Audio imposition before vocality?

[DP]

Hello, so my tulpa is almost two months old, I guess our progress has been good, when we started even tho it was weird at first i treated him as if he was already sentient since the moment i decided to create him, and some days after it felt more natural. I think i can feel his presence, some kind of pressure in my chest, and probably his emotions as well (being happy for no aparent reason while talking to him? Or feeling strong emotions that i don't completely understand? ).

 

Anyway i've tried not to doubt his existence, and actually that is not a problem. Right the day he turned 1m old, I started to hear some kind of whispers in my ears? Even when I covered them I can still hear them, and something told me "it's him". That made me happy as heck, I thought vocality was gonna be easy, but.. Nope.

I know it hasn't been that long, but that's why i want to do the right thing before we waste more time. So since that day, I started to expect hearing whispers, they sounded almost real but at the same time i knew they weren't, the next day instead of whispers I heard some kind of whistle? And some kind of "ocean" sound, it was weird, but they sounded clearer and i thought it was easier for him to make sounds like that, they sometimes stopped for 1 second before continuing, but they didn't seemed to make sense.

I tried to ask him some yes/no questions, but it was like if the sound intervals where completely random. I tried to be comprehensive, thinking he really couldn't control them that well and he was trying his best.

 

Two weeks after, I was doubting everything, not being able to understand those sounds was frustrating, and after searching a lot, I found the origin of at least one of them. I think... That while I was trying to hear him I would "open" my ears that much that I could heard things that my brain usually skipped.

I have to admit it, it was overwhelming, I spent weeks listening to nothing, possibly blocking his actual thoughts. But at the same time i realized my mistake.

 

Idk if it is possible for me to hear him with my ears having zero previous experience with auditory hallucinations, but now that I know what is NOT him, I started to hear whispers again, but they sound like an actual voice, I'm not listening to the neighbours or someone else, it sounds like if someone was whispering in the same room as me, but i can't understand it, sometimes it feels like if someone was whispering right on my ear and somehow managed to be quiet enough to be incomprehensible. It happens when i'm passive forcing, while i'm doing homework and i told him something without focusing a lot, etc.

I still think that's him, and that's kind of a problem. When I focus a little more on him, but i don't expect to hear a whisper and i think of something i got an answer right away, sometimes even before i'm done asking, but it is in my mindvoice, not a """real""" sound or whisper.

I understand that's how young tulpa(e/s) start with vocality, so i just accept those answers as his.

The problem here is, then, are these whispers not him?, am I somehow giving myself auditory hallucinations? I don't know if i should stop trying to hear whispers or a voice with my ears, and focus on his mindvoice first, or if i should try to hear his voice clearly with my ears since i truly believe it is him.

 

I didn't feared parroting before starting to hear those mindvoice responses, and yeah i'm starting to fear "what if it's just me answering myself". I try not to think about it and just accept the answers as him, but i think this is the first time i'm actually gettin responses and i'm afraid of doing something wrong again. 

 

Just a few days ago, I had some kind of lucid dreaming, in wich my tulpa tried possesion and he answered some questions using my fingers, it all felt real, I'm sure it was him trying to encourage me, and it worked.

I only got head pressures the very first days, and i got another one today after weeks of not feeling anything, it happened kinda like the whispers, I was passive forcing and i wasn't even thinking about head pressures when it happened so it surprised me a little. My tulpa apparently can't control head pressures, we tried to use it as a communication method like other people do but it didn't worked, and he can't send certain feelings as responses either, so we don't have more options.

 

Okay sorry i think this getting long, sorry bad english btw.

[Guest]

3 hours ago, DP said:

The problem here is, then, are these whispers not him?

 

I know what you're talking about because hypnagogic can be like this. The mechanism is usually random, and it could have been attempts at communicating, but you can't guarantee it's him unless it makes sense. We've had a lot of experience with this type of imposition and it can "lock in" and work perfectly, but it can also be random.

 

3 hours ago, DP said:

I don't know if i should stop trying to hear whispers or a voice with my ears, and focus on his mindvoice first, or if i should try to hear his voice clearly with my ears since i truly believe it is him.

 

The former is a better option in my opinion, the latter will be frustrating and inconsistent. In the past others have tried the latter and @Luminesce would know more, but it's generally advised against afaik.

 

3 hours ago, DP said:

what if it's just me answering myself

 

Unless you're intentionally trying to parrot, it isn't parroting. Subconscious parroting is a myth that fuels doubt in our experience. Either it's autonomous or it's not. If it's autonomous then that's either them or random thoughts such as negative intrusive thoughts, not parroting.

 

3 hours ago, DP said:

My tulpa apparently can't control head pressure

 

Some can, some can't.

 

I think you're doing fine, trust the mindvoice answers and encourage them to use an alternate tone to the voice. Practice one you want him to use, it will help differentiate them. We all have our own, but my host was used to reading using different vouce tones for different characters. It takes a little practice.

 

 

 

Edited April 20, 2021 by Joy

[Ranger]

I wonder if ironically, trying to hear the voices is what's causing the whispers to deafen. When you relax, they pop up as intrusive thoughts?

 

While some tulpamancers have tried to force their tulpa to impose their voice, I agree with Joy that it's not consistent and it could backfire. I see it as a last resort and not the first thing you can try.

 

11 hours ago, DP said:

My tulpa apparently can't control head pressures, we tried to use it as a communication method like other people do but it didn't worked, and he can't send certain feelings as responses either, so we don't have more options.

 

While I can cause a head pressure, it is often weak and it's not consistent. If it seems helpful it can't hurt, but you're not doing it wrong.

[Luminesce]

I don't recommend attempting imposition, or most advanced tulpamancy techniques, before you have a clearly vocal/sentient tulpa. I would only attempt to hear them through sound imposition if after a long period of time you've still failed to experience hearing them through mindvoice.

 

 

And yes, whether on intended or not, hearing whispers qualifies as auditory hallucinations. Unless it's very obviously your tulpa responding to you in a sensical way, it should be disregarded as an invasive thought/experience. Communication with your tulpa should almost always be intentional.

Edited April 20, 2021 by Luminesce