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Frosty's Progress Log


Frosty

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That's wierd, I don't think I've read anything like that before. I don't know if that's normal, because I've only been reading 5 or 6 blogs from this board.

 

Well, there was a lot more to it than that, such as when I tried to take her "soul" the white orb inside of her silhouette I usually picture her as, out to add to it (like was suggested in Noich's progress log by someone else) and she crumbled to dust (like what happened to cypher (I think)) in his progress log, although I was thinking about that instance before it happened, so I think that was just an intrusive thought from me.

 

Mostly everything was jumbled and confused, I couldn't concentrate, couldn't focus. I tried to relax, open my eyes, start again, but it kept getting worse. And I think at one point I may have fallen asleep so I don't know how much of it was visualization or how much of it was a dream, if any.

 

And when the little anime girl with the pink hair showed up, gave me something and said something that I can't remember, the thought crossed my mind that it might be my tulpa, but I rejected her flat out, since my tulpa is supposed to be human, then I was thinking if it was her and if it was just a deviation, then I just rejected my tulpa's new form, and felt like a dick.

 

I kept trying to fix it and get back tojust visualizing, but shit kept falling apart, going screwy, I saw everything wipe out like when a video feed gets distorted and lines go through everything, and a bunch of other trippy shizz.

 

 

So yeah, I really don't know what to make of any of it. Since then I haven't been able to feel her, and when I try to picture her I think of the anime girl, but it feels empty. So I think it's just an intrusive thought I can't shake.

 

 

Beats me, I guess I'll try again tomorrow, just pretend that last session didn't happen. And I have no idea whether or not ANY of this is normal, so if someone could give some input on that, I'd appreciate it.

 

Also, I think I need to work on personality more, I think I'm losing sight on who my tulpa is, what kind of person she is. I can't really pin down who I think she's supposed to be...although maybe since I can't make up my mind I'll just skip personality and let her be her, whatever that may mean.

Tulpa's name: April

Form: Human female

Working on: Stuff

My Progress Log

 

"A belief is not merely an idea the mind possesses; it is an idea that possesses the mind." ~ Robert Oxton Bolton

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That doesn't sound like a bad idea, but one guy on here has a tulpa who's a sadist that like creepyporn and cutting dicks.

 

But maybe you should let her choose what she looks like.

"With these hands we will destroy, with these hands we will rebuild."

http://tulpa.info/forums/Thread-Faceache-s-Progress-Report

What I've gathered:

Gender: female

Name: Haruka(japanese for explained reasons)

Time: 2 hours(probably)

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That doesn't sound like a bad idea, but one guy on here has a tulpa who's a sadist that like creepyporn and cutting yogurt cannons.

 

But maybe you should let her choose what she looks like.

 

I intended to, but I'm pretty sure it was just an intrusive thought, maybe a dream.

 

I don't think she picked it, I don't think it was even her, although I can't say for sure.

Tulpa's name: April

Form: Human female

Working on: Stuff

My Progress Log

 

"A belief is not merely an idea the mind possesses; it is an idea that possesses the mind." ~ Robert Oxton Bolton

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Beats me.

 

But I kinda talked to her since, I was having doubts and was confused, and she kinda seemed like she was growing distant from me. So I pictured giving her energy in an impromptu forcing session, and hugged her. Said I didn't want to lose her and such. I'm not sure if it was just me or not, but she hugged me back, hard. (All in my head of course) And right after that she seemed to get very energetic and bubbly, then I was kinda talking to her, said I really gotta pick a form for her so I know how to picture her, cuz I really think that'll make this all go a lot easier. I left that til later. Then I mentioned that we really gotta find a name for her, and right as the forcing session came to an end and I opened my eyes, the name April popped into my head.

 

I dunno if it was her doing or mine, but I'm not against it. And it's better than just calling her "tulpa" or "hey you" anyway. So that's what I'm calling her for now, at least until she gets vocal, then she can give me a definitive yes or no. We can always change it later.

Tulpa's name: April

Form: Human female

Working on: Stuff

My Progress Log

 

"A belief is not merely an idea the mind possesses; it is an idea that possesses the mind." ~ Robert Oxton Bolton

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Alot further than I am, and I confratulate you. Instead of alot

Of hugging, I might justbrofist Haruka.

"With these hands we will destroy, with these hands we will rebuild."

http://tulpa.info/forums/Thread-Faceache-s-Progress-Report

What I've gathered:

Gender: female

Name: Haruka(japanese for explained reasons)

Time: 2 hours(probably)

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bleh...day whothehellknows. maybe 5.

 

..or 7. Don't really know.

 

Yesterday, started reading homestuck with April, figured we'd do something together, reading and such. Then I walked/narrated for like an hour.

 

Last night, tulpaforced. My focus=shit. First session, tried to work on personality a bit and give her a form. Gave her a very rough form, then about 30 seconds into personality my mind took a flying leap into crazy. It seems I get extremely distracted while forcing, and my mind ends up in places unknown, not having realized I even got distracted in the first place, or when or how it happened. Attempts to get back on track end in failure. So last night I kinda just went with it. Heard some voices in my head, multiple ones, then a bunch of muttering, like voices on the wind or something. Then my whole black void/construct/wonderland type thing where I tulpaforce started spinning like it was going down a drain, and I ended up in some unknown desert valley with sharp walls that stretched way above me with industrial pipelines sticking out everywhere. There was a factory surrounded by red light in the distance, lotsa smoke and ominous stuff goin on. I asked April if she had a hand in this, no response. So I decided to follow the valley I was in towards the factory, made it only a couple steps in this crazy mishmash of minecraft/sonic the hedgehog world (I can't even..) and then I was distracted. My asshat brother. Again.

 

Got up, got a glass of water, waited til all was quiet again, then decided to go Round 2. With renewed vigor I leapt into the session ready to do WORK.

 

 

....then I fell asleep. *sigh*

 

 

Anyway, I did a little visualization in the car this morning on the ride to work, didn't think visualizing while driving would be possible, but I think I made the most progress in that ten minutes than I have all week. Defined her form and tried to commit it to memory, then I tried to get her to communicate with me, she seemed rather eager to. It just seemed like she was trying really hard, and we were almost there...there was also pressure on my right ear, the first time I've ever felt anything close to a head pressure. Although it coulda been just from a stiff neck but I dunno, it was definitely in my ear.

 

Well, I didn't hear anything, but it seemed as if we got just a tiny bit closer to our goal, if that makes any sense. A valiant try nonetheless.

 

 

TL;DR? Then what are you doing in my log? Laziness I tell you. Back in my day we would read 1000 pages every hour and like it.

 

 

 

P.S. - Pretty much got her form all figured out, but it's gonna take awhile to commit it to memory enough that I don't have to think about it. Her face...well we're working on that. I think I almost had a good one today, several times actually, but a lot of the faces that popped into my head were either people I knew, or actresses or whatever, just took a second to recognize it. I think I almost have it sorted though, but need to work on it more. Downloaded a bunch of female faces from google that I think fit, so we're going to go over those, maybe pick one, maybe mix 'n' match. Dunno. Once I get everything sorted then it becomes a long process of committing that shizz to memory.

Tulpa's name: April

Form: Human female

Working on: Stuff

My Progress Log

 

"A belief is not merely an idea the mind possesses; it is an idea that possesses the mind." ~ Robert Oxton Bolton

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I don't know what to tell you, there wasn't a tl;dr. Give me a moment and I'll go over it.


Okay, i read it, good job on the car ride, you might have something there.

"With these hands we will destroy, with these hands we will rebuild."

http://tulpa.info/forums/Thread-Faceache-s-Progress-Report

What I've gathered:

Gender: female

Name: Haruka(japanese for explained reasons)

Time: 2 hours(probably)

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Starting to get a bit discouraged.

 

After mostly completing her form and kinda her face (still working on it, my whole forcing session last night was devoted to it, but didn't really get anywhere) I'm beginning to picture her more and more in her designed form i.e. a human. However, she hasn't shown any signs of sentience yet, so while I'm picturing her as a human, she just kinda...sits there. Like she's comatose or something. Any movement she does is just me parroting, which is tough because a split second after I think of her doing something, she does it. A long enough split second to know that it's me doing it but too fast for me to stop myself.

 

So in summary, she hasn't shown a single sign of sentience yet, and is pretty much a vegetable. And I just read an opinion that basically said that's bad, and you might accidentally make your tulpa to be unconscious all the time, or something.

 

So I'm not sure if I should go back to picturing her as a white orb or what.

 

 

Also, I made her a room in my construct. It's simple, it has a couch, a tv with a library of all the shows and movies I've seen, and a bookshelf with all the books I've read. Whenever I force she's in there, but nothing in the room seems touched every time I stop by. So...no signs of sentience, whatsoever. I was thinking of making a whole wonderland for her today since it must get boring in there why I'm at work, but if she hasn't shown any signs of sentience yet, what's the point?

 

 

So basically...discouraged and filling with doubt. I know I really shouldn't expect sentience at this point, but a lot of people have been saying they've noticed signs of sentience after a week or two, so I can't help but think that I'm doing something wrong.

 

 

Anyway, I'm going out for a bit, maybe getting out of the house will help me clear my head or something.

Tulpa's name: April

Form: Human female

Working on: Stuff

My Progress Log

 

"A belief is not merely an idea the mind possesses; it is an idea that possesses the mind." ~ Robert Oxton Bolton

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I know that feel bro, i'm in the no sentience club too and you was pretty close describing what i'm going through too.

 

Just have faith in your tulpa, i know is kind of hard but you have to blindly believe in her.

 

sorry if i can't be that helpful, i need those word of encouragement too, but i'm glad that i'm still working in her and never gave up the idea.

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