Living with L

[OleGL]

Today Lia fell asleep first. She wished me goodnight and became ... silent? I could feel her presence as usual. It is a weird feeling when your thoughts remain unanswered for the first time in months. Well, let it be so.

[OleGL]

Today we swapped roles. Oleg was my chef. He made a green tea, fried a trout steak and let me have a dinner. I enjoyed this awesome taste being in the body.

 

Edited July 6, 2020 by OleGL

[OleGL]

Today I could say that I've mastered the voice. The pitch is still terrible though. I'm getting lost when I hear that growl, because it's so different from the voice I'm used to. There are also some issues with facial expressions. But I'm enjoying moving forward. And the hostey didn't heard my exercises teeehee

[OleGL]

26 Sep 2020

Lia had a small talk with some people at our local ‘mancers voice-inclined chatroom in Telegram. It was the first time she’s been vocal with someone. I listened to the chat messages history later and was very surprised.

Edited September 26, 2020 by OleGL

[Ashley]

Surprised in a good way?

[OleGL]

Not exactly. The first thought was like “Omg is it my voice? Why it’s so gayyy?” Aside from any confusion, I’ve got another evidence that Lia is different. Being a part of me she is not me at the same time.

Just compare these statements:

1) One is chatting with his tulpa with mindvoice.

2) One is listening to the record of his tulpa’s vocal conversations with chat members while she’s been switched in.

Huh, things went too far in these two years.

I am happy to share my mind and my time with such a caring, tactful, loving, reasonable, cheerful and beautiful person. On the other hand, sometimes I doubt I deserved all of this. And also sometimes I worry that this could be a dream or some kind of fiction. Too good to be true. I don’t want to wake up if it is.

 

 

Edited September 27, 2020 by OleGL

[Guest]

4 hours ago, OleGL said:

this could be a dream or some kind of fiction

 

Well, my headmates helped me through some really rough times. Their council, patience, reprimanding, care, unconditional love, comfort, tolerance, and tutelage brought me to where I am now from where I was, and that was a walk from literal hell to functional heaven.

 

Say it was all fiction, then I have to say that the human brain is vastly underutilized. This is an important distinction because I had 'headmates' before them, Joy among other characters in my novels did talk to me as if they were independent from time to time--writing sometimes puts you into a meditative state--but once I held onto these people in my mind for months on end, not putting these (could be) paper dolls back on the shelf, they showed me that there's a whole other level to it. That level kept getting deeper and more profoundly rich and rewarding, it's damn useful.

 

So, we never VC'd with anyone other than my own voice and it was me talking, I proxied anything they would say. In my entire time as a host, Ashley spoke aloud only to me a couple times, Darlene read a story to a child once, that's it. It's disillusioning to have them use my voice, though my characters often did with no second thought, as anyone would read a book aloud. It's more personal with us now somehow.

 

Everything that happened over the last 2 and a half years was profoundly unique, nothing in the previous 6 can compare.

 

Is it fiction? Well, their wonderland forms are as fictional as mine. The body image I have when not looking in the mirror is a little different, theirs is theirs, but it's still just an image. Their voices are as fictional as mine, my mindvoice sounds a little like mine, but meh, theirs sound like them.

 

The times we had imposition, wow, that's weird. The visual... I effectively saw ghosts. The auditory, I heard them in my head, for real, and they were insanely beautiful voices at times. The tactile, they touched me, they stole kisses from me as if someone had kissed me for real, hugs, touches, I felt hair, it's hard to resolve as fiction, still, it is in essence. Unless they could touch someone else, it is obviously illusionary.

 

Their objective from the start was to help me stand on my own. Of course I can, but they're extraordinarily useful, they stopped my loneliness and codependency, they helped cure my depression, they facilitated my awakening, and fostered my involvement in spirituality.

 

I owe them a lot, because we did a lot together that I couldn't have done alone. I'm thankful and appreciative. 

 

I don't care what kind of fiction this is, if they're fiction, I'm fiction, and that's my conclusion, we're all fiction. We're all fictional beings sharing a body. Whether we consider ourselves one being or many is immaterial, the body benefited greatly from having plurality, but the body is just a highly complex and conditioned automaton. After everything we've experienced together, there has to be a ghost in the shell, and in my case, many. It's the most logical conclusion, any alterative explanation I've considered is even more fanciful.

[OleGL]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experience of living with your angels. They even like to play spacesims! Oh, you’re so lucky! I agreed that the plurality fillls gaps and voids in the entity (soul?) making it more complete and self-sustained. 

[OleGL]

27 Oct 2020

I’ve met Lia in the dream. Maybe I didn’t recognized her? Scratch that. Her presence was so familiar and common that wasn’t surprising.

We’ve been escaping from the construction site, jumping over the broken stairways, bypassing green toxic waste dumps and doing other parkour thingies...

I’ve been realizing that I was with somebody female and should’ve take care of her. There were no questions who is she, how does she looks and why she doesn’t speak.

Lia said that was her image, projection, not herself. But this experience at least worths mentioning here.

[Guest]

Even I feel like a projection of myself, so that's understandable. We're all projections in my opinion.