Kimiko (ShyGuy65)

[ShyGuy65]

Thanks, Sock.

 

I narrated for a while, and a bit before I started forcing, I "felt" through the air to shape her body in my mind again, to make sure I got the form right. I did two thirty-minute sessions, separated by lunch. The first was visualization. I gave her all of the right organs and systems and kept envisioning her from different angles. I took Kimiko's completed form down into the subconscious with me. I said some more stuff at my subc, and the partitioning image split from a little space into half and half for some reason (I was being interrupted with hypnagogic imagery for a while, but it calmed down). Then I gave Kimiko senses, like a stream. I'm going to reinforce that with my subconscious, and talk about narration and the direction of my thoughts/voice later.

 

I went out of my wonderland and had lunch. Then I worked on personality more. I was talking at both Kimiko and my subconscious then. I'm trying to ingrain the personality quickly and help it along with sentience or something. Working with my subconscious seems to be working as well. After both of these sessions, I feel as if Kimiko has a presence. Only in my wonderland so far, but there's definitely something there. I think I'm on to something with the subconscious access + hypnosis.

 

I might force again before I sign off, and I will definitely force between signing off and bed. Narration will probably also be involved.

 

I believe I am at 3 hours currently.

[ShyGuy65]

4 hours from last night and this morning. I am distracted trying to work on this problem here, but it's no more distracting than IRC is, so there is a consistent level of damage at least.

 

Last night I did two very short sessions (I was tired and worried about falling asleep), totaling around 40 minutes. I don't remember much of what went on, but there was more visualization, personality work, and subconscious work.

 

I will probably force myself away from programming before I finish and do another session, but this kind of threw me off.

 

I have started to turn the large personality summary into a list of traits so I have more to force about. It's taking a while, and I am also distracted with the aforementioned problem, so that will go up later. I have also started narrating, and reading Game of Thrones to her.

[ShyGuy65]

Yesterday I was all kinds of retarded and couldn't pull myself away from irc effectively. I have also been preoccupied reorganizing my list of traits, as I am grouping them with other related traits. This way it feels like I actually have less traits than I do.

 

Anyway, last night I was able to do another hour. I got over myself and went ahead with what I had of the list. It was almost entirely personality work with the subconscious. Because I've been having trouble with self-hypnosis taking too long, I instead used this faggot's induction track. Sorry Fede, words work better on me, I think.

 

Anyway, when I was under, I went to the subconscious with Kimiko and alternately spoke groups of traits at the subconscious and then Kimiko. I feel like a lot of things sunk in. I also made some requests to allow Kimiko to move when she wants and to send me emotional responses, as I think my subconscious is the sneaky type who does what you ask and no more. Near the end, I finished up with personality since it was almost time for bed and did some more visualization instead.

 

I think there's been a deviation. When I was imagining her hair, it came to appear as a different style than what was there last, and it seemed harder to imagine it in the old style. I like the new style better, actually, so I guess it fits the definition of deviation.

 

In the last two or so days, I have also seemed to get pressures or a buzz in my head occasionally. I'm not going to say it came from Kimiko, and they may have been caused by a number of other things, but I'm mentioning it here anyway.

 

I have continued to narrate offhand. It comes in bursts, sporadically.

 

Also: Andrew, fuck you, I goddamn tickled my tulpa. Christ. One of the pressures came when I was doing it, so maybe I should thank you or whatever, but it's fucking stupid. Just post it in your progress thread or whatever and stop telling everyone to do it.

[Guest]

I instead used this faggot's induction track.

Pff. You might as well go listen to that shitty "Jackpot (no hands)" track by that insanely annoying woman who does not reside in the kitchen like she should. I dare not ask how you're hoping to hallucinate voices with a faggot talking to you.

 

Great poop source, though. Thanks, buddy.

[ShyGuy65]

I payed more attention to the words than his hissy faggot voice. I put it as the last track of my mp3 player so it would stop playing when he finished.

 

I will check out "Jackpot (no hands)", thank you for the condemnation.

[Guest]

I will check out "Jackpot (no hands)", thank you for the condemnation.

...­­

[ShyGuy65]

I think I've heard of that before. 1/10 shitty idea, hands are much more fun. Anyway, for some actual progress, my new, improved organized list of traits is here.

 

I'm going to force more personality with them and try to get the whole list done once before tomorrow. I am also going to try to "send" emotions or thoughts to her.

 

I have a thought about the subconscious. It looks like, from what I've experienced and what I've heard from others, that personal suggestions work better than trying to address the subconscious itself in your suggestions. So, suggestions exclusively about what the consciousnesses host to it, rather than about the subconscious itself. The subconscious can work out shit about itself for itself, as long as you describe the experience from your and your tulpae's points of view.

 

That said, I think there's been a change in my wonderland that I can't see, because I'm overlaying my conscious image of what should be there over it. I'm going to try what Chupi did and work some suggestions about "seeing the wonderland more vividly" and "seeing what is there instead of what I think is there or desire to be there" into my subconscious work.

[ShyGuy65]

Did two hours of almost full personality, with some visualization during. I got about half down the list of traits, saying them first to my subconscious and Kimiko as usual. 18/34 trait groupings got finished in this matter.

 

I'm having a real problem with itches, there are some persistent ones that get stronger and smaller and refuse to go away until I can scratch at them. They've interrupted a session more than once.

 

I went under self-hypnosis at the beginning of both 1-hour sessions, and repeated the affirmations "I can see and hear clearly in my wonderland," "I see what is in my wonderland," "I hear what happens in my wonderland," and "Kimiko is sentient, she has senses, she has thoughts and feelings, she has memories, she is able to move when she wishes and can send me emotional signals."

 

When I am addressing her with personality traits, I also touch her and look at her body to help with form and sight, and to personalize what I'm saying.

 

Her eyes have opened; whether it was on her behest or my own doesn't matter,as she can now see instead of having closed eyes all the time. She has also started moving occasionally, which I'm pretty sure is just puppeting, but I feel like this is (hopefully) good rather than bad. I think my subconscious is expecting her to move. There is also some small amount of doubt of whether it's parroting or not. It probably is, but having doubt is (hopefully) also good as that means I am also expecting her to move as well as my subconscious.

 

7 hours in, day 5 of the sentience and vocality experiment. I plan on two more hours today as well, hopefully before I have to go to bed. I was up unusually late yesterday and instead of doing a two hour session before bed, I split it and did another hour this morning. I am not counting that as part of today's hours. I need to catch up the ratio.

[ShyGuy65]

Ughueghueghue sleep deprivation

 

I did not do two hours last night. Just some light visualization. Also some visualization this morning that stopped due to intrusive thoughts like Planter's warts and naked schoolgirls running around. Got maybe five hours of sleep.

 

I just tried to work on personality again. Ignored any itching, and voila they went away like magic. That shit is in your head. I got one trait done before starting to drift off into fucked up panoramas of dream imagery, and I went "Fuck that shit" and got the hell out of there. Kimiko's lying on a slab of black subconscious matter with glowing sigils all over it, and here I am falling asleep. I ended the session for fear of not recognizing the hypnagogic imagery and falling asleep

 

Fuck. That ratio is really falling behind. I'm going to take care of sleep for tomorrow, and do visualizations, but I can't work like this.

 

Edit: also narration. Can't forget that.

[Guest]

Do it.