Wakachan's tulpa creation log

[Wakachan]

I'm honestly a bit scared about going through with this. I'm worried my tulpa will reflect my more negative side, and I'll decline into something I wouldn't like because of its influence. I've probably read too much copypasta. I know they're untrue, but I can't help but feel a bit paranoid about this. Still, I'm willing to risk it.

 

So here goes nothing.

 

I had originally lurked these boards a few months ago, linked to them through /mlp/ (guess what kind of tulpa I'm going for?), but had too many reservations and excuses to begin, like too little time, not enough focus, I had to plan it out first, etc. I did plan a bit: I was originally going to follow something akin to FAQ_man's guides--personality drafting and all; I have a few pages about general characteristics; however, after a hiatus from all things tulpae, I've decided to follow a combination of FAQ_man's and Irish's guide. I still intend on utilizing what I have planned out, though I hope my tulpa will deviate and fill in the majority of it. I could always go back and add a few layers to the personality if I find it's not up to my expectations or whatever.

 

So far I've visualized a wonderland. It's simple: a single tower (think one of those round structures on keeps) in the middle of a snowed-over mountainside. The inside is divided into three rooms: the entry, the library, and the bedroom. All of the rooms are divided into thirds of the circumference of the tower, though the bedroom is upstairs and the library takes two sections. A picture (http://imgur.com/Gxjcv) The entry room consists of a round table with two seats on top of an ornate scarlet rug, oil lamps on the walls, and three doors: one directly forward to the stairwell, and two on both of the diagonal walls that lead to the library. The library consists of three massive shelves that follow the curvature of the room. There's three stained glass windows, the largest being 180 degrees from the entry door, and two smaller ones accompanying it 45 degrees on each side. The light coming through the windows does not seem to be consistent with the time of day I am imagining my wonderland . . . yet. Finally, the bedroom. In it is a king-sized canopy bed with a scarlet comforter and two nightstands on either side. There's also doors to bathrooms nearby with a mirror, drawers, and a cabinet next to that. There's also a couple of windows, each next to a nightstand.

 

Oh yea, and a spiral staircase in the middle of the tower. It seems to stretch to infinity when I stare up or down into it, allowing further extensions if I ever saw fit.

 

And one final note: I can't seem to get the doorknobs to look just right. I try to change how they look, but no matter what they keep reverting to something in the shape of the number one. Oddest thing about it is that this was the first design that flashed through my mind when I tried designing them. Guess I'll just go with it.

 

Okay, now that that's out of the way, on to what I've actually done so far. I started two nights ago, on Saturday--well, Sunday morning--at 2:30 A.M. I figured a meditative stance would be beneficial; I'm only flexible enough for the half-lotus, but that's plenty enough for focus. I'd recommend it; thirty minutes passed by in a flash, and it didn't even seem like I had my eyes closed things were so vivid. Last night I tried narration: basics like who s/he is (I intend on a female tulpa), what's her/his purpose, why I'm making her/him, reservations and expectations, and so on. I imagine my tulpa as an amorphous grey blob of . . . stuff. Not sure, it only seemed natural, so what the hell, I decided to go with it. It felt really . . . good. I doubt it was an actual response, but I did feel at ease. Maybe I should think it was? I've heard having absolute faith facilitates the process greatly. Let's move on from my silly pipe dream. I narrated throughout the day, telling her/him (can't wait till that's a definite) about my classes, who was who, and my mundane accompanying opinions. It was still difficult to focus, as I actually care what the teachers are saying; I got sidetracked easily, though I'm glad, as I'd hate to lose sight of what's truly important to me.

 

And that's it for today. Anything I miss? If you bothered to read, please tell me if I am doing it wrong.

[glitchthe3rd]

Blitzball, ya?

 

And you should probably consider settling upon a form, lest you inadvertently end up with a slimegirl (which wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing, just beware.)

[Wakachan]

Actually the terrible rapper. See my avatar.

 

I'm thinking about trying to create a dual-form tulpa: one form a pony, the other a human. I'm not sure if it's possible, but either form would make me happy, so it's worth a shot. I'm using the blob form as just something to narrate to for the time being. I suppose I should change it to an outline closer to what I have in mind for the final product; I do not want a blob of slime for a life-long companion.

[Guest Anonymous]

Dual-forms can happen. With tulpa, anything can and often will happen.

Why not let it be a true shape shifter? And it could keep your two favored forms more often.

Because shape shifters are awesome, I make that suggestion to you.

[Wakachan]

That'd be p-cool, dunno if I have the mental faculties to make that happen though. Would I have to consider all forms it could morph into before its fully complete? I'm not sure I'd even want to give my tulpa that much power. The nature of a shape shifter is devious in my eyes.

[QB2]

I'm honestly a bit scared about going through with this. I'm worried my tulpa will reflect my more negative side, and I'll decline into something I wouldn't like because of its influence. I've probably read too much copypasta. I know they're untrue, but I can't help but feel a bit paranoid about this. Still, I'm willing to risk it.

I'm not sure I'd even want to give my tulpa that much power. The nature of a shape shifter is devious in my eyes.

 

[Wakachan]

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

I know, I really should. I can't help it. I'm . . . not even going to try to make excuses. No, just going to accept that you're right and try to stop being a babby.

[TulpaCouple]

You should chat with some of the tulpae who get on the IRC. You'll see their mostly big balls of love and any deviousness doesn't go beyond simple fun and games.

 

My fiance's tulpa is a shapeshifter. He's playful too. But he's never chosen to scare Nate by pretending to be a bogeyman or whatever. Why? He knows Nate wouldn't like that.

 

Your tulpa's life is tied to your own. They generally aren't going to want to cause problems for themselves by making you frightened or frustrated.

 

Just don't worry about it.

[Natasha]

Like kate said, if you really want to be extremely logical about it:

A tulpa is a sentient being that is dependent on your attention, much like a parasite they cannot live without the host.

That, and they can´t really hurt you considering they aren´t "real"

[Wakachan]

I understand that they cannot physically hurt me. What my stupid, stupid worries stem from are unwarranted possession. Like, it'd get jealous of my body and take over and never return it. And I'd be concerned with it happening because I might subconsciously inject negative thoughts while tulpaforcing. Then I thought about setting some strict rules for it, but then I thought about how it might be further tempted to break them, and how directly stated limitations like that would be a breach in trust. I haven't even begun tulpaforcing and I'm worried about this shit.

 

Kate, you are right, I should talk with some of the tulpae. It's weird that I'm even thinking this: I tell myself that this is preposterous and I'm a dumbass, but below it is something nagging, something doubting.

 

;_;