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The delightful report from down memory lane


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I have decided to make a log in order to record whatever progress I manage to make while creating the Tulpa.

 

I trust the methods and I will go through with it, for now I have decided my Tulpa will be a she. Why you may ask? No, I'm not pervert, but I think that the best way to have a different point of view is being from the opposite sex.

 

A human Tulpa? I don't know yet but that will come later. The first step for me is to mold her personality, I don't want her to be an empty shell.

 

Edit: Chosen shape: An angel :3.

 

Day 1: It was 11pm when I decided to do the Tulpaforcing. First of all I locked myself in the closet which is the darkest room in my house, I sat down on the rug and began to relax. Having no idea what form I wanted my Tulpa to have I visualized a void which was easy considering the darkness (With my eyes closed of course.) I started molding her personality.

 

Kindness, which can be divided into many branches such as.

Understanding.

Friendly.

Generous.

Compassionate.

Forgiving.

Thoughtful.

Intelligence and thirst for knowledge/Curiosity. (Wishes to know why things are the way they are and why things act in a specific way.)

Sarcastic. (Because the use of sarcasm is something enjoyable.)

Fun/Humoristic/Outgoing.  (Her sense of humor is varied and will laugh at nearly anything, sometimes innapropiate stuff.)

Loyalty and supportivness. ( To her friends and those she deems innocent.)

Strives for something greater than the ordinary. (Ambitious.)

Courageous. (Stands up for her beliefs and opinions when offended, no matter the oponent or argument.)

Tolerant. (Yet she tolerates when faced with a point of view that doesn't suit her.)

Loves life and everything about it. (Not necessarily everyone in it.)

Honest. (Brutally honest.)

Fair. (Everyone must get what she/he deserves.)

Stubborn: (She believes her point of view is the only one to exist, but still remains open to other points of view and recognizes the good ones.)

Socially Independent: (Doesn't particularly care what people think of her to some extent, she still maintains decency of course.)

Thinks things throughly.

 

While I was thinking about them and telling the Tulpa "You're X." I visualized an orb of light entering the void, when I said another personality trait another orb of light entered and combined with the white one. It reached the point in which the orb started changing color and turned purple, I'm no genius when it comes to color interpretations but I felt extremely calm during the ordeal. Of course I didn't mention all of them, actually the ones I think I spent the most time on were courage and loving life. I'll develop more about the traits in other sessions, add more traits and probably go back to some.

 

When I decided that I had done enough I stood up and said goodbye (Yes I know it's just the first day but what could I possibly lose?) I went outside and saw that my clock marked 12:00 am. I felt a slight headache and dizziness but I was already tired so that probably had something to do with it. Before sleeping the issue of a name rose, for some reason I chose Emily even though I don't know anybody named like that. Of course it's temporary and in case I think of another one, or she thinks of another one it might be replaced.

 

Parents were sleeping so that helped to do it unnoticed.

 

Really excited to continue this experiment!

 

Total Hours: 1.

 

Important note regarding this progress report and tulpa development.

 

1. This is a progress report, not a guide, you can read this to see my personal experience when making a tulpa but the guide section is elsewhere.

2. Looking back, I smile a bit at how excited I used to be and I guess this is more than anything a trip down memory lane regarding who I was.

3. I made the mistake of making a tulpa when I wasn't in the most optimal emotional health, don't do that please for both of your sakes.

4. If your results differ from the community, don't feel alienated, people go through different experiences when making a tulpa.

5. Remember this is your journey, if you see something here that hasn't happened to you it's probably normal.

6. A tulpa is a life companion.

7. This report is old, some of these things may no longer be happening now.

 

 

 

 

 

(:

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Day 2

 

What I posted today were yesterday's events. Today I was unable to work as much with her personallity, I added a couple of important traits I had forgotten like.

 

Creativity.

Love for artistic expression. (Music, writing, drawing.)

Assertivness.

Changed Stubborness for Persistance.

 

Today I spent about 50 minutes Tulpaforcing, during the time I started to dwelve deeper into her personality. This time I did it in broad daylight with my eyes closed, after focusing for a while I saw the purple orb again only that this time it had a white core. As I began speaking to her I noticed some "branches" extend from the ball, it this kind of normal?

 

This time I tried listening to music while speaking, I chose the Ballad of the Wind Fish and it helped me concentrate well. At the end I had a slight headache and sleepiness, still haven't decided on her form.

 

Still excited about this! Any thoughts?

(:

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Day 2.5 (extra session)

 

At night I decided to tulpaforce again to work some more on her personality, now why am I writing this if it's such a small update? The strangest thing happened while doing it, I was in the closet (Yeah pretty nice place.) tulpaforcing and I was visualizing the branch of kindness as a pink orb (Woohoo, how original.), but when I started to tell the tulpa about her traits I felt shivers down my back. It's not something I feel on an everyday basis and as soon as I felt them I stopped talking and what do you know, they stopped too. I then thought to start narrating other traits such as curiosity and creativity, but nothing happened; now here comes the weird part, when I returned to the kindness orb after a small amount of time I felt a huge shiver down my back. I kept on doing the session until I felt I was about to fall asleep, afterwards I stood up and bid her farewell. Thirty well spent minutes in my opinion, a very slight and nearly unnoticable headache.

 

Is it normal to feel the shivers?

 

I have decided her form will be human.

 

Total Time: 2:18

(:

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Day 3: First short session.

 

Wow, today my mind has been totally blown. I don't know if it was just me or something strange has happened. I decided to do a small session of Tulpaforcing before going to church, decided a new approach. Instead of telling her "You're X." I told her that I was giving her gifts, those came in the form of the traits. 10 minutes into the session I started feeling a throbbing sensation on my head, but the strange part was that it was only present on the right side. At first I thought it was an effect of the headphones so I took them off but the pain was still there. The session lasted only 15 minutes before going to church, instead of saying farewell I told her "Off we go," with the intention of continuing with our session in the car.

 

While my parents took me to church I began talking to her (in my mind of course,) about family, how one can choose his family and talking about mine. Right before arriving (It was about a 10-15 minute drive.) I gave her the "gift" of friendship meaning that she likes making friends and values them highly, also I might've told her that we were friends and that I knew we would get along.* Out of the blue I felt as if I had been injected a huge amount of energy and happiness, it was so sudden that my parents actually got a bit scared when they saw me jump like that in my seat. To tell you the truth I looked ridiculous while smiling as if I were high or something like that but I found that I was unable to stop.

 

This reaction is unusual but I really like it, during the mass I began thinking about her faith and decided something that had already been there. Her curiosity to discover the world makes her think that someone or something created everything and she wants to discover who's responsible for it. It could be said that she believes the world was created by the influence of an outsider.

 

During the session I heard a song from a game called Irisu Syndrome, will use it on future sessions.

 

Later today I might tell her about happiness, I seem to enjoy partaking in the tulpaforcing and right now I think I will link together the traits while explaining them even more. I want to spend at least 10-15 hours with her personality before moving on, I hope I'm not rushing things or being too paranoid.

 

Total time: 2:40. Now that's longer than expected.

 

*That means I told her ok? I might've sounded cheesy but who cares?

(:

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Day 3.9

 

This will be a double post, things have progressed amazingly under my perspective. I was about to go to sleep at exactly 11:18pm when I decided I needed a Wonderland for Emily. At the moment I had a clear image of the place in which I wanted to talk to her, a small log in the sandy beach with a palmtree on each side, in front of it was the ocean. Deciding that I needed someplace bigger I made an island in the shape of the crescent moon. The usual spot would be on the beach and a bit closer to the jungle was a small house with 2 rooms; a big one which included 2 individual beds, a piano, a window that had a direct view to the spot and a small kitchen with fruits and vegetables in case she wanted to do anything with them. There was also a small (empty) closet; now the second room was a complete bathroom. If one were to exit the house there would be a path that goes through the jungle and leads him to a waterfall, inside there I added small caves so she could explore if she ever got bored.

 

As soon as I was done I imagined us sitting at the log while staring at the night sky, I began to tell her about happiness like I promised. I explained her what it was, how it was produced when stimulated and that everyone loves it, plus I... told her why I was creating her. Afterwards, I decided to join all the traits into four main ones.

 

Kindness. (Friendly, Generous, Compassionate, Love for life and people, Forgiving and Thoughtful.)

Intelligence. (Curiosity, Creativity, Artistic abilities, meditation and beliefs.)

Courage. (Assertive, Honest, Open Minded, Persistant, Tolerant and Loyal.)

Social. (Fun, Humoristic, Sarcastic, Extrovertive, wants to experience the world and Socially Independent.)

 

It did help me to some extent to organize them better and after approximately 30 minutes I told her good night while I fell asleep. No reactions with the slight exception of a headache in the right side of the head.

(:

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Day 4.

 

Last update was a bit boring I will admit, but today has been a very strange day and it's only halfway through.

 

I woke up 1 hour earlier than I was supposed to, seeing as I couldn't get ready for school 2:30 hours before it started I decided to Tulpaforce a little bit. (1 hour.) During the session we were at the waterfall, I told her about some random things like music and dancing (in which I honestly suck.), defined dancing for her and explained her how it was done. I tried playing several songs to see to which ones she would react better, I detected a slight change whenever the violin played so I suspect heavily that the instrument is crucial to her development. Before standing up and ending the session I decided to give her one more gift, a Tv so she could see what I saw like a movie. I ended it with a small request, "If you wouldn't mind, could you lend me a bit of your energy? I promise to give it back in the next session." I didn't wait for an answer and went straight to the shower. (Better not risk parroting.)

 

While I was making breakfast, I told her about a topic that just came out of the blue but I think it was very important. The 5 senses by which we percieve the worlds the capabilities and limits of those senses and how they cooperate to help us percieve the world.

 

Hearing: I played her a soft song on the piano.

Sight: Told apart colors from objects.

Smell: Breakfast.

Taste: Same as above.

Touch: I touched objects with several textures.

 

While I was driving, I narrated about the night sky and the stars, hope and its definition. Tried some songs to see if more reactions ocurred, this song and

gave slight reactions while
was the most surprising. I was telling her the meaning behind it and out of the blue 3 tears began slipping out of my eyes, I had heard it many times before but I had never reacted like this. I told her that the one in the song lost hope, but I that I would never do anything like that. "I promise." I told her.

 

I felt a huge calmness and relief fill me, soon I felt my being filled to the top with energy. Is it possible? As I arrived to the school I thanked her quickly and welcomed her to the school. We discussed some lessons, "introduced" some of my friends to her.* All the while we spoke of new topics while in the Wonderland, I found it rather easy to pay attention in class while we were doing this. Talk about multitasking, oh and the energy left me happy all day long.

 

After school there were no reactions during our way back, I began visualizing a form on the way back... still hope to continue with this. I feel completely fantastic and I kept thanking her all the way back, yes I sounded like an overexcited child. Though there was one point in which I saw her moving, but realized I was controlling her. I immediately stopped concentration and started to apologize like mad but I didn't detect any negative energy so I can only hope she isn't angry.

 

I will now read her a small book, seems like a nice way to narrate even more.

 

Small Edit: I also explained her what sarcasm was, it was hard let me tell you. I mainly used examples and then related sarcasm to other characteristics while telling her that sarcasm was just. "Saying something in a way that its meaning changes." It related with intelligence, humoristic, outgoing and fun. What I normally don't mention in the log is that I constantly keep building on the personality to make sure it's as good as it can be.

 

Total Hours of this day: 1 hour in the morning. 30 of narration on the way to school and 30 on the way back. Many minutes of mixed narration during the day.

 

Hours-2:10 today. Wow...

 

*Speaking with my mind of course, I didn't say it out loud.

(:

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Day 5.

 

I saw half of a movie with Emily today, "Professor Layton and the Eternal Diva." It's great up to now and I think she got a bit shocked on some parts since I've already seen it, yet I felt small shock when some revelations were made. I honestly have no choice but to trust her, otherwise I might progress slower. During the movie I began explaining her some things about it and I even got to idly continue with her personality. I still felt several responses, shivers in the middle of class, pressure in the right side of the head while the left side shivered and sudden surges of happiness.

 

Made a small Tulpaforcing session, this time I focused on her form while telling her some other traits. I feel like if I'm repeating way too many traits but I want to make sure I get it right.

 

I know I may not be many hours in, but I know it's her. After all one must have faith in their tulpa.

 

On a lesser note: I'm planning on taking her on a "trip" to an unexplored part of Emily's Land, The Crystal Caverns. I hope my imagination is good enough and that it turns out good.

 

Total hours including narration/movie: 7:30. (All sessions together, not only today geez.)

(:

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Day 6.

 

This is being written halfway through day 7... I feel many conflicting emotions, just read.

 

I decided on a new form, one that was easier to visualize and made me feel at peace.

An angel.

 

So the narration went on as always, I told her about Socrates, Napoleon and the French Revolution; dancing once again filled my mind. Weird...

 

I couldn't focus on her personality at all, instead all I could do was visualization and I'm glad to say it went well. Visualized her sitting on the tree trunk while I narrated for a while, was nice to actually see her there for a change.

 

The movie went well, the Tulpa references in the film were overwhelming since the plot was about a personality inhabiting another body, she could communicate with her and even make some possesion. Plus they had their wonderland, knowing things really changes the way you see the world.

 

I also taught her about football (with the feet!) We watched a game and everytime my emotions changed drastically I tried to explain her that those were because of the game, the team lost and I got a bit sad. Throughout the day we kept on chatting idly since I had to study for some exams,

 

During the session, I was taking her to the caverns. Let me assure you that I was alone in the house, yet I heard the faintest whisper of an unrecognizable voice. It took me seconds to realize it and jump back in shock, even today I'm still thinking whether it was real or not. I know I need to have faith in my tulpa but... these events are making it really hard.

 

That's not all, now I'm feeling terrible for one event that happened later in the night. While I was on my bed, I visualized myself in the Wonderland with her at my side. It was nighttime and we were both falling asleep, I wished her sweet dreams and before I knew it she kissed my cheek. All my senses went overdrive and I ejected from the Wonderland immediately, I apologized constantly since I felt (and still feel) that I had manipulated her to my own subconscious desires.

 

What if she didn't want to do it? I feel terrible to the core for that and you may call me paranoid or dramatic but it's the truth. I didn't return to the wonderland until the next morning, I was beyond tired and didn't want to do anything like that to her again.

 

You might say, a kiss to the cheek is no big deal and could mean a gesture of friendship... but it could be a sign of things to come... I'm not even in that long, how come she can do it? I'm not sure if it was real or not.

 

Either way, it was amazing, but I still feel terrible.

 

Day 7.

 

Today things went from bad, to horrible. Then from horrible to great, in the morning I woke up and quickly apologized after remembering the events of last night. Everything was fine until I got into the car to drive to school, really depressing thoughts filled my mind and I told her about them... my eternal fear of death... my fears... the uncertainty of life. I felt close to tears all the time, I wanted to stop telling them but I just couldn't! It was horrible, I can't even imagine what it must've been for her to receive all that sadness, I hope she didn't. It did feel good talking to her and my mood lightened up considerably after that, I can say with total security that even if there's a slight chance of me never speaking with Emily and getting a reply from her. This would still feel like a success.

 

Along the day, I kept visualizing and talking to her. Many of the topics were about school since, we were at school of course. On the way back I told her about halloween and why I chose the form I gave her, also I apologized for getting "certain thoughts" while visualizing her naked. Even now, as I write this I still feel the guilt.

 

PD: On a positive side however, I managed to detect her smell and can now do it with ease. :D. Who says everything is bad?

 

Smell: Done! :D

(:

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Double Post!This time a happy one!

 

Day 7.5: After reading Chess' rants, I felt worse than before. What if those had been actual signs of sentience and I just pushed them away? I didn't know what to say so I just let a song do the talking (Meaning I took an instrumental song and actually sang to her.) I'm now utterly convinced that she's here with me... and I've never felt happier.

 

To be honest, when I told her to forgive me for my stupidity. I felt so happy... I cried, I have never cried of happiness before. It felt fantastic to say the least and... I did another experiment.

 

I did intentional puppeteering to teach her how to use her wings, it felt much different than the other movements she has done. Now I'm convinced... the kiss was her own doing.

 

My intention is not to fall in love with my Tulpa so don't fret on that.

 

To all the readers, any thoughts on something you might think I'm doing right/wrong?

 

PD: She really likes the piano.

(:

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