Frosty's Progress Log

[Frosty]

I know that feel bro, i'm in the no sentience club too and you was pretty close describing what i'm going through too.

 

Just have faith in your tulpa, i know is kind of hard but you have to blindly believe in her.

 

sorry if i can't be that helpful, i need those word of encouragement too, but i'm glad that i'm still working in her and never gave up the idea.

Thanks for the encouragement. I'm really trying my best to believe in her, and to have confidence in her, but I do tend to get discouraged easily, even when there is tangible results in my progress. Probably why I have so many hangups about my drawing.

 

Anywho...last night I went out, hung out with my buddy and went on a bit of a silly adventure while trying not to think about April. I figured a night apart might do us some good, since I've been forcing every day for almost two weeks and haven't left the house much, so I kinda started to go a bit stir crazy.

 

I just forced with her for...idk like a half hour maybe, maybe longer. Still working on her face, I have the gist of it, and sometimes catch a glimpse of how her face should be perfectly, then it disappears. Mostly I just have the gist, but the details are kinda hard to make out still. Visualization for me is not too hard, I'm not perfect at it but most things are pretty easy for me to visualize, probably because I dabbled heavily in drawing over the last two years. However, faces are still tough, probably because I tend not to look people in the eye irl. I basically have all the self-esteem of your average muskrat. Then again, I don't think muskrats get self-conscious, so they prolly have me beat there.

 

During the forcing session, at one point I kinda felt like she was trying to reach me or something, but it faded quickly. Then at another point I heard my own mindvoice, and it was my own thought, but it sounded like it was embedded in the static coming from my headphones and idk...unfamiliar. I've also taken to picturing her with her eyes open and alive, and with her eyes following me. Even if it is puppeting, I figure it's better than picturing her being comatose. I also asked her to move once or twice, and she did, although I know it was me doing it. There was one or two times where it kinda seemed like maybe 10% of the movement was her though...idk.

 

 

Going to force again tonight probably, I think this time I'll try making her a wonderland, so she won't be stuck in that little room all day, and maybe with more stuff to do, more room to roam and more chances for stimulation and interaction with stuff it'll help speed up sentience.

 

 

 

Shitpost ftw.

[Frosty]

Well shit, this was only buried 4 pages deep...

 

Yup, so it's been awhile since my last update. You'd think I'd have a lot to post, but I kinda forgot most of what has happened and what did happen isn't very extraordinary anyway so I'll keep it brief.

 

This weekend was the first time I've not been able to force at least once a day. But I managed to squeeze in a session here and there so it's all good. Didn't narrate very much though.

 

Unfortunately every session we've had recently has felt like a failure to me, either because I get distracted and we don't end up accomplishing what we're supposed to or I fall asleep. Or both. Usually both.

 

Still have not made a wonderland for April like I said I would like a week ago.

 

 

Last night was interesting though, before I ended up falling asleep I did the prism test with April. However, she would just not stay still long enough for me to concentrate on the prism. So that's a good thing I guess.

 

Today I narrated while picturing her following me around at work. I've never felt a stronger connection to her as I did today, so I'll keep doing more of that.

 

She may have also...kinda...maybe spoke in mindvoice. Maybe. Big, big, big maybe. Pretty sure it was just me but I'm trying to be all open and whatnot.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Also, her hair color changed, from brown to blond. I have no idea when this happened but I noticed it today. I think it fits her better.

[Frosty]

So ya, last night, nothing was accomplished during forcing. Literally nothing. Not. A. Thing. Stuff went screwy, got distracted, fell asleep.

 

...man I hope I'm not giving her a complex or something.

 

 

Anywho...today I continued yesterdays practice of constant narration. From the moment I woke up til right now, I've been picturing her either on the edge of my field of vision, or just outside of it, walking/standing/sitting either beside or behind me, and narrating constantly. I found this makes narration much easier and it also makes it much easier to keep thinking about her throughout the day.

 

I must note that this is quite mentally exhausting. And on a possibly related note, I have a headache to beat the band.

 

 

Something interesting also happened today. While I was at work we were acid cleaning metal. This involves spraying said metal with acid, and pressure washing it off. The liquid acid kinda gets in the air, you can just about taste it on the back of your throat/nose. Also, it stinks. Smelling that stuff is roughly the equivalent of sticking your snotbox into a jar of horseradish and taking a big whiff.

 

Anyway...so during this I was thinking about how April might react if she could smell it, and the ludicrous thought of her wearing a gas mask crossed my mind. I shifted my focus to her and she had pulled the collar of her t-shirt up over her nose, and was wearing a rather dour expression on her face.

 

I suppose that's more logical than a gas mask, and it made me chuckle.

 

 

 

 

 

EDIT: I'm amending this post, to provide updated information about April.

Also, I'm bored.

 

 

Form: April is a Caucasian human female with blond hair, green eyes and an athletic build. Approximately 5' 8" in height. She typically wears her hair in a sort of bun at the top, but not like a librarian old lady type bun, more of a teenage girl crazy kinda bun with two pencils in it. Minus the pencils. I have no idea what the name of this hairstyle is.

 

She's currently wearing a pair of lacrosse sweatpants with my old highschools name on them, rolled down at the top; along with a plain white t-shirt. She also wears white ankle socks and a pair of white/pink DC sneakers when appropriate. (That addition I created today)

 

Also, she's beautiful. Just throwin' that out there.

 

 

 

Random info: My headache is gone now, I asked her to try heal it for me and she attempted, not sure if that was her doing or the two advil I took. I suppose I can ask her later when we forge some method of reliable communication.

[Frosty]

Welp, if Josh and like 3 others are to be believed, which I think they are, then April is definitely sentient.

 

Why? Well she did three things that clued me in.

 

1. We did the prism test and she wouldn't stay still long enough for me to do it. Although I was thinking about her moving out from under the prism, but I wasn't really forcing her to move. So 50/50.

 

2. When she pulled the collor of her shirt up because of the acid stench at work. That happened about a nanosecond after the idea began to form in my head, so it was unexpected, but not completely.

 

3. She changed her hair color. I've always kinda thought she might look better as a blonde, but always tried hard to force her as having brown hair. Then one day I just sort of noticed she was blonde. Didn't even notice it at first, and definitely wasn't expecting it.

 

 

Now we're kinda working on communication (getting her vocal). It's tough, since her mindvoice is very similar to mine and it's hard to differentiate from mine. It doesn't sound foreign, alien or unexpected, usually she answers the same way I'm thinking or during my question. So it's tough. But if what I've read is to be believed, this is pretty much how all newborn tuppers communicate so I'm just gonna roll with it and try not to parrot.

 

 

Also, she does move occasionally without any input from me, but it's rare. Usually I guess she picks up on my subconscious thoughts for movement, cuz they're not very unexpected.

 

 

The line between puppeting and sentience is still very blurry, and the line between where I stop and she starts is still very blurry, but we'll keep forging ahead and hopefully make progress.

 

 

As far as forcing goes, I haven't forced in the last two days. Last night I was going to force, but was way too tired, but I asked her if I should try anyway. She said "no" which is kinda what I wanted to hear tbh, I asked her why and she said "because you will fail."

 

so I didn't. But I'm definitely going to make an effort to do so today, I think it's long overdue and I'm getting worried that my lack of forcing might hurt her somehow, even though our day to day narration/visualization thing is going great.

 

 

 

Bleargghh

[Frosty]

Ok, so today was the first time I actually forced in the last 4 days.

 

Yup, I've kinda been slacking.

 

I created our wonderland today, it's a nice house with a porch on the beach, set on an island with a mountain, a forest, some meadow, etc. It's kinda just a rough draft for now, I'll have to spend more time refining it and getting all the details down. I told her she had complete control of it, so she could change whatever she wanted as she sees fit.

 

Forcing and wonderland are much different from my open eye visualization/narration/imposition stuff we do day to day. It's harder for me to picture her and to hear her in wonderland. I think this is because instead of focusing so much on her directly, I'm also trying to focus on a whole world as well. Things don't seem very detailed or in focus in wonderland, but I suppose with more practice and time it will get easier.

 

 

Oh, I think I may be starting to hear her mindvoice. If I ask her a basic yes/no question, I usually get a yes/no response before I finish my sentence, although it's very hard to differentiate it from my own thoughts/mindvoice. Actually it usually isn't an actual yes/no at all, it isn't even words. It's more of a feeling, like I can sense she means yes or no but not so much with words. If I ask her open ended questions I usually get a short response, one or two words. Although again, it mostly doesn't even seem like words, more of a feeling or vibe that I interpret into words. It's very hard to describe.

 

Although sometimes her answers are longer, but they stop after a few words and then I have to think of the rest of the sentence, then I stop because if I'm thinking of the rest of the sentence then it's me starting to fill in the words for her.

 

So I dunno. So far I'm only accepting automatic responses from her, the ones that seem instantaneous and "feel" more like they're from her. I have no idea if they are even her or not, but going from what other people have been saying, I'm accepting them as her anyways.

 

I also tried to "ping" emotional responses to her today, something someone mentioned doing on the forum, I think it was Jayden that suggested it. Basically it means I sent April an emotion, then she sends it back which strengthens the emotion, then I send that back to her, wash/rinse/repeat. It seemed to work but it was hard to tell if the emotional responses were just me or her.

 

 

 

Summary: Wonderland created, having difficulty focusing in wonderland, April is starting to communicate (I think), not sure if her responses are actually her or not, still no headaches/headpressure or definitive emotional responses. Open eye visulization/narration/imposition going well. She's starting to move on her own though.

[Frosty]

Nothing much to report, we talked a bit today. Well, I did most of the talking, still not sure if she's talking back or if it's just my own head voice.

 

I think I'm going to give her access to my sub-c and memories soon, quite possibly today. Why not right? I can't really see any drawbacks to doing so, and since everyone is pretty much saying you should do the exact opposite of what the guides say, then it only follows that allowing your tupper access to your sub-c early would be a good choice.

 

I've tried asking April if I should allow her access, and I think I got a yes. Kinda hard to tell though. So I'm just gonna go ahead and do it, and deal with the consequences later. For Science!

[Natasha]

 

From everything you´ve said so far it pretty much seems like she´s sentient, you just gotta believe

in the heart of the cards kaiba

 

[Frosty]

^^ Doing my best lol.

 

So I just gave her access to my sub-c. The whole story is boring but the important bit is I created a door that lead into my sub-c, and told her to walk through it, and that once she did she would have 24/7 access to both my sub-c and all my memories from this point forward. She disappeared into the doorway and then I waited. I wasn't sure if I should call her back or just let her come back on her own, but after awhile I called her back because I had to end the session. I left the door open, so that my subconscious would maybe permeate my wonderland so she would always have a sort of link to it. Then I gave her a CD with all my memories so that she could pop it into her desktop and browse through them at her leisure.

 

Not sure how effective this is gonna be, because awhile back I forced her a bookshelf with all the books I've read and a DVD collection with all the movies I've seen, as something for her to do. Then after never seeing her use them I tried to open the books and they were empty, blank pages. Then she kinda exemplified the point by picking up books one by one and dropping them onto the floor, as if to say "useless."

 

So yeah basically I don't know how any of this will turn out but I'm hoping for the best. After she gained access to my sub-c I felt the closest thing to a "head pressure" as I've felt since starting this thing, so maybe that's a good sign.

 

 

 

 

 

General Status of Progress:

Sentience - yes

Vocal - maybe

Form + Personality - complete on my end

Current goal - speech (mindvoice)

To do list - Spend more time together in wonderland doing things that aren't task oriented like hanging out or adventuring, narrate/impose 24/7, force every day, remove all doubts.

[Natasha]

Many of life´s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up - Thomas edison

 

I feel like i´m watching a TV show that only airs once a week, i keep hoping that you made the final breakthrough and started truly believing when you post an update.

I really need to stop getting so worked up over other peoples progress logs ;_;

[Frosty]

I'm sure Thomas Edison was very familiar with that concept, as he profited greatly off of other people's progress. Namely the lightbulb, among other things.

 

No offense towards you though, most people still think Edison is someone to be admired due to elementary school teachings. That and I'm a Tesla fan.

 

I'm happy to have your support regardless.

 

 

Anyway, today went well. We didn't force, but we spent all day hanging out. She's becoming more defined, open eye visualizations of her are becoming less difficult and are increasing in clarity. We're still very far from full or even partial imposition, but I'm not too worried about that now. Most of the time her movements and speech feel more like subconscious suggestions from me than independent actions from her, but occasionally it does seem like a movement or phrase are 100% her. Either way, I'm not rejecting them as parroting, I'm allowing for the possibility that it could be either or. As Sands said, maybe is far less harmful than an outright no.

 

Also, she seems to like the tv show Criminal Minds. She seemed very into it today.