Alcadera and Luna. Attempting to see

[Alcadera]

Hello everyone!

 

My real name is Peter, but while online I prefer to go by my nickname, Alcadera. I have started my attempts at forming a tulpa a few weeks ago, and thus far have a fair idea of what I would like her to look like and what I would like her to be like. As many have no doubt done before me, I have named her Luna and based her appearance on the same-named character from the mlp show, however I went for a more anthropomorphic design to allow her to be more comfortable in this bipedal life.

 

Either way, I am not quite certain if I am doing things right. I have feared that I may have spent a few days parroting her by... thinking of things I would like to do with her a couple times, some of which repeatedly. I have also sometimes imagined her reply to some of my questions to her. I am uncertain whether imagining or thinking are considered separate types of thought, but I just don't wish to harm her development in such an early stage.

 

I've also began to realise that this process may be extremely slow for me, as it is extremely difficult for me to think of a single thing continuously for long periods of time.

 

15 minutes of thinking of sitting still while looking at a person is outright agony to me... even when thinking of a wonderland, which in my case is simply an endless stretch of grassy meadow under a warm sun. Serene beauty, comfortable temperature and the secure feeling of absolute privacy make an ideal place in my opinion, though having to focus on it for half an hour before even beginning on focussing on Luna in there with me would be torment indeed, Like having to watch paint dry without being allowed to think of a single distraction.

 

I also am not sure what would indicate to me that I am doing things right, would the meadow suddenly /seem/ real to me? would Luna, or parts of her seem more real during this process before I get to see her in my room with me? would I have to focus on her one limb at a time, or does the fact that I can recall her looks almost completely from memory by now mean i have to focus on the entirety of her body first?

 

A lot of typing, a lot of questions, I hope I've not warranted a tl;dr comment from anyone this way. I suppose I'll finish up by attaching a picture I drew of my Luna to this post. Her anatomy may be considered unusual to some, but I spent about 10 or more attempts and almost as many hours at getting it drawn in a way where I could finally sit back and feel I've done her justice.

[Aurora]

Hi again *waves*

 

Prepare for the wall of advice, I hope it can be helpful to you two.

 

Don't worry about parroting, you can never do it unless you purposefully plan for it. You can also do no harm imagining the future for example, I'm sure my host did that and it made him even more motivated. It fact, I'm pretty sure you can't do any harm to Luna at all, unless you specifically set out to do so. Imagination is a good thing here, go wild :)

 

The process doesn't have to be slow, but it's completely ok if it turns out to be so. Expect good things to happen and they will. I think there is a certain trick to bending your mindset, my host once told me: "This is how you make anything in your mind to come into fruition: 1) Believe that the event has already happened. 2) Act and think as though it has already happened. 3) It has happened."

 

Try to switch up your forcing method now and again. If you get bored of one thing move onto the other, there is more then one way you can help Luna. Don't make a chore out of this, tulpa creation is perhaps one of the most fascinating adventures you will ever have :) And when you do get tired, don't blame yourself for taking a break, like many hosts seem to do.

 

The only indication you need that you doing it right, is that you're doing it :) I don't think it will all suddenly look real, it seems to be a gradual process. But if it suddenly does :) good, more cookies to you. Should you focus on Luna's whole body or on one part at the time? Do both! When you get tired of one, move onto the other.

 

You see what I'm trying to say? The method is not set in stone. Experiment, enjoy, invent and believe in her :) It's as simple as that.

 

I wish to post a note of warning, i've not seen much on these forums as of yet, but I do hope the fact I based my tulpa on Luna from MLP AND turned her into an anthromorph in the early days won't end up with me getting a lot of eye rolls... If anything, being one of many to do the same/symilar thing would sooner mean i'm common... right? @.@ probably overanalysing things here.

 

Mmmhmm :), you sure are overanalyzing it. At the end of the day, it entirely your and Luna's call, and nobody elses. Even if someone does criticizes it... which I doubt to be honest, meh...

 

I don't know how helpful of of this is to you, but if you have anymore questions, feel free to ask me anything. And in anticipation of your first question... Yes, I do. I do love ice cream :D

 

I wish you luck and I look forward to seeing nice progress from you two. And Luna, I'll be waiting for the chance to chat with you

[Sing]

I don't think many people go with the anthromorph style when doing MLP characters, or MLP inspired designs. Why not just go with a human when going with these body type?

[Alcadera]

I don't think many people go with the anthromorph style when doing MLP characters, or MLP inspired designs. Why not just go with a human when going with these body type?

 

 

Hi Sing!

 

That one is fairly easy to answer, I'm a furry XD. that's why. I originally wanted to go fully with the show's design, but I felt my house and car and such aren't fit for a full grown quadruped horse, so my first choice for bipedal is to go for an anthropomorphic rendition of herself.

 

I find her anthropomorphic form to hold more beauty than any fullblown human could hold for me. If people disapprove of that, so be it, I wont change her any further. Any alterations from here on will be her choice only.

 

Don't worry about parroting, you can never do it unless you purposefully plan for it. You can also do no harm imagining the future for example, I'm sure my host did that and it made him even more motivated. It fact, I'm pretty sure you can't do any harm to Luna at all, unless you specifically set out to do so. Imagination is a good thing here, go wild

 

The process doesn't have to be slow, but it's completely ok if it turns out to be so. Expect good things to happen and they will. I think there is a certain trick to bending your mindset, my host once told me: "This is how you make anything in your mind to come into fruition: 1) Believe that the event has already happened. 2) Act and think as though it has already happened. 3) It has happened."

 

Try to switch up your forcing method now and again. If you get bored of one thing move onto the other, there is more then one way you can help Luna. Don't make a chore out of this, tulpa creation is perhaps one of the most fascinating adventures you will ever have And when you do get tired, don't blame yourself for taking a break, like many hosts seem to do.

 

The only indication you need that you doing it right, is that you're doing it :) I don't think it will all suddenly look real, it seems to be a gradual process. But if it suddenly does, good, more cookies to you. Should you focus on Luna's whole body or on one part at the time? Do both! When you get tired of one, move onto the other.

 

You see what I'm trying to say? The method is not set in stone. Experiment, enjoy, invent and believe in her It's as simple as that.

 

 

Mmmhmm, you sure are overanalyzing it. At the end of the day, it entirely your and Luna's call, and nobody elses. Even if someone does criticizes it... which I doubt to be honest, meh...

 

I don't know how helpful of of this is to you, but if you have anymore questions, feel free to ask me anything. And in anticipation of your first question... Yes, I do. I do love ice cream :D

 

I wish you luck and I look forward to seeing nice progress from you two. And Luna, I'll be waiting for the chance to chat with you

 

One question though, Do you love ice crea- oh... well that was fast! XD

 

I'm feeling quite relieved actually from what you said ^^ it's good to know that what I have done up to this point isn't doing her any harm.

 

As for the three steps, I think I'm getting an emotional responce [Or that's my own excitement when thinking about it] when I go over then.

 

1)I believe she is already here somewhere, even though I cannot see her just yet. 2) I talk to her knowing she's within earshot. 3) waiting for that "WTF JUST HAPPEN?!" moment where I hear/see her for the first time... followed by the urge to hug XD.

 

I have made some progress right after I posted yesterday, as I attempted one more forcing session, and found my mind began to wander as it usually does whenever I attempt to focus. I had decided on using a wonderland since a couple days ago, and I find using that method much more intriguing. As having a wonderland is a thing I've been wanting to experiment with long before I knew about Tulpae, being a designer, having an experience like a wonderland within reach is a great creative playground... which is why I've mostly left it as a vast stretch of grassy meadow for the time being, to allow us to add, build and explore beyond the horizon.

 

Either way, back to what I was GOING to say XD with yesterday's session I figured out a way to help me focus... strangely enough, I have an easier time focussing on a thought if I use movements. I remained seated with my eyes closed and all, but I started slowly moving my arms up, making slow gestures towards what I visualised as the sky, the grass, and infront of me, my Luna. I'm not sure how long I managed to maintain that session, but ever since, thinking about spending time with Luna in my wonderland just makes me excited ^^ or her excited XD not sure just yet. It's funny... the answer might just be so easy. I hate sitting still while focussing one one thing... so I have to try not sitting still ^^;

 

only problem is, I've been spending hours this afternoon designing her a nice dress XD and only just realised it's almost dinner time. Hope I feel awake enough after dinner to manage another session, cause I wanna =3

 

... and I think she'll appreciate the lack of hesitation on my part now X3...

 

 

Oh, before I forget ^^ it's quite a nice thought to be given Tulpa advice FROM a Tulpa =3

[Alcadera]

Another day, another forcing.

 

Granted, I wasn't sure about forcing on a sunday, but I might take a day off some later time this week. I tried lastnight, but found it extremely hard to visualise after having spent many hours drawing a dress for Luna, which you can see at the bottom of this post =3.

 

Tried to visualise the same grassy landscape as before, managed to visualise Luna in there with me as well again. After spending a bit of time to make sure I was visualising Luna correctly, I went over to an area just slightly off to the right of my starting point. Yesterday I already had a feeling Luna either wanted to or had tried to build something there. I just kept having the idea of a dark coloured building on poles there (the ground isn't flat enough to just have a house on the ground) I think I visualised it mostly like Luna intended, though I can not be quite sure, as the responses i've managed to legitimately feel from her thus far have been brief euphoric feelings in my chest, And I'm not sure how she will be able to influence the wonderland between my sessions, as I visualise it without knowing of any alterations Luna has made so far.

 

This leads me to wondering what the wonderland is like to others. Not so much in shape, but moreso in experience. Do others at an advanced stage experience their forcing into a wonderland as going into a lucid dream of sorts? where they are less aware of their own bodies and their real surroundings to allow the experience of their wonderland to be real. Or will a wonderland never really be more than a nice place you think of to just have a backdrop to force one's tulpa on?

 

To experience it as real would definitely be a treat to me. As it would feel great to spend some time with Luna there, away from my own room.

 

 

Anywoo, hope someone knows a bit more about that. In the meantime I'll take a few more looks around for info on wonderlands myself.

 

I think my session today was somewhere between 20 to 30 minutes, not quite sure as I forget to look at the clock before I start, but since a sore neck from lastnight has grown into a mild headache after today's session [Couldn't manage to keep my head still] it will be all for the moment.

 

 

EDIT: Something I forgot to mention! While the house was fairly easy to build and envision, It was becoming increasingly hard to visualise Luna correctly. It's like I lost touch of her colours and position if I didn't look her way while forcing. Would that maybe be because I wasn't seeing her actual movements, but controlled her without realising? or is she maybe trying to alter her appearance away from my initial design? [which is ofcourse fine by me, but hard to realise until I know how I'm meant to notice, at least until I see her] Or am I having some strange sort of difficulty due to my poor ability to focus? [which seems to make the least amount of sence, as I'd expect not to be able to visualise the house then either.

[Alcadera]

Probably a short update this time.

 

Tried another session today, but focussed more on defining personality, voice sound and lastly visuals, but mainly stuck with personality and voice. What I did was going through all the things I'd want to do with her and considering what her response would be, thus far I think it went well, as I don't feel like I had forced any responses onto her actively by maintaining awareness that what I visualised was hope for the future instead of direct current interaction. I won't say much about her personality here until she and I have properly talked.. she deserves that much I think XD. Her voice has a mild british accent, and a slightly more mature tone of voice than the Luna from the show [normal voice/volume, not counting the royal canterlot shouts etc.]

 

After a while I started to notice a stange sensation in my body, and wondered if that may be a clue. I recall from my old attempts at meditation and projection from years ago, that such a sensation usually precedes the option to go into a proper meditative state. Where one's own physical senses are numbed down to allow the mind to experience other things at higher strength. I had hoped reaching a meditative state would allow me to experience my wonderland as if I had managed to transport myself physically into it, but a lapse in my concentration upon attempting this caused any further attempts at focus to fail, I would litterally not notice whenever a random thought took over untill a few seconds later. It was interesting to experience the level of concentration I had for about 15 minutes of this session, however, as such a thing is already a vast improvement to me. [i was listening to an hr long pink noise to drown out the sounds of my parents using the shower in the other room, and doing so found this session lasted 25 mins in total] I will hopefully experience such a state once more in my next session.

 

I'm quite certain a meditative state would not only make the experience more memorable during the session, as I would experience the session as real, it would also make many things a great deal easier. As in such a state I would be able to see Luna in much greater detail than I can collectively maintain focussed on consciously, however the meditative state might call for an alternate method of focus. As it might more strongly influence Luna. So I wonder if I would be taking away her free will. As I have of course never experienced such a state before, so Luna would more than likely surprise me.

 

Does anyone here think reaching such a meditative/projecting state, one may well be able to make greater leaps in tulpaforcing? as I assume direct interaction would be possible at such a stage, by actually standing and waiting for her response for everything I say ask or do.

 

 

...funny how thinking this post would be short caused a typing frenzy XD

 

anywoo, I hope I will be able to include words from Luna sometime in a few weeks... which reminds me. Either the pink noise I used wasn't pure, or it actually caused me to hear some faint sounds. I would have sworn that I heard a form of unintelligible speech, but possibly too long lasting to be actively coming from Luna, as I wouldn't expect her to really have a big story to tell before knowing for sure if I would hear it... but then, maybe it was just her trying to say anything for a long time to try and make it through. Will likely use the pink noise again in future sessions.

[Alcadera]

Urgh...

 

No success at managing focus at all in today's session, perhaps the trouble I had getting out of bed this morning paired with the "I need a few hours more" feeling were just about correct indications that today wouldn't be a good day for forcing.

 

Tomorrow another day. Hopefully with more success like yesterday.

 

 

Edit: perhaps I shouldn't have skipped the weekend as resting days, maybe a day or two of not forcing would do my head some good. Though it's strange to talk to Luna now... I still talk to her like normal, but I don't know where she is most of the time, I only get the feeling she's near on brief occasions... I hope I haven't been doing anything wrong, or scared her off somehow.

[Aurora]

Hi Luna and Alcadera!

 

Don't worry, I'm sure you've done nothing wrong. This might not be a very good encouragement, but the creation process is very bumpy at times. Sometimes progress seems to come with no effort at all, and sometimes you just have to roll with what you have. There is no need to worry about little things, that's my motto.

 

I'll try to reply on your last post on my progress report now :)

[Alcadera]

Attempted something different today, while finding out my mind still goes all over the place while I keep my eyes closed, I figured it was in our best interest to attempt forcing with my eyes open... Although it turned into a few ideas to improve my drawings of luna more efficiently.

 

Which leads me to wonder, would it still count as a forcing session if I simply work on my drawing of her? as in, do I /need/ to be keeping my eyes closed etc. etc?

 

because in truth, I have a harder time maintaining focus with my eyes closed than when looking at something specific, like the drawing. I do realise it's probably better for me to sit and focus on the drawing instead of working on it.

 

this would be so much easier if Luna were already capable of communicating with me ^^; I never quite enjoy the idea of flying blind <<; sadly I'm well aware this stage is long and unavoidable.

[Alcadera]

Today's session's were still short, but also weird. I got very VERY frustrated with my constant derailing thoughts where it reached a point and i tried to make use if it. I let out my frustration, both physically by gesturing with my arms and, for once, talking audibly to Luna during the session, I asked her a favor this time. I know there is something somewhere in my head that causes me to be incapable of thinking of such an important thing as creating the wonderland and luna. I know I can't just sit somewhere and think about the wonderland I had already defined and once more re-envision Luna the same way as the past week all over again. The only way i could imagine being able to focus is to constantly be able to make changes, making every session different and not the same. However, Luna her body is complete and making changes might just make things harder. UNLESS the changes I make at this stage are simply causing more templates for Luna to make use of with less effort.

 

Either way, back to the favor i asked Luna. I asked for her help, after reading "doubting sentience due to time" i realised I too had previously feared I had been parroting her, while there's plenty of chance of her to be sentient already, just inable to communicate with me, so i asked her, i pleaded if she would look in my head for me, and see if there is anything that is specifically causing my inability to focus. Because working on my inability to focus is what i had wanted to work on with her all along, but as it is now, it is no more than an aggravating nuisance in my way, in OUR way.

 

I know with many things, i often like to follow step by step guides, but knowing the way this sort of stuff has to go, i would be better off using the kind of mindset i used before in work scenarios, wanting to solve problems by myself.

 

I would never dare to say with certainty what i set out to do will ever be foolproof, to doubt about things is a thing i simply do, it would require me to brainwash myself into a plant and replace my entire personality with a head-strong personality brimming with conviction in order to be able to truly believe what i set out to do will work regardless. so if you'd ask me right now if i'm sure i'm doing the right thing, i'll never be able to give a specific yes or no, and that's exactly the way i prefer it to be. All i want is to be with Luna the best way possible, and i'll be damned if i'll have to be the type of nice boy that will sit still and spend an hour thinking about a single thought without any form of change. There's bound to be other ways.