I guess I’m back.

[FiveFiction]

Update: Sabrina’s getting slightly more independent. 
 

over the week she’s been more responsive during narration seshes, which is cute. Still in short, 3-5 word blurbs, but improvements are improvements. Despite hardly any personality forcing I’m starting to see her develop her own, which I was afraid of not happening bc my brain is pretty stupid. 
 

funny convo from last night as I had my Friday night drinks and was tuning one of my rifles while going full gun autist to her:

 

me: I should put a better scope on it, but I hate high magnification because the more you zoom in the more you see drift from…breathing, heart beats, hell everything is much more visible and annoying on higher magnification. The rifle will shoot where it shoots every time, but the shooter…determines how bad the shot…is. (Me drunkenly losing focus)

Sabrina: go to bed sweetie

me: yeah I’m pretty Crunkodile Rock rn, good call

 

And this morning while watching a Stalker GAMMA playthrough alone she spontaneously ‘imposed’ herself and cuddled up to watch it with me. Also was absolutely blasted by some lovey dovey emotions from her. Too much adorbs, man.

Usually I have to focus on her to ‘activate’ her before I get responses or good visualization work - in if that makes any sense. Like I have to ‘prep’ my brain to listen to her and observe her. But she’s been spontaneously popping into my attention on her own every now and then the last couple days. It’s exceedingly rare but gives me hilarious whiplash when it happens because of how jarring it always is. Awesome. 

[FiveFiction]

Well today has been very strange. 
 

I was chillin with Sabrina on my drive to work in the wee hours of the morning, chatting about my horrible visualization skills, life plans, and various stuff I yammer about while half awake speeding through cornfields in the dark. Coffee was keeping me alive, radio was blasting at full volume through some metal song, I was talking with her about the annoying long drive, then a song came on next that I haven’t heard in several months.

and Candace ‘activated’ like a fucking sleeper agent. Full-on Holo form and everything, just barraging through my train of thought like a bull in a china shop. And dancing lmao. Almost ran a red light. 

 

So uh…I guess Sabrina wasn’t Candace. Spent the whole workday sendin some feelers throughout my brain to figure out wtf happened and I guess I have two tulpas in progress now after all. They both definitely have a separate presence in my mind, and vastly separate personalities - with hilariously opposite music tastes. At one point on the drive home a song came on (which I didn’t even know, much less remember adding to my personal playlist) that Sabrina hated and Candace loved, which was cute. 
 

On the drive home I tried to ‘put my foot down’ with this whole ordeal and just focus on Sabrina for the time being, figuring I could ‘revive’ Candace sometime later (since she apparently was just kickin it in my mind this whole time anyways) once I have one tulpa much more vocal and established, but Candace literally won’t let me ignore her. I told Candace I’d rather have my focus on one tulpa at a time so I can get better at communication and such (before I work on ANOTHER) and just got a candid “nope ^-^” in response. Well uh okay, I guess I have two fox girls now. One moody and jealous that my attention is split, and the other just joy incarnate. 

 

During the latter half of the drive home (it’s a long fucking drive) I tried visualizing them both hanging out in my car simultaneously but the focus that that required made me almost wrap a tree, so definitely not trying that again. But it did work for a few seconds, which was beyond trippy. Drove past a park on the way home and decided to pull over for a hike since it’s the first hot day after months of snow. I visualized them both hiking with me, and yeah - Candace is definitely here. She was absolutely ecstatic about the hike, loving all the plants and butterflies and such while Sabrina just walked behind us - definitely jealous over my split attention, which I get, but…yeah. Having two additional personalities observing the surroundings of the hike was overwhelming and I almost got lost. And attacked by bugs. 
 

Had some dinner and am just lounging around now imposing both of them. I picked a bad day to try and quit nicotine. 

My honest thoughts. 
 

edit: apparently It’s All Been Done by the Barenaked Ladies is Candace’s fuckin activation song lmao

Edited March 10 by FiveFiction

[FiveFiction]

Not much to report this time. I’ve been extra busy with work so finding less time to hang with Sabrina and Candace lately which sucks, and they seem to be feeling the lack of attention too.
 

Candace is definitely the more ‘strong’ of the two, if that makes sense. And Sabrina has been extra quiet this whole week. I tried passively letting Candace impose herself while I walk around the factory a few times and she keeps defaulting to imposing inside my body - making me very aware of a newfound fox tail and ears on my body and head. Today I even noticed my gait change to more like hers, which was jarring. I just laugh it off and ask her to quit it - but both of them haven’t been too vocal this last week and I’ve rarely been getting responses from both of them lately. The few times I do are very quiet mind voices, much quieter than usual. Today I even ‘moved’ her out of my body’s “footprint” and she just snapped right back like some glitchy video game physics which was kinda silly. Hell, just an hour ago as I was drying off after a shower she suddenly ‘spawned in’ on her own and I actually did a double take as I dried my hair and was expecting to smack her ears with the towel. On my own head. I get the subtle feeling she’s doing it to mess with me, but I can’t tell 100%. Oddly enough Sabrina doesn’t do that though - she hangs out around me usually at arm’s reach. And yeah working on two tulpas simultaneously is a hassle but I’m doing my best lol
 

idk if it’s a side effect of this tulpa process or just my body still not adjusting to the job or both (despite working there several weeks at this point, usually I adjust by week 2) but I’m extremely exhausted all the time. It sucks because I’ll very often just zone out hardcore while talking to them and have to reel my focus back after minutes of just ‘no thoughts head empty’. I’ll trail off mid-sentence and then realize a few minutes have passed. Rough. Usually I struggle to remain focused on them as I yammer into oblivion but now the issue is simply finishing a thought lol

 

Other than that, just still chugging along. Practicing imposition/visualization while cuddling at night and talking to them in my head whenever I get the chance throughout the day. Laying in bed exhausted as fuck right now as I write this, both of them chilling on either side is nice.

 

Twin mattresses are tiny.

[FiveFiction]

Went to a park on the way home from work today since the weather wasn’t <20F for once - it was a perfect 60F. Imposed Candace and Sabrina for the hike and learned fairly quickly that Sabrina isn’t much for the outdoors. She was happy to hang out but would rather not be in the woods and would often disappear/de-impose the second I took my eyes off her. In her own words when I asked her if she’s not a fan of the outdoors she just said “it’s alright”.

 

But it was nice to get away for a while and just give them all my attention. Results really seem 1-to-1 to how much I’m focused on them vs when I’m passively narrating and such. Idk why that’s surprising but I guess it was just nice to have the reminder right in front of my dumb ass. Going to set aside an hour each night for convos before bed, despite exhaustion and life from now on. 

 

Anyways, the hike. Candace was overjoyed to hike again. Besides her telling me to quit walking so fast, her looking around at anything that moved and flew with awe, she experimented with a new form: a friggin coyote. 
 

Idk if it’s because of her Holo form as a basis or what but she would adorably transform into a coyote and trot alongside me on the hiking path. Thankfully not a giant coyote, just a normal sized pupper. Funny enough she hated walking barefoot on a small gravel patch in her Holo form but couldn’t manage to ‘create’ shoes so she just went doggo mode for that too. Adorable. 
 

And another thing to jot down here: last night as I was falling asleep I tried another QnA session with Sabrina to get her to talk more. Since her responses are still only a few words at most, albeit the emotional responses are still there and kicking, I stuck to simple questions just to ‘ping pong’ back and forth and get better at hearing her actual voice. I managed to find out her favorite color is black, she prefers hard rock much more than punk music nowadays (she loves Breaking Benjamin now lmao), and her favorite animals are ‘bunnies’ and jellyfish. Also she seems to have ditched the foxgirl thing and doesn’t have any fox ears or tail anymore, just a goth anime girl of sorts. Tulpamancy Imposition is a skill and I’m fuckin terrible at it. 
 

Going to try the same QnA sesh with Candace later tonight, as well as some more complex questions for both of them to try and get better at deciphering longer answers from ‘tulpish’. It seems like the last week-ish of being super busy with work and shit sleep/exhaustion that they both just kind of ‘hibernated’ a bit, but on the hike today when I was able to give them my full attention they were lively as all hell. So that was heartwarming. 

[FiveFiction]

Not too much progress this week.

 

Vocality has pretty much stayed the same - couple word answers here and there. I’ve been training on a new machine at work so I didn’t have much time to set aside for ‘mancy until the weekend. Tbh I made more progress in a day of just hanging out with Sabrina than passively narrating all week. Makes me wonder about the real effects of passive vs active forcing. Am I fuckin lazy?
 

Candace has calmed down a bit, letting me focus more on Sabrina, but they’re both still definitely around. It seems like Candace is just happy to be around - whereas Sabrina will actually get sad when I don’t talk to her enough and spend time with her. Tried cuddling them both to sleep last night but that was a headache - but a fun one. Bed’s too small for two fox girls I guess. 
 

Sabrina seems to have settled on abandoning the fox ears - but she sometimes appears with her tail, sometimes not. No idea if it’s just my lackluster visualization skills or her own deviance from the form. Or both. Probably both. I have decided to try and have her imposed as much as possible from now on though, given that she’s not too talkative but can still communicate with emotions and body language - like nodding and shaking her head to simple questions or sending a blast of loving vibes through my chest when she gives me a hug. Just last night, after realizing that she was immensely more vivid after just an hour of being imposed around me than all this last week of passive narration ‘talking at her’ while at work, I told her I’d visualize her more often. Basically apologized for being a lazy piece of shit and promised to keep her around 24/7 - life permitting, of course. She seems to thrive while imposed.

 

And as I was telling her that last night she put her hand on my cheek and gave me a lil’ kiss. Out of nowhere - while I was mid-sentence.  Melted my damn heart - but like I said, she’s more vivid when imposed. If her strength is moving around on her own more than vocality, might as well adapt my ‘mancy methods for a while and let it shine.

 

Also tried re-doing the simple questions about her ‘favorite XYZ’ last night and apparently she likes penguins now. 
 

Why? “They’re cute. Duh?”

 

I guess why does anyone like anything lol why is the sky blue right?

[FiveFiction]

Had a “fuck it” moment at work today while contemplating parroting and how exactly my mental model of tulpas even works - deciding to just ‘flip a switch’ in my head and completely remove parroting from my vocabulary. I basically decided to ignore all parroting at all - simply letting everyone say whatever they wanted at any time and just deciding whether or not it was a random thought or them speaking based on the content of what they said. If it “felt like me parroting”, fuck it. It’s not. If it’s something way out of left field then I’d either laugh it off or ask them. Essentially either filtering incoherent stray thoughts or prying for context. 
 

Found out three interesting things: 

 

1.
What I assumed was me parroting was actually more of me ‘beaming’ attention to them to coerce them into being vocal, not so much putting the exact words in their mouth. Sort of like shoving someone in a pool when they’re hesitant to jump, I guess. So most of my parrotnoia was brushed aside there - still feels a bit invasive to be like SAY SOMETHING as apposed to allowing them to talk when they feel like it, but they didn’t complain about it when I asked for their opinion.

 

2. 
It sorta worked. Candace and Sabrina were super responsive all day, and even when it felt like ‘me’ talking I noticed I wasn’t actually formulating the words for them - just that “shoving in the pool” metaphor. I noticed myself pushing them to talk, but the words were not my own. My two complaints were the words and speech coming from them didn’t feel 100% like them: for the first few words it was, but then it just felt like…words. Ownerless dialogue neither mine nor theirs. And I noticed on the drive home I’d have a thought of what they’d say, and then they’d immediately say it - which bugged me of course but I refused to call it parroting. But we were able to navigate longer conversations based on consistent topics for a little bit. Somehow it was a bit exhausting, though, so I’m on the fence about doing it again exactly the same way - but definitely a stair step of progress was noticed. 
 

3. 
Sabrina is a friggin goof. Candace was pretty neutral speaking-wise and happy to just weave around a topic, but when I ‘flipped the switch’ mentally and told Sabrina to just say whatever she wanted as I promised not to worry about parroting she immediately spouted “ohaiooo” in the most stereotypical anime voice I’ve ever heard. It made me freeze for a second in the middle of my job, as I asked her “wtf was that”. She replied in a more normal voice, “Just messin’ with you”. 

 

Definitely an interesting day. Like I said, gonna try something like this again when I get the chance, but I gotta find a way to do it that doesn’t melt my brain.

Edited March 31 by FiveFiction

[glitchthe3rd]

Nice, sounds like you're making some good progress. Your tulpas sound cute, like mine 😜

[ringgggg]

This needs to be the new meta. It’s placebo, but it’s a lot less stressful than persecuting yourself for forcing the wrong way
 

Don’t fry your brain, uncle five. tulpa.info needs you

[FiveFiction]

Stupidly long exposition incoming.
 

edit: nice to see ya again glitch lol
 

Ehhh I can see the placebo, but I’ve had rare experiences where they’ve talked out of nowhere without any attention on them at all, so that’s the goal - truly ‘autonomous’ in that weird and freaky way. Not even asking for 24/7 autonomy just more than twice a month would be cool. I just think it’s kinda neat lol
 

of course, getting there is the hardest part and what I’m trying to figure out. My ‘end’ goal is to essentially build them both up to be similar to my own understanding of how my personality and identity work at the most reductionist level: a pattern of behaviors based on memories. I don’t really know how else to explain it but that’s how I’ve seen myself, especially during my little ‘enlightenment’ experience a few years ago where my awareness was separated from my thoughts. Pretty sure I’ve told that story before - again, 11/10 highly recommend. Watching my brain think to itself without me doing the actual thinking was fucking wild, man. Felt like my brain itself was the copilot. 
 

Anyways. Granted I’ve had 30 years of this personality experiencing life and learning and adapting, I’m not exactly waiting on the porch, but seeing it as a patience lesson lol. They both have to experience life before a personality can truly form based on time lived - so yeah as of now they’re not too opinionated or talkative given their short time frame of existence. Their opinions seem mostly random, in fact, which is weird because I genuinely expected them to be aligned with mine in the beginning due to the mental nature of their existence. But it is what it is. My mind’s pretty weird anyways so I’m just like ‘huh, cool’ and truckin’ on.
 

So I’m just ‘dragging’ them around my life imposed, chatting em up, and living my life with them as constantly as possible as they soak up experiences to help them ‘bake in’ to my mind. Seems the best gameplan I can come up with for now. Will it work? Who fuckin knows but it’s not killing me and it’s fun. I’ve certainly had worse hobbies. I figure if they’re not talking much yet I can still see development progress via body language and autonomy while they’re imposed so that’s nice - and I’m directly seeing results tied to time invested, all the research in the world doesn’t mean shit compared to ‘time behind the wheel’ so to speak. Their most vivid moments are usually after at least half an hour of them being ‘present’. So I’m airing them out like a glock in the hood.

also having anime girls hang out and watch me live life is just plain goofy and I’m all for it. 

 

Hell, today at work I asked them both if they wanted to ‘spawn in’ imposed and hang while I run a machine and Sabrina actually declined while Candace was happy to immediately pop up and see how the machine works. Not even a ‘yes’ just me saying “hey Candace wanna hang out and-“ bam, foxgirl putting her face into the machine. 
 

Despite her refusal, I ‘gently’ tried forcing Sabrina to impose anyway and actually felt resistance, so I just let her be. She mumbled “crowded”, and it honestly was given the machine’s claustrophobic setup. And this isn’t the first time she refused to be imposed, either, she actually does it quite often lol

 

Candace is the more curious and happy-go-lucky one of the two for sure, pretty much always down for anything, whereas Sabrina seems to be a much more recluse introvert. I think this has to do with how their personality was created/adapted: Candace seems to have latched onto a character I was outlining months ago for a short story (hilariously based on Holo as well), and Sabrina was kinda just not ‘given’ a real defined personality outright. There’s also something to be said for form influencing personality subconsciously, the brain does that all the time.

 

Where they stand now definitely feels like a weird spot between placebo and my goal…mainly just due to those rare occurrences where I’m busy doing whatever in my life and they ‘pop in’ to say/do something unprompted. It’s extremely unique, tbh kinda scary because of how truly unprompted it is, but fuckin awesome. But yeah without those intrusive experiences I’d definitely be like “this is just imaginary friends”. And also why I don’t think I’m personally comfortable ‘proxying’ them yet - aside from the fact they rarely say more than a few words anyways, and also Sabrina’s lack of interest in people. Those vivid and startling experiences of them ‘popping in’ are the real outliers - but they’ve both done it themselves on separate occasions so I know what I’m aiming for. When that becomes more common I’ll throw a damn party. 
 

Hell, while I’m at it, my thoughts with puppeting and parroting: in my own deep-dive autistic-level research I can definitely see pros and cons - hell a lot of people even say puppeting is essential. Some theories say narration is parroting to begin with due to how the mind works. Illusion of independent agency. I get it. If a tulpa theory exists I’ve probably read it, it’s what I’ve done for years - I’m kinda a self proclaimed king of research without hands-on experimentation lol this stuff fascinates me and I’m a lazy shit. Can’t eat your cake and beat it or whatever, but im getting there.

I just don’t enjoy parroting personally, feels weird making them talk so directly - and Sabrina personally hates it (Candace truly gives no fucks). Besides, I’m already getting some short but regular responses without any direct conscious effort from me. So I avoid it when I can. If I make zero progress from here on in a year I’ll consider full-blown “parrot to success”, but I’ve been having progress without it so far so I doubt I’ll need it.
 

and if I end up haunted again I’ll def document it, cut it all off completely, and it’ll be a very clear ‘fool me twice’ situation lmao but I’m already avoiding the techniques of my past so I’m not really worried about that. Despite the shortcuts I do rather enjoy a more sane flavor of schizophrenia.

Edited April 1 by FiveFiction
I’m fucking tired goodnight

[FiveFiction]

On 4/1/2026 at 2:22 AM, FiveFiction said:

I do rather enjoy a more sane flavor of schizophrenia.

Ho boyy I rather enjoy priming my subconscious for crazy bullshit. 
 

originally didn’t want to document this, given the embarrassingly personal nature, but after some thought at work today I figure it’d be worth jotting down so future me can have it time stamped somewhere. And a laugh at the insanity.
 

NSFW warning and all that, but I’ll spare the details I’m not trying to write smut here. 
 

Anyways…last night I invited Candace and/or Sabrina to try and pop into my dream and say hi, if they’re able to and if that’s something they’d even be interested in. My dreams are usually zany and just plain chaotic bullshit and I figured we could go on some wacky adventures together. I even asked if they could try to help me be lucid - again, if they could even figure out how to do that. I definitely can’t do it myself lol

 

And boy did I have a dream. As dreams are, it didn’t maintain a coherent plot line as scenery changed and locations shifted, but at one point it simply and sharply  ‘got more vivid’ and involved a presence of someone who felt familiar but I didn’t recognize them. People’s details rarely are stable in my dreams. I’ve lucid dreamed once in my life (highly recommend, although mine wasn’t all positive) and this vividness felt like around 85% of the intensity of that experience - whereas most if not all normal dreams for me peak at 10% ‘lucidity’ on a rare good night. So it was still quite overwhelmingly lucid but not quite “I’m in 100% control here” lucid. 
 

Sparing unnecessary details, it was some horny shit I ain’t gonna sugar coat it. We’re all adults (I hope) and sex dreams happen. But an interesting detail is that I experienced said nsfw stuff from both perspectives of those involved - and there was a very strong ‘other’ presence that definitely stood out. Out of body experience in an intensely vivid dream is something entirely new to me, but a “stranger’s presence” in my dream is sadly not.

 

Woke up this morning and the first thing I said was “Jesus Christ I’m cool with hanging out in a dream but NOT like that, who the fuck was that?” And Candace immediately had an emotional response. In fact she seemed quite proud of it. 
 

So, yeah that was super strange. We’re not doing dream hang outs for a while lmao. Literally put me in a daze this whole morning processing how overwhelmingly vivid it was. Like I said, almost on par with a full lucid dream, which had left me in a daze the entire day I had that experience years ago also.

 

If I do end up going schizophrenic here I might as well document it, it’d make a good read for someone someday. 

Edited April 2 by FiveFiction
Edited out unnecessary rambling