11.28.21

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