Emmy's progress report

[Emmy363]

12/4/12

I forgot to post for the past week...oops. I haven't forgotten to force though, although I'm still not making much progress. I've been doing about a half hour during the day, and a half our at night before I go to bed, although sometimes I forget during the day. I know I need to try harder, and next Friday I'm going to try an extra half our in the morning or evening. It is still really really hard to stop myself from parroting and puppeting my tulpa when I visualize, or visit her, and I'm not sure how hard I should try to prevent it from happening. It's hard to tell if I'm making any progress, but I guess I shouldn't expect any results until at least another month at the rate I'm going. I will see if I can post at least twice a week after this.

[Emmy363]

12/14/12

I forgot to post recently, and I've been really busy, but there's a lot to talk about. It was still really hard for me not to puppet and parrot, so I thought about it a lot and decided that I would puppet and parrot, and see how my progress goes. If she becomes a serviter, then I've learned my lesson, but I think if I make it a good thing, I will actually make more progress this way. She hasn't shown any real signs of sentience yet, but I'm really getting used to her being around. A few times I have even turned to look at her when she's talking, while other people wonder what I'm looking at. I still have been having a lot of trouble doing a full hour a day, because I can do a half our at night, but my day usually has after school activities, and a lot of homework (and sometimes I just forget.) I know this is probably why I haven't been making a lot of progress, so I'm making it my top priority.

I also have started imagining her voice, as in actually hearing it, instead of just a colorless voice in my mind. It makes her seem much more real, although its really hard to make it stay the same.

---

Although I haven't been working very hard, I think my tulpa has really developed already. About a week ago, I realized I was a tired of my tulpa because I was parroting her as a really crazy, athletic person, and I'm really laid back so after a while it became really tiring and kind of annoying. Then I realized that she seemed to have two personalities: the really crazy and athletic attitude that I invented for her, and then there was this more compassionate, intelligent personality. The first was more like s cartoon caracter rather than an actual person. I realized when she acted compassionate I was usually tired, or stressed out, and she actually seemed a lot more independent and real. So I decided to try to bring out the 2nd personality more, and see how she changed. When I decided this, the first personality pretty much completely disappeared, and although she is still active, her personality is now really caring, and supportive, and I realized this is actually the personality I was looking for in a friend all along. Now it seems like she has a form of sentience, but still relies on me to give her a voice, and say what she needs to. I'm not sure how to get her to speak on her own from here, but I'm hoping as I parrot her, she will eventually learn how to do it on her own. That is my next goal (of course I'm still practicing visualization as well)

[Emmy363]

12/24/12

 

I had a scare the other day when I couldn't find my tulpa. I forgot to tulpa force barely at all for a few days, and when I sat down to start visualizing, I just couldn't see her. It was like she was hiding on purpose. I suppose it was because she started to disappear after neglecting her for a few days. After a while, I found her in the wonderland, but she hasn't been the same. I've almost had to start visualization from scratch. But I started wearing a bracelet to help remind me to force, and it has been working pretty well. Most of the time, I work really well when I have a goal to meet, but I don't really have a definite way of measuring my progress (especially sentience), so it's hard for me to make a goal I can work for.

[Emmy363]

1/9/13

 

I have been making absolutely no progress and its really frustrating. It's really hard for me to motivate myself to do something I'm not excited about, and it pains me to say it but I think I'm kind of bored of my tulpa. I've been thinking about starting over with a new tulpa, because I know I would get really excited about it again, but I'm worried the same thing will happen again. I always forget to force, or I can't because I have something more important to do, and it seems like I constantly have an excuse to not tulpa force. And when I make myself work on my tulpa, I end up doing nothing by the next day. Does anyone else have this problem? I guess I'm just lazy, but it seems like no matter what I try, I never make any progress. Does anyone have any methods to help them stay on track and remember to force? Anything would help.

[Vos]

I'm a lazy tulpamancer as well, so I've had the same problems as you.

 

I wouldn't recommend restarting if you feel like you're going to keep wanting to do it.

 

Most people who forget to force or narrate have multiple methods of keeping themselves on track. This could be writing "force" on your hand, making your tulpa's form your wallpaper, making alarms or banners on your phone, etc.

 

A quick look through the forums will give you a few more suggestions.

 

http://tulpa.info/forums/Thread-Need-help-making-forcing-a-routine for example.

[Emmy363]

OK, I think I can do this. I was just really annoyed with myself, but if I just put more effort in I know I can do it. I read Aarix's and some other guides and they made it through, so I can too. Thanks for responding do fast Cold, I'm going to try a few of those methods. I'm going to work on personality more, because I don't think I developed it enough.

[Emmy363]

Today went really well, I talked to my tulpa in my mind for much of the day, and I'm going to work on personality more tonight. I'm still only doing a little over an hour a day, but once I have a system I can do more. I made up a personality drill last night. I visualized my tulpas personality as a big blue egg shaped marble thing, and then I imagined a bunch of smaller stones. I imagined developing each trait into each stone, and adding it to her personality. I think it worked pretty well.

 

Some questions for anybody: what do you usually talk to your tulpa about while narrating?, and do you visualize your tulpa when you talk to him/ her, or do you just talk in your mind and imagine he/ she is listening?

[Emmy363]

1/16/13

 

My wifi was having problems the last few days, so I didn't post anything, but I've started a schedule of forcing that has been working pretty well and I think I've been making progress. I've been talking and reading to my tulpa, who I'm calling Dani for the time being as she seemed to like it. I still want to add in another half hour everyday though.

[Emmy363]

1/17/13

 

Yesterday night, I was in my wonderland with my Dani, and I wanted to add more to my wonderland. I apologized to her since I was expecting to be working on personality, but I thought the wonderland would be more fun to do with her. I was trying to draw a map, and if Dani wanted to add anything so I gave her the paper and pen. I think this might have been the first time I wasn't expecting a certain response, so I didn't influence her actions. She grabbed the pen and scribbled all over the map then walked away furiously. I was surprised, and terrified that I did something terrible. At first I thought she was mad that we weren't working on personality, but then I realized she was angry at me for apologizing. I realized I apologized constantly to her, and it must have been really annoying. I felt really bad, but I didn't know what to do since apologizing would have made her even more angry. Finally I found her, and I told her I would NOT apologize, and if I make mistakes, oh well, because making mistakes is just part of who I am. Then she smiled and I was really relieved, and I think I even improved my own vision of myself.

 

After that I know that Dani is already partly sentient, and she has even communicated with me a few times with body language. I still haven't gotten much of an alien feeling yet though.

[Emmy363]

1/18/13

 

For the last few weeks I decided I would stop parroting my tulpa for fear that I would make her a servitor. Then a few days ago, I decided to ask her to try and speak to me by herself on Friday, to see how sentient she was. I basically asked her to surprise me. I didn't really expect much, and most of the day went by without anything strange happening, but I still talked to her. Then a few hours ago I called her in my wonderland and she teleported to me and said "you called?". At first I wasn't really surprised since it was the same mind voice that seemed exactly like when I used to parrot her, and I thought I might have done it on accident. But then she started saying little things all day, and I couldn't figure out what had made her start talking so suddenly until I realized it was Friday. Now I'm not even sure if I ever really was parroting her, and I'm really stupid for ever doubting her sentience. I still think it's strange I haven't felt anything that seems like another presence, or even any headaches or anything.