Frosty's Progress Log

[Frosty]

Ok, well I just started making my first tulpa about two days ago, and I decided to make a log. So I'll have a record of all my progress, right from the get go. Feel free to comment and give feedback should you feel so inclined.

 

First off, I'm not going to count hours, even if it wasn't completely arbitrary I probably wouldn't do it anyways.

Secondly, I'm not going to be using a wonderland. My theory on this is that if my tulpa has no sanctuary (probably not the best choice of word) in which to chill, it will force her to manifest herself into reality which should make imposition easier when the time comes. Of course this is just my theory, and if my tulpa should request I make one, or I change my mind and decide that it makes things easier, then I'll make one.

 

Alright, I think that just about covers the intro, moving on...

 

My tulpa: Human female, no definite form or a name yet. I've taken to picturing her as a sort of void/silhouette/gossamer shape type form for now. I've decided to work on visualization/form after I've done personality, and I'm waiting for her to become vocal enough to pick her own name.

 

Progress thus far: Pretty much nil.

 

Methods and what I've done thus far: I've taken to imagining her near me at all times, or whenever possible. I also narrate to her at random intervals during the day. This is pretty much following the passive forcing method in which emphasis is placed on presence and narration, something akin to what Fede described in his guide. I kinda mix and match techniques. I also followed Phi's advice about recognizing her as sentient from the get go. I told her that I believe in her, accept her and that I know she's sentient and can understand me, even if we can't communicate yet.

 

Yesterday I came up with a list of traits, got stressed, decided to come up with only a few (less than 10) general traits for her personality. I'm going to leave personality only generally defined, to allow for greater possibility of deviation. Then I went for a walk and narrated to her for probably 30min - hour while imagining her presence at my side. Felt really silly talking aloud to myself at first, but I kept at it and it got a bit easier and more comfortable.

 

Today at work I tried narrating to her as much as possible, just basically describing to her what I was doing and why, nothing really deep. Then at 8 o'clock I started our first forcing session, which lasted an hour. I started by saying that I was going to try to get rid of all my doubts, negativity and other bullshit, like I promised her I would today after I had a brief episode of negative thoughts/panic concerning her. Not going into detail, but I apologized and said I would try not to do it again, and said I'd try to get rid of those thoughts/doubts. I'm hoping she's understanding, appreciates the effort and forgives me. Anyway, I tried to summon up all doubts and negativity, put them into a jar, then imagined a cliff overlooking the sea and chucked that shit as far as I could. I got a sort of freeing emotion, kinda like elation, afterwards. Probably just from me, not her. Then I began working on her personality by creating different colored orbs that represented those traits and tried to fill them with the meaning of those traits all while narrating what they were and how they would impact her, then gave them to her/made her absorb them. I had a harder time visualizing than I thought I would, kept staring into my eyelids like you're not supposed to, so I'm devising strategies to fix that.

 

Oh yeah, and I was listening to Fede's Tones while forcing. I tried a few different ones, I found Tulpatone to be the most helpful/least distracting, with mood alertness one being second. The rest just kinda distracted my thought process too much.

 

Anyway not much happened after the first session, although her presence kinda drifted off for awhile, then came back for a bit afterwards. Maybe she's adapting to/digesting the new information, but it's probably just my imagination at this point.

 

 

I dunno, nothing else to do but press on and see what happens.

 

Btw, sorry for the everloving wall of text, my next updates I'll try to compress unless something of note happens.

[Tweaks]

Is this the same Frosty from the steam group? If so, I'm quite impressed, what with kitty and all.

[Noich]

Ohai there, fellow EPR user! Twinkledust here. ^^

 

You actually talked out loud when you took your tulpa for a walk? If that's what you're going for it's your choise, but I know I'd feel very awkward. I hope you realize talking out loud isn't necessary.

 

Good luck in your efforts, I'll be checking on your progress.

[Frosty]

Hey Twinkledust ^.^

 

Yup, I'm also from EPR, I know not this "Steam" of which you mentioned Tweaks, sorry.

 

And yes, I narrate out loud whenever possible, I've read that it's usually easier for tulpa to understand/hear you when you narrate out loud, but I narrate in my head whenever anyone else is around. I've also heard someone suggesting using a bluetooth, so you can narrate aloud in public and people will think you're just talking on your phone, and not, you know...crazy.

 

Well as long as I'm here...

 

Today I woke up and I could feel my tupper next to me, ready to follow me around today. It was like the second I woke up, so that's cool. I narrated in my head to her today, most of the time I could kinda sense she was there, sometimes not. I went ahead narrating anyway when I felt like it or had something to say. I haven't really had any deep or meaningful topics to narrate about yet, usually I'm full of stuff to talk about (to myself, in my head) but since I've started creating my tulpa, thoughts about her and tulpae in general have been the dominant thing on my mind. Which is fine, but it kinda doesn't leave much else to talk about.

 

Then my boss sent me and another guy to go pick up the work truck from the shop, about an hour away. The whole way there I practiced visualization techniques and the "centering" technique listed in the guides. Even though I said I wouldn't, I kinda inadvertently created a wonderland while visualizing. It was my grandparents old house and yard, complete with pool where I used to visit them when I was a kid. They have sinced moved but I can still picture it well. As I was picking out all the details, feeling the wind and sun on my skin and visualizing shadows, I thought about my tulpa joining me in the vision and bam, she was there. I talked with her a bit in that vision, and said that if she wanted to stay and make it her wonderland, she could, and if she decided to stay, she could change things as she pleases. During the drive home it felt like I couldn't really feel her with me, even when I tried to imagine her so, but I narrated the whole way anyway. I dunno if she's still chilling in that vision and made it into her personal space or if she just disappeared to think or whatever, like she did after our first forcing session; but she hasn't come back yet.

 

I'm just letting her chill for now, wherever she is, and I'll try to find her or call to her later, we have much more work to do on her personality.

[Frosty]

Ok, we had another forcing session last night, just strengthening her personality. I dunno where she was most of the day, but when we started forcing I visualized the same house as earlier, and I imagined her there and it seemed like she was there with me then. I dunno if that was where she was or she just came when I showed up, not really gonna question it.

 

So I was forcing in my brothers room, visualization comes a bit easier now but after 45 minutes to an hour I start losing focus and my train of thought/mindspeech seems to falter and stammer. I was deeply relaxed and busy visualizing, then my brother let out a loud cackle from the show he was watching. Felt like I got hit with a sledgehammer and it jarred me from my relaxed state with a quickness. Very unpleasant btw. I managed to get back into my relaxed state/visualization, and randomly while forcing it felt like my body was rocking back and forth, like I lost equillibrium or something for a bit. Ever pull on a car's antenna to make it bend then let go? Kinda like that. It only lasted about a second but it was really unusual feeling, although of course my actual body hadn't moved.

 

I also had a headache last night, but it started before I began forcing, so I have no idea what caused it.

 

 

Anyway, no real progress in the form of head pressures/pain, emotional/thought responses or vocalization yet...guess we'll just have to keep at it and see what happens.

 

 

 

 

EDIT: I guess I should probably mention what exactly I'm working on...

 

Personality. What traits you ask?

 

Relaxed: not in a "she's always calm and doesn't move much" sort of way, but in a "she doesn't let small things bother her" sort of way. I suppose I should change this to "not neurotic" or something.

 

Kind: warm-hearted, helpful, empathetic, etc.

 

Open: As in open to new ideas and things, receptive, eager to try new things.

 

Confident: High self-esteem, doesn't doubt herself

 

Optimistic: Generally positive outlook on things/the world

 

Funny: Good sense of humor, likes to laugh and make others laugh

 

Playful: Likes to have fun and such

 

Intelligent: She's not a dummy

 

 

When I first started I had planned on making her an introvert, like me, but I was unsure so I left out the introvert/extrovert thing when I began working on her personality. Then I started thinking about it, and I figured I didn't want two pessimistic and introverted voices in my head, so I'm now headed in the direction of making her an extrovert. It seems to fit her better, and I'm happy with the decision. Following this decision, I'm adding some new traits.

 

Cheerful: happy and likes to cheer others up when they feel down

 

Bubbly: Happy go lucky and energetic personality

 

Outgoing: Social, likes meeting new people, talking to people and being the center of attention.

 

Yeah, some of these are a bit redundant, but I figure some repetition can't hurt.

 

 

I also went for a walk today and narrated aloud to her for awhile, got good vibes from it. I'm hoping she likes the attention. I talked about random topics, pointed out landmarks and such, and talked to her directly about her personality and our forcing time, just to sort of reinforce what we did during the last two sessions. I plan on forcing again tonight, still working on personality until I can picture her with that personality and those traits perfectly whenever I think of her. Of course, she's always welcome to change any of this at any time, if she wants.

 

 

 

...I have to admit, I'm having the usual doubts, and whenever I do it seems like it's harder to sense her with me. I've tried to deal with it but they're persistent. I can't help but feel that I'm delaying our progress with my bull****.

 

I think my expectations are too high...I think I'm going to try to remind myself that making significant progress at this point is just asking way to much of both of us. Maybe that'll help.

 

 

EDIT 2: Yup, another edit. Didn't feel the need to bump the thread for this. I just spent some time looking through some other members progress reports, and found another user that sounded like he was pretty much in the exact same situation I'm in now, and a couple months later his tulpa is now vocal. So that gave me a bit of a motivational boost. Although I suppose it was more or less the same for everybody.

 

So now I have a bit more confidence in what I'm doing, and I'm more determined to press on. Speaking of, I gotta get the f--- off this forum and go force haha, later.

[Noich]

I also get somewhat disheartened every now and then, I guess it's part of the process. We'll have to get used to it that not every forcing session goes as well as we'd like.

 

Could be interesting to make your tulpa an extrovert in contrast to your own personality. Myself, I'm going for introvert to mach my personality.

[Frosty]

Yeah, I'm hoping it'll make it more interesting to have an opposing personality type tulpa.

 

Umm..progress....none really. Actually we've had some setbacks. I was going to force with her last night, but I was waiting for my brother to gtfo of the bathroom and turn out the lights, the light in the bathroom shines directly in my face since I sleep on the couch in the living room. (temporary housing arrangement until the restoration of the cottage/guest house is complete) Anyway I fell asleep waiting. So I didn't force at all yesterday, but I did narrate to her most of the day, so that's something.

 

I got off work early today, so I was gonna force for a bit, ended up falling asleep. When I woke up I tried to force again but it just wasn't happening, there were too many distractions and it's still light out. *sigh* I'm probably not gonna get a chance to force again tonight either, going to a bonfire type thing which is gonna be the first time I've seen this one kid since he got out of the hospital for brain surgury, I wouldn't say he's my friend, more like drinking buddies. And a lot of my other friends I haven't seen in awhile will probably be there, so I dunno if I'll have time for a session tonight.

 

I could sense her presence easily for most of the day today, until I got off work, then I kinda stopped thinking about her, and after that last failed session, I don't feel her at all. I tried to apologize but maybe the combo of a broken promise to force, falling asleep on her and a failed session in two days had a negative effect on her...

 

 

Damn...well, I have plans for tomorrow, I was thinking of reading to her. So maybe that'll help get us outta this funk.

[Faceache]

Well, from watching an episode of two and a half men, falling asleep on a woman can make her pissed. Not in the literal sense of course.

 

I understand how you feel, bro. I haven't had a reaction from Haruka in quite a while, if the first time was real or imagined.

[Frosty]

Ok, so we had some setbacks, but hopefully we got through it.

 

I may very well be changing my strategy when it comes to forcing, in response to new ideas and opinion. My original plan was to basically follow the guides, but working on personality over and over kinda seems like I'm beating a dead horse. So we may only have one more session of personality before changing up our strategy.

 

Now I think I'm going to focus more on narration and interaction, and basically getting to know her better. I think we're also going to start working on her form soon.

 

 

EDIT: We had a small session earlier today that went kinda well, however, I just recently tried forcing and it all went to crap. I was listening to what could be described as very smooth, very mellow electronic type music; and at first it was going ok, but stuff was going on, I couldn't tell if it was me or her, my mind kept drifting, at one point I might have fallen asleep, I saw someone appear (a small anime girl with pink hair, which is definitely not what I had in mind for my tulpa, but maybe it was her I dunno) and she gave me...something. Can't remember. I tried to get my thought process back on track but it was just fucked. Then all the images began distorting, melting, and basically some generally trippy, weird stuff. Now I feel tired and completely confused, like my mind is full of fuck.

 

I just...I dunno. I think I'm going to just stop for today and try to focus on doing something else.

[Faceache]

That's wierd, I don't think I've read anything like that before. I don't know if that's normal, because I've only been reading 5 or 6 blogs from this board.