Deku's tree log

[Guest]

That did sound like a switch, remember that for next time. I find switching pretty useful for some social situations where I'd be a wet blanket anyway. But of course, they're pretending to be me in those IRL situations. Dashie is just unflappable in most cases other than direct verbal assault of course, even then she comically handled those situations really well. I say comical because when I switched back I was giggling just thinking about it.

[deku]

>I am curious about a specific statement you made, though, in your opening. "I'm Tifu, basically just a terribly anti-social person." Listening to your narrative, I see no evidence of anti-social artifacts. I wonder if you meant asocial? You avoid social action as opposed to just having a flagrant disregard for others. Also, I'd probably be less likely to use asocial if there is a another underlying cause, like PTSD or another trauma based diagnosis. Avoiding social situations in that regard might just be self preservation. ASD can also share some asocial characteristics. Quite a few things, actually. Depression comes with a decrease in sociability. So, yeah, sorry, I am just curious... (cont.)

 

I feel like I'm a pretty anti-social person in real life. I don't really see the point in being socialable sometimes, but I'm sure that's just my nervousness talking.  It's just the best way to describe myself, but I guess my first post could use a little updating. I just didn't wanna ramble on about myself too much. But I'm glad to say that tulpamancy is actually improving my social skills a bit!

[solarchariot]

 

I feel like I'm a pretty anti-social person in real life. I don't really see the point in being socialable sometimes, but I'm sure that's just my nervousness talking.  It's just the best way to describe myself, but I guess my first post could use a little updating. I just didn't wanna ramble on about myself too much. But I'm glad to say that tulpamancy is actually improving my social skills a bit!

Okay, well again, I think the actual label you want is asocial, not anti-social... Anti-social people don't avoid being social; they're more likely to violate social protocols and personal space, and push legalities to the edge by being obnoxiously insolent and vulgar and provocative until legal sanctions are likely to be imposed before backing off, if they back off. These are the types that will come into my office, put their feet up on my desk, tell you they were told to be assessed by the court but there's nothing wrong with them it's everyone else that has the problem and they will do what they want when they want... Just generally, not nice people (but not because they're bad, but because they have this thing which may have started out as 'oppositional defiant disorder.' I know some adults who think they have that, but actually you can only hold that diagnosis as a child/adolescent, because as an adult you're allowed to be disagreeable if you like... But these particular adults get upset that they're no longer the center of attention because of their 'oppositional' stance against any resemblance of authority is generally ignored by others, and so they escalate into 'anti-social' wanting the attention they use to get when they were defiant and probably have some other personalities disorders as well.

 

You strike me as fairly reasonable person; not having a social drive, or being on the far end of the spectrum of introverted and extroverted is not an issue, though, unless you lament not being more social and really want that but don't kow how to do it or block yourself from doing it against your will- only then does it become a thing that warrants a label. If you're just living your life and you're happy, yay you! Which means what, "I feel like X" because you're measuring yourself based on a perceived norm, or how you perceive others see you?

 

Thank you for this conversation. It's helped me see something in my own life. I have suspected my son has ASD. I had him evaluated earlier this year, but the Doctor was unwilling to commit to a diagnosis and said bring him back when he becomes six. She did give a diagnosis of social anxiety. (I am sure between his mother and I we exasperate that.) So, basically, he is on the shy side. He is not shy at home and he and I have regular conversations, but the moment someone comes in, his age or not, he is quiet and behind me... I have sort of encouraged, maybe pushed is a better word, for him to be less 'shy.' I am thinking maybe I should just let him be and develop as he likes. I observed him in pre-k class the other day. He engages his peers, but no where near the level of interaction at home, but he is well liked by his peers. That, too, is okay.  :)

 

If it's worth anything, I, too, tend to wonder about the point of being social, and suck at it in general. No, I can't sustain it. I can emulate extrovert for a moment, but then I go a spell not interacting with folks. I prefer solitude most the time. I am okay if a particular few impose themselves into my environment, and I can play host for a moment, but anything too long becomes exhausting.  I find I can discuss many subjects, but generally don't want to engage in small talk. I would say that, more than anything, usually colors my past conversations. I don't stay casual, I go deep, I challenge people's assumptions and beliefs, and in the past I was frequently accused of being arrogant, as opposed to intense. I prefer intense because I will scrutinize anyone in my environment. I am still very intense, but most folks now see kindness and compassion as opposed to arrogance, and so I am getting different feed back than I did ten years ago- but I still struggle with the social part. I actually want to be more social, and sustain it, but find I block myself for various reasons.

[theholodoc]

As an retired shrink, I believe it is best to not self-diagnose, and not accept diagnoses imposed on you by others all that easily. A diagnosis is a label and one which is much more likely to block your own self-exploration and growth. As SC says, and I agree, so far, you look to be a pretty normal person, albeit, living in a complicated age. I am glad that you are finding tulpamancy helping your social skills. I have found it to be very provocative and challenging many of my assumptions about myself. Keep it up! Dr. Bob

[deku]

5 - 12 - 19; Happy... Monthday?

 

Today marks the second month of C's existence. Two months went by fast, and I'm glad to see that I'm improving in some areas of tulpamancy :). It makes me feel hopeful for the future of me and my system.

 

I pretty much just talked to C for most of the day, and during this time we ended up switching again. It was almost same thing as last time - me still being conscious and all while C did whatever he was doing, but I feel like we weren't entirely switched during that. Maybe it was sort of a co-fronting thing, but despite that confusing situation we both had a great time I think.

 

In other news, I notice that Terra isn't talking much anymore, besides chiming in to say a few words sometimes. I intend to equally give them attention, but I'm finding that to be difficult sometimes. Terra seems fine with being kept to herself, but I feel like I'm so worried about doing the right thing that I just refuse to accept that.

I'll find out what to do eventually, or at least rest my thoughts about the issue somehow ^^".

 

Ps: for the people who were concerned about my intro involving my anti-social bit, I hear you fully. I've pretty much had that title pushed on me my entire life, and never really questioned it much - I didn't really feel like I was supposed to question it anyway. Though, I suppose I still can't make assumptions on what I am. Very informative comments, I appreciate it even if I don't have a lot to say about it ^^"

[Misha]

Happy monthday!

[deku]

6 - 11 - 19; Still here.

 

Hello ^^. Me and my tulpas are still alive and breathing (hopefully). It's going to be the 3rd month of both C and Terra's life, and I was going to cram both of their monthdays on the same day at first, but C decided that I should just hangout with Terra instead. I really can see why, she's seemed to be disconnected and quiet lately, as I mentioned in my last post. She's only ever come out by herself to make small comments on some things, or to try and support me.

 

If anyone has any suggestions with some things I can do with her, I'd appreciate some, but I'll try and wrack my brain to find some ideas of my own. I know she might appreciate what ever idea I come up with, but I still want to try and make it enjoyable for her.

 

Besides that, all has been well with us, and I'm currently trying to change our Wonderland's house, but I feel like I've become too accustomed to the old one already. So, we'll see I suppose.

[Guest]

Some tulpas are like C, there's a push in this community of keeping them equal, we've been trying to keep Ashley equal for over a year, she's just not as active as Dashie is for instance.

 

Though my headmates generally force themselves now, I still take the time to see her a lot. More often than not she just smiles and hugs my arm, without saying anything. Some days she's really active, but she's definitely less active than Dashie and Misha. The rest are kinda like that too. It used to worry me, but she's happy and healthy and she's very satisfied with our life right now. I think it could be a phase

 

What I'm getting at is, just keep her in mind, visit her often, and encourage her, but she might just be the quiet type. That's alright too! However, part of the point of the early stage of tulpamancy is kind of like training yourself to remember them and tie that memory to everything you do and every place you go. I tied Ashley to Dashie in a way, so when Dashie speaks, I make a note to visit Ashley too. I also have two sticky notes on my monitor, one is for Dashie to include Ashley, the othet is to keep the system in mind. That's all I need.

[deku]

Some tulpas are like C, there's a push in this community of keeping them equal, we've been trying to keep Ashley equal for over a year, she's just not as active as Dashie is for instance.

 

Though my headmates generally force themselves now, I still take the time to see her a lot. More often than not she just smiles and hugs my arm, without saying anything. Some days she's really active, but she's definitely less active than Dashie and Misha. The rest are kinda like that too. It used to worry me, but she's happy and healthy and she's very satisfied with our life right now. I think it could be a phase

 

What I'm getting at is, just keep her in mind, visit her often, and encourage her, but she might just be the quiet type. That's alright too! However, part of the point of the early stage of tulpamancy is kind of like training yourself to remember them and tie that memory to everything you do and every place you go. I tied Ashley to Dashie in a way, so when Dashie speaks, I make a note to visit Ashley too. I also have two sticky notes on my monitor, one is for Dashie to include Ashley, the othet is to keep the system in mind. That's all I need.

 

I do try and keep her in mind, usually when I talk to C I end up remembering Terra too. I sometimes did ask her why she doesn't say much, but her response always remains the same brushing it off in some sort of way. C hasn't been saying too much either lately, and I'm thinking that maybe I'm becoming to stressed to fully focus on them (though I still talk to them when I can). I'm trying my best, I think they're both alright though ^-^

[Guest]

I feel like I never talk to Ashley anymore, but then I realize it's very often and she tells me to stop worrying about it constantly. She says, "if I need more, I'll bug you about it."